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I do understaned that sometimes people can't tell anyone or even them selves. I, personally told my wife before we got married. I got cold feet and figured that if I told my her about my self she would run...... That didn't work and now she is supportive of me. I got a wife and a best friend out of it. She likes having a shopping partner!!!
I have never even thought about a shopping partner. My wife hates shopping but she does love my taste in clothes when I buy them for her that is. LOL :)
I think you made the right choice for you and your circumstances. based on what you knew at the time perfectly reasonable, I spent all these year trying to figure out my cd'ness only to discover that I actually was a GIRL! So, I agree, I couldn't have told any partner upfront about the thing that I couldn't admit to myself. I don't envy you the time it will take for the wife to understand, but this is me thinking this.... true marriage means that you will both find the answer to live the life together as you always have, as partners. Love does conquer all in the end. Carol