How many?

Thank you Lorileah! And that's input from two couples who do, seemingly, communicate and for whom CDing is not a problem. For those couples where things are more awkward and where there's more guilt involved... imagine the difficulties. Thanks for your input in seeing things from the other side too.

The 'look' doesn't mean "I detest everything about your crossdressing"... it's simply the 'look'! And it can mean anything from "I'm bored now" or "hmmmm... your legs are thinner than mine" to "how many peignoirs do you actually need?!"

Thanks Sarah for your insightful questions and the responses the girls have given you. I appreciate your thoughts on all of this. Even though my partner and I have excellent communication it is important for me to be aware of some feelings that may go unexpressed by my SO. We don't live together at the moment and I am dressed 7 days a week, she knows this but her feelings could change when we get married and she is living 24/7with Laura. I also identify with Lorileah's last post, thanks, Lorileah.

Excellant post Lorileah, married 28 years before i told my wife, she's 7 years younger. Do have some fun with knowledge. I'veheld back this past year, my wife suggests complete dressing, going out in public meeting others with alternative lifestyles. No books read, have suggested more than once to join the F.A.B., dont know if shes joined, if she has she's keeping it to herself.
Some days I regret telling her, but mostly don't because it was coming between us and it still may end our marriage. The good about this is she knows I've never had an affair and this is all I've hidden, more honesty. So far our marriage hasen't dissolved, but we are going through her numerous health issues which sometimes preclude our addressing my cding. We seem to be more like two girls living in the same house, so time will tell how this works out. I did come out to her to ease her mind, not for acceptance or rejection, both of which I get. Thanks for listening.

My wife did not know from the start. FOOLISH mistake on my part. I should have come out to her before we were married. I had the chance and blew it.
I told her about 5 years ago. That was a very stressful point in our relationship. But we made it thru it. I was 46 at the time and she is 4 years younger then me.

She will sometimes joke with me about it. But as far as shared dress up times, No. I think it would be alot of fun, but she thinks otherwise, She prefers to see her man as a man, Can't blame her I guess. She did marry a man afterall, Not some messed up guy in a dress.:heehee:

Am I totallly happy, Not really, I would love to just dress whenever I wanted to, regardless if there were other people in the house or not. But I must respect my wifes wishes and keep my dressing under cover for now.

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Originally Posted by Sarah_GG

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

I wouldn't call it "sharing" per se. She knows but prefers to have nothing to do with it. It's "my thing".

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

No. I didn't tell my wife until we had been married for about 4 yrs. We already had 1 child (2yr old) with second one on the way and I was in graduate school so no money. I'd say the stress level was a little high then.
We were both 28 when I told her and now we're both 50.

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

Nope. She's not much of a fan about women's fashion, makeup etc for women. So it's really hard for her to care about this stuff and thus understand the whole CD thing.

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

Sometimes yes others no. I regret it when I think it's a burden she shouldn't have to deal with but do appreciate that she can accept me.

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

Never was caught by my wife or even suspect.

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

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I think it is evident that many of those who didn't tell initially are of the "older" generation. It seems to point towards the changing attitude(s) in society at large as well as the availability of information (web) on the subject of CDing. I felt less inhibited about telling my wife 20+ years ago after seeing something on TV about Tri-Ess. That opened my eyes to the possibility that I wasn't alone. That feeling of aloneness may also contribute to folks staying in the closet.

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Originally Posted by Sarah_GG

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

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I share my crossdressing with my girlfriend/SO. She didn't find out until after 4-5 months into our relationship and we grappled with a few issues for awhile (do I want to be a woman? will I run off with a man? etc) but we've worked through those and we're definately a lot closer as a couple. We're both in our early 20's and we have a lot of fun with dressing up. She's the reason I'm truely accepting of this side of me at all. We've done some reading about transgenderism and transvestism, and Shannon even took a class called Human Sexuality and did a project specifically about transvestites to help learn more about all of this. It's been a long and interesting road for the both of us, but we're both very happy with all of it

My wife and I were best friends before we got married. She new about Carrieann. She had the chance to run. I'm so glad she didn't. She loves me and I love her. Next year will be 12 years of marriage.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sarah_GG

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it? What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

For those who've been 'caught' did your relationship survive?

I'm also interested to know roughly how many - and what age - of those who don't want to share their CDing with their partners (for whatever reason) and are perfectly happy with their own status quo?

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My girlfriend and I have now been together for six months (not that long, I know), and I told her about my crossdressing within our first week of going out. We had been friends for some time before that, so I think she knew me well enough to know that I was otherwise a pretty normal, well-adjusted person. I'm 31, and she's a few years younger.

As I've gushed a number of times on this site, her reaction has been incredibly positive. I've never regretted telling her, and I honestly can't think of any negatives. We do have fun with it. She has bought me a few things and done my makeup a couple of times. We enjoy talking clothes and looking through the occasional fashion magazine together. She has told me that she feels my telling her actually brought us closer together, as it was such a personal thing to share so early in the relationship, and it signalled very early that we would not be keeping secrets and hiding things from one another.

For my part, I have been careful not to get carried away. I like to think of myself as a balanced person, and I am mindful of the fact that my girlfriend still wants her man.

Crystal

I share this part of me with my wife.

I told her about a month or two after we met (we've been together 10 years, married for the last 3). We are middle aged.

We dressed up a few times the first year and had fun. I was 40 when we met and had pretty well explored my crossdressing. Finally figured out styles and colors to wear. I had bought my 4th wig. I was going out occasionally. I'm not dressing up much these days, only wearing panties and sleeping in nightgowns.

My SO knows all, and goes out with me, and even gets me stuff.

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

She knew from the beginning. We were both in our mid-20's when I told her.

Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general?

When I first told her we had a lot of fun. Now that it's been several years, the novelty of being dressed together has sort of worn off. Now it's just the norm for our marrriage. We still have conversation about transgender topics from time to time, but they really have no more importance than any other topics that arise.

Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

When I first came out to her and was still finding out about myself I read lots of books on the subject. At this point I know who I am so there is no further need for me to read books on the subject.

If you've decided to 'tell' your SO during your time together, have you regretted it?

I've never regretted it.

What are the good and bad bits about your CDing being out between you?

The good habits are that I understand I can't rush my wife to get ready to go out somewhere with a minutes notice. I understand it takes time to pick a matching outfit, make up etc. We both are very conscous of being healthy and excercising because neither of us wants to go up a dress or skirt size. The bad part is that I inherited from my male side's "clutter/sloppy gene". So in addition to my male sides clothes cluttering everything, there's my stuff adding additional clutter.

I told my wife after about 3 weeks together as it looked like it could become serious. I promised myself I would tell any potential long term partners before marriage and I was concerned I would chicken out if I waited and ended up feeling I had too much to lose by telling her.

I met her in 2005. We've been married since 2006. We are both 55 now.

I've shared it with my GF, but never dressed in front of her. I don't regret it in the least, and she has known almost since the beginning. Her opinion is "whatever, its just clothes" which is totally awesome.

I am in a relationship and she knew about it from the beginning, even saw me CD at that time. It wasn't a problem at the time and she was supportive and curious. I think that may have been as it was new and she was very much in love with me.
But unfortunately as time has gone on, my CD is becoming a problem.
I may post more on this latter when I manage to get my head round what her problem is and what are her concerns

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

I like short skirts and high heels. I like showing off and most GG's don't like us attracting that attention to us or them if we are out. So when we get the "hmmm that's a little short isn't it?" we hear "you look bad" and we start internalizing our fears and soon we are in a mood so to speak. Is this because our partners slip into the girlfriend mode? You know when you tell your BFF her outfit makes her look like a ..... instead of a partner mode?

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Sarah, I hope it's OK for me to address this question in your thread. :)

Lori, for my part, when I see my SO dressed in ways that I dress in order to attract and appeal to HIM/HER, I wonder, who is she really dressing for. It can't be me, since I'm not attracted to women in short skirts or tight sweater dresses. To be honest, women (at least the women that I know) don't wear short skirts and sexy heels for each other. My SO maintains that women dress sexily in order to feel good about themselves. But the truth is that the part of it that makes them feel good (when dressed in clothing that sends those signals) is knowing they are attractive to the opposite sex. I know this is a huge generalization to make, but just look generally at the difference a woman who has been married for years dresses when she is out with her husband, or a woman whose focus is very much on her career, vs. a single woman. The way a woman dresses is telling of her receptiveness to or awareness of the man/men in her life.

I know there's been an upsurge of all women LBD parties in recent times, but I think this is a passing fad and it is done more on a lark than anything else. If I were to go to an all women's event where there is no dress code (as I have several times ... been to women's weekend retreats and Avon, kitchenwear, jewelry, and even lingerie parties), the dress style is comfortable and definitely not sexy.

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

How we handle criticism may determine how we believe our partners support us.

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This is very insightful. I had not thought of this before. Thank you for pointing it out! :hugs:

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Originally Posted by ReineD

To be honest, women (at least the women that I know) don't wear short skirts and sexy heels for each other. My SO maintains that women dress sexily in order to feel good about themselves. But the truth is that the part of it that makes them feel good (when dressed in clothing that sends those signals) is knowing they are attractive to the opposite sex. I know this is a huge generalization to make, but just look generally at the difference a woman who has been married for years dresses when she is out with her husband, or a woman whose focus is very much on her career, vs. a single woman. The way a woman dresses is telling of her receptiveness to or awareness of the man/men in her life.

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Reine, thanks for that comment. My SO and daughter both contend that women dress to impress other women including makeup, hair etc.

I would contend that women usually dress to impress other women BUT when they wear the extremes: short skirts, high spikey heels, tight or revealing dresses, then they are trying for male attention. As a GM, I'll tell you we need to be hit over the head to pay attention to fashion details - the extremely seductive stuff hits us over the head - doh.

It took a couple of years into the relationship before I told my wife about me.

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Originally Posted by Miss Misery

Reine, thanks for that comment. My SO and daughter both contend that women dress to impress other women including makeup, hair etc.

I would contend that women usually dress to impress other women BUT when they wear the extremes: short skirts, high spikey heels, tight or revealing dresses, then they are trying for male attention. As a GM, I'll tell you we need to be hit over the head to pay attention to fashion details - the extremely seductive stuff hits us over the head - doh.

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That's a good point too. I've heard the argument that women dress for each other, but if they do it definitely won't be in sexy clothes that are designed to attract men. lol. Maybe some women want to show off to other women their financial success, or how rich and powerful their husbands are, so their styles would tend to be ostentacious? Or maybe the clothes are a way to solidify the pecking order, as in, "I'm more attractive than you are, so back off my man"? And do they dress for each other when they're alone, or only when there are men present? I'm guessing that an independent, successful woman won't feel the need to impress anyone, and she'll dress as she d*mn well pleases. lol.

The entire concept of women dressing for each other eludes me. This simply doesn't happen in the circles I travel in. You should ask your wife and daughter why they think that some women do this.

Hi Sarah,
Well I have to tell you that I have recieved a lot of rejection because my CDing but one GG said "so what". I don't think she took me seriously until one evening I dressed up for her and you should have seen the look on her face She was overwhelmed and very shocked. ever since then we have dressed each other and gone out as sisters and boy and girl. we pick out each others outfits and the really cool thing is that she can wear my cloths and shoe and I can wear hers. So we have great fun with each other. she has made it much easier for me to go out both day and night and I have to say that it is really exciting. We live in a libral town in the Pacific North West and there are many gender friendly places to shop and I have met many wonderful sale ladies in all the popular stores that are happy to help me. So on we go together having the time of our lives.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sarah_GG

Inspired by a number of recent threads I'm interested to know... how many on here do share their crossdressing with their wife/partner/SO?

If your SO knows, did she know from the outset? If she did, what sort of age bracket do you fall into?

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I'm in my fiftys and after learning from my mistakes in my first marriage, I told Angel, just as soon as she expressed an interest in me. That was 11 years ago. It took her a day before she called me back and said she was OK with it. That was several years before we married.

Quote:

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Do you have fun with the shared knowledge, ie shared dressing up times, talking about clothes and transgenderism in general? Have you read the same books on the subject and talked about them?

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Angel went with me to triess meetings to find out what it was about. She got me my first wig, she took me on my first outing saying "Joni needs to feel the sun on her face", she asked me to dress for one leg of our train trip while on vacation and to spend a day dressed with me at Niagra Falls. She sees to it that I can make time for dressing and going out if I need to. She doesn't always accompany me, but she is there for me. There have been times when she doesn't want to deal with it and I respect that also.

It was the best thing in the world to tell her before we married and I will never regret that.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

The entire concept of women dressing for each other eludes me. This simply doesn't happen in the circles I travel in.

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I think that is the point - it depends on your circle of friends.

I think first and foremost people dress for themselves but women in particular want to look good and be presentable. That means they have to reference their look to fashion trends and more importantly to fit in with friends. If your friends are all into casual sweatpants etc then you can do the same. But if your friends wear classy dresses and you turned up in sweatpants then you would feel out of place and embarrassed and your friends would feel embarrassed for you. So it is not necessarily always competing but making sure you fit into an acceptable presentation spectrum for your social class. You want to look as good as those in your circle and you will raise your standards if required.

And commenting on clothes, shoes, handbags and hairdos are typical conversation starters so women are checking each others' appearances as they greet each other. And many women fish for those compliments.

This is also age dependent. The younger you are the more fashion orientated you are and the more competitive you are. My teenage step daughter is a fashionista and spends hours putting together the perfect outfit and her conversations are orientated around criticizing others' appearances. This has got nothing to do with impressing boys since most of the time boys are banned! It is very competitive to the point of ugliness.

All the above is foreign territory for men. We do not have outfits or care about presentation except perhaps neatness. Most men would not remember a single detail of what their friends were wearing because clothes are just boring practical things not worth noticing. So I guess we CDs are very much aware of the time and effort required in looking fashionable and fitting in which women take for granted as part of their everyday routine.

What is true is that women only choose clothes to please men during the dating process. Once in a stable relationship women dress to please themselves and fit into their circle of female friends.

Reine, we are, after all is said and done, largely imitators and a possible excuse for a cd wearing short skirts and other "men gathering wardrobe items" could be that they imitate what they admire on gg's,and not fully realizing that they can be attracting "the wrong crowd". If one has little faith in one's ability to put together a fashionable wardrobe, then to copy what seems appealing is pretty easy. It is how we learn and copying is a sincere form of flattery.
The other question is whether one is displaying a gender role or a sexual role, and as demonstrated by the readership of such topics as dating men and dating other cd's, there is some valid reason for wives to worry as to whether there are not some bi- or gay overtones to dressing in such a way.

Satrana, I do agree with your points. You describes dressing for the occasion, and commenting on each other's fashion choices, (Where did you find that dress? Was it on sale? What an adorable bag, shoes, etc). All perfectly valid, and it is done in all circles.

What I mean by women not dressing for other women, is when they wear the types of clothes that are designed as bait. You know what I mean. The tight sweater dresses, the plunging necklines, the short skirts, the f***k-me shoes, the skin tight leggings showing off a rounded bootie, the lace camis and sexy patterned stockings, etc. Women don't wear these things for other women.

Busker, I also see your point about a CD needing to learn about fashion and wanting to emulate the looks he likes best. And also being a GM who is visual and attracted to the female form, it makes sense to want to emulate the look that is eye-candy to a guy, more than what a woman wears to go to the grocery store. But CDs also need to realize the effect of the clothes they are wearing. If they wear clothes that send a message, they need to understand that they are appealing to the guys who are attracted to the women who wear these types of clothes. You are correct when you say this will make the woman in the CD's life begin to ask serious questions when her partner dresses like that.

My girlfriend fully supports my dressing in the bedroom fortunately for me. I was super scared at first but her being a 19 year old virgin (I'm surprised those exist still) she had no experience and when we started the sexual foreplay stage I decided that I would have to tell her early before it was too late. She's fine with me wearing panties and thongs all the time but she's not quite comfortable with me going out dressed at all so we keep it at a bedroom thing.

I told my fiance ( now my wife) before we got married about my dressing , 30 years ago. She supported me for many years , but last year told me she wanted me as a male only .