have you integrated your 'selves' yet?

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Originally Posted by ReineD

But how will it be in 5 years, or 10? Will one want to be on top more and more?

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Any way you want it!!! It's ALL good to me! Oooie bab...er...Oh! God, I'm sorry!

I reacted too fast. Forgot the context. Didn't stop & think. Right away thought you meant...well...you know. So...my bad! Please forgive. My reflex fast, honest & clean...to a question mis-perceived. Exhilaration now to cease - 'cause you meant me & Annaliese! :o

No disrespect. And yes I need to keep in check this torrent leashed, this repressed fury. And though now mortified, perhaps this answers your thoughtful query? ;)

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Thank! :)

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Aw you're welcome. No problem. You Rock!

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Originally Posted by ReineD

I understand what you are saying now. I forget that men are conditioned (if I may add, mostly by other men) that it is not OK to be sensitive and nurturing,

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While this is indeed a male issue to resolve, the machismo strong male is also the stereotype condoned by society as being the pinnacle of masculinity and many women buy into this model as well. This is the underlying reason why many women struggle with accepting the idea their SO wants to express femininity.

I can see that you have always naturally straddled the gender gap and no doubt your viewpoint has assisted you empathizing with the CD cause. I believe your ideas are becoming more common but there are still plenty of women who think differently. Many mothers want their sons to grow into being confident leaders who will become rich and famous and be widely popular with women. In my case it was not my father who told me boys don't cry, it was my mom. It was also she who was most active getting me into competitive sports, not my father.

The degree of masculinity men exhibit will reflect to some degree the demand for it by women. It goes hand in hand with how women see themselves. If a women feels she is weak then she will desire a strong man by her side. If you read up on evolutionary mate selection then you will discover that modern humans are the way we are because of female selection of mates. Women have always had the upper hand and their choices governed our evolutionary growth until very recently when large societies arrived and religious doctrine passed the power of mate selection to men.

At least in the progressive West the more confident and assertive women become the less in demand there will be for the masculine stereotype which means men who buck the stereotype will not be disadvantaged by being unappealing to women. Since there is no male revolution on the horizon, the withdrawal of female demand is probably going to be the most likely event that will undermine society's condonement of machismo behavior.

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Originally Posted by Satrana

The degree of masculinity men exhibit will reflect to some degree the demand for it by women.

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True, but not always. I have a good example of the contrary, which I do not think is the exception.

I have a good friend who was the major income earner in her marriage. PhD, head phychologist at a nearby prison, long hours, and longer commute than her husband who was a cop. He told me once he resented having to make himself available for childcare during the summer months and on school holidays. His hours were much more flexible. He ended up divorcing her and marrying a woman who was less educated than he, and less self-confident than my friend. My friend was devastated.

I think your story reflects that fact that most people are set in their gender views. The husband being a cop operates in an environment that is particularly machismo so it is no real surprise that he thinks this way. It is in the youngest generations that we will notice the greatest change. More confident women desiring more emotive considerate men.

I believe the traditional gender stereotypes for men and women were designed to compliment each other. Now that women are increasingly distancing themselves from their stereotypical behavior, the male version is becoming increasingly irrelevant within relationships. However it is still needed by men working in competitive workplaces to get ahead so I believe this is the main reason why it persists - just like in your example.

[SIZE="3"]What i have experienced in my 56 bachelor years, is that a lot of women, "just don't need, or want a man anymore." They have careers, homes, nice cars, ;ot s of support and friends, and, if attractive, are always getting hit on. Where as a lot of single men, are not wanted, or needed. They live in a "dry desert" of lonliness, islation, frustration, unmet needs. Just the opposte, with most women! They are in a rainforest, where it is "raining male attention". I go to singles dances, and it is usually not enough women, and too many guys! That is my experience. Men are perplexed, confused, feel damned it theycome on too strong, and damned if they are deemed weak. The CDer is in an even more difficult position. Should he keep it forever to himself, or just risk rejection , and tell a lady soon?[/SIZE]