I want to understand

Great question, and one for which I even have an answer, at least for my situation:

I was a "male" for 55 years before we found Tina. Suddenly we realized (my wife and I) that there was a clear feminine part of me. As you might imagine, our main curiosity was how this femininity had played a role in my life all this time, and how we would go forward knowing that Tina existed, i.e. would like change because she was not longer hidden?

So, I dressed to find out who Tina is, and from that to find out who she has been all this time. Well, we found out we liked Tina (my wife the other day said, "Tina is just so sweet!"). So is it a need? How can someone now want to know who they are, so in that sense it is a need. On the other side of it, we both like Tina, so that is a desire.

Lastly, Tina is clearly her own person with likes and dislikes. She has books she likes and projects she enjoys creatively. She really is generating a life of her own. Stopping that life seems a bit draconian! How could we possibly do that?

tina

Late last year I gave up asking myself "why?" & decided just to embrace my CD'ing.
I spent years in denial, feeling guilty & trying to find the answer as to why I am the way I am. It just made me depressed & confused.
Now I'm much happier. :D

To put it short for me it is both a desire and a need. It is part of my persona. I have tried not dressing and I am not happy with myself.

My SO had me promise to stop this nonsense when she found out around fifteen years ago. So we went to pastors, at least ten psychiatrists, and several sexual anon 12 step groups to find the cure. She is still holding out, but I'm done. I just can't continue beating myself up. We've been married forty years, I'm retired, and the charade is over. There is no cure. I can be happy as Teresa. I would be happiest as Teresa with my wife though. I do expect reasonable boundaries as well. Full time isn't necessary, no SRS/GRS, no hormones, no going out in our town would be reasonable for her to set for me. She doesn't have to see me dressed either.

You may find comfort with your SO by building your relationship from that point by establishing compromising direction for where this will go instead of why?

Because it's a big part of what I have to do to be reasonably happy. It's part of who I am. It's been an important part of me for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a tiny child, I've wanted to be female.

Carol

This is one of the ultimate questions, The meaning of life, the universe, god and why we cross dress. There's a billion uniquely correct answers.

Keep on keeping on. in the words of Bob Dylan. "It aint no use to sit and wonder why girl, it don't matter anyhow"

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Originally Posted by shaunamac

This is one of the ultimate questions, The meaning of life, the universe, god and why we cross dress. There's a billion uniquely correct answers.

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Originally Posted by jonitess

Keep on keeping on. in the words of Bob Dylan. "It aint no use to sit and wonder why girl, it don't matter anyhow"

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Why do some people like chocolate icecream and others like strawberry.

I believe it's human nature to want to know "Why", though for me, it came to a point of not caring about the why &; how &; when, I simply embraced the fact it's part of who I am. From then onwards all those questions disapeared. I was able to enjoy connecting with my feminine side minus the head miles.

Maria, In the beginning I dressed because it was a desire.
I dress because it makes me feel good.
I dress to feel pretty.
I dress for the challenge to look good.
I dress to be healthier. ( taking better care of myself now)
I dress to share new experiences with my wife. ( She is very supportive and understands me better than I do)
I dress because my corset feels like a big hug.
As time goes by it is becoming more of a need, because it does feel good, and I like it. I hope this helps, HUGS

Hello Marie,

In my case, I would say I dress because my gender (the sex of my brain) is more aligned with what is considered typically female. When presenting as a woman my most over-riding emotion is happiness. I also feel somehow liberated, more attractive, I think I look younger, I'm less stressed, and I somehow feel "softer inside". I also happen to believe that many of my best qualities reside with my feminine side, qualities such as sensitivity, tenderness, empathy, helpfulness, and patience. Expressing my femininity makes me feel relaxed, happy and fulfilled, while suppressing it causes me stress, anxiety, and irritability.

... and although this is how I see myself and my CDing now, it wasn't always this way. My first time wearing girls' clothes was when I was 6 years old. Something happened back then and pretty much after that incident I always wanted to do it. Only in my late 20's when I was trying to reject everything about it did I have problems (mostly emotional problems). However, my most happiest times and how I describe today have happened since I embraced CDing fully and without any shadow of a doubt, my true happiness has come because of my wife (we met on a CDing forum) ... she has supported and encouraged me over the last 10 years and she regularly participates too, as we often go out together as "two girls". :)

Hugs
Rachel

Thank you all for your responses!
I had posed this question to my husband this afternoon because I know that everyone's reasons and feelings about dressing are different. It has been so helpful for me to hear other responses as well because even though the motivations may be different it is still fascinating to me. (now that I am ready to discuss it. A year or two ago it probably would not have been the case.)
I know that the why doesn't really matter in the scheme of things I guess I am just too curious for my own good.
What is it they say "curiosity killed the cat?"

I'm not offended, but I do find you question interesting.

It's very different for every crossdresser. For me personally, I have always loved women's fashion. Think of how you feel when you see an outfit you like in a store, that's how I feel as well. The dressing part is a desire, but the female face is kind of a need. I feel that I need to put on makeup and become a girl when I put on the clothes. There's something about it that just feels good

Why I dress? Because it is release. I don't feel so stressed when I'm all dolled up and feeling feminine. I like to feel pretty, and the certain feel I want when I want that feeling doesn't translate as well as a man.

It's also fun and creative. I can remake myself in a lot of new ways. I can discover and rediscover.

It's also a part who I am. My inner girl goes back to childhood. I've tried to repress it, to beat it back. But I have found rather than trying to make her surrender, it was much better for my spirit to surrender to ger and let her out. It's been healthy for me and has made me immensely happy.

I guess I would describe my desire to crossdress as a complulsion. I have been attracted to girl's clothes and makeup as long as I can remember. I don't fully dress up much anymore, but I do think about it. I'm able to mostly satisfy my needs by doing a few feminine things every day. I always wear nail polish and I always do my hair (in a masculine style) with a hot air curling brush. When I get a chance, I go to the beauty supply stores and browse--I get a thrill from going in wearing my normal mens clothes but wearing nail polish and maybe mascara. I guess I have some kind of need to be discovered and embarrassed. Can't explain it--just have to do it. Like Kaz said--it's complicated. I don't want to be a woman, but I feel feminine sometimes--probably not normal for a man. I can't explain it.

As a Man, I'm NOT ALLOWED to say certain things like, what a pretty dress, that skirt and blouse would look so cute on me. Feel so much like I'd to be dressed in pretty clothes, Dresses, Skirts, Lacy bra, Pretty GIRDLE with Garters holding up my sheer Stockings, the lace from my pretty slip, peeking out from under the hem of my pleated Pink skirt.
Marie, you may NOT feel it, but I do. The sway of my skirt carressing the calfs of my legs as I walk. YOU, don't need one, but I, not only do, but require wearing a Control, hip and Butt, Padded panty under my Girdle, giving me the Girly curves and Smooth Front.

Marie, it feels so right when I can express myself as female. When I'm stressed or anxious it calms me. When I let "her" out it heals me. It feeds my creativity. I feel very female on the inside. I guess it's a need for me. It allows me to not have to be a hard, competitive male. When my wife validates my female side I feel like my world is so balanced. In many ways it is a blessing. I hope you come to appreciate this aspect of your husband. He's truly special.

It is just part of who i am not sure why ? It tapped me on the shoulder over 30 yrs ago and gave me a right hook .I have never been the same since .I need my girl thats inside she keeps me sane i have realized that now if it were not for Ally (sorry for the third person thingy lol ) in the hard times i have faced in the last 5 years who knows what might of happened ?:)

That's the $64 Thousand Dollar question. I'm not sure I could differentiate between a desire and a need. One still would have to speculate on where the desire or need comes from. There's ample and growing evidence to suggest that our gender identity and sexual preferences are programmed during development in the womb. Based on my understanding of this research, I suspect that something happened in the womb - either genetic or hormonal - that influenced the way our minds developed.

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Originally Posted by Marie GG

Why do you dress?

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Now, that's a loaded question. Long answer is in my biography thread (link below); short answer is because of my upbringing, I thought I was supposed to be a girl for so many years that it became part of my personality, even though I later figured out that wasn't the case, but the desire to behave as a girl remains overwhelming at times.

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Is it a desire or a need?

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I'm not sure; there's simply this constant feeling that I'm in the wrong clothes, kind of like if you were at a formal affair and dressed in a bathing suit. Sure, you're in 'gender appropriate' clothing, but it's just going to feel quite uncomfortable. That's how I feel when I'm in male clothing. It's not 'physically' uncomfortable, such as it being too tight or anything like that, just psychologically uncomfortable. But just as if, say, you are wearing something that makes you itchy, if you wear it long enough it becomes really, really annoying, when I'm dressed in typical guy clothing and I can't wear what I feel like I'm supposed to wear (girl clothes); I get cranky, short tempered, forgetful, fidgety, etc.. I only feel 'normal' when I'm dressed as a girl, and it has to be clothing that defines me as female; for example, a plain black warm up suit that just happens to be sold in the woman's department for women isn't going to do it. There's a lot more going on psychologically, much more than I should write here. There's a wealth of information about potential causes of crossdressing in my biography in the writers section (which does not apply to all crossdressers or transgendered people) and if you have any questions feel free to write to me directly so I don't clog the threads here.

i dress because it relaxes me differently than climbing a 20,000+ foot mountain does or competing in a 100 mile road bike race. Those events full fill me physically and after, I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment. Dressing fem is truly liberating and relaxing. I don't have the need to feel all "manly" all the time and I like that feeling. It helps me truly unwind. My only wish is that I can get the courage to be with others who share those feelings. I know I'm not alone but the biggest challenge is acceptance from others including my wife who knows I love to dress but "prefers" I dont and doesn't understand as well. You love your husband for who he truly is, don't try to fully diagnose why he dresses, just set some guidelines and boundries and you can make it work.

My wife was angry when she found out because she had this image of me as a rough and tumble manly man (albeit sans any body hair anywhere). After all, I climbed Everest a few years back and I just did it while wearing pantyhose under my gear. I can still take anyone up any mountain or ride 100 miles on my bike in a few hours, or run a marathon (well not with these ankles any longer) and I can put on a dress, 4" heels, hair and makeup and believe I'm pretty, relaxed and happy for a few short hours. It's an escape mechanism for some of us. Some of us just are afraid to escape in to the open

Why do you dress? Is it a desire or a need?

I wish I knew. If I did then maybe there would be a way to control it. At this point it's more of a need than a desire. I find I am more at ease when I am enfemme compared to drab. I also wish I had a more complicated and longer answer but this is it in it's simplest form ;)

"Curiosity killed the cat," but finding out brought it back to life.

A simple reply: BOTH. Be gentle, be kind, and try to understand. One day, everything will fall into place.

A need can be defined as 'must have it', while desire is defined as 'wanting to have' Neither one seems to adequately explain my reason for CDing. And it appears that others, who indicate that they do not know 'why' they crossdress may share 'none of the above'.

So why do I CD - impulse. One of the definitions is 'an electrical signal, for example one that is passed from a nerve to a muscle'. So my brain's feminine sector sends a signal to put on panties, bra, makeup, dress, skirt or whatever. Said attire, etc feels like it belongs and is in harmony with my being. When one is comfortable with their being, especially on the inside - happiness, contentment and other positive feelings are a byproduct.

On the other hand, when the impulse(s) are suppressed - the negative thoughts and feelings such as anger, depression, impatience, etc permeate one's being. I have 'been here done that'.

I have stopped ignoring the impulses for some time now, and I have enjoyed life much more. Oh to be 20 again.

Just some thoughts.