Emotionally tired of how crossdressing affects me morally..

Veronica,

You are not alone. Reading your original post, it is almost exactly like looking into a mirror for myself. I come from a similar background, my parents are very conservative and religious. I was brought in a traditional value home. I myself, ponder many of the same elements your asking yourself. The thing is, those questions are why I am here on this site. I've even joined a local support group, to help me ponder those same questions with others in person. I don't have answers, and I may never, but what I do have is....
"To thy self, be true". I can not hide who I am, from myself. SO I am choosing to embrace myself. Explore even, to discover who I really am, and hopefully become the person I really want to be.

I hope my words find you some comfort, and I'm always free and willing to talk if you ever want to.

Morality is not subjective...." (Sigh!) How many times have I heard that, and it usually means "Just obey my rules and stop thinking for yourself." If only it was that easy! As an evangelical Christian, I have had to deal with such thinking most of my life. There are absolutes of right and wrong, but there is also a whole branch of Philosphy called "causistry" dealing with how to apply absolutes in particular situations, and does this situation call for a absolute at all or is it just a matter of taste or personal preference, where we are free to chose as we wish?

Cross Dressing is one of those areas which does not involve an absolute, so unless it is hurting someone, is a matter of personal preference only. There is plenty of room in the Religous life for what we call "Christian Liberty" where there are just no rules that apply. Except for man made rules, like those your father made up, probably because he was too worried about "what will the neighbors think?" Well, no philospher of theologian worth his or her salt will tell you that "what the neighbors think" is an absolute moral principle.

That said, it is also true that "real individuals are often willing to wear a mask in public so as not to disturb the feelings of the herd." Sometimes there is just no point in sharing, and even reason to keep our feelings to ourselves, such as not upsetting our families, so that it is just no worth it to get people all hot and bothered over something that is none of their business.

So ease your mind, and enjoy your CDing in private if you wish, or anywhere where it won't upset people you care about. There is no reason to feel guilty for doing something harmles that you enjoy.

I've also had these inner conflicts all thru my life. I've only had sexual experiences with two men and I had feelings of guilt but also found it exciting. No, I haven't gone "all the way". I've been curious about it at times, but it would be hard for me to live with. So that goes back to the religious upbringing, and I do very much believe in God.

The only thing about crossdressing is it causes many of us to lie about it. People lie about all kinds of things, so it isn't that bad in a way. But if you're like me, you'll have to confess it to another person sometime to get the secret off your chest. If you feel you've done anything wrong, forgive yourself OK?

Just don't worry or dwell on this all the time, and accept yourself - no, love yourself! Thanks for sharing your feelings on this matter. There have been some enlightening responses.

Well, i for one, told my daughter a while back. I didnt dress in front of her, but i did tell her, and she wanted to see what i was talking about so i showed her 1 photo. Her reaction was as everyone expected. Acceptance. First thing she said was that i was a beautiful woman and that ill always be her daddy. Trust me, its a weird feeling when you hear that from your own daughter in 1 sentence. And ofc there was the advantage she saw...."now you can teach me to do my make up in a few years daddy".
There are a few reasons why i told her. Firstly because secrets always have the tendency to come out, my house aint the biggest, its pretty much impossible to hide my clothes. Secondly because me and my daughter have a relationship based on trust. If you put the reality of the small house together with a trust based relationship the outcome for me was (and still is) that i had to tell her. Third reason is of an entirely different order. My ex wife knows about my CD habbit. I knew that eventually she would use it as leverage to get things done from me. So i took that leverage away. When i told my daughter she also told me that her mom allready told her that "daddy wears dresses". All in the hope that my daughter would go frantic on me and stay away from me. That sure backfired on her. Why did it backfire on her? Mainly because i always tought my daughter to be open and tollerant to all views of life.
Now...do i dress infront of my daughter? NO....DEFINATLY NOT. Why not? Because dressing infront of her, forcing my lifestyle on her regardless of how she feels, is moraly wrong. Just as it is moraly wrong for my daughter to judge me on something i dont do infront of her. Morals for me have to do with respect. And respect goes both ways.

Now, if in a few years my daughter would come home and tell me she figured out she's erm... lesbian for example... would i mind? Yes and no. I would mind not getting grandkids. But i wouldnt mind as long as my little girl is happy. Now you can argue that we wouldnt mind because we too have a 'different lifestyle', and thats just the point. Isnt it because we as CD accept ourselves and expect the same from others (up to a certain degree) that we can teach our kids to be open minded? Add to that the fact that any descent therapist can tell you that there is nothing wrong with you because you crossdress...

And there is one last thing i wanted to add, but im gonna leave it for now because its partly to do with religion, and i dont want to go into that because thats an entirely different story and most likely not suited for this part of the forum.

Don't wait 40 years to acceptvyourself
Accept yourself I just learned andvthis site helps me
Realize u don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to or r not ready

Weather being transgendered and how each of us express it and for what reason is moral or not. All I can say is that I've been suppressing this side of me my whole life. I suppressed that which I am for many of the same reasons that have been expressed in this thread. What did it get me, a life time of depression and one suicide attempt. Yes, I was successful at keeping this side of me from everyone in my life and myself but at what expense? After that every expensive suicide attempt, I really started to reexamine myself and start to come to terms of WHO I am and except me and, yes, LOVE me. We are all God's creatures and as God's creatures, we are diverse. To me we must step away from this binary society that has been imposed on us from birth and embrace each and everyone's uniqueness and LOVE who we are. To me you are all MORAL and BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING. With Respect and Love and Blessings....Cristine

:)Hello Code Veronica,

Thank you for such a thought provoking question and one that many of us have to confront in our individual walks. Having been conditioned all my life to be morally and socially ashamed of being the person that I truly am at the core, I can relate to your deep and thoughtful thread. I remember feeling like I could not reconcile my morals with my true identity, just did not fit with all the mores and social tenets. Places like this can encourage us to attain a healthy outlook but in the end we walk the walk of shame alone, until we learn that shame is not what we, in my opinion, are meant to live with. I remember shame just coloring a lot of my life until I made a personal breakthrough when I finally believed that my loving God loves the true me, and that as long as I strive for being honest about who I truly am and come to terms with who I really am I remain healthy. I made it a point not to justify or rationalize my life style to fit with my morals but took a cold hard look at truth and the truth has set me free. It has been a long, painful, but rewarding walk. I wish I could convey adequately what has been so helpful for me. I no longer have to take the walk of shame, ever, because my Lord took the blame:)

I don't think there's so much of a moral issue but I do understand the pressure not to disappoint the parents and the fear of discovery by a future family of your own. I chose to let Desiree go by the wayside after my children became the age of being able to find out. I did not want my perversions to influence thier development.

You can lead a happy life without Veronica being in the forefront.

And yes, it will never go away.

You just have to decide how much of your life Veronica will encompass.

alter_3, I'm very new here; while reading through some posts, I landed on the one written by CodeVeronica to which you responded. I came here to begin to try to understand why I am the way I am. I am so glad I found your response to her questions about morality. I struggle with the issue at many levels. I deeply appreciate what your wrote concerning your "understanding" that "this is a flaw in me that I cannot erase, so I will continue but I will hide it away and minimize the impact on family and friends.

That is exactly where I AM right now. I might not be at that place tomorrow, but for now I agree with you--with one caveat; my rabbit hole is likely a little deeper than yours because I do find myself attracted to men. That's a place I never thought I would visit. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night and other times it just makes me feel guilty.

What to do? What to do? Enjoy the flaw I suppose and be as careful as possible to minimize the damage. Thanks for helping me think about this.

I find that as of 6 months ago I think about it every day. I think a lot of it has to do with, in my situation, my marriage, unrelated directly to any cross dressing (since we never discuss and she never sees it) where the marriage isn't good and I basically need a release mechanism.