My wife found this blog now wants a divorce

The previous marriage ended due to infidelity, she was single for 15 years before we married. For over a year she's had a really bad time with menopause. She would often misread things I would say, and get her feelings hurt. For example one time she called me at work to tell me that her mother had sent me a Father's Day card, I said ahh, that was silly she didn't have to do that. I said it in a kind loving way because I do love her mother, but she was enraged because she thought I was calling her mother stupid. That took a couple of days to get straightened out she was so angry with me. I knew she was having a hard time but I thought we would get through this together and till then I would always be supportive. As far as our intimacy went we were both busy, both working but it was always at least twice a week. Now I just wish she would call me so I could hear voice, I miss her so terribly.

Im so sorry to hear about that

I'm sorry to hear that Rick :( The incident with the fathers day card is unusual though wasn't it? What was the source of her rage do you remember or did she ever fully open up about it? Does she have kids from another man maybe?

Sometimes incidents are triggers for people of things from their past that still cause them pain and they relive those emotions later even if the circumstances are different.

I thought your song lyrics are really good, keep writing!

The Father's Day was simply a
misunderstanding on her part.when I said that was silly she took pit to mean I was calling her mother silly. All I really meant was her mother was so sweet to go to the trouble of going out and getting a card and mailing it to me. But like I said I think it was all caused from menopausal issues. And thanks for the compliment on my song lyrics I'm not sure which one it was but I do enjoy writing music at Soothes my soul.

I feel you on the menopause. My wife has been going through it ever since we have been married, 5.5 years. Tomorrow she goes to see her divorce attorney. She takes everything I have ever said totally out of context and uses it against me. Then she attacks me being a cross dresser, which she encouraged to be myself a few years ago. She was a very well loved member on here for a while. All those pills she takes, I'm always wrong. Trying to kill me on many occasions, etc. I don't want to hi jack this thread, maybe start my own.

Tara

[Moderator hat on]
Folks, using menopause as an excuse/reason for undesired behavior can be interpreted as being disrespectful to women. Let's get back to the original issues of this thread so we won't have to close it.

Eryn

Rick have you heard anything from your wife yet?

Did I read you are 54? If you've never been married before, that's unusual.

Don't vex over this "lost three years of my life stuff." There is such as thing as marriage counseling but take it easily. Your goal should be a relationship you can live with, not some groveling affair to set yourself up for being caught in another lie.

The ex-legal aid lawyer in my says that your wife is going to feel that way. That's natural. However, if she can't get over it, then the relationship won't work. You are not supposed to have your heart into it now. It's too early.

Breathe deeply, don't drink or drug over it and take a walk. Wait and see.

My best, , :hugs:

Yes through Facebook, she said she was too hurt to talk to me right now, she has an uncle that's dieing, she's under a lot of stress. I still hold on to the chance that we can put this behind us and we can get back together, it's all I can hope for, I'm praying that God will help me, I'm so lost and alone.

No I've been married before for 21 years. I made mistakes in my first marriage that I've tried to correct, and in reality three years isn't a lifetime, but this one felt like the one, a more mature love, I love her as if we had been together forever

Don't worry Rick5881. I bet things'll work out for you. She seems a bit draconian IMO. Look, my 1st wife lasted 3 yrs too. Married a 2nd GG and that lasted a looong time before it ended in divorce too. Now I'm totally free. And overall glad! Though my trip is uncomplicated. No children. No alimony. Just have to sell my pretty house is all.

When kids are involved, that's when it gets potentially torturous I guess. If your young and don't have any yet, I'd say Good for you! Just give her the divorce. And I'm sure you will eventually find the right woman for you down the line. To me, the most important thing is Honesty. I know it's hard but in the end your better off that way. Have faith in your essential Goodness. Sounds like your a good person.

You'll be OK. Afterall this is the 21'st century. People are very accepting of each other. Bet you'll find a girl who is accepting of you FOR you. Probly not too far down the road. BE yourself girl. You shall know happiness someday soon I bet. Kisses n hugs.

Thank you for your words of support, i'm in a really bad place emotionally and words of wisdom I do value greatly. Finding this website with people that understand me has been a blessing, I can't help who I am I'm not ashamed of it. I'm a man with needs, needs that I don't understand but needs still the same. I know that in the social environment I'm different, people would look down on me for what I am. But I know that I'm a good person with good intentions, and never meant to hurt anyone especially someone that I loved, but life is what it is and so am I.

Rick, I have never been married, but have lost humdreds of times in love, and my heart cannot take any more breaking. At 59, amd out of work, and poor, i have nothing more to offer a lady. I hope your wife will calm down, and be willing to talk it out. If she comes around, that is good. But, if she does not, and will not compromise, be a free man, and being single is way better, than constant fighting. I have constant fighting with me two older twin brothers. Bad enough. I am hurting some now, over a lady i liked on Facebook, that rejected me for another guy, and she keeps rubbing it in, by posting pics of them, and praising him. I posted Johnny Cash doing and old Hank Williams song. "Men With Broken Hearts." That song tells the story of my lonesome life, and many other men, including crossdressers.

Bless you Alice I pray for your contentment, and joy in life. You deserve happiness , and you are good. Your compassion is something to be appreciated and experienced.that will make someone's life richer, I hope you find that someone, I hope they find you, you're an angel

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rick5881

.....she's under a lot of stress. I still hold on to the chance that we can put this behind us and we can get back together, it's all I can hope for, I'm praying that God will help me, I'm so lost and alone.

---

Try including your wife and uncle in your prayers.

If you the least bit close to uncle maybe a trip to wherever he is with something he would like....cookies, cake or just conversation. Without your wife, if that is okay.

For me, I can get out of an unhappy situation by helping others. Prayer is the start. Meditation (aka listening to your god) is next. Then, and only then, action.

Give it a try. Let me know how it goes. You can PM me. I'll put you in my version of praying...oops, just did.

:hugs:

Hold onto a picture in your mind of your love for her and her love for you. Claim and own the feeling of her still loving you - of her loving even more. Claim the feeling of reconciliation.
You are much more likely to attract what what you want then instead of focusing on the hurt. It's tough (I know!).

Rick you seem like such a sweet and compassionate guy! You deserve a wife who treats you as well as you treat her! I'm sorry that you're feeling as much pain as you are right now but the fact that she said that she didn't want to talk to you because of an illness in her family sounds like a red flag to me. If it were you and someone in your family was sick wouldn't you want your wife right there beside you and offering love and support?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rick5881

She woke me up and told me that she felt betrayed and cheated on and wanted a divorce, and no amount of begging from me could change her mind.

---

She felt cheated on? Exactly how? It's not like you're having sex with other women, for the love of mud. I can never understand overemotional people who just start lining up things like that when their feelings are hurt. "I felt cheated on, run over by a bulldozer, sprayed with poison gas, blown into tiny bits in the Lord's mercy, decapitated by a killer rabbit..." ad nauseaum. I've told people like that to cut the drama and grow up, because they seriously need to.

Honestly you will probably be better off without her. You obviously loved her but if she's collapsed over this and started laying everything on that thick, it's going to snap one day anyway. I don't mean to be harsh but overly dramatic people like that need to grow up.

What Rick's wife has expressed is likely how many women feel initially after being told or discovering of Cding. For most, they get over those initial feelings. Rick's wife obviously has not gotten past that. Some can't. I agree, that if it is this much of a struggle, perhaps Rick should not attempt to hold onto this marriage. While we often do hear of how horrible a wife or GF's reaction is on here, we usually do not ever get a chance to hear their side. I also believe that how the CDing is presented goes a long way as well. (not suggesting that this is the case for Rick,) but just in general.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Melissa_59

She felt cheated on? Exactly how? It's not like you're having sex with other women, for the love of mud. I can never understand overemotional people who just start lining up things like that when their feelings are hurt. "I felt cheated on, run over by a bulldozer, sprayed with poison gas, blown into tiny bits in the Lord's mercy, decapitated by a killer rabbit..." ad nauseaum. I've told people like that to cut the drama and grow up, because they seriously need to.

Honestly you will probably be better off without her. You obviously loved her but if she's collapsed over this and started laying everything on that thick, it's going to snap one day anyway. I don't mean to be harsh but overly dramatic people like that need to grow up.

---

That's a pretty callus attitude , people have feelings and in situations like this she has a right to feel her feelings, Some people blow up because of a lot of little things that build, until one item sets them off, then once it all settles out the two people talk and are able to clear the air and rebuild in some fashion. I'm sure she's very grown up. Mature people recognize feelings and how important thay are.

She has cut off all contact with me, she won't answer the phone, return texts or emails, and when I tried to message her on Facebook she de-friended me. I want my marriage to work, I truly love her but she has abandoned me completely, I don't know what more I can do.

Well, Rick, this may seem callous, but it appears the only thing left to get her attention is serve her with separation/divorce papers.

Crossdressing is not an acceptable reason marriage breakdown in the Western world. Don't let her take you to the cleaners. Property is supposed to be divided equally between the two ex-partners.

It is in your interest to find a good barrister/solicitor.

I am saddened that your wife has chosen to estrange.

Don't be surprised if the (metaphoric) knives come out. If they do, it reflects on her, not you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Rick5881

She has cut off all contact with me, she won't answer the phone, return texts or emails, and when I tried to message her on Facebook she de-friended me. I want my marriage to work, I truly love her but she has abandoned me completely, I don't know what more I can do.

---

You can throw in prayer and meditation into the mix but don't obsess on her. She is probably not the right one for you but people should not expect quick solutions. Knee jerk action usually is not the best.

If you have property and financial exposure, certainly call a lawyer, just for advice. Also, it may be hard to find the right one who will not be judgmental about you. If there are gay lawyers where you live, that may be the route.

Life can be good. You'll get through this.

I know crossdressing complicates things here but Rick there are just so many red flags... Her behavior is textbook for a spouse who is cheating. Projected blaming, cutting off all contact for illogical reasons, insisting on having separate living quarters.

Read some relationship forums and see what you think. Read older, longer threads and compare behaviors in the threads where cheating is discovered. Many women who do cheat never get caught by their ex partner.

A personality disorder explains her behavior also. Either way try to step outside yourself and look at it from another perspective.

Stop trying to contact her. It's not helping you or the relationship. Write songs, write letters to her you don't send, express yourself but not to her directly.

I'm sorry for your pain :hugs:

She doesn't want the same things that you want. Love her enough to respect that and let her go because that is what it seems she is asking of you.

I've got a feeling that at some point in the future when you find someone who loves you the way that you love you'll see that this needed to happen so you could be happier. Things happen for a reason even if we don't realize what it is at the time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mary something

I know crossdressing complicates things here but Rick there are just so many red flags... Her behavior is textbook for a spouse who is cheating. Projected blaming, cutting off all contact for illogical reasons, insisting on having separate living quarters.

Read some relationship forums and see what you think. Read older, longer threads and compare behaviors in the threads where cheating is discovered. Many women who do cheat never get caught by their ex partner.

A personality disorder explains her behavior also. Either way try to step outside yourself and look at it from another perspective.

Stop trying to contact her. It's not helping you or the relationship. Write songs, write letters to her you don't send, express yourself but not to her directly.

I'm sorry for your pain :hugs:

She doesn't want the same things that you want. Love her enough to respect that and let her go because that is what it seems she is asking of you.

I've got a feeling that at some point in the future when you find someone who loves you the way that you love you'll see that this needed to happen so you could be happier. Things happen for a reason even if we don't realize what it is at the time.

---

I can't give anymore most soul away
And still look myself in the mirror every day
I can't change anymore of what lets me be myself
And still have enough left, not to be somebody else
I'm not demanding as a man
I'm just asking you to love me for what I am. Rick