New girlfriend found my lingerie drawer

The thread title says she found the lingerie drawer. Description in the post says "... she walked out of the bathroom ..."

From those two things, I deduce the lingerie drawer is in the bathroom. OP does not say whether lady friend had wet hair, and was merely looking through bathroom drawers for a hair dryer.

I can't make any more suggestions as to how to proceed than have already been made here, but I can offer suggestions to some posters that they MAY have been jumping to incorrect conclusions.

Of course, we each bring our own baggage to these forums, but when we are trying to offer suggestions (especially about relationships), I think we should all do our best to try to remain non-judgmental.

I read this thread this morning before I had to run off to a meeting. You have been dating this "child" for a week and she is demanding to know who the garments belong to? I intentionally used the term "child" because I do not consider her reaction to be that of a woman. A week long "relationship" does not require any accountability. Frankly, I think it was wise to withhold your intimate feelings from her. Anyone who opens up to anyone in a one week "relationship" is asking for trouble. If you had fessed up to her, I'd really hate to see who she espouses that knowledge to when you and her part ways.

A couple observations. If you think this is serious and will last a while, you need to tell her. Think of the consequences - She found your panties after only a week - what are you going to tell her the next time she discovers something. You say that she is open minded so there is a good chance she will be OK with in and you will have a mentor and shopping companion.
On the other hand - If you think the relationship is short lived, keep it to yourself, especially if being outed to the world would be really bad for you. Any time you tell someone, your secret is out.
SheriM

Since the relationship is only a week old I would just take it as it comes. For all you know it may or may not work out and if it doesn't then there's no reason to tell her the truth yet, especially if she's within the same circle of friends.
If it does work out she's going to start asking questions as to why you still have the underwear and if you're comfortable with telling her at the point then go for it, if not then start by finding a better hiding place :)

Be honest. In the longer run it is the only thing that will work for you. Weaving a web of lies will not help and will make you unhappy/

What a complicated situation:

If you were generally "out" as CD then you would have simply told her they were yours (or sent her packing on the spot).

She is obviously insecure and immediately thought she was being played, so you can see why she flew off the handle.

Since she should not have been going through your drawers and if that is the casual way she treats privacy, maybe you should rethink the relationship in the first place.

Since she should not have been going through your drawers to begin with, and if you don't want yourself "outed" yet, I would hold off and see what happens in the relationship. If you do decide to reveal your CD life, you can call it even since she should not have been into your privacy at that point in your relationship. If she objects to that last statement, send her packing as you are not compatible.

So, you have a couple of immediate choices: Send her packing, wait and see what she does and send her packing if she starts to be pissy about all of this, wait and see and if you feel you can trust her (which I doubt) explain the situation and see what happens, or out yourself to her and take your chances.

For me, I'd distance myself from her as fast as possible. By the way, someone who views personal privacy at such a low level is likely telling every girlfriend in the world what happened and is looking for advice from her "support group". Does she have a Facebook page or anything like it? You might want to take a look!

My sentiment is close to replies 38 and 51. Too many people giving advice based on their own personal history and "baggage" as it were. Things to take into consideration: Compared to a 60 yr. old like myself, you two are just kids. Your relationship is just getting started, and from experience I can tell you there's no way of knowing in a short time if it will last, if you are a good fit, if you have compatible goals and interests, or if she can be trusted with your secret.
Regardless of how she discovered your stuff, she has the right to know if there is someone else in the picture. On that note, she got out of the shower and if she's anything like the dozens of women I have known, has an aversion to putting on dirty underwear afterward. And unlike some opinions here, some girls may feel just fine putting on a clean pair of men's underwear, especially her boyfriend's. There's no cookie cutter. No one here represents another person's mindset. I think the attacks against her are insubstantial. (not enough insight or information). I haven't seen any more posts from you since the first one. Any new developments?

Tamara,
I am not agreeing that Kaylyn has to justify why the new girlfriend was going through her things. I agree it was rude and disrespectful that the new girlfriend had done it. If the new girlfriend was that jealous or curious as to go through his bed room chest of drawers. I wonder how curious she was searching his online name or other things. Kaylyn should be careful she hasn't found a stalker.

In addition I was only trying to impress upon Kaylyn that she shouldn't lie to someone that would eventually find out. It isn't fair to either of them.

I didn't mean any disrespect. Sorry. :(

Michelle

[QUOTE=
Oh Sissy Michelle, listen to yourself... she has to justify why she has a draw full of lingerie to a nosy new g/f? I don't think so, she shouldn't be going through the things in the first place.... She might have lied, but the new g/f just broke the 'TRUST' line...[/QUOTE]

OK, we're talking about two people in their early 20s in a relationship of a week. Even from my advanced age I can remember what that was like. "I've got a GIRLFRIEND, I don't want to screw this up!" There is a strong imperative to keep the boat afloat even though, to us older and wiser, the relationship has trivial length.

Now, quite a few of us have jumped to the conclusion that the girlfriend snooped through the drawer. Knowing the orderliness of many young men (myself included) it may well be that the drawer was not closed and the items were in view. She probably shouldn't have confronted him with "the evidence" but we have been told that alcohol was involved. Her confrontation could have been anything from a jealous rage to a playful tease. We don't know.

Now, the Big Question, whether or not to tell her of the true situation. A week-long relationship doesn't warrant it, IMO. If the relationship gets more serious, say a month, you certainly should revisit the situation. You simply tell her that there is something that has been bothering you and lay it out for her. You can be truthful and say that you were worried that telling her at that time would have spoiled things between you but now that your relationship is more serious you wanted to make sure that she knew the truth.

Do not leave it longer than that and do not get caught dressing in the interim. Put the pretty stuff away where it cannot be snooped.

Tamara, Kaylyn...

Short story... When I was stationed in Italy, I met a young lady and we had an incredible evening. So nice that we woke up with each other the next morning. I kissed her on the forehead and told her to go get cleaned up I'll make us breakfast. I heard her in the shower while I scrambled eggs and toasted bread and perked coffee. When I had everything ready I turned to the door and there she was dressed in my flight suit minus my boots. She had on my underware, brown t-shirt, flight suit and even my dog tags. She looked so sexy that breakfast wasn't touched and we went back to bed. We didn't leave the house till afternoon...

Did I explode over the fact that this girl that I met that night was wearing my uniform? Did she write down my service number? What else did she rummage through? When I was 26 all I cared about was that this beautiful Italian girl that barely spoke English was in my bed. Now I am 48. Married. A bunch of red flags appear, when I first read Kaylyn's post. Experience? Something to hide? Was this stranger right for going through Kaylyn's things?

Forgive me for my rant.
Michelle

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tamara Croft

I'm a woman and I take offense to that!!!

Why would she be looking for clean underwear in a mans drawer? She doesn't know about the CD'ing and if she was looking for clean underwear, why would she then go question Kaylyn about it?

I caught my son on video going through all the drawers in my bedroom whilst I was on holiday (I had cctv set up) and quite honestly, I felt so violated and was absolutely disgusted by it and that was my SON, not some person I'd known for a week. This isn't about the lying, this is about trust, there is no trust when someone goes through your things, innocent or not, it's just not the done thing!!

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Some great advice has been given, but a rainbow of different choices to make. You mentioned that you were tipsy at the time. I think that stealth crossdressing and alcohol are a sure way to be outed. She certainly crossed the trust line with her discovery, but you also crossed the trust line with not being honest when confronted. Trust is one of those things that takes a long time to build, but only moments to destroy.

If the relationship gains traction, I would come clean in a month or so. Better to be honest when you know the trust has been built back up and hopefully it can just be something the two of you will laugh about in the future.

"Honey, remember that time when I found your bras and panties...."

The funny thing about this thread is that arguments are being made because we know she looked in a drawer. Does everyone believe this is the first snoop ever committed?

For every confrontation I'll bet there are a million snoops and peaks that occur. Frankly in today's weird world, I would encourage my daughters to poke around to ensure their safety.

So, to the OP, do you think this is the first time a girl has looked in your drawers? While I think it is reasonable to expect privacy, are you prepared in the event that privacy is violated? Clearly no, in this case.

The confrontation was a bold move on her account and speaks to a jealous nature that is a red flag in my view.

Good point, Jennifer, and to take it further, I would guess that almost ALL of us at some point did the snooping into another person's drawers and closet and more --> trying on what we found.

Interesting situation...

Having come out with a lie when initially caught is a problem...but an understandable response in that situation; I suspect many of us would have done the same. But if this was me I would raise the issue again and come clean, explaining that the lie was to cover your embarrassment at being asked such a personal question based on her having gone rooting around in your dresser. If you find that she rejects the idea of crossdressing then she is not the girl for you - you cannot embark on a long-term relationship with someone who is unwilling to accept the whole of you - been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It is a recipe for unhappiness and resentment in you and distrust and doubt for her.

As for her rooting around in your dresser - I would like to condemn her for that but I feel that would be hypocritical of me since I have little doubt that if I was in her situation, given a little unrestricted time in a new girlfriends room, I would be unable to resist the temptation to have a poke around. I don't think I would have flouted anything I found there though... Maybe she was jealous, thinking there was another woman in your life, maybe she was ignorant about crossdressing, who knows...

Come clean, apologise for the lie and see what response you get and take it from there...

xxx

I would have to know the person for longer than a week before confessing that I cross dress. The exception would be if the person had already given clues that she would approve. Some women would end it and spread the news that you're a CD at that point. For those that don't care if you're outed, tell the truth. But then, you would have probably outed yourself by now anyway.

If she's going through your things now you can't trust her to keep a secret if you dump her. I'd stay in the closet until she's been around long enough that you can trust her reaction.

She did not know what was in that drawer/ Perhaps...money? Oh. womens lingerie! I guess have a talk early, and get an understanding, or, like Barney Fife says, "Nip it in the bud."

It is possible she was looking for a towel and happened to open that drawer (I know people who keep towels in drawers.)

As for just ending the relationship, the OP may be unlucky in love (I certainly was when I was 21) this might be a rare opportunity for them and not something they want to dismiss so easily.

I can't even bring myself to accurately throw stones about the snooping. Because I know that in my early years as a crossdresser, I had to steal lingerie from friends and families drawers and hampers. What can I say, I was 8-10, like I had resources for lingerie.

But the fact of the matter boils down to is that the OP has to figure out a way to tell potential partners. The OP needs to find better ways to hide their stash until they do. The OP has a certain responsibility to their potential partners in telling them. I think on these points, we can all agree.

I'm locking this thread due to the fact we're going round in circles and Kaylyn had been online several times and not bothered to reply to anyone or even thank anyone for their advice.

Thread closed.