Sure Kristyn I was like that I admit it with no hesitation.
It wasn't until one of my trans friends told me to put my "excuses" in the closet, pick an outfit,put my girl face on and lets go get some frozen yogurt.
Was I scared? You bet I was.
After that first time it was Katey barr the door what was I afraid of?
Yes I have lots of friends in my city and I see them quite frequently when I am out enfemme but my guess is they didn't recognize me in girl mode.
Nice to know, Traci has a closet. (well at least at one time!) Haaaa! That made me think of a walk in closet, a new marketing idea maybe, walk out closets?????
I'm not saying your wrong Traci, our own fears are always something that are in our own minds.
Some people are afraid of spider and snakes, others can sleep with 'em!
Where did they get the guts to do that?
Continual interest, and exposure Yada Yada !
Stepping out solo has got to be one of the most difficult things we could do, (Props to those that have done it!)
Couple that with living in a small town... Geez!
Plan a travel, book a room, and hit the streets solo for the first time in a strange place????? NO THANKS !
It's easy for you now, just remember where you started.
Much Love,
Kristyn
Oh I haven't forgotten how it was for me in the beginning so I totally understand the fear factor.
I have closets but no skeletons LOLOL
The truth is, for many of us, the world (as we know it) will end if we walk out the front door "enfemme". Loss of wife and family, loss of career, loss of respect in the community, etc. That's why we don't do it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
This is a very diverse group of people with one common interest; dressing in women's clothes. Other than that, we are young, we are old, we are married, we are single, we are heterosexual, we are homosexual, etc. Advice for one isn't suitable for al of us.
Fear is a basic human emotion which prompts us to protect ourselves. Some fears are unfounded and can be overcome. Many are important and cannot be dismissed. Fear of discovery as a crossdresser is probably common for us, but varies depending upon our circumstances. Some people with delicate family situations, sensitive employment requirements or who live in dangerous neighborhoods cannot simply walk out the door as easily as others.
If you are in the military and live on a military base, if you have a career which requires a top secret clearance, if you are a doctor or teacher or business owner and have a career or a business in which crossdressing disclosure could diminish your success, if you are a police officer, if your spouse does not want your dressing to be discovered, etc. - you may not simply be able to walk out the front door dressed to overcome your fear. Your risks are probably greater than others.
It is OK to be careful and maybe we can overcome some of our fears and anxieties, but it is much more difficult for some of us, at maybe not even possible. Hopefully they can find safe environments to dress and enjoy the freedom to dress as they want to.
OK OK I get it.
Tracii,
You have to figure everyone hates a cheerleader. Haven't you seen enough 80's teen angst movies?
Sorry this thread took such a nasty turn. I mean, yeah, no S**t, you have to protect yourself in your choices. BUT, I think your point is that if you psych yourself out because of irrational fears (and yes some of them are irrational and more imagined), then don't moan about it. If it's the right choice, be glad you made it, and live with your choice. If it is so dreadful that your mopping and gripping, maybe you should reevaluate. A life is meant to be lived, and our hearts are meant to be shared. We have a pretty limited time here, what are we waiting for.
Traci, I think I understand your point. But let me counter with this: My community is very conservative, largely due to the fact that it's largely composed of retirees (note, however, that I am not one of these...unfortunately). I refrain from going out not because I'm fearful, and I also don't complain about it. My reasons for not going out here are all practical. There are many of them, but here's a sampling: a) many of my male friends would reject me and so I could say goodbye to golf, basketball, etc...guy things I really love; b) my wife is a well-respected professional who could seriously jeopardize her career if I were outed. The bottom line is that I feel no particular need to go out in my own community, do not feel I'm denying myself by not going out, and am very comfortable with that choice. Hope this helps.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
I don't know what your intent was. I made no direct reference to you in my post, but was simply referring to my own observations from many years of reading about crossdressing here and elsewhere in my 76 year life so far. I gave my opinion of those observations, just as you have given yours. My superiority/inferiority reference specifically mentioned that this attitude resulted both from "above" as well as being perpetuated from "below". These were generalities and not directed at any individual.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
Everybody should be free to choose their own course without facing ridicule or derision from others. "I can't" should not be used either by those who choose to stay home or by their detractors. We are all familiar with the childhood lesson of "yes you can do it but no you may not do it". In this case it should just be "I don't go out because....." The words "fear" and "guts" do not belong in the conversation. Please don't turn a good topic into a confrontational one.
Veronica :)
The term Redneck is related to people who farm, or at least work outdoors. It is intended to discount those who work with their hands as opposed to those who are wealthy, or at least work indoors, as knowledge workers. Basically if you work indoors, or don't have to work, you wouldn't get sunburn on the back of your neck.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillyasia
So, yes, it is a derogatory term but claiming it as racist is a stretch. The term is not rooted in race. It is rooted in class. Further, it is a characteristic that people can change. Find a different job. Learn a trade. Go to school and study a profession. The idea is to do something other than work with your hands.
Conversely, race is not something that a person can change. It is inherent and it is a constant.
In short, there is no comparison between the terms.
DeeAnn
Most people would call me a redneck if they didn't know me personally and I don't have a problem with it because I know who I am.
Yes I live in Kentucky and tote a side arm wear camo, hunt,shoot and drive an SUV.LOL
Isabella if you are comfy where you are its all good and I have never heard you complain at all.
Its just that some just go on and on about why can't men be accepted wearing womens clothes. The fix for that is wear the clothes you like and maybe not worry so much.
There are people her that wear womens skirts and dresses in boy mode and I very much support their line of thinking and expression.
Its just the ones that for whatever reason they have for not venturing out thats totally fine just stop complaining.
Not all the careers y'all mention where being trans is career ending are really as bad as you think.
Actually you are safer to come out as a CD if you have a top secret clearance. You don't want them to discover it - secrets from them that could lead to you being blackmailed, are what get you fired. At least that's what people I know who've had such jobs tell me. There are, btw, are roughly 600 police officers who've transitioned in the US that we know of. (I date one of them.)
Banking, finance, and high tech tend to be pretty tolerant too.
A lot depends on the specific organization, or sometimes your supervisor. In general though, while coming out as trans won't automatically end your career with 90% certainty, there is still quite a lot of discrimination, and it does make it harder to be hired as a new employee.
For example, although I know a trans school teacher, I know others who have been fired because they are trans. Once fired, they tend to never find work as a teacher again.
For all of y'all who are afraid to come out because of work, you should ask a transsexual about your situation. We've been dealing with this for a long time, and although it's improved, there's still far to go. Anyway, this issue hits us hard, so we work it.
You're welcome! :)
I mention this because sometimes fear is totally justified, but lots of times its overblown. For example, I have a friend who delayed coming out at work for at least two years out of fear. Thing is - she worked for AT&T, one of the best possible companies for a trans person to work. When she finally came out, it was fine, and in fact they had a well defined process to handle gender transition of employees.
The company I retired from is one of the worlds largest food and grocery chains and they had strict guide lines against TG discrimination.
Tracii, it aint the conservative. social or ethnic mix that stops me from going out in public like you do. It's 1st I'm kine to damn near everybody within a 20 mile radius through blood or marriage (rural) and I don't want to share this with all of them and 2nd I am self-conscious about the way I look right now. If I looked nearly as good as a small cute person such as you I'd do more but still not here. Not to say I don't go out in public but it is with caution and controlled risk.
So my job is 5 miles from home, 5 miles further away from that little town, 5 miles deeper into that area where everyone knows everyone else's business!
There are a grand total of 8 people that I work with. I see a few people that stop by now and then for whatever reason, but thats about it!
I know I've proven myself as a capable employee, and I know its hard to find a reliable newbie. But from what I've heard, and seen, hiring a female to do my job isn't happening! And thats not the problem here (although it is a problem there) The problem here is ME!
I have no desire to show up at work in girl mode, but what happens when word gets around through the "grapevine" that I'm a CD? (if it hasn't already!).
How will the people I work with handle it? How will they treat me? Who will they tell?
Answers, I don't care, thats their decision, I don't care, thats their decision, and I don't care, whoever they want. It's out of my control at this point.
Next question…
How will all of this change my life ?????
I'd love to have the same answer (I don't care), but……
So being out dressed in that little town is off limits, but driving through it to the bigger cities, no problems!
I think if anyone here has the urge/desire to get out, they're gonna find a way to make it happen!
Much Love,
Kristyn
It's not just geographic differences. There are socio-economic, educational, political or philosophical, religious differences and downright prejudice against TGs in many pockets of our society.
Most people no matter their personal beliefs will keep their opinions to themselves if they read someone. So going out in the next town over in safe places (not biker bars at 1 A.M.), is a relatively easy thing to do, which is what I think you are saying. But, to come out to everyone in their lives (if this is what you also suggest) could have serious negative impacts on a lot of people.
Reine I'm not suggesting to come out to everyone heck I'm not out to everyone myself.There is just no need to do that to go out.
Apprehension of the unknown is a huge factor lord knows I understand that.
Some here get soo defensive over a statement or opinion by one person.
I'm not calling anyone out or telling them to go out I'm just saying if you want to bad enough there are ways to do it.
You just need to make the first step.
I hate to see people hold themselves back.
How about if you are living and working in a particularly conservative region of the world where if you stepped outside the house and were caught, you would be arrested, jailed, abused and then deported back to your home country. Would that be a fair excuse? Just asking......
Sure I suppose Alleybee but here in the USA or Europe its not illegal to crossdress.
Just too many people have no faith in themselves.
Some of Y'all are missing my point so I'm not going to beat a dead horse.
No problem Traci. Just wanted to point out that there are extreme variations of 'conservative' and it's not lack of guts that stops me being myself in a skirt out in the street. I do go out wearing full female clothes in an androgynous look with pierced ears but still have to be careful. CD's are locked up, and the court proceedings are reported in the press. That's why my profile is vague.
Traci, I get you. The girls living in the more liberal parts of our planet should consider stepping out the door and taking full advantage
For those who feel like their will be a lynching party on their front lawn if they went out, just remember that the world doesn't end at the city limits. As mentioned previously many times, take a trip to a bigger city where you can be anonymous. If you are willing and able there is a way, even if it is not the preferred option. Getting to that point though, yes I remember well my own trepidations about breaching the threshold. You have to be ready for it and there are many, many factors that will affect the ripening of that particular fruit.
Alleybee I would hate to live in a place where you could get locked up just for being different.
I agree with Tracii, I think the words were just words that some on here decided to use for discussion. The use of conservative was one that many seem to like but is not really the right word for this topic, non-accepting or prejudiced would be more accurate but what the Devil? We all know what Tracii was referring to. We all have our comfort levels no matter how low or high but to whine about them is a call to the mirror, you are the only one that can do anything about it. No matter how much advise, preparation and thought it is still only you that can take that step out, and good or bad experience it is what it is, so deal with it no one makes us do this.
I enjoy hiding, because my natal Sun is in my 12th House. Same with my GF.
"It works for me and X of my friends I know, ergo it works everywhere so you're all wrong and just chicken$***." That pretty much sums up what I read.
Got to love folks who paint the world with a big broad brush and can't see outside of their own viewpoints.