Affliction for me. The answers probably go hand in hand with self acceptance. I would take the blue pill if it existed.
Affliction for me. The answers probably go hand in hand with self acceptance. I would take the blue pill if it existed.
I experienced this the other day, I was photographing a party for a friend and a girl there around the age of 18 was trying desperately to make sure her face was never seen in a photograph. I'm not a pro but I know that a big part of being a photographer is making people feel comfortable and when she ducked out of the third family picture I was trying to get she said, "I don't take photos."Quote:
Originally Posted by BrendaPDX
I said, "No problem, but you're one of the prettiest girls here, it would be a shame not to have a photo of it," that's something I would have never said before. I never understood how insecure that a woman can feel about her appearance and how important it is that they are happy with it. She had nothing to be ashamed of she really was very pretty. I could tell I made a difference to her, and later she got in a photo.
Thanks for the pros and cons. This is from a grown person who was trained in shame, coming from a second generation Sicilian neighborhood of Chicago. I was the outcast being Polish. My transformation took place about ten years ago.
Pros and cons.
“I am so addicted to dressing, I love dressing fully and shopping for dresses.”
~~TRUE for me in part. I gave up on the frilly things to wear and being fully dressed because I’m just too old, this town is so small and the stores don’t carry size 12 heels. I like being lightly dressed in sheer things. I like being the passive fem in everything I do. A flImsy top and silky miniskirt with high heel sandals is my perfect outfil. My makeup is powder and a high quality sunscreen to take the gloss and red off and maybe a lttle on the eyes and lips. I would love to be shaven but haven’t been able to do it, yet.
I hate when I feel shame.
~~ CANNOT RELATE anymore. My spiritual beliefs suggest shame is meaningless, like all of our mental formations. Sometimes I wonder how far I can take some of my selfdegrading thoughts but fortunately, I don’t have the courage to take it further. I like to think of shame and anger as ideas that are no longer part of me. Seeds of shame and anger remain in my garden; they just will not be watered.
I feel sad that my wife thinks dressing is all messed up!
~~MARRIED but wife is not involved. Sexually the thought is intriguing, but my wife cannot be part of this process. I cannot tell her that I would rather be with a CD because that is just not sexually true ... anymore. Recent readings of Thich Nhat Hanh in a small book titled “Communicating” has me understanding how important we are to each other. Therefore, my mind easily wraps its head around her, remembering my fem side and her male side. We get along swimmingly, one might say.
Thanks for letting me chime in. Good luck, honey. ❤️
This is me too - 100%. I love dressing but will give it up tomorrow if there was a magic pill.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrendaPDX
Dressing does tend to take over my life. All the planning, expense and not being entirely truthful with people because of it. My wife, while accepting, would much prefer I didn't do it, even though she sees it has some positives. I'm easier to live with, love shopping with her and really understand why she needs yet another pair of shoes!
Hi Judy :hugs:, I have been in this program for over 71years now, It is just who I m And it is just what I do!
It is just a normal part of who I am. >Orchid ..O:daydreaming:O..
It is an affliction and I wish it had never happened to me BUT if someone had a treatment that could cure me tomorrow I wouldn't take it.
Both for me too. I always think Im not going to order any new stuff, and that lasts right up until a new ad comes out ;P
Life would be easier for me but I am what I am.
Love! It is now a huge part of who I am and will probably grow as I go along on my journey! Hugs Lana Mae
When I was younger,I use to feel it was an affliction. that there was something wrong with me.
These days though, I feel its just who I am. I don't think I could change it ( or would want to) if I tried.
Its the overwhelming urge to express my feminine side. Its no longer a fetish for me and feel at this point
that I'm more trans than a crossdresser.
Although I enjoy dressing and have a supportive wife I still feel it's an affliction. I have a strong fem side but I'll never be more than a man in a dress hence I don't see any purpose or utility in pretending to be a woman. I'd rather spend my time in something more productive and lasting than the "pink fog."
The key is deciding whether you are going to punish or accept yourself for the person you are. You can fight it like the flow of water in a river, but you can't change the direction the water is going to go. Many TG people have a lot of depression issues. If you are really unhappy about your tendencies, then you need to do something about it. If not, stop beating yourself up, be happy, and go have a cup of coffee, beer, or glass of wine. Peace, sistur!
I absolutely love cross-dressing. In fact the more I look like a woman the better. However, I always know that I am a man no matter what I am wearing.
i see it as either an affliction or compulsion that controls my every thought i so wish there was a cure for this
I love it; feels natural and definitely adds variety to my daily wardrobe.
Sarah Hillcrest, I made the mistake of taking a snapshot of a women back in the early 1990's. I knew the woman, and it was at a singles activity. She was very upset. i won't do that again.
Affliction is the word I find myself considering, as a way to engage my wife, to persuade her to consider that it is very much like a sensitivity to sunlight or an allergy- sometimes, or all the time, we are uncomfortable being stuck in the male role and persona. Then she can be sympathetic and explain it to others, etc. Of course, that is a pipe dream. But it is not a minor inconvenience -the extent of the discomfort in daily life is big, so it qualifies as an affliction.
That said, I love crossdressing for what it is- the freedom, the sensual pleasure, the way my sexuality is expressed, and the fun of fabrics and colors and draping my body.
I love it, something about it soothes my soul!
I believe it is autogynephelia with me. A substitute for not having female beauty and intimacy in my life, and never having a SO, or wife. It also is for other reasons i am sure. My dad wanted only daughters, and i had a smothering mom. I had male shame, and did not like being considered a predatory male, by women and girls. The feminist movement, and also fanfasizing being a tall, leggy lady for a short time. Affliction because of social stigma, and 98% of people do not like it. But,part of me loves it
I originally hated being a crossdresser, but now I really enjoy it. I look forward to doing it whenever I have a chance.
I love it! It’s who I am.
For me was a frustration but a release while on the closet.
When I came out to wife so many things changed.
We make so many mistakes for ignorance expressing it.
Now in transition to dress is not an urgency because I see my body changing into a woman's like and is always a pleasure. I feel really comfortable...
Its a gift, I feel so lucky to have a female side, she has added so much to make my life better, i wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm more of a mixed-bag. :straightface:
In my early years, I definitely viewed it as an affliction. I wanted it to disappear & never come back again. I've had more than my fair share of purges. I tried & tried to shake it, but after a while I gradually smartened up & realized I was in this for life.
Nowadays, I do wish sometimes that I wasn't like this. In some aspects, life would be that much better & easier -- and... "normal"? :strugglin
However, I also realize this was the hand I was dealt. So, I make the most of it, and do accept myself. I also believe this kind of life is much less boring & average. :D
Love, on the other hand, is a pretty strong word. Overall, I don't love it, per se. But I definitely do like some aspects of it. :)
I actually think in my earlier days, I had stronger swings... Higher highs & lower lows. Way more love for it, and also way more viewing it as an affliction, back then. Totally conflicting & taxing. Years & decades of dealing with it, and growing & maturing, has certainly tempered & evened-out those feelings.
Anyway, as a side note, while I'm at it, before some reading this thread get the wrong impression... People out there really do need to understand that this isn't a choice, for any of us, really. It's not. Seriously, who would actually *choose* this??
I do, however, believe that for many of us, *how* we go about this *is* a choice, to some degree. For example, perhaps getting all tarted-up like a prostitute to go "strutting the mall" in the middle of the day, may be somewhat of a choice. And on the same token, toning things down a bit before heading to the same mall can also be a (better, wiser) choice. ;)
I had posted a response to this the evening that it came out, but it never appeared. Probably user error. Anyway, the gist of that was the observation that TG behavior is far from completely understood by even by those most educated on the matter. For that reason, expecting a qualified answer to the question, in this forum, is folly. Now, that's not to say that there is no value in the opinions like those voiced above. Support, whether from one "suffering and affliction" or enjoying a common pleasure, is almost always good to have.
Upon several days reflection, I now have a more nuanced answer...
The TG condition, crossdresser, transsexual, or any point in between or around, does involve an affliction, but it is not ours. It is an affliction suffered by society. It is born of ignorance and religious prejudice. No that's not an opinion on religion, just the simple observation that the vast majority of arguments about the immorality of TG behavior will inevitably devolve to the citation of some ancient proscription. I note that not all societies suffer that to the same degree. Some grew to be more enlightened. Some never suffered in such darkness. The bottom line is that if none of us ever suffered the disapproval, fear or hatred that most of us do, our "condition" would be thought of as neither pleasure nor affliction. It would be viewed as precisely what it really is, just... who... we... are.