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The only limitation is not going out and about. We live in a small town and we have gone out for Halloween but at least an hour away from home. Where I worked I would have been fired if found out.
She has helped me shave in the fall, worked with me on makeup, bought me clothing and even stopped at my elderly mothers so I could dress for multiple days in a row.
My wife is way more accepting than I ever thought she could be. But she still has limits, based on the kids and what my wife is comfortable with.
I have a hard time understanding it too. I find it difficult to open up and make myself vulnerable. It goes beyond just dressing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crissy 107
Amazing wife, fully accepting..and I constantly tell her how much I appreciate it. I can dress whenever I want, keep all my clothes in the closet and she evens lets me keep my make up on her side of the bathroom drawers! Whoa!
She will almost always go out with me when I’m dressed up and is fine if I want to go out by myself but I much prefer her company. Pretty much the only rule she would like me to adhere to is when I buy some articles of female clothing, that I donate some older articles to make space. Still working on that ;). While I feel truly blessed, this is a reminder that there are a few women out there that can accept this crazy side of us. It’s all about being honest, going slowly and communicating everything....
My wife learned of my crossdressing just over two years ago and it has not been easy but over that stretch she has slowly adapted her limits from wishing it would all just go away and questioning if this was going to be a show stopper for us to where we are are currently. I now keep my toenails painted all the time, wear panties exclusively (some of which she has given me), keep my clothes in the closet, can go as far as MIAD presentation at home with her, and she also arranges to be out from time to time in order to give me time to fully dress.
It is a fluid and continually evolving situation albeit slowly. I'm sure she would be happy if it did just miraculously end but there's certainly no talk of divorce over it and sometimes we share jokes about it.
My wife's limits ran sort of an opposite timeline. When we first married at 20 I had long hair, long nail, shaved, etc.. We married and moved away to a place where nobody knew us and both held menial jobs. For both of us, the anonymity afforded by living on our own in a new place gave us complete freedom. She was encouraging and her acceptance was pretty much limitless, and I took advantage. Fast forward 30 years. A couple of kids, and on our way to being empty nesters. More money, more social accountability. Her social circle to a large degree did not include me. She was often embarrassed to be seen with me. We didn't talk about it. She feared I would transition after the kids were gone. I wouldn't have, but I was certainly showed all the indications. Fear of that, increasing disgust with my appearance, newfound freedom in her own life, a job and a separate social life from me, and a feeling that she'd missed out on things in her life because of me and a desire to be with a real man led to the sudden end of our marriage. So, over the course of 30 years her acceptance went from 100% to Zero.
The lesson from this is that you have to talk about it, and that doesn't mean asking her if your dress is too short. In my case I thought that since she knew from the beginning, we didn't have to talk about it. I thought that because my clothes were right there in the closet(s) that we didn't have to talk about it. Because I went out of town to do my thing with her full knowledge and permission (encouragement), I thought we didn't need to talk about it. Believe me, we needed to talk about it.
My problem is that it's my wife who doesn't want to talk about it most of the time. And when she does, it's usually as part of an emotional meltdown on her part, which leaves very opportunity to discuss calmly and rationally.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhonda Jean
Jean,
I still don't know how to talk about it, and it's not like it was ever mentioned in my marriage. Some of the things I did say were, "It's not just a want. It's a need" and "It's just who I am". I could go on. I'm sure everybody gets the drift. Combine statements like this with my apparent obsession with feminization that was just unending, the obvious conclusion is that I was transitioning. It had come up, and when it did I always said I wasn't, but just denying it is different from having an ongoing dialog. It might not have helped in my case. Thing is, I did not transition and had no intention of transitioning. Whatever I did or said before the divorce was not sufficient to convince her of that. She was 1000% convinced that as soon as the kids were out of the house I was transitioning. She was further convinced by "our" therapist (long story) who told her (and me) that I was certainly TS, and another counselor who advised her to get out of the marriage. She believed them over me. It was easier for her to talk to them than to me.
My wife’s on limit is no make up or wig in front of her. Yet she like me to send her pics when I travel for work all done up. She is supportive and encourages me. No problem with me in panties bra nylons forms or in a dress. She like me shaved smooth and with nail polish she likes our toes to match. In fact she likes my DD forms she says they make a great pillow when we are cuddling. I would like to her to meet the full Laura but she says she isn’t ready for that? Funny after 40 years together but she just can’t see Laura all done up in person???
I'm pretty close to your situation; typically I wear crop tops and shorts around the house and even toenail polish, but the limit of makeup is usually some lip gloss. However, I am happy that I get away with that much in front of her!
My wife has never put limits on me .Its more me that does and she encourages it .She just wants me to be happy .Although at this early stage of crossdressing im mainly wearing womens underwear and short skirts and shaving legs chest and armpits .And have no desire to go out dressed like a female but I do like to wear the underwear under my male clothes
Boundaries with a spouse are a very interesting balancing act for all of us, even with spouses who are "accepting" of varying levels of dressing or activity when dressing. I am fortunate to have a SO who doesn't mind my dressing, helps many times with makeup etc, and doesn't mind if dressed for intimate time together. But there are boundaries. I know she wouldn't be comfortable with family and friends knowing I dressed (nor would I at this point - not judging, just my personal position at this time). So, to avoid that possibility, dressing has just been an at home thing, when we are confident no-one is likely to stop over. But like many here, as you stretch your experience, and probably not unlike a drug to a degree, the desire to expand the experience is there. So, I contemplate the "outing" to go be dressed in public somewhere away from home sometime. I know that would be a stretch of my wife's current perception of her boundaries, but would it be a modification, not a break since it would keep the spirit of privacy even in public by doing so in an environment where the boundary of others knowing would still be kept through anonymity? Probably. But maybe not. It is something we will have to discuss and evaluate. But what if she says not to that. It leaves me with a curiosity or desire that may feel unfulfilled, right? And that is where an example of our balance comes in. We balance the boundary that we want to stretch, a personal desire, with the value of the relationship we have and how much more or less that means to us than something we want to do dressed. It can be a hard balance to keep, and to evaluate. I know for many it has resulted in ended relationships. I can only speak for me personally, but if it meant giving up dressing completely to keep my wife, I would. I know I have the right wife for me and we make the best team together for our lives I could imagine in every other area of our life, so dressing is just a small thing. But that begs the question, would I be saying that if I was with a SO who didn't accept the dressing I do at home as my wife does? Probably not. The other two long(ish) term relationships I had earlier in life weren't comfortable with my dressing and didn't end up lasting. Maybe to some degree that was the case because they weren't the right ones that would accept my dressing and I was just waiting to find the right wife who did so I could be more of who I am in the best relationship possible. Who knows, maybe its just fate. The balance in a relationship is a very interesting ebb and flow, but it doesn't work without communication. If I was giving any piece of advice to anyone here about boundaries with a SO, its talk about them. Never surprise a SO, never try to push them just for selfish reasons, be mindful of the fact that a good relationship is a team approach between two people that actually love each other for who they are and who want their partner to be who they really are, not just an act that delivers what they expect a norm to be.
I consider myself quite lucky, in that, my SO knew about my love for half slips long before we were married, and she doesn't mind, even suggests, I dress when I'm home.
She suggested just this Tuesday, after we arrived home from being out all day. Her needing the loo, and knowing she needed it for about an hour, beforehand, she knows gets me 'worked up'.
Skirt/blouse, dress, formal dress, sometimes just a few half slips with a bra and a partially-open blouse. Depends on my mood, but I don't shave (other than my face), don't do panties/hose, or makeup/hair, so I'm just her husband wearing different clothes.
I love it when she strokes me through my dress/skirt, then ventures underneath, and does the same through a few slips. Honestly, I like to dress her up, too, and then we 'play'.
I will never go out, or tell anyone else who knows who I am. That's asking for trouble, IMO. I have a near-perfect cross-dressing environment, and I intend to keep it that way.
I'm in DADT marriage. She knows I go out late night /early morning, but does not want to know what I am doing and 'i better not get in any trouble'. She is with me when I purchase panties, was with me when I got my first pair of nylons, but doesn't want anything to do with any other female clothes.
I'm glad for what I have and don't want to lose it, so for now, it is what it is....
Initially my wife didn’t like me wearing panties, but she got used to that. Then she wouldn’t give me hugs or cuddle if I were wearing a bra. She got used to that and now will hug me when we’re both topless. Her new limit is me wearing dresses, but we’ll see how long that lasts
My wife’s boundaries keep shifting a bit. One step forward, one backwards. Today she was less than happy seeing me with my white blouse and bra underneath with the obvious forms on. She seemed ok with my skirt, hairless legs, pink tonails and wedges, but the bra and forms may have tipped her over the limit. Oh well, I may need to keep trying since unfortunately (or finally) this side of me is shouting to get out more and more... I just feel at peace when I’m Carolina...
My wife's two biggest concerns is that our children would find out and that degree of my crossdressing will grow. Another odd issue is comes from essentially social-religious issues. We both see crossdressing as a psychological condition, so the current political climate and the adding of "T" to the LGB movement complicates things.
With that she is fairly tolerant of the fact that I dress privately almost daily, and reluctantly accepting of my occasionally dressing around her. I have a much more drab style when I dress around her, sometimes I'll just wear a skirt and underthings (breast on her hussband are a bit much for her!) She knows too that I wear feminine attire under my walking kilts when I'm venturing out on the local trails.We shop thrift stores together ands she has occasionally buys me clothes she thinks I would like. She wavers between not wanting to encourage me to dress in women's clothing to wanting me to be happy.
Her tolerance has been growing, especially with our children all moved away. I don't push her - I pretty much ask for her approval before I dress around her. I suspect that if we talked more we might get a better handle on things, but I think she does not want to talk much about my dressing as it's stressful - she tends to go negative while at the same time bending more toward acceptance. Lately she's been unusually quiet about my dressing. I'm sure she expects that I dressed every minute of the day when she was gone away for a week recently, but she hasn't asked about it. I'm trying to get a feel as to whether or not this is a good time to take the next step - shave off my beard so that I can occasionally go outside totally en-fem.
her conditions are 1) don't go out in our town, and 2) she does not want to see me dressed. She's ok talking about where I go, and what I do when dressed though.
Carolina, This is just my opinion, but.... from your various posts I am pretty convinced where this is headed for you. It really sounds you are TS versus CD or NB. Of course I don't know that for sure, I don't even know you and I am not trained. But from what you post it seems pretty obvious to me. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.Quote:
Originally Posted by Carolina
Regardless of what is truly in your heart and soul I do think it is in your best interest and your wife's as well to figure out who you are sooner rather than later. I hope you and others that are heading in an undeniable direction don't wait for it to play out for years and make both you and your wife unhappy for a long, long time.
I don't give this opinion lightly, marriage is an important commitment and I don't take it lightly. I have only been married once and it was 18 years. Also I realize that most people on this site want to make their marriages work and also want to be able to express themselves as they truly are.
It just seems to me that transition is where you are going. If I am wrong I apologize, I write this advice with the intent of helping not pushing or criticizing.
I do have a few friends that have stayed married post transition. But living honestly is the best path to long term happiness.
I think this is one of the most interesting threads I've read in a long while!
My GF is supportive but passive, i fully dress in front of her and she'll often giggle at my more extrovert outfits. She's happy to see me dress and puts no limitations on my style or frequency of dressing. She'll occasionally purchase items for me, and often give me her hand downs.
The only limit is that she doesn't want to be intimate when i'm dressed, and i respect that boundary.
xXx
Kimberly, you may be right, I’m also thinking that I may be more TS, but one with a wife and a family. It is not fair to them, in particular to my wife so I have to be careful. My rational side has always supressed my emotional side. Now that kids are in college and we are empty nesters I’m letting the real me come out a bit further. I’m already seeing a therapist, but I need to see another one fully specialized in gender dysphoria issues and see if HRT is the next step for me. My wife is a big part of my life and I need to be careful with her since she didn’t ask for this. Thus the issue of boundaries and how flexible they can be. My blue sky scenario would be living full time as Carolina with my wife, but right now she is far from being there...
Carolina,
I was exactly in your now position time ago, may be a couple of years.
Now we're walking my transition with my wife. I ha e to wear a sport tight bra to hide my grown roast that without it could be noticeable for anybody. We try to get out both with me dressed ut she is always fearing with could meet someone that recognize me since I don't wear wig and just change the style a bit between Male and female look. I don't longer like wigs. That was a stage of my crossdressing but now it means not honesty for me.
I believe that soon a full it to everybody is inevitable and wife as me are both scared.
But to live a lie is like to die.
At the beginning I feel great and a huge relief being in front of wife and nothing to hide but soon that feeling of transparency is needed for me everywhere and with everybody...
I think that many crossdressers here could walk the same path but the fear is bigger than the reality of the wellbeing as a person. Then later, as many here, that reality overpasses ant fear but it's late and no mantle years to be the real one.
I don't want to die with the frustration of had lived a lie.
You say that you see yourself living full time as Carolina, many here had the same vision and outside it. You say too that is not fair for your family but is unfair for you. How many casualties would be in a supposed case of full out?
I don't want to push you to do anything more than think a but on yourself and take time to visualize all scenarios...
hello,
without ever talking about it we have agreed limits - no dressing in front of the family, friends or neighbours and don't scare the pets; under-dressing if it is not obvious. Or maybe those are my limits and I don't like to push them further?
luv J
"limits"
"limitations"
"impose"
"permissive"
"allowing"
"boundaries"
"conditions"
"feeling embarrassed & defeated"
"tolerating"
"rules"
Just a few words & phrases I pulled from this thread thus far.
Not too kind, eh? Talk about oppression! :eek:
With all that kind of stuff going on, figured the feminists would be all over this by now.
Instead: *crickets*
Oh, wait- It's men who are the ones being oppressed, with the GG's as the oppressors.
Guess that doesn't count, though, right? :strugglin
Just turn a blind eye to all that.
My apologies. Carry on... ;)
I think I probably have more self imposed limits than my wife does! :)