Do we really want to be seen ?

Do I want to be seen? Certainly not by family and friends. I think I would enjoy mingling with others without being judged. My problem is I don't do clubbing. Heck, since I was discharged from the military in 1969 I've never been in a bar/club. It's just something I don't do. That leaves interaction pretty much to clerks/cashiers in stores. That doesn't really fill the desire to mingle with others. I'm actually pretty much at a loss how to accomplish this desire but it's not a big thing to me. I'm pretty much a loner in my drab life so I expect I'll be much that way in my femme life, too.

Many of us have excuses why going public could never work. At 6ft 4 in I can tell you passing doesn't matter. Acceptance does! Focus on how they treat you, not what they think of you. You will likely never know what they really think. Don't let it hold you back. A great presentation (well done makeup, hair, outfit) can go a long way towards people's level of comfort around you.

Clubs & bars are not your only options to meet like minded girls Heather. I live in a small town area where my socializing en fem options are limited, to say the least. I make the effort to drive 200 to 300 miles out of state to meet with groups of ladies. I am not married so I know I have much more latitude than your situation.
We go to restaurants for dinners and brunches, bars for gno meetups. Tomorrow, I am leaving for 4 days to meet with the Dallas ladies. My plans include, Wed night dinner at a sports bar / restaurant, Thursday - shopping and a dinner followed by a theatre stage play production, Friday - St Patty's day at a fine dining restaurant with a bar & entertainment / dancing, and Sat a gno. ( I have a cute outfit for St Patty's day, can't wait to wear it)

My point is ... maybe do some research to see what is possible a reasonable distance away from your area. Meetup is a popular place to check for active groups of ladies.
The funny thing is.. in the last 6 months since going out into the world, I have been to more bars than in the previous 20 years, Lol. I utilize uber if I am out drinking, have a few of my favorite girl drinks, and enjoy myself. For me, I don't mind being seen of course, all positive so far, but it's more about the socializing with the other ladies and sharing that experience.
I hope you can find more opportunities, I know you a done a few lunches and have enjoyed that.

I do want to be seen, but only if I am seen as a woman, not as a crossdresser.

So, I go out when I can, but I try to keep my distance from other people. Driving, walking on city streets or in the tourist section of town, walking through the mall, etc. I don't go into stores and engage the sales people or go to restaurants or bars as Krisi because I would have to get up close and speak to them. I don't have the voice for that. I can manage a "hello" or "Good morning", but not a conversation.