Try having sex while he is dressed and see what it is like and what you enjoy. You will find him more submissive, more gentle, and more romantic. Just close your eyes and enjoy. It might surprise you.
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Try having sex while he is dressed and see what it is like and what you enjoy. You will find him more submissive, more gentle, and more romantic. Just close your eyes and enjoy. It might surprise you.
I have never gone to bed without anything other than panties but I would love to go all the way and be the female and take orders(or requests). I do not have the nerve to make my desires known. Best all I think would be for the SO to do the "change over" the whole works. At my age I would perhaps have a heart attack but what a way to go!!!
...and I am. My wife LOVES my xdrg and the only problem is she gets so hot she's ripping my clothes off before I can "strut my stuff".
In bed I am the total dominant, though hardly a masher. Oh by the way my wife has a gorgeous wardrobe herself....what a life!!
Lipstick kisses
Karen
Just a couple of Sundays ago,I wore lingerie during sex with my wife for the first time and i don' think there was any of the "role reversal" mentioned in this post.0.02
"It's just clothes" is often a logical conclusion drawn by CDs to justify to an ignorant people why they crossdress -- I'm not shy of using it either, but reading your post I see that that just isn't the case.
I've been drawing conclusions myself of late - to be written in down in volume at some point in my life... An examination of CDing by a CDer... and one of my observations is, "What is gender, if not the presentation of attributes playing on the rules of the cisgender?"
The presentation is most obvious in clothes, which have built connotations with them along the years - frilly things are girly, for example. By Crossdressing, we are presenting a part of ourselves that we wish to show... therefore, your husband's submissiveness may come out in his dressing - it has in mine in relationships of the past.
At the moment, I'm dressing in jeans, stretchy tops. Sexy, but somewhat boystrous. And I can see that in my attitude to dressing over the past week or so. Sunday was the first day I ever went out in heels... and the only two emotions I felt before stepping out were fear and a sense that I just didn't want to care about what anyone else thought, which takes some courage. So, in my ambivilance somewhere, I was being boystrous and loud with my attitudes - something that's coming out in my dressing at the moment.
So, yes, his attitudes are expressed in his dressing, his relationships and his actions. As they are in all of us.
I can take on either role (aggressor or aggressee) when dressed enfemme. Even when not dressed enfemme. I would like for my wife to take on the aggressor role more often, but it's just not in her nature.
I think you really asked two different questions...First, is cding part of my sexuality? Well, it can be, if I'm with someone I like and I'm horney! Seriously, though, being a girl involves so much more than just being turned on by "admiring" myself in a mirror. For me, it's more about experiencing a very strong and real part of myself. Being Melissa relaxes me, makes me feel peaceful, and puts me in touch with , again, a real part of myself.
The other part of your question involves traditional male/female roles, at least as they are viewed by most people. When it comes to women, I am always submissive, as a boy or a girl. That's just me, I like dominant women, and I'm not sure it has any more to do with being in girl mode than anything else. I can also enjoy sexual intimacy with a woman as equals, but I'm just not that good at the dominant/aggressor role. I have noticed that alot of cds are also submissives, so I suppose there is a connection there.
I have never been intimate with a man, but I do have an interest in experiencing it as a girl. I believe I could take on the submissive OR dominant role in that case, and have fun with either. Even though I am thoroughly submissive when it comes to women. Go figure. Maybe it's cause I just believe that GIRLS RULE!
Hugs,
Melissa:happy:
I have never had much sex drive and found it difficult even when was married so I gave up sex for many years ago. Now I live alone I really don't miss it, weither you could say my cross dressing is a substitute I don't know.
GG Vanya - I also enjoy the pampering I get from my adora, including the times he pampers me as my "poet boy." He is service oriented, and I enjoy service.
Interesting thought, by your husband, "Dominance is the ultimate act of submission." I think this can definitely be true. I also feel that many of the submissive men I have met, as a Dominant in the Scene, are some of the strongest people, internally.
I like your Mantra.
Wenda - We also play around with the strap on at times. He/she had experience with it, I did not. We enjoy it, as sometimes I am the poker, and sometimes I get poked. Lots of variety in the relationship. LOL.
Annette
Kali,
Obviously there must be considerable differences between X-dressers with regard to the role they like/want to play during sexual games. So this will be just relating my experience and will probably not apply in the specific case of your husband. But between all the stories that you will read in this discussion thread, you may find some elements that will enable you to make your own mind on the subject.
For me, X-dressing has evolved from being a primarily sexual activity to being primarily a mode of living with limited sexual content.
My wife, whom I've told about my desire to x-dress just about 2 years after our wedding didn't mind too much about it since at that time it was pretty much a sexual fantasy involving only sexy women underwear and occasionally a satin nightgown. We even had a few love making sessions with me wearing such underwear. But I was then playing a full part male role, even though my vision of having sex was far more centered on lengthy foreplay, in particular I had a tremendous pleasure with giving pleasure to my wife via oral stimulation and I wasn't so kin on regular intercourse. Perhaps this desire was already sort of a denial of my masculine role. But I didn't expect my wife to be the dominating partner. Unfortunately she didn't like those long foreplay and even progressively refused to let me stimulate her orally. She liked quick and powerful intercourse, somewhat as some male like to make love.
In the mid seventies, we had a phase of life when we had what was then called "open marriage". We had met a couple of friends whom we both liked and we exchanged partners occasionally, always in separate rooms (no orgy involved)
My relation with that woman was fabulous and I told her almost right away about my x-dressing. She accepted it quite easily. We played all sorts of games involving me being "en femme". By that time, I had progressively moved towards a fuller expression of x-dressing, wearing dresses on top of my women underwear. My friend introduced me to wearing skirts and blouses and high heel shoes.
She insisted, however, that we should share equally the periods in our relationship experiences between the ones when I was "en femme" and the ones when I was purely acting in my masculine role. When I was "en femme", she adored my way of "treating her as another woman would" during our long foreplay. She would enter in the role, playing with my small breasts...
When I was playing the male role, she liked me being in the traditional dominating male role. But even when I was "en femme", I was still playing the male role in the end.
Note that we still have a fabulous relation, even after more than 25 years... We don't see each other much as we live on the opposite side of the Atlantic...
Lately she has been somewhat turned off by the fact that I shaved my body. She said that she couldn't bring herself to touch my new bare skin (I have a very naturally hairy chest which I only shaved a couple of years ago...). I can understand her reaction, she has known me with that hairy chest for more than 20 years...
I think that now, I would be more inclined to play a "woman" role in lovemaking. I would still preferably make love to another woman, which means that she would have to be accepting that mode of sexual relationship... Not an easy road to follow...
Playing a "femme" role with a man is a fantasy, even though I had a one time experience with another X-dresser friend who suddenly felt attracted to me, or should I say my cleavage, and started behaving more like a male than like a woman...
Would I want to really make love with a man? When I am in DRAB mode, I certainly would not. When "en femme", so far I don't think so, but the above anecdote makes me less certain about what would be my final reaction if a man would attempt to seduce me when I'm all dressed and made up. But that is going out of the topic...
:hugs:
Eugenie
So because I sleep in the nude, and my wife sleeps with only a pajama top, our lovemaking really happens when we're nekkid. Don't know what clothing has to do with it for us. This question does seem a bit intrusive and I think that's all I want to say about the subject.
Steph
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OK Now ~ I believe dominant or submissive in sexual activities is heavily influenced by nurturing during the formative years impacted by genetics. I also believe that the desire read compulsion to CD is likewise captive to those factors. The precise criterion that determines dominant/submissive/CD/and even orientation are frankly a mystery to me, although I have my suspicions! I further believe that these issues may be acted on early on or lay dormant for years until triggered by an event, whether traumatic or social. Moreover, whatever triggers the transformation, in most cases it is a 'tipping point' from which few return, even if lifestyles are drastically impacted. I know of a case where a boy 'came out' at age 6, and another case where a male 'became' bi and began CDing at age 65! I have personal knowledge of only one CD that completely abandoned the lifestyle, and I expect at some point she will return to the fold. Her issue was she couldn't find any girlfriends in her area, so began to stalk females in her male persona, this after she 'came out' to a teen age daughter. These, of course, are my personal opinions subject to modification upon a showing that more compelling issues are at play.
I feel my whole personality changes when I'm dressed. I, too, have more of a desire to "serve" and think more of my wife's feelings and pleasures when I'm dressed. She can see the difference and enjoys the change.
Generally, I think (I am still a virgin, and thus do not know for a fact) I am more submissive in the bedroom. My fantasies are more submissive based than dominant. While I feel like I could do the whole dominant thing, I think I would much rather play the submissive role. I have known I am submissive since before I admitted to being a crossdresser.
never had sex while dressed. Never thought about it. Sex and dress enfemme sounds good on paper
i very much to be the submissive, but as my exwife and my girlfriend are traditional thought i have to leave them beacuse the couldent meet my emaotinal needs and my sex diseres now i'm looking a dom woamn or a cd top man beacuse i think that a top cd man will understand me better as i'm tierd to be not myself.
For me crossdressing is all about sex. When I'm dressed I feel totally erotic and want to have sex as a woman.
K
Gender roles in a sexual relationship! Is that anything like gender behavior in society? Sometimes I'm agressive even though I appear female; sometimes I'm pasive even though I appear male. That must mean my wife is at times
aggressive and other times passive. No matter who removes them, to some
degree, whether they are Hanes his or her way, they got to come off (or down)! At times it has been so hot I think they got burned off.:blushing:
hi yes i know what you mean and yes i always like to make love dressed as grace , i am lucky my wife 20 yrs younger treats me as grace all the time she loves me dressed nice even buys my clothes .Quote:
Originally Posted by kali GG
its not just clothes i feel all woman always have so making love as a woman to my wife seems natural and as she dosent mind its great .
in fact she is proud of me when i dress nice and often makes sure i am looking good .
she married me as a man but i told her my desires and she accepted them so i dont know if it answers your question but it is really up to you if you feel good about it .
am sure it dosent mean anything just wantint to be submissive i love that as i feel its my role as a woman but i really love my wife just i am grace and cant help how i am so yes if you ok with it its ok just enjoy he loves you
lots of luck love grace xxx
Well,....what an interesting topic!
I have had the absolute wonderful experience of making love with my wife while dressed. Usually, and moreso at first, I enjoyed the submissive role.
When dressed enfemm, I want to be treated enfemm. But as much of the time I am the man of the house and make love with my wife in the male dominated role, and we enjoy that as well.
If I could, I would dress up more during lovemaking and be submissive more of the time than as the man of the house role, but for now, she needs me to be the husband that she married. I'm glad that we have the ability to share our love in both roles and enjoy each other!
I would be really unhappy if my wife refused to allow me to make love enfemme, because I find it to be sexual as well as part of me as a whole person.
I think it all comes down to sharing. Sharing the most intimate secrets and emotions that two people in love can share!:love:
My wife finds it difficult to be at all aggressive, However on occasion she will role play with me ,Its special and I love it. I learned not to ask very often and never push it.Works for us.By the way the wife buys most of my lingerie ,skirts blouses,saves the whole shopping bugaboo. have fun injoy life.
I take a similar line to what Nike says.
We are all sensual beings. We enjoy sex pleasure even though we have no intent to make babies.
Some folks will do anything. Some have limits, which may be psycological or sensory. This leaves a lot of latitude to do as you wish in the bedroom. Sex organs, though apparently so different, are almost identical in feeling and sensitivity. Both sexes have a powerful pleasure button in the rear too. A woman with a strap-on is an awesome sight.IMHO
As a crossdresser, a male might well have a particular taste for submissive sex, might feel he needs to be penetrated, the ultimate sub act.
Why not just do what you like? Most of the people can be happy most of the time lol.
Try everything, just be honest with each other. What other rules do you need?
Can we make it fun please? :)
Actually I do feel a lot more sexier when dressed but in a Dominant, not submissive, kind of way---dressing (particularly in:dom: leather and sexy lingerie) makes Me feel powerful, in control and very aroused. One good thing about your husband dressing is that while dressed I bet he will never need viagra.Quote:
Originally Posted by kali GG
[SIZE="3"]Hello Kali!
You're certainly generating an avalanche of responses here, aren't you? Good topic! If you're reading all these and make it all the way to this posting, I'm impressed!
I must confess that I envy your husband a bit, as I share his same bedroom desires but have not (yet) had a mate receptive to such interests. Bless you for loving and accepting him, Dear!
:la:It sounds like you two have a relationship built on a rock-solid foundation of mutual love and respect. Of course, being a relationship, it's not perfect ... but realize that you share something quite special, that many people look for and never find. I wish you both the best!
So anyhow, I tend to prefer a Submissive role with past girlfriends (and any gay fantasies I've ever had are as a Sub). Yet sadly, I've just about given up on finding a woman who is comfortable and happy in an occationally Dominant role. For some reason it seems to be a rare trait. By the way, I'm 35, male, about 95% straight, with a history of several long-term, healthy, commited relationships with women.
But here's where it gets interesting ...
You see, Darling, it turned out that my last two girlfriends both enjoyed being submissive, but being dominant seemed so against my nature (classic "nice guy"). Being very empathetic myself, I've always derived much sexual pleasure vicariously, through my partner's enjoyment of the experience, both emotional and physical. So, since they wanted it, I gradually worked through the initial awkwardness and tried on a new persona in bed (sometimes), fullfilling their deep longing for submission. That alone (fullfilling them) thrilled me, but I also discovered that taking on a dominant role was a Major turn-on for me.
A whole new area of exploration opened up for us, and we both loved it, and would both switch. Overall, it was wonderfully expanding all around, and made the sexual bond between us feel more enriched and complete.
:battingeyelashes:In a sense, when you switch roles, you're each better able to later see the whole experience through your lover's eyes more acurately. By developing genuine empathy you can get to really know and feel your lover's needs, sense their cravings as your own, intimately share in their deepest passions, and delight fully in their personal satisfaction.
I guess I'm just thinking that if he is willing to be versatile and expand his role a bit, it would (at the very least) provide more of a balance in the sexual power dynamics of your relationship. To bring up the subject, you could gently talk to him and ask him to think about the fullfillment he derives from being in the submissive "feminiine role" during sex. About the needs it satisfies for him, the sense of happiness he feels by surrendering personal will and submitting in service for the one he loves. Let him know you appreciate how he's able to understand something alot of guys never have a clue about. He's able to (at least in a sense) experience the feelings of a woman in a state of sexual surrender. NOW... you kindly implore him to look at the situation through YOUR eyes. Wouldn't he still want to experience the joy of submission? Perhaps more acurately, the joy of Receptivity. Explain that YOU NEED THAT TOO. As a woman, perhaps even more so. And just as you have grown and learned to enjoy acting out a dominant position for his sake, you need HIM to be a Man sometimes and do the same for YOU! That you want him to vicariously share in the pleasure YOU get when HE'S in the role as the Giver and you're the Receiver.
Hopefully this will enable him to hear your request in an empathetic manner, rather than seeing it as taking away from his desires, or worse yet, getting hurt and/or defensive and pulling away emotionally. As always, Communication is essential to any intimate relationship. But handled sensitively, this may well be the "whack on the side of the head" he needs to break out of a rut that ultimately is leaving you less than satisfied. Your intimacy and connection to each other could potentially blossom as a result.
I hope things work out well for you both.
Be positive! :hugs:
So...
If you're still reading this ... hey, thanks! I had no idea I'd be writing this much when I started.:sb:
Actually, I have a couple more thoughts to share regarding the desire of submission, surrender, "feminine" receptivity, and yeilding to service in love. (It gets kinda metaphysical, but it's all good.)
Although it's largely hidden from people's awareness behind a facade of sexual and cultural clutter, the importance of this passionate longing is not just some surface-level kinkiness, but rather a deep call from our soul. At its roots, in fact, this is a genuine inherant spiritual longing we all have, though frequently unrecognized or denied by many. On a soul level it represents the ultimate Human longing: Return to the Source, Reunion with the Divine, and the peace that comes with fully surrendering into love. This ties in with the fact that many spiritual traditions recognise sexual union as a time when humans can get as close as possible to merging with the Divine. If you want to know more about this, the authentic traditions of Tantric Yoga, Kabbalah, and/or the Rosicrucian path would be great avenues to explore.
Just wanted to share that thought. .
Well, I hope all this helps ... or at least makes sense.
Take care, Kali. Blessed Be!
Love,
~ Miss Nicole ~
:doll:
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With me and my Gf we both like to switch it up, often right in the middle.