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I hope everything went allright. Most of the conversation you planned I had with my crossdressing sweetie, but he told me when I started seeing him. We still talk about it. It's important that you keep the communication open. From what I've seen so far.
Some people have a real hard time talking openly, and the scars that made them this way, could very well go wayyyy deep, and as far back as childhood, From the things you say he has said, tell me this, he is not a good talker, and he also sounds like he is in denial over this in his life!! A really hard combo, i was always a good talker, thx to my mom, that forced me to talk, even when i was squirming in my seat!! I was involved in my past with someone that wasn't a talker, they want to deal with things on there own, and not include you, if you try to talk to them, they get angry, loud, say that you are trying to cause trouble all the time, when all you want to do is work together on things, you never really know what is going on with them, you feel the tension in them, but they tell you nothing!! and share even less.
Do you think he is the type that just cant talk at all? or do you think if you force it he will open up?
Would you marry me???:love:......:D
Corrine
Don't push hon!!! Either take his hand and guide the way, or get 100% behind and lead from there but for your sake DO NOT PUSH.......
Bobi Jean
THat would be all i'd need from my wife if i got to the point where i needed more... very nice. He's lucky to have you...
or meQuote:
Originally Posted by karynspanties
Corrine
I just read every post to this, you have been given some excellent advise to consider. However, nowhere did I read anything concerning his feeling like a FREAK. I assure you that every one of us (crossdressers) have at some point and to some degree felt the same. I really dont have any advise as to how to help him get over it but you may think about telling him at the next opportunity, that it is ok to feel like a freak(no need to) but it is ok as long as he is your freak, and to prove that it is ok, I JUST CLEARED OUT A DRAWER AND SOME SPACE IN THE CLOSET FOR YOUR THINGS. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO USE IT IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH IT , BUT IT WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU ARE READY.
AS OTHERS HAVE SAID, KEEP US POSTED AND THE VERY VERY BEST OF LUCK TO YOU BOTH
Thanks for all the support, AND the proposals :happy:
I just buried my pug of 10 years. :sad: I went outside to give her a rib I was saving for her and there she was. I called my husband and just left him a teary message that I was going to be outside burying my dog. I went out and through tears and sweat dug a hole deep enough for her in the dry ground (we are in a severe drought). I came in and called him and left him another message, "she's so stiff, I'm not sure I can do this....<sob> I can do it....I can do it." I went out and laid her to rest.
He called me when I came in and was mad because he had tried to call me 50 times and I didn't answer. (Didn't I just say that I was going to bury my dog?) He said I could leave her for him to do when he came home from work. I told him that I did it and everything was fine. I couldn't have left her, there were flies, etc. He said he was sorry, there was nothing he could do about it right this minute, he was still mad.
He gets mad when I cry. He talks about it being a weakness of women...to cry about things. How can he want to dress up like a woman but not appreciate what MAKES us women?
I don't cry much at all, hardly ever. Not many women would have been strong enough to bury their dog (the only dog my kids have ever had) emotionally and physically. I carried her all the way to the back of the yard (25lbs) buried her myself. It's times like these that make me want to say, "Go 'dress' so maybe you will be more understanding and loving.
So sorry about your doggy. It's too bad your man is not enough of a woman to see these things. It's to bad she can't get with other CD's and have a heart to heat about what it means to be transgendered. But then she probably can't accept, and is mad about how she feels.
Just know that your a beautiful caring woman and you deserve all the best in life.
Joy Belinda Carter :hugs:
Corrine
very sorry to hear about the dog, I know what you are feeling, I lost my 14 year old husky about 2 years ago and still have tears roll when I think about him.
Sorry Dear, but if your husband hasen't any more compassion than what he has shown to date, is he truely worth it??????
Corrine,
#1 So sorry to hear about your dog. The husband & I were having a BIG fight (years ago, non-CD) and during that time the cat had kittens that didn't survive. The whole litter died one by one and I was left to deal with that and weeping children all on my own 'cause he was too wrapped up in his own anger to help. I guess I harbor a bit of resentment still, huh? My sincerest sympathies on the loss of your pet, and I for one, admire your courage to do what had to be done.
#2 I know when my girls cry - especially over something I can't fix - I can sometimes get angry & frustrated with them. I think it's because I can't fix it for them and I internalize their pain and want it to stop. Plus, he can't help because of his job so he's angry but can't get angry at his employer, so you get to be the recipient. I'm not saying it's right or emotionally healthy, just maybe a possibility why he would express anger toward you when you were looking for support and compassion. I've seen that occur in both sides of our relationship.
#3 I rarely cry, too. When I do, I try to run & hide so no one can see. I've amended that the last couple of years and if I feel like crying, and have what I believe is a good reason, I'll let 'er rip. He's gotten more used to seeing it so he don't freak out and now knows to just offer a shoulder, and I can get it over with. :happy: Just remember that they may be transgendered, but they're still guys. :devil:
I'm really sorry you're having a bad day. :hugs::hugs:
I had a big yellow tiger striped tom cat called "ChatterBox". He talked a lot. LOL. Anyway one evening wife and I were reading in bed, Chatter was at the foot of the bed. He got up, streched and fell off the bed. Wife and I giggled at first thinking he had slipped and fell off the bed. When he did not get back on the bed, I got up to see about him. He was laying on the floor gasping for breath. I picked him up and layed him on the bed and wife and I watched him slide over to the other side. Afterwards, I picked him up, placed him in a box in the guarge. We buryed him the next day. I wept for a long time that evening he passed away. My wife did not say a word, just held me in her arms. Pets are like members of the family and when you lose one, it's like losing a member of the family and I for one react the same way if it was a relative that passed away.
i am so sorry for your loss( ive lost 3 pets in the last year PLUS my mom and 25 close freinds in afgan) sometimes us males cant let our feelings out cause we would not ever be able to get out of the little ball that we would curl up into. just hearing about your loss has me on the verge of tears. i'll take a drink and try to come back stronger latter.:sad::hugs:
Im so so sorry about your dog, you showed great strength in doing what you did. Its very hard when we lose a pet, a family member, im so sorry <hugs>
He sounds like is is a typical "normal" male, where we are suppose to not be weak, show feelings, cry, and share. is being stubborn holding on to these feelings as a way to push back his desires to dress up. i wonder if giving him this site, or one like it because of your posts here, is not such a bad idea, may show him that there a lot of us out there, that he is not alone, and that there is nothing to be ashamed of, just a thought.Quote:
He gets mad when I cry. He talks about it being a weakness of women...to cry about things. How can he want to dress up like a woman but not appreciate what MAKES us women?
Corrinne, I am going to get you my wifes cell # so you can counsel her, she is fairly accepting but you have gone way beyond most of our dreams.
I am sorry about your dog, that can be as hard as losing a child. I am also sorry the talk didn't go well. I don't know what to say about an angry man in denial. I spent years with a man who denied his homosexuality, he became angrier every year and very abusive. We never got any counseling and he never came to terms with his issue, he even had a homosexual encounter.
When I left him last fall he was violent and unstable.
I just want to tell him to F**K off and go find someone more accepting and compassionate than me. Go for it. Maybe it's all just wasted on him.
Corrine
i understand your upset right now.. i am sorry about your dog. but try to understand he is a man stubborn and sometimes heartless .. he as no idea how to react .. take a deep breath.. and Wait until you are calm i know this is stressful it takes time .. go and treat yourself to something ... your feeling are raw right now .. maybe a bottle of wine .. Cher up hon :love::hugs:
Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, I would not tell him NOW. Your emotions are raw from the death of your dog, and you're as likely to regret saying something right now as you are being happy about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Corrine GG
You're a kind, caring person. Play to your strengths.
Hi Corrine, firstly I’m so sorry to hear about you loss: we’ve always had dogs, each time one of them has departed I’ve cried, I feel sad now!
I hope that your man realises the opportunity you are offering him, that he can come to terms with himself and the way in which you are prepared to develop the relationship with and for him. Remember though he’s just a bloke and sometimes they will cut off their noses to spite their face! Try to persevere, keep the faith and hopefully one day he will appreciate what you are going through and the tremendous efforts you have made to accommodate his needs.
I really hope you can find a way to breach his tried and tested defences.
All the very best,
Luv Amanda
Corrine, I am so very sorry for your loss. I've been there and it is something I still think about when people talk about their pets. My retriever gave me unconditional love, and you have respect that. As for your man, I will not offer excuses for him, but you must know that many of us are guilty of over-compensating, that is, we trry very very hard to dismiss our real feelings in order to appear to be macho. We spend years learning to be what we think we are expected to be, and we handle it very badly. In my own case, I still struggle with all the years of "living up" to others expectations, but the more I allow myself to be the real me, the easier it is for others to deal with me. If there is enough time, I might even become the kind of person I want to be. Again, I am so sorry, for all that you are having to deal with right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Corrine, I'm so sorry to hear about your pug... this on top of everything else you are dealing with is just so unfair. But then, no one ever promised that life would be fair, did they? To say that your husband has a lot to learn about femininity would be a gross understatement (like I needed to tell you that). But did you stop to think that this could be a good "teaching moment?" A time to share with him how you feel and why you feel as you do? Think of it as an opportunity educate him and improve both your lives.
Hello Corrine,
I have followed this post from the beginning and clearly recognize that I am hearing only one side of an apparent long term relationship with issues. I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. I commend your willingness and professed love for your man in transition, which is not an easy situation no matter how anyone looks at it. I am also very sorry that your husband is not stepping up to the plate to be the person (man, woman, or whatever) that he should be. Gender has nothing to do with his being able to recognized what you have offered him by your words and actions.
From your postings, I find that you have been more than flexible, loving, adapting and understanding with his desires to dress and maybe go further down that road. I also disagree with most of the postings here that state that you should be more patient, understanding, etc.. I am not too clear on all the timing of your conversations with him and maybe more time is needed to see how things develop, how he opens up, how you adapt, etc. However, please remember that everyone has their own limits as to how many times you can try and still bang your head against an unmoveable concrete wall.
At some point only you can decide when that is enough. Your husband has some serious issues to deal with and in my opinion if all that you have posted is true, he needs some professional help with his issues and those that he is causing with you.
I would love to know someone like yourself as friend and can only dream of having someone like you as a wife. He needs to understand your limits, not necesarily regarding his CD activities, but how he treats you. I.e. maybe you need to think about less adapting and more managing your own life and sanity. You deserve to be treated as the loving and caring woman that you are and not as the target of his own reactions to his own feelings, frustrations and whatever else is driving him.
If you continue to give all to him with nothing in return, you may be only fooling yourself and setting yourself up for future more serious problems. If it is only one sided then giver normally is the one who suffers the most. Open conversations need to be safe and honest with both expressing their true feelings, frustrations and limits as best they can define them. I believe in a strong love similar to that given to our children. It has been said many times that most kids want the parents restrictions deep inside.
All this is my opinion and I hope it helps you move forward. PM me if you would like.
Corrine, I would like to echo the sentiments of sorrow. It is difficult to lose a pet. No question about that. :(
And that he was apparently insensitive to that compounds my believe that he does not show enough respect for you. Not good.
All I know is what I read in this thread, so I can not suggest action, but would like to say that I understand and that I think you are a strong person and the "better half" of the relationship.
Keep your chin up and eyes open and look for opportunities to help him understand the err of his ways. (That is, if you still want to keep him.)
Life is short. You should do what it takes to be happy.
:)
My 0.02
p.s. ... and if you don't want him anymore, I saw a few proposals for you right here in this thread! :heehee:
I think you nailed it. I would not change a word and would deliver with the same conviction that you wrote it. He will feel very ecstatic and will do whatever you want in or not in panties...I think you really have captured the right tone and tenure to make your cd husband happy. I hope it makes you happy too. I wish someone would deliver that speech to me.