Banned from Fashion Bug

wow banned from the bug cops called ..... what to do??? for me shake my head ...been through the can't shop .....looking and leveeing stage (ages ago) and trust me sister that was long before your run in ....only thing i could say is you must have given some one a comfy feeling for the store to call the police .....

i have shopped just about every were along side other persons and store staff and never had the police called ...this could be true and i am not saying it's not .... just UN believable that it could happen without something being done to weird out the store staff.......

what your going to do is easy to say .... your never going to do a thing about this why???? easy if you could not buy the dress your not going to stand up to the store or the police.... shop on line .....

Hon'
Your biggest mistake was lack of planning on your part. An acceptable method prior to going into the store is to first call, and ask to speak to the manager. Tell the manager that you are a CD, that you would like to shop there, and do they have any problem with that? You will likely find out that they are very willing to work with you, and may even suggest the best time when you can come in where it is not so busy.
Laura

I suspect that the "ban" was the cop's idea, probably didn't want to have to deal with you again at a later date.

This is a sticky situation. I agree with whoever said to contact the corporate HQ. Contacting the manager of the store might result in more trouble, especially if s/he doesn't like CD's. It probably wouldn't hurt to contact a lawyer too.

Sorry to hear of your experience, that had to be very scary. Try to not let it get to you, dear. Get back on the horse, find a different store to shop at, and this time, do it right, don't hesitate. Just march in and buy something! Relax, and have fun.

Carol:hugs:

I would write a letter to the HQ and tell them you were there to spend money and now you plan on never going there again. But one thing you might haved learn now is to relax when you shop plus no one around you cares.
Shop at kolhs or spend a little more and shop at Nordstrom, I shop at both places all the time and never have any problems. Nordstroms treats me very good and they always go the extra mile to make you feel good. The fashion Bug is low Quality clothing anyway....

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Originally Posted by goofus

I am typing an email to them right now. But, you're probably correct, they won't do anything, no one will be reprimanded, etc. After all, what do they care if they lose a few crossdressing customers? Women must vastly outnumber crossdressers as far as their customer base goes...

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I wouldn't ask to have anyone reprimanded, but rather simply request an arrangement with the local manager that allows you to shop at the store. If it goes without a response from Fashion Bug, then take it higher. Start locally at first.

My thoughts anyway....no reason that you should be banned for not doing anything, but neither should the employees be reprimanded for being diligent with regards to safety.

Hopefully the situation will work out for you hon!

Krissy

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Originally Posted by KimberlyS

Goofus, Stephenie and others have already let you have it so I will take it easy on you. If I was one of the SA's I would have called the cops on you also. Especially knowing after the fact there had been robberies recently in the area. You already know what you did wrong so do not do it again. So grow up and act your age. .

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Glad ya took it easy on her! Hate to see you really let her have it! LOL

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

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Originally Posted by goofus

Oh god, forget that. I was told to never set foot in there again, that I'd be considered a trespasser & subject to arrest, etc...Imagine if I came in crossdressed...they'd really flip their wigs!! (pardon the expression :) )

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Hon I really doubt they would have a problem with a crossdresser---the problem they had with you is that you stalked the store like you were going to attack one of the patrons(we know you weren't but that's what it would look like to someone who didn't know your background) Next time just go in, find what you like and buy it---I've bought lots of things at fashion bug and have never had a problem. I think you might call the manger there and explain to her what the problem was---they may well let you back in if they think you are going to spend money.

ps--I had a local convenience store call the cops on me and a friend years ago---we were sitting outside the store in a car talking---I was in drab and had shopped at the store lots of times before---the clerk couldn't see who was in the car and after we were there about 10 minutes she called the cops who came and checked us out---I went in later to get my stuff--the clerk recognized me, was embarassed and apologized but said she thought we were crooks planning a stickup---guess I could see why

U can do what my parents, and everyone else from the Midwest that I've ever met do/did; move to SoCal. Nobody cares how u dress in stores out here. Or if u buy or don't buy, or pretty much about anything else either. And----, never mind. U proabably wouldn't like it here. It rained yesterday and looks like it may today also. It used to be nice here, before our weather turned terrible!
RS

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Originally Posted by Melissa A.

Glad ya took it easy on her! Hate to see you really let her have it! LOL

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Melissa, well I planned on being easier. I have been there and done that also and surprised I have never been approached by security or the police. And I think many of us are or have been in the same boat. Often I think we are treating other CDers as babies and young kids. Yes they may be young or a baby to their CDing, but they are older usually in many other ways.

It is crazy some of the things we do to "hide" from others. I remembering the SA's glaring at me not taking their eyes off of me for very long. One thing I learned luckily fairly quickly was the best way to hide behind a rack of clothes was to stand in front of it shopping and not avoid the SA's. And the second was to shop for femme clothes like I was shopping for tools or other male items. Think of the bra as a hand tool and the formal as the power tool. And a better thing that clothes have over tools is they have a try out area, the fitting room.

Maybe we need to start a world wide CDers day out shopping.

KimberlyS-CD

Wow, that's a crazy story but I think it is one that we can all relate to. I remember when I was younger I would be really scared to go into a womans store and buy things for myself.

I doubt that you will have anything on your police record over this, but it is a total bummer that you can't go back into the store again. If I were you, I would probably call the manager and explain the whole thing and be totally honest with him or her. Who knows, they might even let you back in again and since they would know who you are, you might be a little more comfortable buying things there.

The only other alternative would be to find a new store to go shopping at. Just don't make the same mistake again.

Good luck Sis.

kisses
sissy dana

Kimberly,

You described the shopping life and times of a cd perfectly. It's too bad we can't find the courage earlier while the miniskirt is still appropriate!

Hugs,

Melissa:happy:

Why don't we all write or E-mail their corporate office! We could use our combined efforts to remedy this situation! I really don't think that they want to see just how many of us would stop shopping at any of their stores.
I just got PISSED when I read this! Let me know and I will send one!
Somebody owes you an apology!

Not trying to take sides here, but a man wandering around nervously in a womens clothing store for 20 minutes and leaving without buying anything, could be perceived as "casing the joint". I would just chalk it up to experience, and find somewhere else to shop, and not take it as some kind of challenge to be allowed to go back there.

I frequent ladies clothing stores in my area alot and never had a problem just walking in to brouze. If you really want to buy something from Fashion Bug you can always use the website www.fashionbug.com and there they don't care what your wearing. THey will never see you and will faithfully process your credit card and will ship anything you puchase to you.

AS you may or may not know Fashion Bug, Catherines, Catherines Outlets, Lane Bryant Stores, Lane Bryant Outlets, Lane Bryant Catalog, Figis and Figure Magazine are all part of Charming Shoppes Inc. based in Ohio.

I shop for womens clothing both dressed and in drab and I actually like brouzing in womens clothing stores. Just don't be afraid to be in there, they will make a fitting room available if you want to try somthing on even in drab. I've seen responces in this forum from posters who seem to be afraid to be in ladies clothing stores. If your going to crossdress you cannot be afraid to be in these stores. I am absoultely thrilled to stand there a look over a rack of clothes with a woman or women. They might look at me and think i'm buying for my wife, I will look at some thing and think will I look good in that? Well ask for a fitting room and find out.

Sorry but id tell the store and that stupid cop NO ONE TELLS ME WHERE I CAN OR CANT GO TRY AND STOP ME!!!!

Iwas in Walmart the other day and the wife asked if I would be ok picking out my tights by myself. I was just fine as I always am and after I picked up my tights, I went to look at the bras. Got a funny look from one woman when I walked out of the aisle by myself, but I use the same money that everyone else does whether I'm shopping for dog food or panties so I dont care what anyone thinks. You should not be nervous buying for yourself. If buying in your own town is a problem then relax and just go to another one. When a sales assistant wont take their eyes of the guy shopping in the womens aisle, then give them something to look at, hold a bra and panties up to yourself ! They tend to look away after that!

Sorry to hear of your experience. Look on the bright side - now your CD will go tripple platinum! :p

Gen

Wow what a story!

My comiserations Goofus! I hope you get it sorted .... Just be yourself and have the confidence that you look like the mirror tells you. If you are confident in yourself you will be OK and others will treat you as you wish to be. If you get to talk to the manager make it fun, and be happy. You catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar!

The interesting thing about the posts on this thread for me is noticing how different life is in other places. we are very fortunate in Australia, and specificaly in Canberra that life is a lot more laid back here .... Wish you were here and we could go shopping together and have a lovely coffee on the way!

You know Is that store in your neighborhood or is it out of were you live, know if it is in your neighborhood I can see why you would get nervous but if it is out of your neighborhood then why in h**L would you get nervous.

I shop in drab all the time and most of the time when I go into a store I do not know what I want I have never spend Min browsing in any store and if I know want I want it is in and out, if it takes you Min in a store then they do not have anything good to wear.

You said you been in that store before and got nothing then you come back brows for Min and get nothing but you said you know exactly what you want but got nervous and that Dew the SA to you.

The police said it is a high crime area and here you are acting suspiciously in a woman store, you brought this all on you next time you go into a store to buy woman cloths and you are nervous as a SA for help say it is a gift for your GF or wife but do not brows a STORE FOR 20MIN.


LA CINDY LOVE

I suggest you write a letter to the Store Manager along the lines of your initial post.

Explain the Human Dimensions from your side.

Explain that you remain interested in their products, and cite any prior purchases there (got any receipts?).

Explain how humiliating it was to be accosted and searched by the police, and to have a BAN communicated from them in this way.

Ask for their understanding, and to have a meeting with a store manager to clear the air and restore the Merchant/Customer relationship. Communicating that you are a Crossdresser is optional.

If they don't respond positively, you may have to accept that.
Stores often post that they "Reserve the right to refuse service to anyone." I don't know the legalities, but usually folks require a restraining order to keep you away from them. I think they can refuse service, but not access to their store, unless they actually get a Restraining Order.

Informal agreements between the police and the store personnel constitute extrajudicial restraint, and is prejudice.


I don't mean you should stalk them, but you could let them know you would like to shop there, and it would be so much better if you could take your selections to the cashier and pay for them.


Avoid, at all costs, any appearance of being disgruntled, or a stalker.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

I will chime in here. I am speaking as one who has experience working the floor as an SA in both the Limited and New York & Co.

There is a certain profile of mannerisms and body language that is given off by possible shop lifters and general trouble makers. These people come into stores frequently. Staff are trained and retrained to spot this profile. All one has to do is work the floor of any store for a short period of time and be observant and you will know what I mean.

None of us know the background on this scenerio. Noone knows what might have happened in this particular store in the preceeding week. They might have been hit by a team of professional shoplifters the day before. None of us know exactly what kind of vibes and body language you were giving off. When the SA asked to help you, you might have thought you responded nicely, but your tone of voice might have given off another message. Extreme nervousness will do this. Also, the eyes never lie. If this SA was observant and looked into your eyes, your message might not have matched your eyes. Also, I'll bet you didn't smile.

From your extreme nervousness and overall demeanor, the SA's probably read you as possible trouble. They might have had orders from the store manager to report any suspicious behavior to the police immediately.

Your problem was your nervousness and overall bodylanguage. You are obviously giving off some very negative vibes when nervous. This is a behavior that you can and must change if you wish to shop openly and freely.

I have shopped openly for many years, and have never had a problem. When in any store, I smile warmly, greeting the SA with a friendly, courteous manner. I tell them if I am only brousing or exactly what I am looking for.

Jodi

I'd see what corperate says. I have been up front with the people or store help in saying Proudly of course that I'm a crossdresser. But thats at the stores here in Ohio. I have to go to Lane Bryant or Debs. I have found out that if you are honest with them there either going to except the fact or there going to call you freak or worse. ONe store even said yes you can try on the dresses you like. But looking at you I'm glad you can shop at the bug. As Jodi says change the behavior .

I was a police officer for 20yrs. We would get calls such as the one you talk about. The call would say there was a suspicious male in the store. What the police did in this case was exactly what i would have done, except up to the point of banning you from the store, unless he was asked to do that by the manager. As far as a cop being surprised that you were a CD, is not true. Most cops today have seen it all. Often sales people , especially young sales girls working alone or at night are nervous.
My advice is rack this up to experience. I have been shopping in ladies stores both in drab and enfemme for a long time. I am still sometimes a little nervous, but get over it very fast, especially when there is a good sale.

Yours Terri

As a long time shopper at FB and a person who has used their changing rooms dressed and in drab at several differnt store I can say FB is CD friendly. My advive to you is skip the hassel go to anothe FB tell them what you want or where you saw it and ask if they could get you one in your size to try. Or just order it on line and have it shiped. But for your growth I recommend you ask the store to get it for you and then try it on in the store to see if it is what you want. It will do you a world of good and will avoid this from happening again.

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Sorry but id tell the store and that stupid cop NO ONE TELLS ME WHERE I CAN OR CANT GO TRY AND STOP ME!!!!

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Be sure and carry plenty of bail money, and the phone number of a good lawyer. :D