Ask-a-gg

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

I don't think I "pass", but I do a reasonably good job of blending in and I have really never had a problem in almost a year of being very much out in public en femme.

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Years ago when we still had polls, we conducted a survey among the GGs to ask what bothered them most about the CDing. Was it general turn-off over the idea of their husbands expressing femininity? Fear of transition? Fear of ridicule from strangers or of being ostracized by family and friends?

Fear of ridicule and ostracism won out and this is not inconsistent with the reasons it takes CDs/TGs/MPs (new acronym ... "middlepathers" :p) so long to go out in the mainstream as well. The difference though, is that TGs receive the personal benefit of experiencing the freedom of self-expression, which overrides any negative outcomes such as stares or smirks. The wives don't have this particular benefit, even when they know that going out makes their husbands happy.

So basically, until a wife develops a thicker skin, she feels embarrassed if her husband doesn't pass. She's afraid of being judged, of having people say things behind their backs. If we lived in a world that accepted gender non-conformity this would not be an issue.

My own SO passes/blends well to most people, unless of course we're interacting with someone at length and then they do know that she's not a GG. But I've gotten around the fear that she will be read & judged by telling myself (whether it is true or not) that if anything, people just are expressing a mild curiosity if and when they stare at us and read her. Still, neither of us is ready to be out to the people in our own backyard (who know or chance to know my SO in guy mode) other than our friends who are open to the LGBT community. We live in a small town.

There's a question here...please bear with me.

First, thanks for those who've responded to my previous question. Over time, my wife has gotten more comfortable with my dressing, and even introduced me to one of our neighbors, which I thought was a huge step. Maybe my increasing confidence rubbed off on her to some extent...or maybe I just was getting better at presenting, I don't know.

I think one of the ongoing challenges for me, as a TG person, is to remain mindful that the positives I gain from being out are not directly benefitting my SO. I do think that her primary concern remains a fear of ridicule. Of course, she hasn't been out with me, so she only has her apprehensions to go by. Also, a few times when we've gone out, she's asked me to wear more masculine attire, because "be the girl sometimes", when we go out. I fully understand - cause I want to be the girl too! ;)

I really won't complain. We have a good marriage, a great home and I am able to be myself to a much greater extent than I ever imagined.

OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?

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It took somewhere between 6 - 12 months before I stopped caring about, or even projecting about what strangers might think. And then eventually when I encountereded a snicker or a smile that I judged to not be friendly, my return gaze with these people was downright confrontational as if to say, "What the f*ck are YOU staring at". lol. And the rest of the time as I said earlier, I choose to assume they just have a mild curiosity, if I notice their gaze upon us for any length of time. (I also want to add that some people are friendly towards us).

But, these are strangers in the next towns over. We don't hang out in places where there are people who might know someone who knows either my sons, or someone who is closely connected to my or my SO's circle of acquaintances. There are people whom I just don't want to divulge this to, and my SO feels the same way.

If my SO were to be preparing to live full time, then I imagine that she'd be ready to come out to everyone and slowly abandon any vestige of her male presence. She would then be known as the transwoman who used to be a guy. We'd need to reexamine where our relationship is going if this were the case since at this point in my life I am not prepared to deal with the stigma attached not to two women who are together (I think lesbian or gay relationships are fairly well tolerated), but to couples one of whom has transitioned. Also, I don't define myself as a lesbian. It's complicated and I haven't spent a lot of time going there in my head, since my SO at this point is happy with the way that things are.

I am a GG and my So is a CD....One of the things I do is I buy Lovely things for my SO to wear ....Pretty COrsets and lovely Hose all the Pretty things "she" likes.... Another thing I do for "Her" is when we are intimate I refer and touch "her" as I woman would be touched and use the terminology that would be used for a Woman. i accept My So for who He is. I guess I played a part in My So finally releasing Himself from the pain of denying Himself of his Duality. I am totally comfortable with who He is. Both the Femme and the Man.....

I think as a GG that you should pick what you would like....having you send out for random Breast size is kinda like having someone pick out a Great pair of shoes .....they might think they are wonderful sexy shoes and you would look at those "beautiful " shoes and say they are neither beautiful nor suited for you. I suggest that you go Bra shopping in padded bra section and give them a test run to get a ball park idea of what you like and what looks "beautiful" on you. According to YOUR opinion. Good Luck in your decision.

I do not dress to blend ...I dress according to how I feel that day... If I want to wear a SEXY low cut blouse to just be a sexy Vixen I do It. I don't dress for other women. I guess I have always marched to beat of my own drum tho. I always told my Daughter don't be like the HEARD....be the leader of the heard! I like to express my individuality!

This coming from an Red Headed, Green Eyed, artistically Tattooed Hairdresser!

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

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Originally Posted by Katiegal

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

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To your first question: Some women leave because they didn't marry for total acceptance of the person. My understanding is that marriage is for keeps, no matter what, warts and all. Some people don't feel that way.

Also, some leave because of their religious or societal upbringing prevents them from accepting their spouse.

Then there are the women that leave because they don't take the time to find out what crossdressing is all about. They look upon it as "perverted" and that somehow the man is betraying their trust, etc.

Personally, the only obstacle I have had to overcome with his crossdressing is that one of my grown sons is not accepting of it. We really haven't "overcome" that one because he refuses to budge. We haven't seen him in eight months.

For some women though they have many obstacles; telling their religious or non-accepting family members, their small children together, the workplace, friends, etc. There can be all kinds of serious obstacles.

To your second question: Some women prefer the DADT method in order to put it out of their minds. They don't want to "deal" with it. Some think that maybe if they don't see it then it will "go away", even though it won't.

No, it is not odd at all for me to see him dressed. Sometimes (it comes in spurts) he will dress every day and every night so I'm used to it. We've been together for six years now so it is "old hat" by now.

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Originally Posted by Katiegal

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

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I think its possible some women just cannot accept that the 'man' in their life has this whole other side of him that they never knew about. It could also be that the CD'er husband has a severe attack of pink fog and the wife just cant cope with it and some women it could well be a religious belief - the marriage vows do say "do you take this man...." not "do you take this man who is occasionally a woman....." . I also think that it could be to do with the degree to which the husband expects or needs to dress - for some it is an occasional thing, for others they want, expect,need to dress 24/7. I have to say that if my husband felt he needed to dress 24/7 I dont know if I would be able to stay in the marriage.

As to you second question - yes, its weird as hell - well at least it was to start with but its really not a big deal now.

As for the "its ok but not in front of me" thing - I wonder if this is partly because the wife feels that if they dont see it they dont have a picture in their head. Maybe they worry that if they actually see their husband dressed as a woman they will lose respect for him as a man. Some woman really need a full on macho image man and to see that man in women's clothes could just destroy that image for her.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

There's a question here...please bear with me.

First, thanks for those who've responded to my previous question. Over time, my wife has gotten more comfortable with my dressing, and even introduced me to one of our neighbors, which I thought was a huge step. Maybe my increasing confidence rubbed off on her to some extent...or maybe I just was getting better at presenting, I don't know.

I think one of the ongoing challenges for me, as a TG person, is to remain mindful that the positives I gain from being out are not directly benefitting my SO. I do think that her primary concern remains a fear of ridicule. Of course, she hasn't been out with me, so she only has her apprehensions to go by. Also, a few times when we've gone out, she's asked me to wear more masculine attire, because "be the girl sometimes", when we go out. I fully understand - cause I want to be the girl too! ;)

I really won't complain. We have a good marriage, a great home and I am able to be myself to a much greater extent than I ever imagined.

OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?

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I was comfortable right away. My SO doesn't go out much, but when she does I am comfortable with it. If anyone has anything negative to say I am VERY protective though and the mama bear comes out in me. :)

Hope the title is clear enough.

You are a GG who's husband or SO dresses, and he's "out" to some degree.

Do you have conversations with other GGs about your SO and his dressing? What's their attitude?

How many of them say, "couldn't handle that" or the flip side, "I like your guy, he's much easier to get on with than my BF"

You get the drift here?

I havent told any of my friends about my husband's CD'ing.

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The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

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I knew from the get go.....so thisa is from from GG's I know personally.....some cannot get over the feeling of being lied to....that a big part of a partners life was kept from them....they just do not get the trust back or some have said they cannot believe anything the partner says ever again ( meaning that some cders keep hiding things because they see how upset the dressing makes the S O ...and it is an enldess circle of lies to them

another reason just some...
only want a MAN...do not understand it...will not try to understand it
My hope with forums like this and the internet that cders will see...there is nothing WRONG with you....and see it will take years of heartache away on both parts to be up front from the beginning...if it turns out they will not open theirself to understand why get married and be with someone that will not love all of a person. and that s o will not go through the heartache as well.

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You are a GG who's husband or SO dresses, and he's "out" to some degree.

Do you have conversations with other GGs about your SO and his dressing? What's their attitude?

How many of them say, "couldn't handle that" or the flip side, "I like your guy, he's much easier to get on with than my BF"

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I only talk to like -wise wives of tg or cders or our Sher and Di friends
We as Di and Sher have Di and Sher friends...and seperate friends for guy side and Di....mostly because Sher wants it seperate from work mates and family WE DO HAVE AN OPEN Di and Sher life but with seperate friends AND WE AGREED each has to agree on who knows...so since Sher wants it seperate...thats what we do.

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Originally Posted by Katiegal

Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

Thank you

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Well here it goes ...from a GG point of view..
I think that a GG leaves because she can't handle the situation ...it brings up her insecurities ....she forgets that its not about her and her feelings but about how he feels inside. She doubts herself ..she thinks what did I do to make him that way ...am I not woman enough to make him want to be a woman or what did I do to make him gay/Bi. A woman can put all the responsibility upon herself for everything that happens... It is the nature of a GG to be that way ..It is how we GG's are RAISED.

As for me I know i was afraid after,when my SO dressed the first time and we were intimate, of what was to come. i was afraid is he could still function as a man and still want to be with me or would he want to be with another man. I thought long and hard about it , worried some tooo. I also did alot of research and Joined here. I felt the best way to understand my OWN feelings were to be totally informed and MOST important to talk to him. I totally support him .

My main concern is that he is not in pain of denial any more.

I guess I played a part in My So finally releasing Himself from the pain of denying Himself of his Duality. I am totally comfortable with who He is. Both the Femme and the Man.....

I totally support and encourage him to dress when he feel like being Femme. Its kinda a turn on. but some of that applies to my duality. One of the things I do is I buy Lovely things for my SO to wear ....Pretty COrsets and lovely Hose all the Pretty things "she" likes....

Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?

I am at a progressively growing stage with my wife. This stage has gone on for several years which I am absolutely ok with. My Wife is aware of my posting here and has recently expressed concern that I may find someone here that is perhaps more accepting than she is to my needs. I have tried to convince her that I love her completely and my conversations on here are largely for my mental health more than anything. She has expressed interest in visiting this forum and learning from the rest of the GGs about how they have learned to accept their SOs and how they handle it. My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.

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Originally Posted by Delila

My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation?

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She can read the following link. It's on the main forum Index page next to the FAB forum, under *announcements*. But first she needs to become a member, not share the password with you, and post 10 times in the general forums:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...f#faq_gg_forum

@Wildaboutheels, I do many things on my own with friends or family, and so does my SO. And we do lots of things together either alone or with friends or family. My SO knows everyone that I associate with, and I know all his friends/acquaintances too. If ever he wanted to join me in any of my activities he'd be welcomed, and vice-versa.

@UNDERDRESSER, two of my girlfriends know about my SO. One is married to a CDer and she's OK with it obviously, but she nearly divorced her husband when she found out about it 20 years ago. Their marriage survived though. My other girlfriend knows about my SO (they dated many years ago, in fact), and she's OK with the concept but I get the impression she would not enjoy it if her own SO was a CDer. I don't tell my other friends because I know they are biased.

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?

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Yep! We live in different towns and don't get to see each other all the time, but even once we are able to move in together we will still do our own things. One in particular: Crystal likes eating mammals, and I don't. I like eating sushi, and she doesn't. So, sometimes we will most likely end up doing our own thing for dinner, like I will go out with friends for sushi while she makes beef stew or something. It is healthy to have a few separate activities.

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Originally Posted by Delila

My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.

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Well, the section is difficult to get into to make sure it is as secure as possible. We have four moderators plus a very active administrator at any given time to keep an eye on a sub forum which has about fifty active members. Any funny business and it gets sorted, sooner than later. I found joining FAB to be helpful, and I have heard the same from others.

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Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?

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We pretty much do everything together....Sher and Di stuff and guy mode and Di stuff.
Not saying in the future...I might do some things BUT I am in a new country and really do not know many peeps yet.

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My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.

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Tell her the Fab section is safe and no one can see it but we Fab members
About the...her thinking you will find someone here more accepting.....we are for the most part all wives and girlfriends of our cd/tg partners.
Have her read the loved ones section...hope she decides to join us.

A ROLE FOR HER.

My wife has always been supportive of my dressing and for a time was positively encouraging and bought me various items of clothing and helped with my make-up. I have never been a masculine kind of man and, until I met her, there were always bedroom issues for me to cope with.
However, over the last couple of years, she has become upset when I dress and has asked me to only do it when she is not there. She does not wish to be intimate with me when I am en femme any more.
Her reason is this: when I am a woman (very convincing, she says), there is no role for her to play. She does not have lesbian or bi feelings and, when I am en femme, she can only think of me as a woman.
Is there a gg who can help me with this predicament?

Lucy, sadly I don't think there is much that you can do. Some CDers can dress and still be comfortable enough with their male sides to appear/act/be a male a significant amount of time with their wives, and this is not difficult for them. Other CDers increasingly feel more feminine and this is what can potentially turn a wife off (if in the beginning she sees the CDing as something that is engaged in off and on, like a light switch). Also, not all GGs are built of the same cloth; some of us are more flexible than others with the idea that our mates are feminine. I for one remove gender out of the equation when I think of my SO (I see him/her as being his/her own gender) since if I saw her strictly as a woman I would not be attracted ... while other GGs cannot do this. If your wife is turned off sexually by your feminine expression (I've no idea how feminine you are the rest of the time even when you are not dressed), it's just the way that she is wired. I would honor her request to keep her not involved. Just as she can't make you stop, you can't make her be into you as a woman.

You say that you have never been a masculine man, but there may be a difference between how you perceive yourself and how she perceived you, especially if you portrayed yourself as being more masculine than you felt, even if you did this subconsciously. If you and your wife are allowing time for you to express Lucy and you do not need to go behind her back, this might be as good as this will get between the two of you. If this is difficult for you and you want her to see you as Lucy all the time even if you are not dressed full-on as Lucy, she may not be able to do this, and the two of you may need to talk about the future of your relationship.

Also, the bedroom issues you mention ... it could be that your wife was hoping that by encouraging your feminine expression, this would help your male self be more, um frisky. But if she came to the conclusion that you feel most comfortable sexually as a female, and if your wife is not into other women, then this would explain why she no longer wishes to be involved and again, the two of you need to get to the bottom of all of this so that you can make decisions about your future together.

Hello all,
I wanted to ask a question concerning 'lacy' clothing. I am a life long CDr and as far back as I can remember Ive been VERY attracted to female clothing that had lace adornment, trim, etc. This would be both for under and outer wear although clearly most lacy items are for under. In trying to understand myself as a CDr I am trying to understang this attraction.

To help me I thought I would try to understand why lacy and/or lace trimmed clothes appeal (or dont) to women. Not all but a significant percentage of womens clothing have lace on them. So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you? What does wearing 'lacy' things mean to you. Do you wear or avoid lacy clothing? Any other thoughts/insights on this subject are appreciated.

Thank you so much in advance
Luv and hugs
Patti Remick

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Originally Posted by Patti Remick

In trying to understand myself as a CDr I am trying to understang this attraction.

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I don't have just one thing about an item that I find appealing or that influences my choice to buy. For any item of clothing (including panties), it is the overall fit, the quality of construction/fabric for the price, whether or not I think it will withstand multiple washings without losing shape, the overall design (shape, cut, and how it suits my body, colors, patterns, etc). If a pair of panties has lace (or not) and the overall look/fit/feel/design appeals to my sensibilities, I'll buy them.

If you are attracted to just the lace, I'm suggesting this is because boys in our culture don't wear lace and you've equated lace to femininity. If you lived in the 18th century where wealthy men wore lace at the cuffs, you likely wouldn't make the same association, but instead would be attracted to something that women wore then, but men didn't.

Or, it may be that the very first panties you put on had lace on them and the feeling of wearing panties had such a great impact on you that you're now associating a pleasurable feeling to the dressing with the presence of lace. Or, maybe the first pair of panties you saw even if in a catalog that stirred sexual feelings in you had lace.

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To help me I thought I would try to understand why lacy and/or lace trimmed clothes appeal (or dont) to women. Not all but a significant percentage of womens clothing have lace on them. So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you? What does wearing 'lacy' things mean to you. Do you wear or avoid lacy clothing? Any other thoughts/insights on this subject are appreciated.

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Quality,design,comfort are the most important things when it comes to buying lingerie to me. Have some lace but do not have feelings about lace either way.
Most likely the lace reminds you of your first time dressing or seeing someone with it on.Enjoy

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Originally Posted by Patti Remick

So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you?

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I like a small amount of lace. I find it aesthetically pleasing, although I don't think about it during the day. I also like a small amount of lace to dress up an otherwise plain t-shirt. For some reason, I find it pretty--especially a more vintage style of lace.

I actually find lace a bother, give me satin or silk any day, lace is itchy and grabs on to anything ...

I'm a lace fan! I like a little lace on camisoles, because it helps make them a little more modest and adds a good texture. I don't like garments which are totally nothing but lace, I find them impractical, but it's a nice trim in the right outfit.

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility? I know we've been told to use the one we present as and I do and understand that since walking into the mens room, dressed would be scary. I go in and straight to a stall, do my thing, and wash hands and maybe check makeup and leave. If I'm in a stall and happen to here young girls come in, I always wait until either they are in their stall and leave quickly or if I don't think I can make it out, I wait until they leave. I don't want to be made in the ladies room by a young girl. That's not a good thing to happen. Anyway, would you just leave or not really care as long as we are in there for the same thing you are? Just curious... Thanks for helping us on different issues.

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Originally Posted by darylinb

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility?

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I wouldn't bat an eye, but then I'm entrenched in this community. Also, my SO and I have used public ladies rooms on occasion.

I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if I didn't know or understand anything about this (if I'd never met my SO), and likely, seeing a man dressed as a woman in the ladies room would make me feel slightly uncomfortable, because I would think it was odd, even though I know there are men who do crossdress. I'd likely acknowledge his presence politely and then go on with my day without giving it a second thought.

If you were behavimg like any normal person does in a bathroom - closing the stall door and locking it, staying in there long enough to do your thing, and then washing your hands and leaving - I wouldn't bat an eye at you being there.

I do think that the idea a bathroom (as a secluded place) is a dangerous one for females is well entrenched in our collective psyche. It's pretty much the parent of a girl child's worst nightmare that someone who is a pedophile/sex obsessed so-and-so will get their jollies off by being in the washroom or the locker room with their daughters, or will escalate from 'being there' to 'doing something'. But, a crossdresser is NOT automatically a pedophile or a sex-obsessed so-and-so; most people get this and move on.

If you want an example of what bathroom/locker room behaviour makes people uncomfortable, there are some threads from the TS forum about a pre-op transwoman who spent some naked time hanging out in a women's locker room/sauna being used by minors, and how that situation was responded to by our members:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...colleen+brenna
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...es-locker-room
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ut-still-legal

The best group of GGs to finally ask - what can I do to convince my loving wife to be accepting? She is aware and had allowed me in small amounts to CD, but then gave an ultimatum to not dress at all without telling her and for 9 months so far I have been good. We have a great marriage, we are physically and mentally affectionate, I earn enough to be the target of Obama, I help around the house, I am handy, we don't argue over almost anything but this. I tried to get her to talk about it and to read about CDing online. I tried to suggest a therapist. She has read a bit, but still is not accepting. What made this group of GGs accept what is outside the norm? I know the subset of GGs here do not include those are completely against it, but may have some who came to tolerate it. And some that embrace it. I can certainly understand not wanting to have sex while dressed as that may confuse her sense of orientation. I don't want to go out and risk her public reputation. And I certainly don't want to transition or be involved with other men. What can I do?

Does this mean that you can dress, just as long as she knows about it? This seems reasonable to me. I would not like it if my SO preferred to keep this part of himself separate from our relationship. I would feel as if he was trying to hide something from me.

If, on the other hand, she does not want you to dress at all, you can reach down into yourself and tell her exactly why you need to do this, and what it does to you when you don't. You can also educate yourself about gender and gender non-conformity, so that you can answer her questions. You can ask her to tell you, specifically, what she doesn't like about the CDing. Has she seen a light in your eyes when you CD that she feels isn't there for her? Is she afraid that eventually the CDing will take over your life? Does she hold on to well-defined gender roles that she feels must not be crossed? Does she believe the CDing for you is a fetish? Is she afraid of the negative impact if others find out? Does she believe that it is morally wrong? Is she turned off with men who dress as women? Hopefully as you talk together, some of the misconceptions she may have will clear.

As to what made me, for one, accept what is outside the norm, there are several reasons: I've always thought outside the box and I do not believe in rigid gender and sexual roles. I came out of a traditional marriage with a man who did not respect basic boundaries and in contrast, my SO was a breath of fresh air. I do not believe that I have the power to mold others into someone they're not, in order to suit my agenda. I knew a couple whose husband is a CDer before I met my SO, and I knew their marriage worked. My SO told me at the very beginning so I didn't feel lied to.

No, I would be OK with dressing when she knows. She is trying to find alternatives to CDing and wants first dibs on any time I claim I can't do without it. I am nearing my limit. I also don't really like DADT (which she set up for 3 months if you ready my Intro). I would rather not feel like sneaking, but OK if she doesn't want to see it. Of course, part of acceptance is being seen by someone else and liked. She really has a hard time even talking about it. She knows my heart goes fast when she talks about me CDing and her being part of it. She knows it makes me the happiest I have ever been and that I am unhappy without it. She may be afraid of what may happen if freely allowed, but I seem to sense that forbidding it leads to worse explosions of actions. I do think she has very well defined gender roles, but has commented that sometimes we have gender reversal as I like to clean and shop and she would feel more comfortable with tools. I do think she feels it is morally wrong. She is turned off by men who dress and only allowed me to do it under duress. Now that last kid is a high school senior, her life role as a mother is ending as well as menopause and she no longer felt as strong an obligation to allow it. She admits that she could not live well without me. I did tell her a year ago that I couldn't live without CDing.
There are more details if you need them. I am secure in who I am and comfortable that I am a good person. Thank you for all you do for this group and your advice to so many seems right to me.

Then my best advice is to tell her that you would like to find a way to be on the same page with her about this, which for now might be somewhere in the middle between "being seen by someone else [her] and liked" as you suggest, and not wanting to see it at all which she indicates. Each one of you will need to retract a bit on your positions. You might explain to her that it is important for you that she genuinely understands why you need to do this and not judge you for it (allow you time to dress without trying to circumvent your plans each time) and in return you will not push past her comfort zone in terms of her participation. However the two of you decide to do this is up to you. This solution does not need to stand in stone, but it is certainly a good middle ground to reach, and then you can go from there.

You might also suggest that she join this forum to talk to other GGs. It might help. Do tell her that not every GG here is accepting, so it's not like they'll try to talk her into a way of thinking that she is not comfortable with. But, they may be able to answer some of her questions from a GG point of view.

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Originally Posted by darylinb

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility?

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As long as the person was in there simply doing his/her business it wouldn't bother me a bit. I've been out with other CDs and in the bathroom with them, and it's really no big deal to me. To be honest, I don't think the public is out there trying to identify CDs, and if you are clearly trying to blend in with the other women, they might not even notice (other than a passing thought that the woman washing her hands looked kind of like a man).

I think it would be extremely unfair to expect a fully presenting CDer to use the men's restroom, not to mention very dangerous for him.

A rather silly question, perhaps, but one that has been much on my mind. (and with winter coming on {Nov 29} possibly a question that is moot, for a season) I notice women don't seem to be wearing any type of hosiery any more. Peep toe heels with bare, brightly painted toenails sticking out, seem to be the norm. Is this a fashion trend I can ignore (because I love how my legs look in stockings) or is this something I will have to be mindful of to present as a woman these days? (as I said, with winter coming I plan to live in tights, but come spring - - - )

Thanks for your assistance, ladies!

I just recently began shaving my legs for the first time and have a strong yearning to feel them against my spouse's but she seems reluctant. She doesn't have a thing for a hairy men so know that's not it and wonder if she's reluctant for fear she may like it or may feel any positive response would on encourage me which I don't think she wants to do for fear of where I ultimately may wish to take my dressing. I'd welcome another gg perspective here and some direction on how the proceed

To Julie, I don't wear hose in the summer with casual skirts and sandals, nor do I wear them in the evening if the weather is warm and I am wearing a cooler, more casual summer dress in light colors. But, if it is a dressier evening and my dress is more elaborate I will wear sheer hose. Black is a favorite color for dressier evenings with strappy, black high heels, and I will sometimes wear the sheerest black hose to accessorize my outfit. And I always wear hose in the wintertime when I wear dresses. My legs would get too cold without them.

To CDtraveler, you should ask your SO how she feels. No one can say whether her reluctance is caused by an aversion to a SO with shaved legs, or if she is afraid that her acceptance would encourage you to go further. But, whatever she says, I hope you are prepared to respect her boundaries and that the two of you will be willing to find some sort of compromise. For example if she is adamant that you should never shave, and if you feel you need to shave in order to go out in public, then maybe you could shave for an outing but grow out your leg hair the rest of the time? If your reason for shaving has nothing to do with not being read in public, but has more to do with your own sense of what makes you feel good about yourself, I strongly recommend you discuss this with your SO in depth. There is not a "one solution fits all" about this. Each couple needs to find whatever works for them.

The body shaving can be a big issue with many GGs sexually, because it is tactile, for the same reason that many GGs are not OK with their husbands dressing fully as women in bed even if they are OK with the CDing outside the bedroom.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by darylinb

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility? I know we've been told to use the one we present as and I do and understand that since walking into the mens room, dressed would be scary. I go in and straight to a stall, do my thing, and wash hands and maybe check makeup and leave. If I'm in a stall and happen to here young girls come in, I always wait until either they are in their stall and leave quickly or if I don't think I can make it out, I wait until they leave. I don't want to be made in the ladies room by a young girl. That's not a good thing to happen. Anyway, would you just leave or not really care as long as we are in there for the same thing you are? Just curious... Thanks for helping us on different issues.

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Coming from a GG who isn't quite as comfortable with all this (and relatively knew to experiencing it) I'd probably feel a little awkward if you came in while I was in there. Especially if I were alone. And honestly, five years ago when I knew NOTHING about crossdressing, I'd probably have freaked completely out and yelled for the police!

Sorry to be honest, but I guess that is what this thread is for? I think also it would depend on how female you looked? An obvious man in a dress would be a huge scare factor as we are taught as little girls to be VERY scared of strange men, especially those who follow you into the ladies toilets! A TS would be different though, for me at least, as there is a lovely transexual lady at our post office and she is just one of 'the gals'. I wouldn't care if she were in the public toilets with me as she is every bit like a woman, including her voice and mannerisms. I wouldn't even have known she was TS if someone hadn't told me!

So maybe when everyone here keeps banging on about 'passing', this is why? So as not to scare us in public toilets??

Wow, I just had one of those "Aha" moments!

Hi,

Since this is for women ill ask a different ? that is inline with toilets, i know the ? was directed for dressers in womens toilets,

you all know i dont come under being a dresser or crossdresser, & im not a trans or transsexual. that leaves me in no mans or womans land, because im intersexed, plus a female brain, i can not use the mens toilets, so i use the womens. & have done where there have been children & many young women never had a problem & i do talk with other women as well in the toilets . or rest rooms ,

Now i know many hard line women ( lesbain ) wont accept intersexed women. though I do have some who are my friends & do accept me for who i am as a normal woman. as normal as i ever can be,

Now how would you feel about myself all you can base any thing on is my avitra, = pic, that is of cause of myself & how im seen day to day, I do have many women friends who will give me a hug when we met. & they have no issues at all fact is as far as they are concerned im another woman just a bit different thats all . if you read my other posts youll soon see what i say about myself as to looks, so nothing is hidden concerning my self,

All i ever asked for was that people accept my difference & accept who i am, & i cant ask more than that, in the main i am accepted, being intersexed does bring with it issues & other details that can be misconscrewed .

So as a woman would you accept i am & not have any issues with me in our own place ( toilets ) or rest rooms, i know trust is a part of my ? as it should be,.

Thanks.

...noeleena...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn

There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

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I see my SO as happier version of himself in a dress if that makes sense.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Moxie

Coming from a GG who isn't quite as comfortable with all this (and relatively knew to experiencing it) I'd probably feel a little awkward if you came in while I was in there. Especially if I were alone. And honestly, five years ago when I knew NOTHING about crossdressing, I'd probably have freaked completely out and yelled for the police!

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Hi Moxie, this is exactly what I would expect from a woman who is not "in the know." Thanks for the honesty. But let me ask you this: would the passability of the cross dresser make a difference? For example, person 1 is clearly a guy in a dress. 6 ft +, 250 lbs., beard shadow, wide shoulders, bad wig, etc. person 2 is 5'7", 150 pounds, mannish face but no beard shadow, clothing appropriate for the location, hair and accessories "normal." You suspect it's a man, but you are only 65% sure. Does this make a difference?

Is it common for a wife to shop with her cd husband? I guess I would have to come out to her first.

To Missygirl ..

That can vary from SO to SO . It depends on how comfortable she is going out and being seen with her CD Hubby .... hope this helps?? Xxx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Missygirl

Is it common for a wife to shop with her cd husband? I guess I would have to come out to her first.

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I guess so. LOL.

There are two hundred and fifty three thousand, eight hundred and sixty seven answers to your question, which are all the possible mathematical combinations of a CDer's needs on the CDing scale (anywhere from almost no need to dress to such a dire need to be out that he'll explode if he doesn't), and a wife's spectrum of acceptance of those needs (from non acceptance, to reluctant tolerance, to neutral tolerance, to acceptance with reservations, to neutral acceptance, to full acceptance ... plus a lot of states of acceptance in between these). :D

Seriously, you should figure out what this means to you, tell your wife, answer her questions, give her time to take it all in, and then ask her what her comfort levels are.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Hi Moxie, this is exactly what I would expect from a woman who is not "in the know." Thanks for the honesty. But let me ask you this: would the passability of the cross dresser make a difference? For example, person 1 is clearly a guy in a dress. 6 ft +, 250 lbs., beard shadow, wide shoulders, bad wig, etc. person 2 is 5'7", 150 pounds, mannish face but no beard shadow, clothing appropriate for the location, hair and accessories "normal." You suspect it's a man, but you are only 65% sure. Does this make a difference?

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It does!! The reality is, us girls can be a little preoccupied in the ladies, mostly grooming ourselves! I don't recall ever doing much more than glancing at another woman sharing the room with me. So an obvious 6 foot plus man in a dress would make me look twice for certain (and then yell for the police!) whereas the second version I honestly doubt I'd notice if they didn't do anything to attract attention to themselves.

So yes, it makes a difference and I've probably shared the ladies with the second guy and not noticed. The first guy, though equally within rights to be there would honestly scare me as this goes back to all the warnings little girls get from the moment they can walk - avoid men in the ladies room as they might want to rape and kill you!

That said, I have a GG friend who is amazonian in size, very beautiful, and she scares everyone in the ladies too. Mostly with jealousy as there is NO liking your own reflection after seeing hers. Seriously, she's the stuff of supermodels.

So the ladies room can be treacherous for many! lol

What finally made you ok or desire to see your loved one fully dressed
What was their reaction?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cdtraveler

What finally made you ok or desire to see your loved one fully dressed
What was their reaction?

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I fell in love with him and determined to accept all his/her facets. He was pleasantly surprised. :)

I have been patient. I am sure she feels threatened, but hasn't been able to say exactly what about. I would love for her to join here and ask questions. There are some who would scare her, so she needs to understand there are some who are strictly hetero and monogamous and some who are not. I think she is worried about how far i would go, despite my reassurances. I have always tried to stay within the limitations she gave, even if she was not fully understanding of what she allowed. For example, she told me 1 year ago, to do what I wanted but she didn't want to know about it. So I bought 3 pairs of inexpensive shoes, 2 inexpensive outfits, lots of hosiery, and a waist cincher. When they arrived at different times, they were left outside the house and I brought them in without showing her, so she did not realize what I had bought. I had little time to every try them. I only let her see one pair of hosiery before moving it to a locked cabinet. Months later, when it opened when still locked, she was upset and felt deceived. But to my mind, I did exactly what she asked.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ReineD

As to what made me, for one, accept what is outside the norm, there are several reasons: I've always thought outside the box and I do not believe in rigid gender and sexual roles. I came out of a traditional marriage with a man who did not respect basic boundaries and in contrast, my SO was a breath of fresh air. I do not believe that I have the power to mold others into someone they're not, in order to suit my agenda. I knew a couple whose husband is a CDer before I met my SO, and I knew their marriage worked. My SO told me at the very beginning so I didn't feel lied to.

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This is exactly why I feel I accept what is outside the norm; my man is open, honest, loving and supportive ... I am simply being the same towards him.

I can understand your wife being worried... I have anxieties too. But I am trying to learn as much about this as I can. I feel there are two people inside him .... hard to explain but he is both very masculine but incredibly feminine too .... that is why i think he is such a breath of fresh air ... he has empathy and understanding and a great deal of gentleness and tenderness as well.

Hello,
I was wondering how you feel about the tem 'GG' as you are referred to on this forum? Ive read various places that it is an acronym for:
Genetic Girl
Genuine Girl
Girly Girl
Gray hair and Glasses (just kidding)

Personally Ive always felt the 'girl' part is detrimental - and so typical of how WOMEN are referred to by males in general. On this forum Ive used the term as well, but as a kind of 'when in Rome...' thing, perhaps many others do as well. But Ive never been comfortable reading or using it. Im sorry, I guess Im too much of a feminist.

Luv and Hugs
Patti Remick