How often is SO participation required?

People in adult relationships should not "HAVE TO" do anything. It should always be mutual consent. The term in the fetish community (and we are talking fetish here, are we not?) is "Consenting Adults". To be placed into a "have to" position is not how adults are supposed to do relationships. Requirements are for college courses, not relationships.

And what do we mean by "participate" anyway? Are we talking about little things, like sharing lipstick, shopping, or picking out clothes, or - as I suspect - are we talking about very exact and specific sexual acts and psycho-sexual drama? Huge difference. To get the real answer you require, you must begin by asking the question you really want the answer to.

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Originally Posted by kittypw GG

Ok so here is the question. How often should a spouse or girlfriend have to participate to keep their CD happy? How often should our CD's be the man in our lives? The flip side of the coin is just as important don't you think?

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I'll keep this simple.

When she damn well feels like it. (part A)

Personally, I think the CD should always be the "man" in his SO's life as a provider of loving affirmation, support (emotional and/or financial), respect, encouragement and hope. Having become comfortable with himself as a PERSON, the CD'ing becomes less traumatic for BOTH partners and the SO will "damn well feel like it" far more often.

Dear Dannielle,

I am writing this to you and not answering Kitty's post directly because I think that you are the one I want to talk to.

In a previous relationship I behaved in a similar fashion with regard to my CDing. I was so proud of myself for being open at the beginning of our relationship and so pleased with the fact that my SO seemed to be so accepting that I lost sight of HER and HER needs. I told her everything and all my desires. "So what?", she said. I was blown away. I had her help me with my dressing, with my makeup, with my nails, etc. We went together to CD parties and events. We went shopping together. We entertained CD friends. It was great! Then one day my wife told me of one of HER fantasies. All I did was ridicule her!! Well, let me tell you, Dannielle, that was the beginning of the end for that relationship. It went on for many more years, but it was all down hill from that point.

You may be at that point in YOUR relationship. Kitty has stated point blank that she wants to be romanced. Taken out, wined and dined, and then when you get home, she wants you to "be all over her". Can you do that once a month? How about once a week? I'll bet you could even get away with skipping the wine and dine part if money is tight, but I don't really advise it. Even a Big Mac is fun with someone you love. This is a small price to pay for getting the acceptance you have gotten for your desires. Don't ignore your wife's needs and wants.

Women have needs different than men. This is something you should be open to, especially as you want to feel more feminine yourself. As a man, you can come home, grab some supper, head for the bedroom and have a satisfying sexual experience. A woman wants her sexual encounter to start much earlier in the day. Kiss her good morning with some gusto. Leave her a romantic note when you leave the house. Call her during the day and ask her what underwear she is wearing. Then when you get home get "all over her". The results will blow your mind and you will have one happy woman who will do ANYTHING you want in return.

Now on to my next point. You need to learn to take care of yourself. REALLY! Learn to do your own makeup. Learn to dress yourself. Learn to shop for flattering clothes. Learn to do your nails. This is all part of what a woman does. Do it. You will LOVE IT!! Honest to God. It's really fun. And this will help your relationship greatly. Don't make your wife responsible for your desires. This is YOUR thing. Just imagine, for a minute that you were into cars instead of CDing. Would it make sense for you to require Kitty to tune your engine or wax your car? Or to get mad if she didn't? Of course not. And you wouldn't get half the satisfaction out of it either. The same thing is true of CDing. Learn to do it yourself. It will be SOOO much more satisfying and rewarding to you. Kitty is already accepting. She will love the new you soo much more when she is not the only one responsible. Honest! This is a really important concept. As long as you are dependant on her for your CDing you are only partly rewarding yourself. And I am willing to bet she will be more than willing to participate more when it's not so much WORK for her. Yes WORK. How can you expect her to do all the work relating to your desires to CD? The way you have it set up now, she has to take care of herself plus take care of you! That's just like having her wax the car so YOU can enjoy it. Not fair, Dannielle.

Ok, I am going to go make some tea. I hope I have given you some things to think about, Dannielle.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Apologies if I've repeated anything, but I have to leave, so no time for searching.

How much is required? You might think of it this way:

Your husband could probably go out to movies by himself, but it's much more enjoyable when you're there because he'd rather be spending the time with you instead of spending it alone. This doesn't specify an amount of time to spend with him while he's en femme, because the idea is simply the more, the better. This is something that should be discussed of course.

There would be one difference between movie and crossdressing. If you can't make it out to a movie with him, that's scheduling or being sick (meaning flu or something) or needing space, all normal things. If you can't spend some time crossdressing with him, it feels like a rejection of an important part of him. He might also feel that, if it were ever to come down to choosing him or the rest of society (including your friends and family), you'd choose the rest of society. If he's feeling that, too, it would feel scary and painful, no matter how understanding he might be.

GGs with crossdressing SOs are in a very difficult position. Many times, they're not told until after they've entered into a romantic commitment and in some cases they're even lied to about it. On top of that, they probably must face a lot of societal disapproval for something they're not even doing, perhaps even from family and friends.

This is why he is so glad to have you in his life. I'm sure that he understands these things. I'm sure he'd be happy to do his best to give you the time you need to adjust, as long as you understand where he's coming from. Just keep up the communication and take it a step at a time.

Hugs,
Lisa