Caught dressed by my wife

Yup, most of us have experienced alot of the same things, at one time or another, in one way or another. And alot of the same feelings. Fear, heartbreak, self-hate, confusion, the relief and feelings of "control" when we have purged, the nagging unhapiness that eventually ensues, and the contradictions we feel when we come back to it. In my past, I more than once, while dressing and enjoying it, asked, "Why me?". What a way to live.

That is why I said to melissa in an earlier post here that it is surprisingly hard, even for a crossdresser who is starting to realise that this a part of who she is, to really, really believe that there is nothing wrong with it. We always defer.
Everytime my wife went nuts, after catching me yet again, I was always sorry. Never tried to defend myself, or explain why we need to discuss this, and come to some compromise. Even though I was screaming it inside.

Paula and melissa, the three of us are in many ways textbook, as far as what many married crossdressers experience. That doesn't mean we are not unique individuals, or that our spouses are not either. Just that we are human, and share alot of common experiences and associated feelings. If you graphed it, time wise, Paula and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum and melissa, you are somewhere in the middle. And there are differences in how we handled or are thinking about handling it. I made lots of mistakes, and wasn't nearly as articulate or in touch with my feelings as melissa is when I was where she is. That came a little later for me.

But I made it, girls. I made it to a place where I am finally tasting true happiness, for the first time in my life, I believe. I hope you don't think I am bragging. That's not my purpose here. Alot of pain was experienced, and I can't say did everything right. After all, my marriage did NOT survive. So my scenario was obviously not best-case.

melissa, my tears for you are real. Your description of where you are now in your relationship simply overwhelmed me. I felt every word, honey, almost physically. How sad is it that I, hundreds of miles away, feel so powerfully, and understand what you are experiencing so many more times than she does? How sad is not only her lack of understanding, and inability to have any concern for how this makes you feel, but the fact that she is so oblivious? I know she's not a bad person, melissa, and I don't mean to imply that. Like you said, she is a product of society and maybe not too unusual. But she seems to have no idea what this is doing to you and how precarious you two are right now. What it is doing to you is what makes me so sad. You are getting to that point where you are feeling something worse than anger or frustration, that is, nothing. And she doesn't even know, or realize how big a part she played in where you are. And when you eventually confront her with it, she probably still won't. Makes me sad.

Now that I have complely brought you down(I just re-read that paragraph, I'm sorry!), I hope I can be somewhat encouraging. Even though we have had similar experiences and feelings, the path we take will probably be different, in many ways. If it doesn't work for you two, I know you probably won't make the mistake of trying to supress by getting married again, and hoping the same mistakes work this time, like I did. That was a disaster for me, from start to finish. Like I said, you are much further along in your self-realization than I was, when I was where you are. So the way we get there is different for everyone, but I go back to what I said earlier. You have to really believe that who you are is ok, in every way. And whatever happens, never stray from that belief. If you do, I know you will find the peace and happiness you are seeking. Whether it is with her, by yourself, or with someone else. Though We have never met, I feel a kinship with you, and I know you won't ever give up being true to who you are. The sad things you are experiecing now won't kill you-but they will almost certainly make you stronger. And from strength comes courage. The things that used to worry me or bother me seem so unimportant now. It really is amazing when I look back.

Paula, your journey is just starting in many ways, and you may have someone with whom there is a chance to come to some agreements and a chance to be happy together. I would say you need to take care and be patient. As melissa said, the choices are never easy, and patience and understanding is one of the choices you may have to make right now. At the same time, now that the cat's out of the bag,(and the truly hard part is just beginning!), You also, should never stray from being true to who you are.

Sorry, I wasnt done. Dont know how that happened. Grrrr!

I don't want either of you to think I am presenting myself as a blueprint on how to be a happy cd. Like I said, the road we take is different for everyone. And I know that nothing I have said in this post is a new revelation to either of you. All I want is to offer my love, empathy, and words of encouragement. I am not a spectacular or special individual, and I found my way to happiness(a continuing process), peace and self acceptance. With thatr came positive changes in every area of my life. If I can do it, I know you both can. However you get there, I wish you every bit of strength and luck(sometimes necessary, I've had some!) you both can find.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

Thanks for the hug Melissa Eh! Enjoyed it - it was very nice! :D
I have been reading with interest this thread from the beginning, & I have to say that Melissa....I just want to give you a huge cuddle. Like others have said, you have a way of telling the story, that makes us all cry for you. I am so sorry...if there was something I could do, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Paula, thank you for starting this thread, although the circumstances weren't ideal. I really hope things work out for you both.

As a GG, whose partner loves to dress en femme, I am always struggling with it & have good days & bad days. Kylee told me before we were married (almost 12 years ago now) that she liked to wear silky nighties...but that was because she liked the feel of the material. I could never personally feel the difference between cotton & satin...but in my logical brain, that sounded feasible, so I accepted it. Fast forward a few years, & those satin nighties turned into wearing my panties most days (not every day). This still was ok...a little bit funny for me...but still ok. Fast forward another few years, & I began to realise that there was no more cotton mens underwear in the wash, or boxer shorts...hhhmmm....he's wearing womens panties 24/7. Mmmm...ok...starting to freak out a little now, but there was nothing else to suggest there was anything else going on. Then we have a discussion...all of a sudden there's breast forms, nails, dresses, high heels, wigs....Oh My God....there's MORE!? I really kinda freaked.....this is waaaaay more than the feel of satin on your skin. This is wanting to look like a woman. Now I'm scared.

But Kylee & I have good communication. We talked a lot, & she NEVER asked me to meet Kylee (that was another scare...this other 'woman' had a NAME!). She NEVER pushed me to do anything I didn't want to, although she let me know what her fantasies were, & she let me work at my pace. I did nothing for years. I didn't want to ever see her dressed fully...I can accept nighties, & that was fine. I don't want to see my husband with breasts & heels....they're mine! :p

Anyway...Kylee bought "My Husband Betty", & we kinda looked/browsed through it....we're good ideas people, just not good at following through on things! So I think I might have read one chapter.... :o But, after a few discussions, I agreed to meet Kylee. It wasn't as scary as I thought....a bit odd maybe...but not scary.

Well...to cut this short....since finding this forum, I have found that I am so much more open to Kylee. This thread has been wonderful for me, because I can really see things from your point of view...not just mine. I thank you all for being so open. It has helped me, & I'm sure a lot of other people as well. I have booked Kylee for a make over for her birthday - learn make up tips, dress up & just have a girly day. I will come along too (I need make up tips too!!! :D )

Kylee is sitting beside me now. She is going out Sunday, meeting with other 'girls', & it will be the first time Kylee has left the house, let alone meeting others like her. She is very excited, & wanted to work out what to wear, make up etc.....I don't think we would have come as far as we have, if it hadn't have been for everyone here being so candid & opening up their lives for others. I really appreciate it.

I didn't want to type forever, but thought I'd let you all know that what you are doing is helping others...so I thank you. Kylee & I are lucky to have each other, & our communication is what's kept us together. Communication is the key......keep taking baby steps...you never know what your partners tolerance level is....speak up, she may surprise you. Kylee did...& look where she is! I understand that everyone is different....but I guess Kylee & I are lucky. We do love each other unconditionally...(plus, when Kylee's around, I know I can get anything I want! She's very agreeable!)

Big hugs,
Tracey

Hi Tracey,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. Your support and love for Kylee is an inspirational story. You may not have always understood, but you tried to. And Kylee showed the same patience and understanding that you did. That's what two people in love do. They care.

We are all better for having met you both, and hearing your story. Thank you, and lots of hugs to you both. Good luck on Sunday. I hope you both have fun!

Hugs,

Melissa :)

Tracey,

Thanks for your wonderful words. Just makes me wanna hug everyone all over again.

I am very encouraged by what you said. I ponder how I can try and make those baby steps once again. It seem so hard. Based on her initial reaction and by the way after she first found out she did not touch me or speak nicely to me for almost a year, I am very scared to even try a baby step. I guess that is why I said in an earlier post that I was considering putting this on hold for 5 years. In that way my kids would be of legal age and if I broached the subject with her again and she went ballistic again, at least it would have less of an impact on my children. Not to say that my wife and I breaking up wouldn't have an effect on them, but I would hope by then it would be easier for them to handle.

What I am trying to say is that I am pondering what my next step will be. Letters like yours make me feel hopeful, although my wife's initial reaction was not just freaking out, it was more like an atomic bomb. One year of penalizing me for this was tough. If she reacted to that extreme again I think that I would have no choice but to leave. I could not go through that again.

Anyway, thanks for all your love and support. I have learned much more about how I feel about this and I believe that I have made some good friends along the way.

Hugs
Melissa Eh!

Well, I'm back after my short holiday, and as I thought, there were "millions" of posts to catch up on, but this is the only one I've read so far. And what a response it has generated! I can see that many of you are in a similar situation to myself, and it has been really helpful to me to share your grief. In the hope you may gain from me telling you my story, here is my latest situation.

While I was away for the last week, I read the rest of "My Husband Betty" (there's a lot of really interesting and useful stuff for non-transition CDs even after the first 4 chapters) after I offered it to my wife. She says she will read it, but did not to take me up on my suggestion of reading it together and discussing it as we went along. That's OK with me, but I wonder whether she is really willing to communicate on this subject at all. She is still saying that it will not change her mind, that she thinks it's disgusting that men want to dress up as women, and never wants to see me like that. She also asked me again why I wasn't honest with her when we decided to marry 35 years ago. When I asked "Would it have made a difference?", I got the answer "Of course it would have made a difference! You didn't tell me the truth". Another telling comment "Then you wonder why I'm not too keen to have sex with you when I know that's what you want tio do!" I let it go at the time, in the hope that things will calm down, and what's in the book may make a difference, but I'm not too hopeful. I also reminded her that I'm still the same person she married (with a little maturity thrown in now!), and will be the same person when she has read the book that I was last week. We're not having a fight over it, otherwise things seem quite normal. I also reminded her how much I loved her, and that I haven't changed my view that she is the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

At the moment, thing seem to be normal. I suggested she reads one chapter at a time, and then asks me all the questions from that which bother her, or she wants answers to. But I still wonder whether she will read it, or bring up the subject again herself, whether or not she reads it. We don't have a good track record of openly discussing anything to do with sex, and I would dearly love to have that sort of "no inhibitions, no pre-conditions" dialogue with her. I'll wait, a long time if I have to, before I mention this subject again, and in the mean time, I'll take a close interest in developments in your own situations. My sympathies go out to all of you who are in the same boat. May you all find solutions which are right for you, and maybe by sharing our failures and successes, we'll gain from that.

Good luck,
Tony

sit down with her and talk it out.that crap that you are the man of the house don,t go there.you are the other human being of the house and your need to dress in womans clothes at times is apart of you and your self.i agree it is a one sided world when men can,t dress the way they feel like dressing.but if woman want to put on jeans that belong to there husband because theres are in the cleaners its ok.they just do it and they like it.if they want to ware a suite and tie togo out some where its ok and they like it and no one says any thing about it other than how great they look.so be nice and tell the truth. this is apart of you and you have a need to be a whole human being.but tell the truth.don,t say i am sorry.unless you are saying that you are sorry for not telling her the truth,then ok.i will hope that you both will take it slow and easy and work it out.we are all with you and your wife as long as you both tell the truth.michelle jean.(mrs.highheels)p.s. my wife knows everything about me and it is ok.i told the truth.

Wow! Where to begin!

This has been an intellectually and emotionally challenging thread to read and I am impressed by some of the wisdom and so much of the heart that is shared here.

I have been married for 28 years and was married for 20 before I told my wife about this need. I never got caught, we raised a family, I did all of the right things, but this never, ever went away or was far from my thinking. I used the letter method to tell my wife because I knew that the only way for me to communicate all of it was to get it down on paper so that she could read, reread and ask questions. Introducing the subject through conversation would have been an emotional nightmare that would have created more confusion and pain than either of us could endure.

So, you might ask, "How did it go?" Well, okay I guess, at the time. She was upset, I think angry about it but also afraid for me and broken hearted for me at the same time. I didn't doubt her love and she proved I didn't need to. That was the good part. The bad part was that she didn't know how to deal with it and even after living with it for 30 years, neither did I. So back in the closet went the unnamed Vanessa. And back into denial, depression and stuggle went the male counterpart.

For six or seven years (the memories are getting foggy) we struggled with this. Discussions would begin and end, but there was no resolution and no relief. Twice, my wife tried to allow herself to permit some of the femme side of me to see the light in very small ways, but then would recoil as she became shocked at her own behavior in trying to accept me for who I was.

She was so bothered by all of this that she even decided to separate from me after our youngest daughter graduated high school. Thank God she didn't follow through on that one! Things were complicated even further because of issues with her being bi-polar. It was not an easy time.

Through the whole time, I just kept trying to love her the best I could. Flowers, regular dates, surprises, hugs, kisses, squeezes and regular lusting after her were methods I used to communicate my love for her. I also bought and read the book "The Five Languages of Love" which I highly recommend. It helped me to figure out her love language so that I could offer her my love in ways that were easy for her to appreciate.

A little over a year ago we went to California to visit my daughter and her new husband (a Marine) since they did us the kindness of making us empty nesters. We were starting to enjoy the togetherness we had shared as a childless couple 20 years earlier and THE subject came up again. That night my wife reduced me to tears with a comment (it was only the second time she had ever seen me cry) and I went into the bedroom and quietly closed the door. A few minutes later she came in and took my hand and said that she was wrong to have made this thing so hard because it is only about some pieces of cloth and that we were still us and very much still in love.

Since then things have been wonderful. She truly loves me for who I am and she has taught me that it is okay for me to like me too. The self loathing and disgust are gone from my life. She has bought me gifts, gone shopping with me, loves to be my photographer, has gone with me to a five day en-femme getaway and regularly tries to get me to go out and have fun with her. She has gone from being my best friend to being both my best friend and a best girlfriend and it is fantastic. It isn't always perfect, but we are both learning.

For those of you struggling with telling your wife or SO, all I can say is, it is better to tell her in truth and love and then work through it than it is to damage your relationship by getting caught. If you are past the point of her knowing but you still haven't gotten acceptance, love her with everything you've got and make her feel like the most prized woman on the planet. Don't push on the CD issues and give her time to work it out in her mind but help her if she will accept the help. If you already have acceptance, you know how fortunate you are. If you don't treasure and protect what you have, you alone will regret it. There is nothing as wonderful and fulfilling as a relationship with a person that accepts you 100 percent as you are. Unconditional love is incredible.

One last thing about reading books. I have read more than 20 books so far on this subject and you can find a lot of good counsel and many errors in some of them. Helen Boyd's book is great, and Helen is terrific if you get to meet her, but my wife didn't care for that book. She did see some value in the first four chapters, but her opinion was that if she had read the book before she came to acceptance, for her it would have slowed the process. There are other books worth reading like Peggy Rudd's books and others. Many are available at bookstores if you live in a larger city, otherwise Amazon works great. The big trick with any of the books is to figure out how the author's message contributes to your wife's understanding of who you are. If the book is strongly about TS and you are only CD, be careful. You can give your wife the wrong ideas. I personally am very grateful for the many books, web sites and forums like this one that have both educated my wife and I and also served to help us develop friendships and just stay sane in this crazy world.

What a great story Vanessa. As you may have read from my post (above), I'm 35 years into my marriage, and in the 15 years since I told my wife, the subject has been verboten. Motivated by the many words of encouragement I've seen on this site, I bought "My Husband Betty", read it myself, and am now waiting for her to read chapter 1 and start asking questions, which she said she'd rather do, than my suggestion of reading it together and discussing each isue as it came up. Whether she will have the motivation to do that remains to be seen, but I'm not going to push her, just leave her to go at her own pace. Her reaction when I told her I'd bought it and offered it to her does not raise my hopes of the miraculous transformation in SO's attitude that you experienced, but that has given me some hope that maybe things could change. I've already told her that whether she reads the book or not, or whether she changes her mind or not, I'm still the same person I was before I brought the subject up again, and she is still the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I note your comments on only the first four chapters being relevant to CDers (as I am), and I've no wish to give her the wrong idea that I'm TS (I'm not). Many thanks for your words, which have been a great encouragement.

Tony

Hi Vanessa,
It's always nice to hear a happy resolution! Glad that you got things worked out, even if it took so long.

Hugs, Sel.

Dragster,

Welcome back! Glad to hear, you are still together and making some progress with gaining acceptance for your crossdressing from your wife. In many ways, we're two peas in a pod.

As for telling my wife I was a crossdressers before getting married, my wife's reaction would have been exactly the same as yours. Sorry to say, I think it would have made a difference and we may not have gotten married...but that's history. Although painful, I now have the matter of lying to contend with on top of the issue of crossdressing. But like you, I will try to move forward and, as everyone has encouraged, keep the lines of communication wide open.

For me that is a bit difficult since I tend to be a non-verbal type and avoid confrontation with loved ones. This experience of being caught will force me to change my ways.

I hope to get a copy of MHB in a week or so when out of town. Thank you for sharing your wife's reaction about reading the book...I will take that into account.

Paula J

Yes, we've got a lot in common Paula, I think it's going to be a long job for both of us, and we may not get to where we want to go. I'll keep you all in the picture on progress, but don't expect anything too soon.

BTW, I got my copy of MHB from Amazon. It came within 24 hours, in plain cardboard container!

Good Luck,
Tony

Well, I just wanted to drop a quick note that my wife and I leave tomorrow for a short out of town trip. While on the trip, one of the things I want to accomplish is to have a peaceful and, hopefully, serious and civil discussion about my crossdressing. I realize this will not be the last and many more will follow, but at least it will set the stage.

One main goal of this first discussion is to educate her on what I know and have learned about the topic of transvestism and crossdressing throughtout my years of doing it. Especially, that I can't just quit...the desires always come back! I've tried several times to rid it from my life and only to have the desires return. My crossdressing is an integral part of my personality. That crossdressing has been a big personal secret and a huge burden throughtout my life. I've never shared it with anyone...and she is the only person who has seen me dressed. That I am not a freak...one in a million...but one of millions...4-5 percent of male population enjoy dressing in women's clothes. I am not gay, have no desires to become a woman, or live full-time as a woman. I do not want or intend to go out of the house dressed as a woman. I just want to enjoy private moments.

If we can get throught this list and not head for the lawyer's office, I think we have a good chance.

Also, since she'll return home ahead of me, I plan to find and purchase the book "My Husband Betty".

Venessa:

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. You will never know how much and what an inspiration your post has been. Yours is such a beautiful story! I only hope to be as lucky as you.

Everyone else:

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and insightful perspectives. Your input will also be part of this trip and discussion with my wife.

Until later,

Paula J

Hi Paula,
Just wanted to wish you good luck with your trip...
Hope you manage to get your points across.

Good luck!

Hugs, Selina.

Hi Paula,

I just wanted to wish you strength and luck on your trip, as well. I hope it is a positive step for both of you. Let us know. I'll be thinking of you.


Vanessa, that was a heartwarming story. You and your wife are both to be commended for being able to see what is really important. Thank you for sharing your experience.


Hugs,

Melissa :)

Paula

Good luck. No matter how logically you present your case you will be fortunate if she accepts it all. The information may get through but her acceptance of CDing will probably take a long time to take hold. Its really an emotive issue than a knowledge issue and is more about her fears for the relationship. Fears and paranoias cannot be overcome through information alone but will need a lifetime of love and affection from you.

Thanks Carrah,
I showed my wife (who is very understanding of my crossdressing) what you had written in your post,and she could'nt agree more. I wear what I want,where I want and she does'nt have A problem with it. She loves me for who I am and understands that, "that's just the way he is" he likes to dress in feminine clothes and he's more comfortable that way. Let him be himself. :)
Thanks :)

Dear Paula,

Your story sounds awfully familiar to me! I can even draw experiences from my own life. I too am a closet cross dresser and I too was discovered in the act. It's not an easy road and it will certainly be a bumpy one at that. It seems your thread has certainly received a great response. That means you're not the only one out there. You are among many and you certainly have a good audience to discuss this matter with!

I wish you both well and hope your wife can find the reason she married you and is able to get past the cross dressing. There are a lot of guys who cross dress and most are perfectly normal in every respect with the one exception that they like to wear dresses on occasion!

Good Luck!

Emmi

HI , Hang in there. I told my wife two weeks ago by accident. (see liz lezbo’s member intro) My fears weer large to say the least. That is how I came to join the group. Now since I told her we have been shopping there times. I asked her to go into Fredrick’s and buy me one pair of panties just to see what she would pick out. . She came out with six pair. We went shopping for a 42B bra ( my first that fits) . She paid for it. I guess the only problem with our shopping together is that she wants new dress’s as well so everything costs me double. She seems to accept me in the house but keeps saying she will not go out with me. I have been wearing lipstick and short night gowns or bra every night since. Her biggest problem is she says she is afraid that I might turn gay. The most fun part is that when we go out to dinner she wears my #8 forms and she loves them. All and all after the first two weeks we seem to accepting the new situation. Our love life has improved and we seem to talk to each other more about how much we love each other . I make sure to tell her every day how much I love and appreciated her acceptance of me. After over 30 years of marriage I whish I had told her when I married her. Just look at the fun I missed sharing with her.

So hang in there. I hope everything works out for you both. My guess is that a whole new world has opened up to you both.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by KarenXDR

There are some wonderful and thought provoking responses above....except for those who gloat that they're not in that circumstance - and were smart enough to get everything clear up front...well, woopee for you...that doesn't help our sister one bit.

---

I believe the ones who say they told up front provide a valuable, valuable, valuable lesson. DO IT UP FRONT! It is too late for those who have been married many years, as up front was awhile ago and I'm sure they thought they were the only freak in the world. But anybody getting into a new relationship? Tell them. If you are afraid to, just read the first post in this thread again. And all the other stories of the wife finding out.

And I'd have to agree with Carrah to a certain extent. You should empathize with her, but certainly not give yourself up and become a doormat. If she demands you throw out your femme clothes, demand she throw out her non-femme attire. AND demand she start dressing like a woman. No pants, skirts. Heels, always. Always made up and pretty. Now this was only for emphasis, not reality, and to show equality is required.

I am prepared to be single for the remainder of my life. I'm open to a new relationship, but only as "me". No hiding, no losing myself to please her.

Ladies,

Hello again. First of all, I want to say that my wife and I are still together....and better than that...my loving and wonderful wife has acknowledged my crossdressing and, more importantly, accepts it as a part of me. I CAN NOW DRESS WHEN I SO DESIRE AND DEEM IT APPROPRIATE.

Yes, can you believe it!!! I can now wear panties under my clothes with her knowledge...whenever I want to....even sleep with panties on and, if I wanted to, even wear a nightgown to bed. Of course, I can only do this when our young adult daughter is not at home. She also acknowledged that she was and is aware that I will dress up during the day when I'm alone at home and she and our daughter are at work.

Oh my gosh...my head is spinning....I'm taking deep breaths. Naturally, I'm dressed right now in black lingerie, pantyhose, and 4" heels, as I type this post...my hands are shaking and my heart is beating so fast! Today is the first time I've been dressed and feel so free and truly relaxed. And it feel WONDERFUL! For me, crossdressing takes on a new meaning from this day forward.

When I started this entry, I realized it has been quite a long time since I last posted something in this thread and that I owe each of you an apology for not keeping you abreast of what has been going on. I'm sorry; please accept my apologies.

Many of you have been so comforting with you words of support and kindness...but, most importantly, your prayers. I know without a doubt that all of your collective strength helped. For without it, my wife and I would not be where we are today...still together. Needless to say, these past few months and weeks had been rather difficult...and at times we've been distant with one another. BUT do you know what...that was a blessing in disguise....not pressing the issue of my crossdressing and not wanting to discuss head on was the best thing I could have done. It gave her time to think and process the information and facts; it gave her time to resolve things for HERSELF! I'm just so glad she came to the conclusion that my crossdressing wasn't a reason for us to NOT continue as a couple.

WOW...and yes, I know, I'm so lucky to be married to this woman!

Like everyone else who has shared their crossdressing with their spouses, my wife has made know a few things....mainly some ground rules...and I can live with them.

In the coming days, I will share more of what has transpired between us with all of you. Again, thank you for all your love and support.

PaulaJeanette

Paula,

I'm happy for the both of you and hope your wife will come to fully accept you as you are including your femme side. I know though you will have to exercise restraint. Don't go all out because it could be a serious turnoff to your wife. I know from experience. Just take it day by day and never dress in front of your children if that is a concern of your wife.

Do your dressing as you can and so as not to offend her.

My wife knows and she sees me wearing womens swimsuits underneath my male clothing sometimes or my femme jeans. On a good day she won't say anything but on a bad day she will get upset and scream at me why am I always wearing girls clothes! She's not always so calm about it. One thing though I always will wear are womens trousers or jeans because I can seemingly wear them and not attract to much attention. I still don't feel comfortable wearing only a woman's swimsuit in front of my wife or bras and panties or body briefer either. Don't get me wrong I love wearing them but I can't take the risk of my wife seeing me dressed like that nor my 6 year old.

I am happy your wife is coming around. Just be careful and dress not to offend!

You know what I mean.

Good Luck to you both!

Emmi

Thats wonderful Paula! There are women out there who do understand; in fact it was my ex girlfriend who saw the female half hidden in me and encouraged me to go more a la femme! She still buys me panties , hose and the like for my birthday etc. PS I have to say, you have terrific legs!

Good news indeed Paula. Congratulations. Just remember, don't overdo it. :)

As you know, for many it's a rollercoaster ride, so she will have her ups and downs. My wife has for 29 years.

Hi Paula! Isn't it amazing, how you do feel so much more at ease with yorself, once the most important person in our life begins to accept us for the whole person we are!
As they say"small steps". Best wishes to you and your wife. And to so many more of you who are going and gone through hard and emotional lives, my wife and I hope so much for you all to find happiness ....Good Luck!

Melissa

Paula,

What a tremendous relief this must be for you! As the others have already said, be careful not to get "caught up" in the excitement and over do. And by all means, abide by any ground rules that the two of you mutually agree to. But mostly, enjoy your new freedom and contimue to expore and nuture Paula. (By the way, a nice little, "I Love You" gift to your wife would be VERY appropriate right now).

Wow that is great news Paula, I'm really reallllllllllly pleased for you :hugs: So... these rules.... want to shed some light on those, or not :D

Wow... I have just spent the last hour or so reading this entire thread. My head is still spinning a bit as I continue to digest all of the information.

Paula, I am so happy to read that your wife has accepted your crossdressing. I would also like to express my sincere thanks to all who have contributed to this thread, especially the SOs who were kind enough to make their viewpoints known. All of our stories are meshed together with similarities, but each presents its own set of issues and challenges.

I hope you all don’t mind if I share a little about my situation.

My wife and I have been married for 11 years and we have two wonderful children. By all accounts, we have a wonderful life. Like many, I was too afraid and immature to consider sharing my secret with my wife before we were married. Also, I had no idea where Cd'ing fit into my life at that time. It was still this nagging thing that just wouldn't go away. So, I just pushed the thoughts away, in hopes that they would go away now that I was going to be married and moving away from home.

My wife has always been a very loving and understanding person, yet I still carried on with the feelings guilt and fear of what could happen if I told her my secret. Finally, about 5 years into our marriage, I decided that I could no longer live with the fear and guilt. So one night I took a very uneducated leap and told her that I liked to wear some of her clothes. At the time, I only wore stockings or pantyhose and some of her negligees and teddies (left over wedding gifts). Much to my surprise, she did not appear hurt or upset. She seemed to be accepting and she told me that I should not feel guilty about wanting to wear these things. However, she made it very clear that she did not want to participate or be involved in any way.

Needless to say, I was very relieved. I felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. We didn't really talk about it anymore for the next several months. I realize now that this was a mistake. From time to time, she would make a comment or ask me if I had 'dressed up'. I still had some feelings of shame, so I would always answer 'No...'. I'm sure she wondered why I always said no, when she suspected otherwise. Gradually I felt the courage to explore a little more on my own. I was able to buy my first wig and a pair of shoes. I started really experimenting with her makeup and just having a great time with it. Then, a couple of months later, the subject somehow came up in conversation again. Since she knew about me wearing some of her things, I felt confident enough to share with her about the wig and makeup. For some reason, that just set her off. Her attitude completely changed. I am not sure if it changed at that point, or if she had just been thinking about all of it for a while and had gradually developed a different viewpoint. She said that she didn't realize I liked to dress up "all the way", and that she just could not deal with that. I didn't put up a fight or even attempt to defend myself. I was basically in shock.

I promised her that I would throw out the wig (and I did, along with everything else I had accumulated over the past several months). I made a promise to her and to myself that I would never dress again. I kept good on that promise for about 6 months. Due to my work schedule at the time, I was home alone several days a week. Before long, the desires to dress came back full force. This was in early 2002. Over the next couple of years, I continued to keep my dressing a secret, and I went through several cycles of dressing, purging, and denial. I began to notice that my stress level was increasing dramatically and I would get upset over the smallest things. I was having trouble sleeping and the guilt was basically eating me up inside. I tried to bury myself in work, in hopes that the thoughts of dressing would just go away. This just added to my stress level.

So I found myself at the end of 2004. Our life was still great (outwardly), but inwardly, I continued to deal with the same feelings of guilt and betrayal over keeping this big secret from my wife. I never had the urge to tell her about it or bring it up in conversation again after her reaction back in 2002. I was basically miserable inside.

I am not sure what triggered it, but earlier this year I just decided enough was enough. I did a lot self-analysis and soul searching, and I came to the conclusion that:

1) I am not a bad person because I crossdress
2) If anything, being in touch with my feminine side probably makes me a better husband and father
3) These unfounded feelings of guilt are tearing me apart inside, and I want no more of it...

So, this year has been a groundbreaking one as far as me coming to terms with myself and how Cd'ing fits into my personality and into my life as a whole. I have finally gathered the courage to participate in forums such as this one and I have found so many people in situations similar to my own.

Now, the biggest challenge is in front of me. How do I ever go about telling my wife that I have been dressing on and off this whole time and that I am now comfortable with it? As far as she knows, I have not dressed again since 2002. I do not think that she will threaten to leave me or anything like that. My greatest fear now that I have made peace within myself is that she will ask me to stop dressing altogether. How will I respond to that? I was dealt a horrible blow the first time she reacted in a negative way back in 2002. I'm not sure how I will be able to handle a reaction like that again. I feel like I am so prepared and ready to tell her, but I just cannot force myself to do it. There have been so many situations and conversations between us lately where it just seemed like the right time to tell, but I have yet to do so.

Again, thank you all for sharing your stories and advice on this thread - especially you, Paula for having the courage to share with the rest of us as you continue on this journey of acceptance with your wife. I will hopefully be able to put it all to good use at some point in the near future.

hi paula..i hope you and your wife can work this out good luck

Kath,

Oh, how I know what you may be feeling, thinking and going through. Over the past two months, there were a few times where it appeared to be an appropriate time to discuss my crossdressing with my wife, but for different reasons I didn't. In hindsight, because things have turned out for the good, I can't say whether it was for the better or not. Only you can decide.

Basically, that's what this all boils down to be...a decision between you and your wife. You both need to find that comfort zone/level at which both of you can accept one another's position, views, and behaviours. AND, I can say this...it will require some change(s) for both you. AND, once you reach this agreement, just know that it isn't final and everlasting. In many ways, I also will be on the alert for a change of direction.

As for changes, for you, it may mean you have to cut back on how much, when, or what you do when you dress in order to give her more time to come to terms with your crossdressing. And be honest and truthful...don't respond to conditions you know you can't fulfill. If she asks if you're still crossdressing, respond that you're a crossdresser (or transvestite), have been one all of your life, and this condition/behaviour will never go away. As someone shared with me earlier...tell her..."you're not one IN A million but one OF millions of males who crossdress"...and make sure she understands the difference. So, you will need to own up to the fact that you were not truthful when she asked if you still crossdressed and that you're now asking for her forgiveness. Basically, you need to address all of the fears that she may have.

For her, she needs to understand and accept the fact that you're still the same person she married...with some enhancements. She also needs to clearly acknowledge that your crossdressing will never go away. From what you've written it appears that may have been an expectation on her part. Emphasize that you're the father of your two children and they need both parents throughout their lives. Work on as many positives for staying together and, as you stay together, you both will change and evolve.

Also, you can do things that will be to both your benefits...more so for you. Don't push your crossdressing on her...if she feels uncomfortable, then back off.

What happened between my wife and I recently has been good for both of us. It was painful...that's for sure but we are both making changes and not taking things for granted. Especially for me, I have always wondered why and for what reasons spouses accept and later reverse themselves. You're not the only one who has been thru this reversal. I'm sure many of those that have experienced it will share their experiences.

For me, I know I'm lucky at least for the time being. Right now, I'm dedicated to change and learn whatever it is about myself and my crossdressing, but most especially, I'm willing to make changes where it concerns with my wife. I want our marriage to last; I want to teach her more about my crossdressing but not force feed her.

I think the one great thing that transpired regarding my crossdressing is how we've been able to laugh about it. Once she mentioned that she didn't have a black full slip...so I went and bought her one. When I gave it to her, I commented..."that is one benefit of being married to a transvestite...we're not afraid of purchasing lingerie". A few weeks ago, she told me she had a new name (affectation) for me...goldie...as in goldilocks.

So, Kath, don't despair too much...focus on the positives, focus on your wife's needs, focus on where you want your marriage to go. For the time being, don't focus on what you want and your "rights" as a crossdresser. Become the loving husband your wife married 11 years ago.

Good luck!

Paula J.

Kath,

I was touched by your story as I was touched by Paula's story because I have similarities that you both express so beautifully in your writing. As I'm reading your threads I'm thinking to myself that since you both write and describe how you feel so descriptively and honestly that writing it all down is a good form of therapy.

Therfore Kath I would suggest you pour your heart out in a writing for your wife expressing everything you feel and don't hold back. This is the time you should be in touch with your emotions and express it freely.

I'm sure your wife will gain a better understanding of you as a person and since you love your wife and children so much I think she could be understanding. You might even consider some joint counseling where you can both discuss your feelings or have a real heart to heart talk with her. It certainly won't be easy but you must do it!

You have your wife and family at stake and I see how very important that is to you.

I wish you all the best and hope you are able to have a favorable outcome like Paula!

Good Luck!

Emmi

Paula J. and Emmi,

Thank you both so much for replying... I am definitely getting my gameplan together. I have been so close to just sitting her down and letting it all loose - even today.... I'm glad I didn't yet, because Emmi's idea about writing her a letter might actually work for us. I could let her read it, see how she reacts and just go from there. Otherwise, I am bound to miss some important points, or forget some thought that I really wanted to convey. Once she starts reacting, I may not be able to complete my train of thought. So thanks again Emmi, for that suggestion.

I will definitely be sure not to push it on her too fast and not try to exert my 'rights', etc.... I know how to talk to her and we have dealt with other serious issues pretty successfully throughout our marriage by just talking it through (as most of us have).

I don't know for sure when it will happen, but I will post an update if anything changes. Thank you all again for your kind support and suggestions.

Well, today, I went back through this thread and noted I've left a few gaps in the dialogue that I need to update all of you on.

Yes, I was able to find and purchase a copy of MY HUSBAND BETTY while on our out of town trip. For those of you who are looking for a copy, I was successful at Borders but not at Barnes and Nobles. Since I wasn't in our local area and the sales associate would likely not see me again, I just found it on the shelf and paid for it...in drabs. Because I wasn't too sure of the author...Helen Boyd, I had to ask...which was a bit uncomfortable. Moving on...I've been reading MHB and like all others who've read it...it is marvelous reading...and easy reading. Once I finish it, I plan to share it with my wife so she can increase her knowledge of crossdressing/transvestism and hopefully expand her acceptance. One commonality I've come to notice between spouses who accept and those who don't is their underlying fear associated with and due to NOT being educated and knowledgable of what crossdressing is about.

And that's where patience comes in. In my case, while I can't confirm this, I believe my wife did some research on her own. Being a smart woman, I believe she either went on line, to the library, or gained access to some other sources. I say this because she said a lot of the "right things" when she "gave me her approval" to continue crossdressing. She said "I know you can't help yourself and you need to do this; it's OK, and I accept it", "you're still a good man", "it must have been hard having to carry and hid this secret from everyone throughout your life", etc. I can't tell you how much relief I felt upon hearing those words from HER; it meant A LOT to me.

Once I heard those words, it is amazing how much more relaxed and less guarded I felt to discuss and disclose more about myself and my crossdressing. When she asked me..."where do you keep your things...I need to know so I can get them in the event something happens to you...I don't want the kids to find them", I simply answered "in the garage...hidden in some boxes." She followed up with, "does anyone in your family know", my response was very straightforward and honest "no..I don't think so".

We then moved on to her recollections of the day she came home and caught me dressed. She says all she recalls seeing is me in "shiny patent leather heels and in nylons"...I was wearing pantyhose and 4" black patent leather pumps. "Where did you get them?" she asked. My response was "at a shoes store". "Did you try them on in the store?" she followed. And I said "no...it took a few times...through trial and error. I'd figured out what size I wore and got them...do you know how hard it is to buy shoes without having to try them on first? And, I had to throw away the ones that didn't fit."

Next she asked me whether I was wearing a wig...which I wasn't. I don't own a wig. "Were you wearing a skirt...I seem to remember you with a skirt." I told her "no, I wasn't wearing a skirt...I had on a black lace teddy." Upon hearing that she chuckled a bit. I don't know what she found humorous but didn't ask. Maybe, she didn't think I could find or fit into that type of women's lingerie...I don't know.

Oh, I see that I've gone on for quite a while and I need to get to an appointment, so I end here. There are other pieces that I still want to share with all of you...stay tuned!

Hugs,

Paula J

Kathe, I think writing down your feelings is a good idea.

If, during the period where you couldn't dress, you acted different - exhibiting more stress, working longer hours, etc. Especially things your wife might not have liked, and now that you are dressing again, have overcome, you might want to include them in your writings.

Good luck.

Ok, an update for everyone....

I couldn't take it anymore, so I did it... last night.

I finally just mustered up the courage and laid it all out there for my wife. We talked for about 4 hours. I took it slow and just started from the beginning. I explained how I have come to accept this part of me and how I am still the same person that she married. I also told her that I have been secretly dressing for the past couple of years. She told me that she had suspected it, but had never wanted to bring it up. I was surprised at this, because I thought she was clueless about it. I also assured her that my need to dress would never come before the needs of our family and my responsibilities as a husband and father.

She asked me if I had ever considered changing my sex, to which I answered an honest 'no'. I tried to make it clear that even while dressed, I am still 'me'. My dressing is just an extension of my personality that must be expressed. I think that made her feel a little more comfortable about it. She still does not want to be involved with it in any way, other than being there if I need to talk. While I would love for her to see Katherine and be more involved, I can completely accept her position in this area. I am just so thankful that she accepts this part of me and has agreed to talk about it if I ever need or want to. We both made a commitment to not let the subject become a source of stress or resentment between us. I think the only way to make this happen is by keeping the communication lines open.

There are many levels of success in a situation like this, but I would consider our outcome very successful. It felt so great to finally get this out in the open. I think I did a much better job of getting my thoughts and ideas across this time around. Now that the can of worms is open so to speak, we still have to take it day by day. I'm sure that once it all sinks in, she will come up with more questions and concerns. I will be ready and willing to answer them honestly and openly.

I cannot express in words my appreciation to those of you who responded to my post a few days ago. Also, to those of you who have shared your stories in this forum - you may not realize how much support you lend just by being open and letting us all know that we are not alone.

Best of luck to all here,

Kath,

I bet you feel good about yourself and, overall, the future. Where only a few days ago there was sadness and despair, today after your discussion with your wife, there is much hope, comfort, and relief. That's exactly how I felt.

As good as it feels today, you still need to remain mindful and not become aloof regarding your wife's acceptance of your crossdressing. You just need to understand that there will be good and some not so good days/instances where your wife will express negativisms. Don't react...just listen, acknowledge, and comfort her. It is all part of the process of dealing with your new relationship.

Your wife's expression to not participate nor see you dressed enfemme is no different than my wife's stipulation that I limit my dressing to be a strictly private matter in our home. She also made it clear that she had no interest in attending conferences or participating in group gatherings. Additionally, as I had stated earlier, she acknowledged that I can and probably will continue to dress at home when alone but cautioned me to be extra careful to not get caught by our young adult children. I wholeheartedly accepted and agreed to these conditions.

As you and others can see, there are similarities and different twists to how our spouses deal with and accept us. I count my blessings everyday that I am so fortunate to be married to this woman.

Kath, just keep loving her...it is well worth everything you do.

Hugs,

PaulaJeanette

Congratulations Kath! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Paula,
I didn't tell my wife until we had been married for about two years. Even then I din't tell her everything. I told her that I really liked to wear nylon or satin panties. (I didn't know about the ecstacy of wearing silk panties than) She was shocked and acted much like your wife. I just kept telling her that I loved her and was not "Gay". I said I was turned on by the panties and that was to her benefit. She finally agreed that I could wear them at home only, and never around our child. I agreed, though with my fingers crossed. As far as she knew, I did only wear panties at home. I kept a lot of my femme clothes in the trunk of my car and always dressed when out of town on business. I usually went out to dinner wearing ladies slacks, a blouse, and of course a garter belt, panties, stockings,and a pair of ladies shoes. I don't try to pass, just wear feminine clothing. BTW, I have many compliments on my silk blouses that I usually wear.

My wife never said another word to me about the panties, except to tell me that I could keep my panties in her lingerie drawer. I did do that and had as many as a dozen pair in there. She did complain once that my panties were prettier than hers. I told her she could wear some of mine, since we wore the same size. she did, but than wanted some of her own like mine. So we went shopping and bought matching panties.

As I said at the beginning, we had been married two years when I first told her. That was 48 years ago, and we frequently wore matching panties up until she passed away on Feb, 20th of this year, just 5 months shy of our 50th anniversary. So keep your faith, things can work out. It is a shock to a lady to find out her macho husband likes feminine clothing, but once she sees that you mean no harm to her in any way she will most likely be more accepting. Just be sure to let her know that she is first and foremost in your thoughts at all times, no matter what you are wearing.

I wear panties almost all the time now, and other female clothing a good deal of the time. All my jeans are feminine and tailored to make me look even more feminine while wearing them. I can wear a lot of my wife's things and feel close to her when I do.

You will be in my prayers, Paula.

Silky Stephanie

I think many wives echo my wife's reaction ... there was period in which she "grieved" (her word) for the man she felt she had lost after 25 years of marriage. That's a valid sentiment, so I concentrated on showing her how much fun it could be to be married to this "new" person. It's almost like dating again. You have to give them space, go out of your way to do special things -- ESPECIALLY romantic things, like a weekend away together. Good sex also helps reassure both of you, and you may even be able to subtly spice it up with a pair of panties (but don't go whole-hog on the CD right away). In my case we re-bonded and are more solid than ever. But, again, LOTS OF GOOD SEX helped ... at least in my case. :love:

Stephanie,

First of all, let me say I am sorry to hear of the recent loss of your wife. 50 years of marriage is a milestone to be proud of…for sure. And, what makes that even more significant is the 48 years with her knowing, accepting, and sharing in your femme crossdressing. Oh, I bet there are so many happy memories that you can look back upon.

Thank you for you words of wisdom and for sharing your insights and experiences. It is always good to know that crossdressing CAN BE successfully integrated and accepted into a marriage. Your wife’s concern about not exposing the children to your crossdressing sounds very familiar. When my wife caught me dressed in my lingerie, pantyhose, and heels, one of her main concerns was what would have happened had it been one of the kids instead of her. She shared these thoughts with me later when we had a discussion about my crossdressing. During this discussion, she laid out conditions and limitations very similar to those you and your wife agreed upon.

While my wife has come to accept my crossdressing, I have chosen to take a slow and easy rather than take an in your face approach. Although I now wear panties more often under my male clothes, I only do this at home but still without her knowledge. I guess old habits are hard to break. Because we have a young adult daughter living with us, I keep a few of my panties hidden under my male briefs in my underwear drawer (I do this because our daughter does the laundry). Unlike me, my wife prefers to wear full (granny-type) panties, whereas, I prefer lacy, sexy hipsters. My wife once asked me why I like to wear panties (hers included) and I told her I liked the way they feel and fit on me plus wearing panties turned me on.

I know exactly what you mean about our wives having a difficult time dealing with the images of their macho husbands wearing women’s lingerie and other clothing. That is one of the main reasons I still have difficulty dressing for her. And fortunately, she has not asked me to do that yet…don’t know what I’d do if she would ask tho’. But, I guess I’d probably do it. We all need to take advantage of opportunities when they are presented..right? Basically, it is not her but more me who has to reconcile the macho image with the wearing of feminine, frilly lingerie. Although I yearn for the time to be more open with her, I still feel so embarrassed.

Stephanie, unlike you, I have yet to venture outside. However, like you, I do take a few items of lingerie, breast forms, and heels when I travel out of town. It is also when I do most of my shopping for new lingerie and other necessities.

Again, thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to enjoy good health and happiness in the years ahead.

Bless you,

PaulaJeanette

Hi EasyCD,

I agree with you wholeheartedly. Our wives do reflect on life in different ways and I understand the point about the process they go through in grieving the loss of the machoness of their husbands. Also, thank you for reminding me about the pointer to start dating again. I'll give it a try.

I think I mentioned it earlier but I did have an instance where I was able to exploit "the benefits of being married to a crossdresser" with my wife. She needed a black full-slip and asked me if I would mind getting one for her. I made it my day's mission to find one...went to several stores...and bought it along with a pair of very sexy lace panties. When she came home from work, I made it a point to say..."that's one of the main benefits of being married to a transvestite...we don't mind but rather enjoy shopping for women's lingerie!" Her response was "shut up"...more shock at my making the statement rather than in objection to my crossdressing. And this was before she came around to telling me that she accepted and would allow me to continue crossdressing.

Those of us who are fortunate to have supportive wives do indeed need to treasure and treat them well. I continue to show her that she is important in our marriage. On my last out of town trip, I did buy her 3 new pairs of mircro-fiber panties from Victoria Secrets. Although she likes fuller panties, she did say she likes them very much.

Paula J.

Right on Trinity24 You got it exactly right.

PaulaJeanette,

You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be sorry for.

Lisa

Lisa,

Thank you for your comments. I know I have done nothing wrong but as I have mentioned...old habits are hard to break. I've been a crossdresser for most of my adult life and during that time have kept it hidden from my family and friends. Although I now have the opportunity to share my crossdressing with my wife, I still find it a bit difficult to do. I do want to make it part of our life together and believe it will enhance our bedroom intimacy. But I still am hesitant...I don't know why.

I'm open to suggestions and welcome advice and thoughts from any of you ladies who can help me with this. Thank you in advance.

Paula J.

Try Anne Serene's rather famous list (if you haven't already seen it):

http://www.humboldt.edu/~mpw1/Crossdress/husband.shtml

Here's a copy/paste (sorry, but the numbers didn't come through):

Advantages of Having a Crossdressing Husband

You can have your own private slumber parties.
If he wears a skirt it's easy access.
He always envies you because he would rather be wearing what your wearing.
You can have a girlfriend as well as a boyfriend who doesn't mind waiting while you take your time shopping.
You can double your wardrobe if he's the same size as you!
You never have to worry about cheating on you with another woman. He IS the other woman!!
You always have a girlfriend to go shopping and have lunch with!!
He'll NEVER object to being a clothes dummy and wearing a dress while you hem it.
While shopping, you can test a new shades of nail polish on him and he doesn't complain or ask to see a matching lipstick.
He'll rarely have scratchy five o'clock shadow.
He'll never ask you to have a thresome with another woman as long as he can wear the lingerie.
He will be sympathetic about your excess body hair.
He won't tear your lingerie when removing it from you.
He won't mind waiting on you or your girlfriends, and he won't forget to curtsey.
If you need a slip for that new dress you bought, he happens to have the perfect one, and lets you borrow it.
You can switch off wearing high heels on a long shopping spree.
A man in a dress makes a good cook.
He loves to smell perfume and will give you an honest opinion.
You can test a new shade of lipstick on him.
If you purchase something for the home, it will never be too feminine.
At least the toilet seat will be down.
He is a lot easier to buy gifts for.
He knows just the right way to make love, takes his time and knows just what makes you tick!
He will understand much better that the best thing a girl can have when she feels down is new clothes.
If he buys you clothes, you know he sizes them right.
You can take him to the hair salon with you and he will sit quietly while you both get your hair done, and he will never complain. In fact he'll thank you.
The only time he will ever care if you wear curlers to bed is if he has to wear the oversize rollers.
He understands why you don't care for spending 8 hours a day in pantyhose and high heels.
Never complains about leaving the delicate underwear out to dry.
You have a girlfriend that doesn't get PMS.
He will not only shop with you but will pay the bill as well!
He knows how to handle the delicates when he does the laundry.
Satin and velvet are more snuggly than denim and wool.
He understand the need for quality cosmetics.
You have more excuses to go shopping, and he will even carry the bags.
You can borrow his jewlry, clothes and makeup.
He understands why you go through so many pairs of stockings.
He no longer expects you to get ready for a night on the town in 15 minutes or less.
The world needs more feminist in lipstick.
You can take the Cosmo quizzes together.
You can ask him how na outfit looks and get an intelligent response.
His new friends don't spend all day watching football.
He knows to walk slow when your wearing heels.
If he says, "Hon, you look nice." you know he really means it.
He can spot makeup smudges better than any other guy.
He's like having a live in cosmetologist.
He loves to go shopping with you and watch you try on clothes.
He knows how to treat a lady with care and respect.
He's a friend that will stick arround, and won't flake out on you or stab you in the back.
He loves to dress up and have long chat sessions.
You can have a threesome without adding another partner.
If you've been bi-curious you can experiment a little.
You know one of you will have a tissue with you when you need it.
Dress him up in a French Maid's Uniform and you have a house cleaner for the day.

-------------------------------------------------------------

© Copyright 2001 Anne Serene. All Rights Reserved. I liberally granting permission to use material on this site. For more information e-mail: Anne Serene

Thank you EasyCD,

That reference/link you provided is a wealth of information with some very interesting articles. I appreciate your sharing it with me and the other ladies. I'm always on the lookout for information on crossdressing and, basically, whatever may help to explain why, who, and what I am as a tranvestite. Although I've been dressing for most of my adult life, I am still puzzled by my behaviour, actions, and desires to dress enfemme and be a woman.

Sometimes, it seems to me, in the absence of a cosmic revelation, I will forever continue to wonder and seek an answer. And, I also recognize, I may never find an answer.

Thank you again,

PaulaJeanette

You are most welcome. Indeed it has puzzled me as well, but then I've come to see it as an "adventure" -- one I didn't really volunteer for to be sure, and one that is often difficult and terrifying, but which has its rewards too, and like any good adventure continues to surprise and amaze me. Enjoy the journey as best you can, and don't try to figure it all out at once. :)

Ladies,

Although, I have shared with all of you the fact that my wife has acknowledged my being a crossdresser, she still occasionally asks me why I dress. And, I guess the response that I give her..."I can't really explain why...I just enjoy dressing in women's lingerie"...is neither conclusive nor convincing enough for her. And, maybe for myself. I don't know...

For me, I don't feel or can related that it is about getting in touch with the feminine side of my personality. Although, it may well be so and I still need to do more research and reading in order to come to terms with it. All I know is I enjoy the sensuous feeling of wearing women's lingerie, the pleasant feeling I get at the visual sight of being dressed, and the exciting experience of having a feminine figure including breasts that appears in the mirror to be that of a woman. However, that feminine image is restricted to below my neck since I don't wear a wig or use makeup.

Am I in the minority or majority in this regard...can't explain why I crossdress? Kindly share your thoughts on this.

Thanks,

PaulaJeanette

You and I share similar domestic situations, and I too am at a loss to explain it. Many people (including wives) think it must mean we're gay, but this is not the case for me, and many others I'm sure. In fact I find most men rather crude and repulsive, but I LOVE women ... I want to be closer to them, especially my wife. Perhaps crossdressing is a natural (or unnatural depending upon who you ask) outgrowth of that desire to be close -- to embody that which we love the most.
Just be happy with who you are and let your wife share in the joy. She'll eventually stop wondering and just accept the bounty of your affection.