If we TG's CD's could say anything

im still learning all this transgender stuff

Wow DebbieL

What a powerful story!!! I wish you well and happiness now and forever.

For the TG, telling a spouse you love, you cherish, that you can't imagine living without, about your dressing is a conundrum - a puzzle which can't be solved. The fear is that if we tell you about our true feelings, you would no longer love us, and so we would rather let you have the illusion of normal. We didn't really choose to be who we are, and many of us suffered over years, even decades. A girl who wants to dress and act like a boy is called a tom-boy and for the most part, is accepted. A boy who wants to dress and act like a girl is called a sissy in grade school, a fairy in middle school, and often assumed to be gay in high school. The names often make one a target for violence. When they called me a sissy, it usually meant I was going to be beaten, I had three vertebrae disks compressed, I was dragged across the pavement without a shirt, and worse.

For the TG, there is a very real fear.

Even when I told my wife - before we were married, weeks after we'd moved into an apartment together, she told me she was OK with it, and I didn't find out until 12 years later, after a divorce, being denied visitation, and just about to move across country - that she never accepted it, but didn't want to lose me because she loved me so much at the time.

My heart went out to my ex-wife. It must have been so hard for her too. She loved me and knew I loved her, but she was afraid of losing me, her husband, the father of her children, her provider, her best friend. It was only after she started having an affair that she realized that she could let go of me. She married her lover, and they have been married ever since.

As I have said before, my wife knows about me being a CDer. She helped me make that transition. Still after 15 years I'm afraid that she really doesn't like the fact that I feel more me this way than the other. So last night I talked to her about it. I asked her "How does this make you feel, personally?" She said that she really finds me more attractive this way because I present myself to her in more affectionate and understanding way. I'm so lost as to what she ment by that comment. She assures me that we are stronger now in our marriage than ever before, that me dressing the way I feel most comfortable is fine with her. Still in the back of my mind I can't stop wondering if this is tearing her up inside and she is just sparing my feelings, while hiding hers. Then Iwonder if it's me that has the problem with it and that may be why I question this part of my life and marriage.

So Lost in my Feelings right now......

~Stacey

"See the clouds, watch them move". A twitter follower told this to me on one of my darkest night...

I am sure that if the butterfly could talk he would convey an incredible story of hurt and pain on his journey to becoming so beautiful.

The sooner you except who you are and realize that person only likes a certain set of attributes the faster you well arrive to your destination...