Wow JenniLyn,that is one hot story. How nice to have a wife like that.
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Wow JenniLyn,that is one hot story. How nice to have a wife like that.
I work the paint counter at a Wal-Mart and when they revised the dress-code to comply with areas whose ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination) includes gender identity (YAY Oregon!), well, I left mens clothing behind forever. Havent worn a stitch for nearly 3 years. Im overweight, built like a lumberjack, and pass only to the perceptually-challenged . . . from a distance . . . . on a dark night . . . through tinted windows :p.
So far I havent had any truly bad experiences. no true open hostility. Veiled revulsion, 2nd (3rd, 4th, and 5th) glances, repressed laughter, snide commentary and fast retreats (DONT MAKE EYE CONTACT!) galore.
Thus far, taking folks reactions at face value (havent completed that mind-reading correspondence course yet), Ive learned that if you are comfortable with yourself, own yourself, and love yourself people are willing to accept that you are worthy of human respect.
As I said, I do not pass by any means but I still get ma'amed, missed, and she'd the majority of the time. I feel blessed every time it happens.
Im always keeping an eye out for the hostility tho, too much of a cynic not to.
Have had a few odd looks but never been approached or heckled. Most of my experiences have been really good very exhilarating and liberating. I do have to say I try to keep out of the lime light, go to places and do things that dont attract too much attention.
I am always careful when venturing out en femme, which is only done in the evening. I am not passable. At a distance I figure I appear womanly. That being said, I am also aware of my rights as a human. I am also aware not everybody is aware of my rights, so I always act accordingly. I live in a liberal state. However, the municipality I reside in conveys more protection from gender identity issues than other municipalities and unincorporated areas of the counties. My municipality specifically annotates "transvestites" as protected under gender identity. Now that includes actual or perceived by the aggressor or person in non-compliance. I limit my potential exposure or revelation to geographic areas where there is no argument my "transvestite" behavior is legally protected.
That being said I realize there are persons in law enforcement, who may decide to have fun rousting people because they have nothing else to do. Now, I've read some posters saying police officers have better things to do. In my professional dealings I have seen police officers lie under oath, make false accusations, etc. I've seen some police officers charged with giving false testimony. I have personally been asked as a semi-law enforcement federal official to give misleading testimony because it "helps the case." Of course, that is contrary to my moral code and did not give misleading testimony.
I've witnessed police officers harass everybody and anybody who he or she perceives as a target. Would I consent to a search of my vehicle? Yes! Why? Because I know I have absolutely nothing concealed in my vehicle. Am I giving up my rights? Am I wearing a dress? I make sure my vehicle is in total 100% working condition. Do I want to have a search warrant secured and draw out the incident and have citizens congregate around me and my car? No. If my vehicle is search with or without my consent, there is always the prospect of a police officer planting drugs, etc. I can tolerate some idiot casting dispersions upon me for being en femme. Up to a point that seems to be free speech, so the court say. As to a police officer planting contraband to make my otherwise uneventful life miserable---- well that's a different story.
yup...
One of my first times being dressed out (about 10 years ago or so). This trip was certainly the most daring I had done so far. First, I strolled through the downtown area of town (after dark), got a few looks and even a catcall. Encouraged (and possibly overconfident), my next stop was a Wal-Mart to go shopping. Big mistake. I first browsed through the women's clothing section, and roamed over towards the lingerie section. While there, I overheard some of the teenage employees laughing and snickering over by the changing room, one of them saying "hey! there's this she-male walking around!" My heart sank to the earth's core. Based on my earlier experiences downtown, I thought for sure I was passable.... I beelined to the exit. One of the douchebag male employees sort of followed me out, yelling at his co-workers by the registers to make sure they got a look at "it". That was certainly the most embarrassed I have ever been in my life. I hopped in my car, threw my wig and jewelry into the passenger side, and nearly had a meltdown. I drove angrily and recklessly home. I nearly purged my collection that night. Needless to say, I didn't dress for a while after that. I CERTAINLY didn't dress out for a long while.
It took nearly two years to dress out the next time... at a halloween party. I made sure to have my makeup done by someone else that night (a GG friend), and fortunately, I was passable that night. The shocked look on people's faces when I started talking was priceless! I have only been out fully en femme a couple more times since then (one, yet another halloween party), and I'm sure that fateful night at Wal-Mart resulted in my being apprehensive about doing it more.
to continue swinging the sledge hammer on a topic we have already beat-to-death more than necessary...lol....Quote:
Originally Posted by cassandra54
This highlights what I believe is the most important concept to grasp in any adversarial encounter, LE or otherwise, particularly when your “adversary” is in a position of “power”, relative to yourself.
Paying attention, listening and identifying areas that you can “work” to your advantage is often the difference in a favorable or unfavorable outcome. It requires the discipline to move outside your fear/intimidation and self, to focus upon and “analyze” your adversaries’ position and options. (the LE officer in this case)
To use the above in a general context to illustrate the point... LE officers and LE stations operate under the same financial constraints as private industry. Profit/Loss/Operation Expense/Budgets/Quotas etc. Priorities must be set to keep the operation healthy.
A LE officer has many of the same objectives/priorities (and mindset) as those of an outside salesperson working for private industry. Basically, the objective is to utilize available resources to generate the highest (ROI) return on “investment”. Simply stated...“don’t waste resources on the little stuff.” Their “job” is to bring in the most “income” (“criminals”) possible, which keeps the operation working.LE officers are good people just trying to do their jobs well like the rest of us.
No sane salesperson wants to announce in a weekly sales meeting that he spent 30hrs of his work week closing a sale for $200, :heehee:.
No sane LE officer, particular a drug task force officer, wants to announce that on a Saturday afternoon at 3pm (start of prime time for nabbing a big bust on the highway), he made the decision to abandon the highway and spend 3 hours bringing in a “Crossdresser” with no drug cache, no stack of money, no record, and a high likelihood of having his expensive attorney waiting for him by the time they arrived at the station, lol. I am confident in assuming there are many officers willing to “overlook” quite a few “enforceable” violations at a traffic stop...to avoid facing the feedback he would surely receive from his superiors and fellow officers by logging that incident on his activity report for that night...:eek:
My point is that the better you can identify and represent what the officer(s) are NOT hoping to find(deal with), the better your chances of walking (driving) away.
I may not have used the proper “terms” but hopefully explained the concept. This was not the first time it allowed me to dodge “bullets“. I can probably thank Corporate America for training me how to escape those who try to stab you in the back, as well as those few who are willing to stab you in the FRONT as well...:cool:
:love:
For the first time ever, something bad happened to my SO and I tonight. We were in an artsy/restaurant/clubbish section in a town an hour away. There were lots of people, including a lot of students since it is a college town. We were walking on the sidewalk toward our car at around 10:30 PM, and kids in a truck passing by rolled down their window and yelled, "YOU TRANSSEXUAL FREAK!" My SO thinks they had been outside one of the galleries we had visited earlier, had clocked her, and then recognized us as they were driving by.
I was devastated for the hurt that I imagined my SO must feel. To get dressed up in a pretty dress and look forward to a pleasant evening out together and then to be clocked in such a negative way is horrible! It's one thing speaking to someone who senses and understands that she is trans and who treats her with respect, but to be shouted at from a passing vehicle is abominable in my eyes. I asked my SO once we got home if she felt disappointed, she said she was, but the idea that she will pass to everyone is a fantasy and she is not about to get height reduction to prevent this from happening in the future. She is 6' tall. She asked me how many women we saw tonight who were her size and I had to admit, I saw none.
Anyway, I do admire the strong sense of self that she has. She said the kid was a jerk, and she didn't allow the incident to upset her. But I felt hurt for my SO and also I got angry that anyone would act this way. We've gotten some stares before, but nothing this rude. And I always liked to tell myself that maybe the people who stared, did so without any judgment. Maybe they were just curious. I guess I've been naive.
Reine, I'm 6'2" and have no illusions about being able to pass. I love heels and tower over most people anyway....so, I know the feeling. The bottom line is that, as you and your SO know, we can't let other people define us by some stupid, intolerant remark.
As I drove away from my house this evening I passed a group of teen boys - it was twilight and I noticed a couple of them turning around - either checking out the girl behind the wheel...or more realistically, gawking at the dude in the wig. I chose to believe it was the former....or nothing at all. Either way, I cant change it.
As your SO realizes, we can't control what people think or say. We can control our resonse.
as to the peopple who stare - some just do, without judgement. Some ladel on their own prejudices. Some are just too stupid to know they are staring. In any case, a AA quote comest to mind: Other peoples' opinion of me is none of my business.
In 16 months of being out in public I have only had four incidents where someone had any sort of issue with me
and most of these were in the earliest days of my transitioning. However in every single incident the person with
the issue ended up being really regretful they tried to start something and not just by me, by other people around
me who without the need of a single word from me jumped to my defence as soon as someone tried to make an issue.
There was one occassion there I did use my quick wit and sense of humour to put the other person in their place,
it so happened this person was another trans woman that only picked me as being a male because of my voice.
She came out and said in a store full of people "You've got the face of a man", I instantly replied "And what you don't
honey?" and then everyone waiting just burst out laughing at this trans-woman who was also then ordered to leave
the store. She would have done a lot better to keep her opinions to herself and keep her big mouth shut! :heehee:
Why thank you, Larry, that was just the start of my journey in life.
Nope, it's all been sunshine and rainbows for me.