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Originally Posted by
Frédérique
I can’t (or shouldn’t) really be on that other site. Why? Well, I’m not transgendered, am I? I’m just a crossdresser...
Like some others, I dislike that "just a crossdresser" terminology. I am surprised you're using it, because we as people are much to complext to be defined by a single word.
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I’m a male that likes to wear women’s (or girl’s) clothing – that makes me a crossdresser, specifically a MtF crossdresser.
Yes, you crossdress. But crossdressing is what you DO. It's more akin to a symptom of something else.
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I have no desire to be a woman, and I have no desire to live my life AS a woman, 24/7, in lieu of SRS. Calling me transgendered is like calling Pablo Picasso a surrealistLet me tell you, I get confused when transgendered individuals say I’m transgendered just because I crossdress...
Now hold on here, you seem to be confusing the term transgendered with transsexual. While there are some TS's out there who use transgendered when they mean TS for various reasons (we call that frame drag on a another board). transsexual is a subset of transgendered. In many, but not all cases, so is crossdressing. Just because you don't have the desire to transition, doesn't mean you aren't transgendered for have transgendered thoughts.
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It was never clear who was who,
Oh that's pretty much par for the course since people DO change how they identify. It's like the classic joke: "What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual...about 3 years"
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but there were times when it became obvious that “plain old” MtF crossdressers were far down on the pecking order...
Oh that's also pretty much standard, though some boards do crack down on pecking order stuff. It's also evident in actual support groups, to a certain extent, which is one reason why it's on the Internet as well. Now I'm not for certain if you were ever a member of a support group, but from your writing, odds are you hadn't encountered it or read about it before.
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I would write about crossdressing, and TG’s would “dress me down” in no uncertain terms.
Probably for the same reasons I have done so. You can be quite naive about trans-issues, and some of us can tell that in some ways you have some self-hatred about it...your overuse of the word "perversion" for example, but that's probably regional/cultural. Can't be helped really.
No, but one might say you don't really get the realities of the transgender community, either online or off.
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I now realize I was amongst a preponderance of TG’s, so this is why I felt isolated within my own sub-genre of gender exploration.
Why would that be a bad thing? Or are you saying TG's when you really mean TS's?
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So, here I am, a few years later, and there are several transgendered individuals on my ignore list who either don’t like ME, don’t like what I represent, or don’t like what I write.
if they don't like you, why are YOU ignoring THEM. Do you not like what they write? Isn't that closer to the truth? You write something, they disagree, you only want to see things that agree with your own trans-mindset so you block them? Is that really all that productive or a good thing overall?
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If this is supposed to be a discussion forum for crossdressers (see above), shouldn’t we (somehow) be allowed to discuss our crossdressing without incursions from the transgendered “community?”
In other words you're saying "I want to write without anyone challenging my viewpoint! I only want to see what I agree with!" Isn't that it? Because Crossdressers ARE a part of the transgender community, where you think so or not, because most crossdressers DO identify as being transgendered in some way or another. Now sure, most don't want to transition, but as I said, that doesn't mean they're not transgendered. There are "degrees" to it.
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I’ve written a lot about this, mainly because I can’t help but notice it – there is a BIG difference between a male who dresses as a woman for tactile or sexual reasons, and a transgendered person who may be way more serious about what they do.
While the former are "technically" crossdresers, they are more akin to what used to be called "transvestic fetishists" Yes, they are different...for one they don't join support groups, and tend to not do so online either. We have a few here who are obviously focused on specific garments like pantyhose or leotards (in fact their usernames often focus on their specific kind of crossdressing), they are easily outnumbered by crossdressers that do acknowledge a transgender basis for their crossdressing. Putting it bluntly the former have less angst...they put on the leotards or pantyhose, get their jollies, take them off and they're fine. It's why so few of them join support groups, they don't need them, they do their thing and enjoy it. They have no need to express their thing outside their bedrooms.
As we both know, crossdressers who do identify as being part of the transgender umbrella, they have different needs. We both know that the vast majority of crossdressers on this board who go out in public are transgender identified. As I said, that doesn't mean they want to transition, but their mindset is different. they go out, join support groups and whatnot. Even their fashion concerns are different., they're the ones that talk about blending.
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Some of the latter “dump” on the former to a certain degree...
It happens. Ive seen it happen the other way too, like what you're doing yourself in this thread now, but that's rarer.
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I’ve seen it, time and time again, in this very MtF crossdressing section. If you crossdress, you MUST be transgendered, or on the road to being transgendered, or transgendered without knowing it.
I think you're mixing up the meanings of transgendered and transsexual again. Transgendered is an umbrella term that applys to lots of people...including crossdressers
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To others, the act of crossdressing makes you transgendered.
That depends on motivation...that's the important thing.
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Apparently I, the MtF crossdresser, have certain obligations to fulfill – I cannot let down the "community," even though the community looks down on me.
Define "let down the community" for me. While I think that crossdressers could do a touch more to support the community, I also know why they don't. Though it's a vicsous circle
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I can’t just dress to please myself, stay within my zone of safety, and live in a fantasy world of my own making;
Sure you can, people do it all the time.
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I MUST get out there and put myself in harm’s way like a true TG, come what may.
Now hold on there, I don't recall many people saying "must" I do know some, including myself, who say that it's a "good idea" and that transgendered folks tend to feel better when they do so and stop feeling so "cooped up in the closet", but the ultimate decision is up to you.
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Like I said, there are many TG people on my ignore list, specifically the ones who scoff at “hobbyists” or part-timers like us.
I think non-fetishists who use the term "hobby" for their crossdressing are being disingenuous and are trying to minimize saying how much it means to them. Putting model ships in glass bottles is a hobby, "This thing of ours" is tied too closely to identity for most of us to be a mere "hobby". For the fetishists, it's more akin to a "sexual hobby" which isn't a bad thing.
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Many times I’ve written something for US, namely the glorified panty fetishists,
Are you a panty fetishist? Do you identify as such? If you do, don't you think you should change your name to something like "sexaypnatywearer" and change your avatar to a lower torso of a woman wearing a thong panty or something? What do you wear, really? You seem to have implied that it's not just panties and is more akin to the "young girl in tights and maryjanes" sort of thing.
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and it will generate a condescending post like this: “Frédérique is entitled to her opinion...”
Lots of people have opinions, that doesn't mean that they're "smart" opinoins, or well informed opinions or based on factually accurate information.
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but isn’t it queer that I, a crossdresser through and through, has to be defended on a CD site?
where did you get the opinion that this is "just" a CD site? Didn't you notice the transition-centric sections? or even the FTM sections? Or the section just for SO's? You should know that taking things literally can be a bad thing on the internet.
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I get the feeling I don’t belong here, but what else is new?
But why do you get the feeling? I don't understand, you crossdress (even if you don't identify as transgendered), you have friends here, why wouldn't you belong?
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I feel like, just maybe, I am entitled and justified to be on a site like this.
Of course you do...but that doesn't mean that you won't have your ideas and philosophies challenged at times, or that people will agree with you 100% of the time.
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As it is, I still have to fit my CD opinions in edge-wise and hope I’m connecting SOMEWHERE.
Well of course you're connecting with some people. From what I see, a certain kind of girly CDs who are apprehensive about going out and thinks they never will because of where they live/their wife/family/job/etc are your biggest fans.
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Alas, many of my threads are peppered with comments I cannot see, let alone read, because someone who looks down on me is taking the time to do just that...
But if you can't see those comments, how do you know that's what they're doing. You're "assuming", and that's a bad thing. They could be actually agreeing with you on some of your points and you wouldn't know it.
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Based on past experiences, I feel inferior.
There's an Eleanor Roosevelt quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." In other words, you are making yourself feel inferior.
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MY very BEST friend is transgendered, or she is convinced she is, or others tell her she is.
If you mean Anne, say so, don't beat around the bush.
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Subsequently, she is confused.
Less than she was, I think.
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PS – I’m NOT trying to stir the pot,
I think you are, but perhaps not intentionally and more on a subconscious level.
Veronica
