Did you ever honestly believe "it" would go away?

For me, I thought that my dressing had gone away completely after I got married.
And it had for almost 15 years, then it was back and more so then ever, Not I am
out to my family and there is no turning back, I enjoy to dress in women's clothes, and that is the way it is.
I finally get to enjoy life the way it should be.


Now do I think it will every go away. Not very likely, Most likely it is here to stay now.

This has happened to me many times. I would purge for one reason or another, either feeling guilty or for my SO at the time with no luck. When I thought I was done with it, something would trigger it again and I just had to buy a pair of nylons. I would wear that under my men's clothes and think "that will enough to satisfy my desire". Well I think you all know how that ended. I remarried 7 years ago, told my would be wife all about it so it would be no surprise and she has been one of the most understanding and supportive wife any one could ask for. Even at that I recently went through a medical problem during which time I could not shave my legs much less put on the nylons and shape ware I so enjoy. This lasted for about 8 months and again I thought "I'm done with this now". No way, in about 3 months the nylons came back and I'm now CD more than ever and love every minute of it. I have just come to accept this is me. My wife thinks it very funny that I would ever think for one minute it will "go away", she knows me better than I know me.

I always thought this was a phase. I thought that after I tried all that I wanted to try that I would out grow this and it would fade away and that my secret would always be safe. After all, this was born out of a fetish so I always thought it was a part of the fetish. I was wrong. Purge after purge, and thousands of dollars later and it's still here with no sign of ever leaving. It always came back and usually harder than when it left. Now I have come to terms with myself as this is who I am. I can think of a lot worse things that could have happened than this. It is what it is.

I had these feelings when I was young, I identified with girls and wanted to be one, but I knew it was something I should keep to myself. I think by the time I was 12 I started getting depressed about it, and wishing it would go away. I thought maybe I was gay because I felt this way. I kept wanting it to go away. My mom had a very traditional belief in gender roles, and would make fun of me for not acting like a boy like my younger brothers. So I just kept hoping it would go away. I talked to my first girlfriend in high school about it, she liked it because she was bisexual and it was a desire for her but I started hating dressing because it was more for her pleasure than me being happy. So for years I just repressed it until I couldn't any longer the more I wished it would go away the angrier I became towards people without me even realizing it, until I made a change to get help. My wife embraced it and and I am happier than I have ever been.

There was that first time with my older sister's pantyhose & bra. Really had to work up to it and keep it hidden being in a large family growing up. Still makes me feel good remembering how good it felt to a 13 year old. After a few times trying other things on and then being caught and getting " the talk " did not think too much about it for many years. Women's clothes always did interest me and about 8 years ago, bought a package of ladies briefs. One thing led to another and after being hidden for so many years, Jolene has gotten out of her bottle and she has never gone back into it.
It seems I will never be done with this and to be honest I enjoy having Jolene be a part of me.
I have never married and have lived alone here for many years, so I do wonder why Jolene did not come out sooner.