This girl has me ROFL! Best laugh all day hun!Quote:
i'll quit when they pry my purse from my cold dead hands... :)
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This girl has me ROFL! Best laugh all day hun!Quote:
i'll quit when they pry my purse from my cold dead hands... :)
Isha.
To clarify I am not saying that because something is fun and people do it a lot it must be an addiction. But addictions usually start with an enjoyable thing but that enjoyable thing doesn't necessarily lead to an addiction. Doing that enjoyable thing a lot doesn't necessarily mean an addiction. the sign of and addict is when they can't reasonably stop. The person who has a drink most nights but ceases at a reasonable hour to sleep for work the next day isn't an addict. The person who thinks their bosses are fascists because they don't allow drinking on the job probably is. I am also not saying that all addictions are harmful. TV and smartphone use have been shown to be addictive the only harm there is too the art of face to face conversation.
I have had sometime to think of why the idea that, a cross-dressers can't quit and it is just who they are, hits a nerve with me; its so fatalistic. It has no faith in human free will. This would be no sweat off the back of any cross-dresser who has found a contented life cross-dressing. But it is grim hopeless news to those cross-dressers who cannot find contented lives in cross-dressing.
I think all cross-dressers start out the same (folks with GIDs not included) we have a motivation to cross-dress it is something in our minds and it is something we didn't choose. Each individual cross-dresser has a choice in interpreting the meaning of this source. Is it who they really are or is it just an impulse to do act. Neither answer has yet been proven to be the correct one. There are cross-dressers form both camps that have gone on to find contented lives. It would be simple to start to see cross-dressing as something that is meant to be. There are those from both camps whose cross-dressing lead them form the life they wanted and they are not happy with it at all. What is more helpful to say to them; It is who you are and you can never change; or this isn't who you really are you can fight it. Its just a state of mind, an addiction, an impulse, It is just clothes?
Now to be clear I don't hate cross-dressing. I don't think it is evil. I don't think all cross-dressers are suffering a mental illness. I don't think they are all lonely and depressed. I don't want to see all cross-dressers "Cured".
I am quite happy that there are so many cross-dressers that have found peace, joy, and contentment with cross-dressing. I find it a mitzvah. I say mazel tov.
I just know from my own experience that even after one excepts that cross-dressing is a thing in their life finding a place for it in life isn't easy.
These are not just feelings. This is our feminine side manifesting itself within us. Every man has a feminine side just as every woman has a masculine side. With some men it manifests itself through sewing or fashion, with others it's cooking, still others, it housekeeping, it's just that with us, it's through wearing clothing. And this differs from man to man as well. With some it's dresses and skirts (pants aren't feminine enough), while with others, like me, it's with lingerie, while yet with others it's the whole package: lingerie, dresses, wig and shoes. I won't pass, so I wouldn't even try to (too fat, plus my beard is too dark even right after shaving). My wife hates the idea that I dress so I can't tell her and I can't let her catch me dressed! I live in western Burlington county, NJ. If anyone in the area would care to talk, please post a reply if you think you would be interest in talking to me. So we can make arrangements. Thank You.
It takes a lot more than will power to do most things. Quitting anything depends on circumstances and consequences. Survival is a basic instinct that cannot be easily willed away. Yet we all have probably heard of smokers who cannot quit even on their death bed. Stranded on the island you correctly figured out that you would be too busy figuring out how to survive. Some would not figure that out until it is too late. Others pointed out in extreme conditions, prison, war zone, gun to ones head, one can suppress the desire to dress to survive.Quote:
Originally Posted by Isha
Thought Experiment
Now go to the other extreme. If you had unlimited access to anything your heart desired, for an unlimited period of time, with complete positive acceptance from everyone, without any negative consequences what so ever, could you will such an opportunity away? I don't think anyone here could. In this scenario, the temptation is always available to you. It is like the saying “power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” It is just a matter of time before one succumbs.
Add some consequences to the above scenario with a time limit. Some one posted a thread something along the lines “would you dress for a year for a million dollars?” In my case, in a heart beat. Not much will power required to do this. Add the following twist, “would you not dress for a year for a million dollars?” Yes, but this would take some will power. Another twist, how would you answer this if everyone was already a millionaire and you had no money issues but the consequences were severe?
A couple final twists on will power. What if you only had a year to live and you had no way to support your family or if your family had nothing to worry about after your death?
Back to the real world.
The number of threads on purging and then splurging seems to anecdotal evidence that most do not have the wlll-power necessary to quit.
Hey Isha,
Hope you are feeling better. For me , the answer is no - I can not stop, the best I can do is curtail or postpone it for an extended period of time. Or possibly downgrade - by that I mean for the past 40 years of my life, by dressing had only been within the 4 walls of my home, when the house was to myself. This has just involved wearing clothes
For the past year of so, the world as opened up, and I have ventured outside. This has now involved makeup, forms, padding and a wig to make myself more presentable as female, to experience life in feminine role. Now that I have done so, I don't just dress at home, it now just feels partial to me. So by "downgrade" , I would hope to revert back to dressing at home fills the void. This has gotten me a bit worried because there is a definite expiration date as to how long I can do this based upon age and alone time availability - I am for now am taking it day by day.
i guess, and a guess is the best I can do, as I can talk to only one branch do the Cd/TS/TG tree, is the more you associate as TS/TG the more infeasible it is to quit then just being a CD. No I take this back, it is just as hard regardless, but for different reasons. I consider myself dual-gendered, I don't need clothes and makeup to be in touch with my feminine side, but it completes me. It's like this, I can see the moon with my naked eye, but with a really good telescope with great lenses, I can make out the craters. For those who just associate themselves as CDer, without the clothes there is no connection at all.
forgive me as always for the rambling. ( Isha, why do you cause me to ramble on and on :)
Gretch
Well stated. My situation exactly and it is always comforting to find that you are not alone in your situation.
I agree with Alice that one can quit the act of dressing, but IMHO that has nothing to do with the urge to act. My thoughts, totally from within (no scientific or statistical basis), is that we are all born somewhere on a gender scale from female to male. Finding that place and being able to recognize it, accept it, and ultimately express it, seems to be what we are all about here. I have dressed and purged for over 5 decades and guess what...I have a closet full of clothes right now. Made up my mind a few years ago to be who I am, and get off that roller coaster. Am I at total peace with who I am, uhhhh, not yet. Do I totally understand the drive to do what I love to do...nope. Working on it, though.
Hugs,
Trish
Sure. The question is always, for how long? I've managed to do it for years, twice. However, it does involve how the rest of my life is going; the ability to hold back the desire to crossdress does take a certain amount of brain power (cpu cycles, for the geeks among us) being used on a constant basis. When other things in my life need to use that amount, then the desire to crossdress has nothing to suppress it and it becomes an overwhelming need which I can't ignore. Right now, the two things which are ever present in my life are the lack of love and affection, and holding back the sadness is all I can do, so the crossdressing must be allowed to 'vent', or I'll be breaking down in tears all over the place. I know this because I've noticed that I tend to tear up a lot at things that would never have triggered it during better times in my life. And for the amatuer and/or professional psychologists among us, no, meds don't help. As long as you can think, if there's a good reason to be depressed, you're going to be depressed. Modern meds might be able to take the edge off of it, but being happy isn't the goal of modern mental health. They just want us to be functional contributing members of society. Our puritanical heritage defines that we are not allowed to be happy unless we work very hard for it, as evidenced by the criminalization of euphoric drugs. Their belief is that the general populace must not have a cheap and easy way to happiness, especially if it doesn't financially benefit someone else.Quote:
Originally Posted by Isha
Isha,
I have purged and then started again too often to remember. The last time was this past November. I was working the night shift and on one of my nights off got dressed, went out and did some window shopping at 1:00 A.M. I saw my reflection and thought, "What the heck am I doing?" I purged not too long after that. I went a few months suppressing the feelings, trying not to think about the clothes, heels and wig I donated and not coming to this site. But, the urges have returned. I finally joined this forum and started buying shoes and clothes again. I have read what others have said here and I agree. It will never leave. So it's best that I come to terms with it, embrace it and move on. So, here I sit, wearing a pencil skirt, blouse, stockings and heels...and loving it. Is it an addiction? Perhaps. I'll spend money on clothes and shoes that I'll wear a few times a week. But I'm not hurting anyone, least of all myself. It's not criminal nor immoral.
Jill
A few random thoughts....
--I am a Trans-something. Not 100% boy,not 100% girl,I'm just me. What I am,what I like,what I feel is my ESSENCE,and that does not change. I liked the left-handed example someone mentioned--it's just how I was made,and accepting one's own uniqueness is a huge step forward.
--It is NOT an addiction. While there are negative consequences for substance/gambling/etc addictions,any negative consequences we may suffer are more due to society's prejudices. The more important question for me is: "When will society as a whole stop THEIR addiction to prejudices?"
--After being on a med that boosts Dopamine levels,I can tell you this:the "pink fog" rush is similar but decidedly different. So is the crash after levels drop off. There is something about dressing up or whatever that hits at the neurotransmitter level,but it's obviously more complicated than just Dopa and Serotonin.
--As for "late-bloomers",I don't think it is necessarily repression. There is no doubt some part played by hormones in all this,and if anything it could be testosterone that was the "repressor",not their psyche.
--There may be people out their who have been "cured" or "quit their addiction". If so,they're not likely to be on this site!
Peace,
D.
My favorite xdrg: YOU CAN'T PURGE THE URGE!!
Lipstick kisses
Karen
SO
Isha,
circumstances such as break down in relationships can have an adverse effect on dressing.
Otherwise it would take a lot of will power and a heck of a lot of won't power. :)
I do feel however that breakdown in relationships has the most sobering effect.
I DO believe that it is possible to stop. I DON'T believe it's possible for everyone to stop. I am 100% certain that there is a CD out there, somewhere, who has managed to stop completely. I don't know the reason one CD would be able to stop and not another. Maybe its because of a lesser degree of GD. Or, more determination and fortitude. I don't believe that CDing would be any different, in regards to quitting, than a habit or addiction that someone wants to quit. Some people will be successful and some won't. And I'm not calling CDing a habit or an addiction. I'd be remiss, I think we all would be remiss, if we didn't acknowledge the possibility, or better, yet, the probability, of someone, somewhere, actually having been successful in stopping their CDing.
Nope!!!!
Hello Jessica. I'm new here. I can tell you that if your a true crossdesser, and you've always had the urge to dress. Then no, the urge will never go away and that it's not healthy to try. I encourage you to embrace the feminine part of you, and have fun with it. Besides, you're smokin hot
Hi Isha,
Speaking on a personal note. I don't think a CDer can quit.
I've been dressing since I was 4, always loved the feel and look of the clothes. It was only sexual around early adolescence then the sexual arousal element stopped mid to late teens.
When I was mid 20's to early 30's I did make a concerted effort to stop the dressing and the times i dressed went down to once a year, and after the birth of my daugther i even proclaimed to myself that im cured! But the thoughts to dress were still there.
Though I only dress on a semi regular basis, when I can get time (today was one day I could, and what a day). The periods that I don't dress could be up to a month or so, and when I'm not dressed all I think about is, what I'd like to wear the next time.
As I've aged(52) the urge to dress is stronger (and getting stronger) than any time during my life. I've tried many times to stop completely (and have done the purge!), but I never can. For me when I put on a dress it is a feeling of who I am, I'm me!
From my perspective, no you can't stop, this is how you were born, except it and live with it the best you can. For it has taken me a long time to except it and I now have and I'm enjoying who I am .
Adelaide
Hi
I really believe it is who we are. We can not quit it. Its who we are. I have been doing it off and on since I was 12. I give it up and swear I am never going back. Sure enough. I go back. I stopped about 9 years ago. I met someone and got married and now recently it has come back. Every time it does come back, it seems it comes back stronger and harder. Its killing me not to do it but in my current life, its not possible.
Just last night, after many many drinks and in the heat of some intense passion, I told my wife I wanted her to make me her girl. Dress me up and own me. She was totally into it. Sadly, she doesn't remember any of it today. Thanks a lot, Captain Morgan. Prick.
I really don't know what I am going to do. Its killing me. It is all I think about doing. I want to be Rebecca. I need to be. Its who I am.
So no. We can never truly quit.
I thought about leaving that part of me behine, but a frend reminder me that wanda would alway be there. She is right , CD is part of me and who iam.
that's an easy question. the answer is NO
Pretty sure I can't stop. If I were forced to...I'm sure I would be absolutely miserable.
If I hurt no one, and it gives me a sense of bring complete and calms me -- why the heck not?
If you are able to stop your way of thinking . Never wish you will put anything feminine on. Either when you are by yourself or with others.
Then and only then could you say you have stopped being TG.
Nope, and I hope that never changes!! I absolutely LOVE my femininity and have come to accept that I AM a woman so I will never stop. It IS who I am.
Contentedly,
Jen
The times I've had to stop...work, relationships, etc, weren't
ever because i wanted to...I've always *Loved* it. Well, I
*Loved* being able to be myself...lol!
So, i guess i couldn't really say if *I* could stop, because I
never did/wouldn't ever want to.
Easy for me to say that, though...it's always been normal for me.
:)
I find that I can decide to dress or not each day. But the desire to dress doesn't go away. It's been that way for over half a century...probably not going to change.
Hugs,
Trish
For each & every person, this can be so different so I can only speak for myself.
For me, I tried to quit, shut it out, be a man etc, but it had completely the opposite effect. I thought about it every single day. It made me feel depressed & anxious, then when it finally came back it was stronger than ever. It proved to be the catalyst for me in finally getting out & leaves me wondering how far I want to take things in the longer term.
I tried to suppress being transgender, it didn't work.