for those who are married

Sometimes_miss.....what I was trying to say in my original comment was that in relationships it will always be about compromise or it won't work out. I am very much aware that my SO's CDing is him expressing his inner self. I think it's fabulous and I support him 100%. I would never ask him to stop...and I wouldn't change this part of him if I could because I know it is part of who he is and I love him completely. With that being said I continue to be perplexed by the number of cross dressers who seek out heterosexual women....knowing they are physically attracted to a man....hide their cross dressing from them...sometimes for years....and then blame the woman for not being 100% accepting when they reveal it to them. Just like you mentioned...it's a part of you just like our menstruation (really??) and you couldn't not do it even if you wanted to....well the woman cannot help it that she is not attracted to someone who looks and acts like a woman. Herein lies a lot of the problem. None of this applies to me or my relationship because #1 I am extremely open and accepting and love my spouse with my whole heart...all of him and #2 he has a great attitude about it and is open to compromise. That is what I was trying to say and feel like I was misunderstood. I know you can't change this....I know it's not a passing hobby....I understand it's who you are...I think it is awesome and wish everyone had acceptance and love for every part of them....but you can't pretend to be one thing and then later reveal something else (in some cases after years of marriage) and not at least have some willingness to compromise. That is what I was trying to say originally.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

But at some point, perhaps you and your wife will realize that it's all you, and it's all there, all the time, just waiting around to be set free to be 'all' you, all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a terrific thing to be able to see, and feel, all the things that both sexes do. It's just a shame that we're criticized for it. Makes you kind of wonder how this human race will ever advance, when we can't even accept other people who have broader capabilities for feeling and/or thought than we do.

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Yes! That's it. This thing we do is a small part of our greater whole. I am not two personalities - one female and one male - I simply am.

What makes a behavior male or female? I do most of the cooking; my wife does most of the home repairs. I love action movies; my wife loves romantic comedies. These behaviors and preferences hold true no matter what clothes we wear. My wife loves me because of the way I treat her and I don't have any special insight into her desires because we both sometimes wear a bra.

It's funny that it was actually my wife who had this revelation. She was immediately accepting because she realized that "Jocelyn" was simply a part of why she feel in love with me. It was my wife who taught me there are no "modes"; there is only me.

My wife has known for 8 years. She knows my dabbled in crossdressing so she thinks it in my genes. She is very supportive and even buys me things she thinks I will like. And I do.:hugs:
Angie

I think my wife is just happy that I do the dishes.

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Originally Posted by Kimberly Ann

Sometimes_miss.....what I was trying to say in my original comment was that in relationships it will always be about compromise or it won't work out. I am very much aware that my SO's CDing is him expressing his inner self. I think it's fabulous and I support him 100%. I would never ask him to stop...and I wouldn't change this part of him if I could because I know it is part of who he is and I love him completely. With that being said I continue to be perplexed by the number of cross dressers who seek out heterosexual women....knowing they are physically attracted to a man....hide their cross dressing from them...sometimes for years....and then blame the woman for not being 100% accepting when they reveal it to them. Just like you mentioned...it's a part of you just like our menstruation (really??) and you couldn't not do it even if you wanted to....well the woman cannot help it that she is not attracted to someone who looks and acts like a woman. Herein lies a lot of the problem. None of this applies to me or my relationship because #1 I am extremely open and accepting and love my spouse with my whole heart...all of him and #2 he has a great attitude about it and is open to compromise. That is what I was trying to say and feel like I was misunderstood. I know you can't change this....I know it's not a passing hobby....I understand it's who you are...I think it is awesome and wish everyone had acceptance and love for every part of them....but you can't pretend to be one thing and then later reveal something else (in some cases after years of marriage) and not at least have some willingness to compromise. That is what I was trying to say originally.

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Kimberly Ann, you make excellent points. Though it is perhaps understandable why so many of us choose to hide this side of ourselves from our mates, it is no less unfortunate. In my case I didn't share early on because I assumed the desire would evaporate once I was married. Looking back that seems naive. Maybe it was more a hope than an actual belief. Either way the revelation, coming several years into the marriage, placed an awkward burden on my wife.

After all these years I am still amazed at her initial reaction and blessed by her continued support. As a heterosexual woman she is not attracted to a feminized version of her husband, so it is important that we maintain strong lines of communication and a willingness to compromise. Certainly it is she that does the lion's share of compromising, but we have found a way to make it work for us. It sounds like you have as well.