Hi Jenn, Why do so many just assume that all Crossdressers are Gay ??
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Hi Jenn, Why do so many just assume that all Crossdressers are Gay ??
No science to back it up, but I have theory that straight crossdressers, which all the surveys say are the majority, tend to be more closeted and aren't seen. Gay and bi crossdressers go out more, are seen more, are presented in the media more and the public perception is that they're more representative of crossdresserdom (if that's a word.)
Well, I think that assumption is both natural and reasonable. It goes like this: most woman like men. Wanting to present as female means you like men. Why would a straight man want to dress as a woman?!?!Quote:
Originally Posted by BLUE ORCHID
I dressed for years at home and decided I wanted to go out, this was like 1990. I went not dressed to a couple of so-called gay bars first and checked them out. If it matters I don't consider myself gay I just figured gay people would be more excepting than people in a typical bar.
After years of going out I feel strongly gay bars are far more excepting. In fact I went into a regular night club one night and was asked to leave, they said I was not dressed properly.
I started going out like once a week for several years. I found that basically no one paid much any attention in gay bars except for guys interested in us girls. I was advised to never go to a leather bar, which I wound not do anyway.
Someone else on this thread mentioned lesbians are the less excepting. I found that out several different times, they could be very catty. Gay guys was usually very friendly and would enjoy talking with you.
I agree. With the exception of Halloween, gay men are not necessarily thrilled to be around crossdressers. I only frequented gay bars for a short time back in the day and realized early on that I was not really welcomed. I don't think that has changed much. Most stories I here have the men on one side of the bar and the "girls" on the other side. Kind of like Catholic school.
strangest Catholic school I ever heard of....;-)
One would think that people who are looking for acceptance and tolerance would be accepting and tolerant themselves. Not always so.
Last night I spent some time with friends at a local sports bar (in drab.) Now I know why would I think gay bars would be accepting of crossdressers. It'll take a week to wash the testosterone smell out of my hair...
I find the LGBT community more accepting. I don't feel uncomfortable or out of place.... what's wrong with that?
What does everyone else do when you go out to have fun?
Actually, I didn't make any such assumption early on. I didn't have a clue -- I knew zippo about gays, and this was pre-Forum etc -- so my first outings I was nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I desperately wanted to go somewhere and tried picturing myself going into one of the local kicker or yuppie bars, but all those reveries ended with either an ambulance ride or a walk of shame, and honestly, to this day I have yet to test those waters here at home. So, following the logic that's already been posted, I went the gay route by default and that instinct proved out. So it's not that I assume, I know for a fact that gay venues are tolerant, at least around here.
Rarely in any case. rememberQuote:
Originally Posted by Michelle_G
. Even here we separate factions. It is human natureQuote:
There is a long hair that doesn't like the short hair
For being' such a rich one, that will not help the poor one
I find it is varying everywhere. Never had a problem at a "straight" venue. Never had a problem at a "gay" venue. Gay guys talk to me all the time because I am not a threat. Lesbians have taken me under their wing many times. Been to leather clubs. Been to drag bars (now there I met with cattiness). Been to arty bars and been to sports bars. No one says anything (what they think I don't really care anymore). I stay away from bars where I know I won't fit. I don't do biker bars but have friends who do. I don't like hairy men so bear bars are not my style ( I mean what if one hits on me?). I also don't frequent meat market bars. Straight men won't date me because they think it will make them gay. Straight women find me fascinating but not as a date.
The bar I perform in started as a "gay" bar but is now 50/50. I have heard a couple remarks about the drag queens (which really hardly ever come there) and two Yelp reviews complained about the crossdressers. The management answered both quickly with "We don't discriminate". Yes there have been people who have come in that don't fit and on occasion try and bend the place to suit them While they aren't thrown out they are made to feel that they need to find a new location. What exactly are you looking for? If you are looking for a hookup, you need to choose a bar that is known for that. If you are looking to dance, I have never seen anyone turned away as long as you are proper. If you are looking for conversation...see what I am saying?
When you first go out, most middle of the road gay bars will welcome your cash. Acting like a hooker or an over sexed 16 year old probably would be less welcome. That is what I see in gay bars with newly minted CDs. They haven't lost the sexual fetish part and they expect any man would trip trying to have them Realize that in today's world a lot of gay and lesbians have partners...like any straight bar...you don't mess with another person's partner. i see CDs that have hard time telling the difference between just talking and trying to seduce. Just go and be yourself and relax. You may be hit on you may not...even by a lesbian
I have found them to be accepting but it depends really on the bar, leather or bars that cater to bears or the other masculine gay fetish niches would probably not into it.
From my experience the gay community as said before tolerates Crossdressers and Transexuals but certainly do not go out there way to make them feel welcome.
Also agree that Lesbians are even less tolerant of Crossdressers and Transexuals.
But I can see where they are coming from at times as society did not know where to pigeon hole CD's & TS's so they just tagged us onto the the LGB community hence its now LGBT.
But the bottom line is that even in 2015 society have to label everyone and as you see LGBT just does that and singles people out as being different from normal society which is just insulting to all concerned.
I know!!!! I want to hang with more sisters like us!!!
This is only my observation, I don't think any bar, straight, gay, or whatever, is going to welcome any new person with open arms. CDers have to build a relationship with the place (maybe with the bar tenders). Maybe they should go with another crossdresser, be friendly, and don't expect too much. The dynamics also change with each visit, even to the same bar. It all depends on the people who are there during each particular visit.
my new thing to do is to go into str8 bars dressed ( in numbers) ......never a problem yet.....yet......but if you dress properly and represent accordingly there should be no issues.....staffs have been extremely friendly, even helping us call cabs at the end of a night. Your only as strong as your weakest link so make sure your gal pals are all on the same page
I agree with you insomuch as gay people have their own agenda and beliefs.
They also differ from ours, we still like women where they are attracted to people of the same sex.
We like clothing of the opposite sex and this gives us a drive.
Men do have many fantasies about other men and and these are quite different to cross dressers.
Women also have a totally different attraction to other women and their fantasies can include men or even to the extent of abhorrence.
The only tangible link I see is that we have all been attracted away from what people see as a "normal" hetrosexual relationship.
We are driven together because society defines us as different.
Speaking from a LOT of experience, gay bar patrons are more tolerant than straight counterparts, but more importantly, even if they have issues with CD's, they aren't going to physically attack anyone. I've never, ever heard of gay people physically attacking trans people of any variety.
I don't know, I've had good times in most kinds of bars including gay though I do avoid sports bars unless I am with a bunch of girls. Lesbian bars in Manhatran, kind of iffy unless you're really looking good or with GGs. But when someone hits on you in any venue why wouldn't you just say "thanks but no not tonight" no need to go into who is straight or bi or whatever.Quote:
Originally Posted by sometimes_miss
And because the Muggles, even though the information in out there if they'd only look, think that we're "all" Gay! :cry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Beverley Sims
I assumed it and was correct in my instance... after all we are the "T" in the LGBT grouping.
In my years of crossdressing I had trouble finding somewhere to go to relax. I found a couple of good places in Brisbane. 2 gay pubs, and one had accomadation. While it was safe and comfortable, the gays (particurely men) hated us. We were considered weird and not wanted among their territory. Gay people cry for acceptance, but have the time to judge us.
My experience with Gay bars has always been positive to be fair. Always supportive and I've never seen any trouble. I don't know if it's just where I live but our gay clubs have a good mix of people.
In fact my experiences out and about have been on the whole a positive experience.
Before I realised I was CD (dumb, I know but hey), I felt uncomfortable in gay bars the few times I went in, but then I saw myself as hetero, probably all my "stuff".
I don't know if they're more accepting or not, but I'd ASSUME that no-one likes to make social faux-pas. So the dress code indicates preferences there, and maybe CD-ing confuses and heightens social-error risks, thus making everyone involved a bit less comfortable?
This is kind of an aside, but do TG clubs have ladies' nights just like regular bars and clubs? I've never been and I'm curious.