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I cannot speak to all men, but I can tell you why I hid my CDing from my ex-wife. My ex-wife was a master manipulator, still is. She uses information like the CIA using information to flip a target. Had she ever known, and thank God she does not, she would have used it against me at every step. The truth is I should have never married her in the first place, but that was a bell I could not un-ring. So you can call me a coward, but I knew that leaving without having ever told her about this side of me was in some ways a good move. We ended up divorcing for the economic consequences of decisions she made. The bad side was that I have not seen my children in years, as I said she is a master manipulator. So there are consequences form men, loosing your children, the $40,000 in alimony I must pay every year and potentially being outed to people you do not want to know about your hobby.
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I'll give you my two cents....I went to catholic school and grew up in a time when you just didn't do this....so when I got married and I knew I was in love...I just didn't think she would accept it. You ind of mention a few things , you hint, you watch stuff on TV and hope you see some light...but mostly you are too scared. You just hide it because it is easier and safer(even though it isn't)....I wish I had been stronger, more honest especially with myself. Would have saved allot of horror.
Ill also add , I think allot of us are figuring it out as we age, then it is almost too late. We all have habits we stop, this one is hard to break.
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It took me about 8 years to talk to my wife about it. We started dating when we were in high school and we were both from really conservative families. It took me a long time to figure everything out and work up the courage to talk to her about it. I was totally afraid that she would leave. Thankfully she didn't. She's no thrilled about it but she's taking her time and doing her best to understand. It will take time but she deserves all the time that she needs. Coming from our upbringing, it's a lot to ask but she's doing her best.
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A lot the same with me Samantha. My wife was partially raised by her maternal grand parents on their dairy farm. Very conservative, very religious. That my wife hasn't left me is quite remarkable in itself. The general area which we are living in is not a very accepting area either. Up until me, she knew basically no one who was TG. She has said to me that if I had told her right at the beginning, she truly does not know if our relationship would have progressed or not.
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My wife knows that I like to CD on occasion but she is not into it. Does not want to see me doing at all. On recommendation of a friend, I got her to read "Katies Playground" by Marilyn Marshmallows as it shown CDing as a fun thing done by adults for fun. It took away the serious side of it for her and she now jokes about making me wear a bra etc. but she does not actually carry out her threat. She's not ready and I don't push it. It has to come from her.
I can only recommend that you find a way to make it less serious. If woman see that it is just harmless fun, they may come around to it. If they see that its a big deal to you, it may send them running. Make it fun.
