Is there a connection..crossdressing and being submissive?

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Originally Posted by xdresser4u2dressup

I think at some point we all like to be submissive , we are creatures of habit and change . Even Straight Men < the considered norm > likes to be submissive at some point as well as the Woman being Dominant at some point . I think it comes down to whoever has the Strongest Physical urge wants to be the more Dominent .

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You are so right. so many men CD or not, want to be submissive to women. That's why there are so many professional Dominatrices making a living catering to the need, desire or urge for males that want to submit. Some make $200.00 plus an hour by simply letting a man clean their house for them and then punish him if he does not do a good job. I have read of and heard of many men of power in the corporate world, the government world that pay big bucks to have a woman dominate them. Maybe it's an escape or release just as crossdressing is for so many. I know for me, I could never... or would never pay a woman to dominate me. It's to artificial, and it would bother me that her only interest in me is the amount of money she will get paid. But for some men, that is the only way they can live out their desire to submit. I frankly feel sorry for them. Just search the web and in every larger city you will find a professional to meet the needs of those that pay to play. I don't get it, but hey, that's me.
Not to get to far off track about my original post and thoughts, I simply wanted to see how many other crossdressers "might" be or want to be submissive to a woman. Especially to one they really care about, such as a wife or girlfriend. I understand that very few live it 24/7...anymore then they cross dress 24/7. For many it is just a very sexy, erotic fun thing to do with a mate. Basically in the bedroom so to speak; No doubt it is the majority of those that have this desire to submit. I am surely NOT suggesting that all crossdressers are or want to be submissive. And our personal reasons will vary as much as our style of dress.

I hope my SO will find this thread and chime in with her comments. She has joined this site and will drop in from time to time when not busy with her granddaughters that now dominant her everyday life and free time is rare.

I would never be submissive as a lifestyle, but it is an exciting fantasy and absolutely connected to CDing, somehow. Look at how many CDs enjoy the French maid look and scenario. It combines both...There are also degrees of submission, even in fantasy role play. I would never want to be abused, but there are scenes I could do--keeping in mind it's all fun and games, not a lifetime choice...

Adrienner, you make some good points. You are right about how many CD's like the French maid fantasy. I bet as many French maid costumes are sold to males as are sold to GG's. And I agree, most interest in submission is in fantasy role play. Some of us just take that a bit further. I also agree...I mean who wants to be abused? Let's understand, that submission is NOT abuse. Abuse happens in any type of relationship, not just for those that are submissive. The 2 things are not related. Lifetime choice...hmmm? Is cross dressing a lifetime choice? Do we make the choice to be who we are? Thanks for your comments.

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Originally Posted by BRANDYJ

Shananigans, first let me apologize for taking so long to respond to your last post. I think I understand what you are trying to say and that you were not making a personal attack on me. No harm done. See, your view of what a submissive and a Dominant is, is very different then mine when I think read or hear those terms. Your mind processes it as something fun and fun only in the bedroom. I get this thought process you have from this one line you wrote: And, I still stand by my grounds that if you are groveling to a person and submitting to their every whim 24/7 that it IS disturbing. And in the way you think about it and expressed it, I would agree with you.
So when someone says they are submissive 24/7 to someone, you have those images of the things some might do ONLY in the bedroom. You don't see the loving side of what it is to some of us in a 24/7 relationship. But I can see why you feel that way. Not all D/s relationships are good or even healthy. Especially when it is the male that is the dominant. So many take advantage of someone's low self esteem and low opinion of themselves. They feel they have to submit to keep that so called Dom. Many are abused and used my some low-life jerk of a man that calls himself a Dom simply to get a woman to do anything he says. Now that's sick. I'm sure there are some GG Dommes that do the same thing to a male that has a low level of self respect and self esteem. But it's more rare...I hope.
The images and what we think when we read or hear certain words can set of a very negative thought process for us. Kind of like the images and thoughts I have when I hear or read the term sissy, or sissy maid. I hate those terms and have very negative thoughts about what anyone that calls themselves a sissy is really like. So I think I see where you are coming from. Again, no harm done. I still respect and like you. :):D

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I don't see the term "Dominant" or "Submissive" as negative terms. Just since they are so widely use in accordance to BDSM, I tend to think along those lines of what that usually entails.

One could say that I have a domineering personality outside of the bedroom, or that Ryan tends to be the one more willing to bend. But, it seems so weird to say that we have these set assigned "roles" 24/7. I think most well-rounded personalities have a blend of both dominant and submissive characteristics. This blend of personality traits is quite different from what I would assign as the "dominant" and "submissive" roles of that are synonymous with the BDSM culture.

If I ask Ryan to do something...9 times out of 10, he will do it. And, vice versa. It's not really a dominance or submission thing...it's just a relationship. You do things to make the other person happy.

Am I completely missing your point? I'm still kind of confused on what you are assigning as these 24/7 D/S roles.

Crossdressing is my way of being submissive, I am a sissy. I suppose, when it comes to sex.

I find myself attracted to both roles dressed in female clothes and male clothes. When dating a gg I was both' but when I put on my girl clothes I really liked to dominate her. When I have dated men I find that I like being the top and bottom. It might very well depend on what kind of mood I am in.

I never learned how to be submissive. I'd probably have gotten a lot further in careerdom if I had.

I'm the person who, at company presentations, asks the questions that everyone wants to know the answer to and doesn't dare to ask. "Q: There's a rumour that there are going to be layoffs." "A: No! Never thought of them!" "Q: that's not what you said last meeting" "A: Oh, well, things are different now"

I had a girlfriend once who was quite controlling; after three months I had to get out and take a break and regain my balance.

My wife has asked me to not get the hair on my face removed. I'd prefer to get it removed, and probably will some day. But in the meantime it is in the status of "I don't need to do it now and it makes her more comfortable with me that I don't do it; I can compromise on this matter. She asked, she didn't order or belittle or anything like that: important to her but not so important to me at this time. Meanwhile, I walk around the house with my decorated toenails and my wife offered me a blouse that is too big for her and didn't mind at all that I was out for my monthly meeting last night... sometimes giving up a little can gain a lot without there being any "submission" involved.

I think being a CD and being submissive is all about perspective. I myself have had a lot of experience in the BDSM community and have seen many men crossdress or be "feminized" for their Mistress' delight and entertainment. Some of them do it only for that particular "scene" and some do it simply because they love the feeling they get portraying a woman. Suprisingly enough though only a small handful actually do this as part of their life. As I said, it's all about perspective. Now, I can see every single one of us feeling a bit submissive, especially when we are taking the first big steps of making our femme sides a reality. We watch, listen, follow directions and even obey the wishes of the GG women in our lives. That is not being submissive per say, but learning from the best teachers we have. I agree with most of you, that becoming a groveling foot kisser is disgusting and de-moralizing to any gender. That is what is called a "slave" in the BDSM realm. A submissive is totally seperate from a slave in many ways, such as the sub will be nurtured and cared for and cherished. The slave is just an object and a toy. Nothing more. It's a sad reality, but there are many who enjoy that way of life, but who are we to throw stones?

Be your own Dominant, and at the sametime, be your own submissive. Set the rules for yourself girls and live up to the decisions and promises that you make to yourself and your families. We are different, yes. But we are all still people and should be respected no less than anyone else. Be proud of who you are and be exactly that...YOU!

Good Morning
By way of introduction, I’m Ms. Kat; SO to Brady J , and new to your forum. I’m impressed with the posting of members here. One thing that pops right up … everyone has a healthy respect for each others choices.

Having lived an alternative lifestyle most of my life, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and interacting with many different folks with a “fetish” … don’t like that word, but I’ll use it. While I wouldn’t say there is a connection between the two, Many men over 40 that I’ve met who are also CD’s adored their Mother and Fathers relationship, and grew up in the gender bias Era with the belief that women were born to be beautiful, soft, sensual and … to serve. It doesn’t make them less of a Man or more of a Woman … simply increases the desire to fulfill more of the female role … hence in their mind/view “submissive”.


Someone said “I’d rather be considered an equal”. I’m a Dominant Woman, and consider my SO and equal partner in life. A Dominant can’t dominate without a willing submissive, just as a submissive can’t submit without a Dominant to lead. Like the two sides of a battery to keep the car running smoothly. Two personalities, bodies etc to create one union … Etc…you get the picture.

Just my 5cents worth at 5am

Sara74

Very well said !! wish I had read your post before submitting my own. I would have just said ... Yeah, What Sara said (-;

Good morning Honey. (Ms.KatarinaRose) I am so glad you commented on my thread and noticed that at this site, you won't see disrespectful people that are always negative, hurtful or unkind to others like I've have seen in other forums. If I had posted a thread about either crossdressing or D/s related things at a few other sites I belong to, the flamers would jump all over it. You will see very few people attacking others for either a difference of opinions or our lifestyle choices. We may not agree with some things discussed, but we will disagree in a respectful way or just leave the thread alone. The few times I've seen a thread get out of hand with personal attacks or other potentiality hurtful posts, the administration and the mods are all over it and will shut the thread down. I think they do a great job.

But most important, I am so happy to see you join us! Thank you Ma'am! I love you with all my heart.

I have explored the idea of my being submissive to my wife and have been a part of a discussion group that explores this type of relationship. In my case the word submissive simply means that I have put my wife's career ahead of my own while taking on the role of support staff in the home. (support staff meaning the role typically or traditionally taken on by the wife or woman in the relationship)
By saying this I am not suggesting that women are in any way submissive or inferior in any way by taking on this role , (having now done it I know how challenging and important this job really is) many GG's no doubt still rule the roost from this position.

For me , my thoughts of crossdressing go way farther back than thoughts of my submissive role in the relationship. When the time came , it was I that simply found that this role was better suited for me. I often struggle with my urges to dress as I do not find it appropriate to have my son see me this way. So blah blah blah , blah blah blah blah .............for me there is somewhat of a connection between crossdressing and being submissive, but I do not think that for everyone in similar situations this has to be the case.

Jonnie

To answer the original question I would have to say no, but my reasons may not equal another persons reason for that. My S/O and I go to clubs, we have "play" time and as male I am mostly Dominant with an occasional switch to sub if the mood hits me. We fit together perfectly in our playtime and it stays in the bedroom unless we go to a place where others can play, demonstrate and explore in the usual "Safe Sane & Concensual" atmosphere.
As for CDing, I've never felt anything either way as femme. Although it might be interesting to explore my other personality's Dominant traits ;)
Now, where did I leave that crop?

*hugs*
Zarabeth

Well, I guess I enjoy the technique of self-deprecation-- I'm just not very good at it. lol

I can relate to the "submissive" concept, but I do not feel it is specifically attached to GG issues. I believe it is more of an open perspective as a compensatory behavior engaged to offset the constant demands and stress associated with being the "leader" or "boss" in business world.

Just my view..

But I can change it, if that is what you want me to do. Just tell me what you want to hear, and I will make you happy...really...I'll do anything you want...

hehehehe

E

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Originally Posted by Lady Zarabeth

To answer the original question I would have to say no, but my reasons may not equal another persons reason for that. My S/O and I go to clubs, we have "play" time and as male I am mostly Dominant with an occasional switch to sub if the mood hits me. We fit together perfectly in our playtime and it stays in the bedroom unless we go to a place where others can play, demonstrate and explore in the usual "Safe Sane & Concensual" atmosphere.
As for CDing, I've never felt anything either way as femme. Although it might be interesting to explore my other personality's Dominant traits ;)
Now, where did I leave that crop? *hugs*
Zarabeth

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So I assume your wife is also up for switching from sub to Domme if her mood hits her? How does that work if you are in the mood to be Dom and she is in the mood to be Domme? Who wins the coin toss? lol I think it's great if both of you enjoy both roles and your way of play works for you both.

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Originally Posted by eluuzion

Well, I guess I enjoy the technique of self-deprecation-- I'm just not very good at it. lol

I can relate to the "submissive" concept, but I do not feel it is specifically attached to GG issues. I believe it is more of an open perspective as a compensatory behavior engaged to offset the constant demands and stress associated with being the "leader" or "boss" in business world.

Just my view..

But I can change it, if that is what you want me to do. Just tell me what you want to hear, and I will make you happy...really...I'll do anything you want...

hehehehe

E

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Eluuzion, Now that's funny! Is that anything like self whipping? (I've heard of it, but don't get it) lol

You are so right, submission, for many is a way to escape the demands and stress of the business world. Just as we know that crossdressing also serves that same purpose for many. BTW, I always enjoy reading your posts. You do have an interesting way of sharing your thoughts and opinions. Usually with a sense of humor.
So now I will invoke my Dom side (if I can find it) and order you to NOT change! lol

I prefer sub

Hello: I guess I've never thought of myself as either "Dominent' or as a "Submissive" untill I started P/Ming Brandy that is.

My Sweetie has my paycheck direct deposited into her account and give me an allowance each week.

I'm responsible for keeping the house neat and clean and the dishes washed (she helps somtimes)

I do all the laundry (washing, folding and putting them away)

I do at least 75% of the cooking and washing dishes

I'm "dressed' at home about half the time

If i'm "bad" i'm punished (usuallly corner time , but sometimes something more severe)

But on the other hand she's very sweet to me, doesn't involve me in difficult decisions, and generally treats me like a genuine woman. I love her so much!!

Brandy once told me I was in a D&s relationship (and I sure wasn't the "D") That may me true, but we're very happy in our life.. Does anyone else have a similer story?

Danielle

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Originally Posted by Danielle Gee

Hello: I guess I've never thought of myself as either "Dominent' or as a "Submissive" untill I started P/Ming Brandy that is.

My Sweetie has my paycheck direct deposited into her account and give me an allowance each week.

I'm responsible for keeping the house neat and clean and the dishes washed (she helps somtimes)

I do all the laundry (washing, folding and putting them away)

I do at least 75% of the cooking and washing dishes

I'm "dressed' at home about half the time

If i'm "bad" i'm punished (usuallly corner time , but sometimes something more severe)

But on the other hand she's very sweet to me, doesn't involve me in difficult decisions, and generally treats me like a genuine woman. I love her so much!!

Brandy once told me I was in a D&s relationship (and I sure wasn't the "D") That may me true, but we're very happy in our life.. Does anyone else have a similer story?

Danielle

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I find it interesting that Danielle has always been in a Dominant/submissive relationship, but had never given thought to it being D/s. I think there are many relationships and marriages where there is a definite roll reversal and the woman is head of household in many ways. Most of us have heard the terms hen pecked or pussy-whipped referring to men that let the wife rule his every action. But in most of those marriages, the couple never gives it a name or thinks of it as a lifestyle choice. They just accept that it's the way it is and how they are happy with one another. I find it refreshing to see more men, CD or not that wants to more then help out with thew housework, laundry and preparing meals whether or not recognizing it as a lifestyle choice. Like Danielle, I like to make my SO happy and do everything I can to make her life easier, more comfortable and to follow her lead on many day to day issues. She is the head of my household even though for now we are many miles apart to to circumstances out of our control. Hopefully this will change in a short time and I will be much happier being her submissive and doing all that Danielle does for his wife. And yes, endure the punishment if I displease her. That in it self is another way for me to show her how much I love her. I know it sounds weird to many, but since she is the only person that could ever paddle or cane me and not be dealt with harshly, it is another way of giving myself to her and her alone. I enjoy obeying her and sharing life with her in every other way. For me, it would be only a game if I did not love her so much. But beyond that, I truly respect, admire, adore her. And I appreciate all she is to me. She gets the best of my male persona and of course the best of my female persona when she wants either. Simply stated, she rules and I would have it no other way.

Thanks for sharing Danielle dear friend.

I personally don't believe so.

I do think that many cross dressers in relationships may confuse being submissive with being "in a woman's role"

A lot of us in in our 50's and 60's and have fond memories of Mrs Cleaver, (you know the Beaver's Late Great mom Barbary Billingsly) who was the epitome of being in the "woman's role". She raised her children, cooked and cleaned and was the perfect wife to her Television husband but she was very strong and definitely not submissive.

Some people especially the young women of today's society may call that kind of her role in that type of relationship submissive.

I remember as a young child wishing I could grow up and take care of my family like she did. (Yes even as a little boy I wanted to grow up to be a wife)

I know, a bit late getting into this thread but I've been thinking about this lately. I can sort of understand how entering into a D/s relationship might help a crossdresser explore a little further than they would have gone on their own. In that way, the dominant is sort of a guide. I suppose that, if the relationship is mutually beneficial, then who am I to judge?

For myself, however, it was a very important step for me that I "own" this part of who I am. Josie is a part of how I express myself, and it has to be on my terms.

Then again, I really supressed her after I got married and started a family. It wasn't my wife pressuring me either, it was all me. I've come to regret that decision. You can't stop being yourself when you start a family.

Yeah I would say so atleast in my case. When I am dressed and things are getting intimate, I don't want to take control, I want to be taken control of.

I'm also of the view that crossdressing has no necessary connection to submission. That said, it is associated with shedding masculinity and we all know that guys are in control: in the workplace, in conversations, etc. It diminishes the crossdressing experience to continue to exhibit those traits rather than embrace our softer side.