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We're getting a lot of mileage out of this thread.:) I think if you were to take Lynn's gender issues out of the equation there is still a bad marriage and a therapist would have their hands full. I'm not going to place the blame on either party because both seem responsible. I hope they can sort it all out for the kids.
I don't think it's a bad marriage. I just see two young people who love each other, are figuring things out, and are reacting to each other. The reactions on both sides are normal. Maybe if Lynn stops telling her wife that she's a woman, things might improve. It's hard to reach a middle of the road compromise when a spouse tells the other spouse they are not the gender they married, which implies eventual transition even if Lynn is adamant that she doesn't want this.
Lol. My SO in the beginning also told me that she had no plans to transition, and it took me about 3 years to believe her. Had we been married and had I been much younger, I might have tried to come up with rules too. :p
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Easy, we just keep repeating ourselves here, there, and everywhere. In my opinion, Lynn has a long ways to travel before tossing out the term 'ts' for describing herself. Could she be TS? Sure, but best to act TS daily before announcing it. I suspect one would find most TS people never transition completely with SRS, FFS, GRS, etc. for many different reasons, primarily finances. I do believe however, a TS person knows internally, who they are regardless of whether they ever fully transition. In any relationship, having a spouse under conditions as Lynn describes hers, certainly would not help matters regardless if one was a confused CD, or a non-op TS, or a TS headed for SRS.
We really do love each other...we have a good marriage, the only problem is neither of us have been very mature about handling each other with the stuff we've been through together.. But the love is there...for each other and especially for our kids. We may not be mommy and daddy of the year but we definitely love our kids.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marleena
That's great to hear Lynn! Best of luck to you.
I NEVER tell my wife I am a woman, even though I have been on M2F HRT for about 20 months, my body proportions are much more like a genetic woman than a typical man, and that I have a femme haircut and wear lipstick. The idea of my telling my wife that I am a woman would go over like a lead balloon.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
John
That's kind of the point of being a transsexual though isn't it? If you're not a woman struggling with a birth imposed male identity, then you're not transsexual.Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnH
Or are we just deciding that anyone on HRT is transsexual now?
John, by that comment I meant or course transsexuals should tell their spouses who they are. But, people should stop thinking they are women if they are happy living as men and with male names even if it is part of the time, even if they do wear lipstick. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnH
Guess what? My wife tells me all the time I am NOT a man so I don't have to claim I am a woman!
I interact much better with genetic women than I do with typical men.
I do not have the desire for SRS so I am content to have a male name.
John
What defines bad, too?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnmorgan451
My grandparents have been married 62 years, their marriage survived an early affair, abject poverty, all sorts of other things.
When they fight (and they do) you find shelter, but they are each other's best friends, and they have found a way.
None of us deserves parent of the year (no one you will meet).
Keep at it - this is how we mature, I reckon, by working through it.
I think this comment is more pointed as a response to John rather than a sweeping statement about those who are transsexual and happen to be married. Any happiness I can derive from my guy side does not take away from the fact that the woman whose existence to the core of my very being is undeniable. I guess the difference is that even though I fully acknowledge her place in my soul, I don't run around to my wife professing to be a woman. She already knows where my head is at, how she defines me or how she chooses to compartmentalize my nature (in a box under lock & key, no doubt) is up to her. She knows what TS means and doesn't need me to rub it in on a daily basis.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I agree...Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
what is the point of saying you area MTF transsexual if you don't say " I'm a woman"?
I can understand if you are in a relationship you might keep your mouth shut about it
this is interesting... John you seem to enjoy that your wife tells you that you are not a man, no judgement here, how does it make you feel?
I think it's funny! I just laugh it off. :)
Sometime if I really want to blow her mind I ought to tell her,"Thanks, Honey".
John
haha, guess she wouldn't expect that. I don't understand the mixed gender presentation but you seem authentic and to enjoy being you and that's really cool. The feeling of being both and yet neither fully has caused me a lot of problems in my life and always made me want to be firmly on one side and not straddle the line. Maybe you would consider starting a thread sometime to share your thoughts on living a mixed gender life and the path you're on from your perspective? I feel like I have something to learn from you if you don't mind putting yourself out there ;)
this is why I consider me ts...this is what I believe. and for the many obstacles between me and full transition, the number of them that I overcome or am clobbered by doesn't change who I am inside.Quote:
Originally Posted by jillleanne
Be the embodiment of the worst stereotypes of a male you can be for her during the summer in terms of appearance.
Meaning, except on the days where you are allowed to let out your inner girl, do not shave, rarely bathe, be more slobbish, etc. (Heck, except on the days where you are allowed to shave, grow a full beard not just a moustache and sideburns!) If she asks about any of this or wonders why you are less clean and neat and all that, you need only say that those represent parts of your feminine side and you are going along with what your wife wants in suppressing that because you love her. Then see if she does not want to "reopen negotiations" before August!
Yeh, Lynn, make sure you don't change your clothes either. You want them to be stiff enough so you can stand them in a corner. You also want to have that body odor that can be smelled one mile down wind. If your wife objects, just tell her you are being a macho man.
John
lolololololol!!! OMG I wish I could do that but I'm not sure if I'm capable! I tried not shaving at all and it lasted 3 days before I just couldn't stand it anymore. Thanks for the ideas though ;-)
Right, so you can say "I am a woman"..yes??Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnmorgan451
now what you do about it and how you do it are totally different things and hopefully we can all do what's right for ourselves...
All right, shave only once every three days. At the end of the third day you will have that nice scruffy Yassar Arafat look. Maybe you will get used to the facial hair, and stretch the intervals out more and more. And when you get your beard don't trim it at all or even comb it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnmorgan451
Believe it or not I once had a beard. I did have to get used to the feeling of the beard, and for the first 3 days it felt stubbly. Then the whiskers grew out enough so the beard felt as natural as hair on the scalp.
Yes, make sure you drink beer and eat limburger cheese sandwiches with onions so you will burp and fart. You want your breath able to bubble paint and varnish.
Make sure you wear only the clothes you wear to paint and to change the oil in your car. You also want to wear the rattiest stinkiest gym shoes also.
If you play your cards right, maybe before August your wife will plead with you to shave not only your face, but your legs, arms, and chest. She might even surprise you with giving you a dress, heels, etc. just so you will get cleaned up and presentable.
John
Really? This is what our little forum is becoming?Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnH
Oh well, ...it was inevitable I suppose.
Melissa, we are only giving one of our sisters some constructive advice!
John
lol, John your "constructive advice" sounds like worse punishment than having the computer taken out :)
Oh, that's a temporary situation. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire!
John
what you're describing sounds more like self-immolation to me, but each to his own lol
http://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpres...vss.jpeg?w=584
Omg ! Nice picture, Mary. I think you captured the moment. I'd feel better setting fire to my face than eating Limburger and onion sandwiches! Lol.
John, thank you for the advice :)
I'm not going to be able to do that but it's a funny thought to say the least!
My wife and I are working on working things out. So far the things I said I'd do as compromise have kinda showed her that I love her, and the compromises are easing more into my favor. My legs are hairy :-( but only the calf portions of my legs. Everything from the knee and north is smooth as silk. My "sideburns" are laughable. Since they never really grew much anyway, they just look like nothing unless you're right up on em. I keep em thin but PRESENT to satisfy the agreement. We negotiated away the mustache simply because it looks ridiculous and as soon as she saw it growing she told me to shave it off. Thank GOD. We are up and down emotionally though so we still get to each others throats, but just not as much. I really think I have a chance to make things work, at least for a while :)
I honestly cannot believe some of the advice that has been given in this thread. :eek:
Antagonizing an already pissed off wife IMO is always a great idea! Go ahead and throw some more gas on the fire by showing your rebellious side. Afterwards come back and tell us how that panned out for ya. :heehee:
hmmm, married with 3 little kids isn't a picnic for anyone. Throw in a couple people who have a "passionate" side (I probably know a little too much about what that's like myself ;) ), and then top it off with both of you guys on estrogen, you're (Lynn) dealing with the wanting to "become" that you have to stifle...
sounds like you guys have a LOT going on. I admire you being able to compromise and do what you have to for your families sake Lynn, vent here whenever you need to
Lynn, you need to stop this thread. My position really has not changed since my original comment (#12). I'm not a marriage therapist, but, nearing forty-two years of marriage does give some indication my wife and I have survived some degree of turmoil that was self generated or imposed by others.
There is a lot of childish behavior happening between you and your wife. There is a lack of constructive discussion. I would venture to say that neither of you know how to communicate. You and your wife need to see a marriage therapist to learn how to communicate without the infantile behavior. Is there a risk? Sure. Once you and your wife sit down and learn how to really communicate, you and her may realize what both of you want out of the other spouse. That may lead to termination of the marriage. The plus side? Maybe, an amicable parting of the ways is best for the children. Kids living in a hostile environment will feel the undercurrents.
As to your gender status. You need to see a therapist to sort out who you really may be. You owe that to yourself. You owe that to your wife. You owe that to your kids.
As to what's going on now. Wow! Smashing furniture and the computer? This is not solving anything. Whether you become hairless or not will not solve your problems. According to poll results in a story on my local TV station the majority of women prefer their husbands to be hairless over their bodies. Obviously being hairless does not define transgender status. If you want to grow boobs and dress en femme around your wife and kids, you're not going to find compromise with your wife. Yes, maybe for a short period of time. Long lasting? I put my money on NO!
Please, sort of where you want to be. And, at least get into counseling to learn how to effectively communicate without being destructive.
Don't knock the Limburger and onion sandwich. I have eaten several sandwiches of that kind. As a kid I never ate Limburger cheese because of its odor. About three years ago I tried Limburger cheese and it actually tasted good! Onions simply add to the delicious taste. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynnmorgan451
A buddy of mine dared me to make Limburger cheese nachos. It did stink up the house but the nachos did taste good.
Now my wife is starting to buy dresses for me. So I guess in her eyes I am really NOT a man. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnH
John
This thread has got so far off topic that it is time to call it a night.
Rianna Humble
Moderator, Transsexual Forums