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10-12-2010, 11:41 PM
Christy_M

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jorja

I have just sat here reading all the posts in this thread. Is it any wonder we are a misunderstood lot? We can't even agree whether or not it is ok to stay in the closet or to go out and about. I am quickly approaching my 50 year anniversary from the time I really started dressing as a CD to now as a TS woman. So many things have changed in that time. Then you would have been shot on site or lynched if you were brave enough to stroll down the street in womans clothing. Now, they hardly bat an eye. Yes, there are the hecklers out there but even they are becoming less and less.
We all have our comfort level and reasons. It is a matter of personal choice as to whether or not we stay in or go out. If you chose to stay in, you are just as much a CD and sister as you are if you chose to go out. To those who have said you stay in out of respect for your SO, I respect and admire you for your devotion to your SO. For those that can't grasp this logic, be on your merry way and go enjoy your time out and about. In the end we are all in the same boat. We love to dress as a woman. :)

Thank you for some sanity in this incredibly polarizing post. This is both well said and greatly appreciated.

I choose to stay in the closet because I don't want people I love to have to deal with the issues surrounding my gender issues. Even if my family and friends accept me, society is a cruel bitch that will put them through the ringer just as much as me. I am a big gurl and can deal with this crap myself but nobody else should have to carry that burden for me.

To call anyone names is immature and counter productive. It doesn't produce any result other than resentment. If we as a community cannot come to grips with each other's position in the gender spectrum, we can never hope the rest of society will ever make that leap. We owe each other mutual respect at the very least and maybe more compassion than what is being weilded around in this post. We are not in high school anymore and shouldn't be stacking up the groups of popular kids and rejects so there are people to point and laugh at.

About being in a war and some watching from the sidelines, wtf does this even have to do with cders in the closet and those who go out? If this is a war, it is being fought in so many closets around the globe they can't even be counted. For those thinking they are on the front lines, you do so by choice but remember, every war has front lines and rear support all on the same team.

Kum bah ya - I'm just sayin' is all
10-13-2010, 03:59 AM
tricia_uktv

Quote:

Originally Posted by CalamityJane

I can only comment on the mindset and attitudes of those found in my part of the U.K as it is still not ready to openly accept people who do not conform to what they deem as normal. I am not making excuses for not going out in public but that does have to be balanced with what sort of experience I would encounter.
I could live under the illusion that going out dressed would be great and without problems but the fact remains that it just would not be so. As mentioned by other replies to this thread I have rather too much to lose if I were to be outed in my own town, which is so inward looking and close minded as to defy description, that leaves the alternative of driving 60 to 70 miles to the nearest major connabation to spend a couple of hours of out and about freedom, which would still be laden with all the risks of been pilloried by the close minded members of society....I guess that we are just a few years behind our cousins over there in the U.S.A

Not sure I agree completely Calam but I think you are more than safe in the big Cities. I've been out dressed in London, Manchester, Sheffield Leeds and Liverpool and had a great time with no problems. I think if girls trully want to go out they will. Remember there are gay bars and transgender friendly places where you can practice before taking the big step of going out in open society. I would recommend any girl that can get out ther does so. Its such fun!
10-13-2010, 08:32 AM
Emma England

Quote:

Originally Posted by CalamityJane

I can only comment on the mindset and attitudes of those found in my part of the U.K as it is still not ready to openly accept people who do not conform to what they deem as normal. I am not making excuses for not going out in public but that does have to be balanced with what sort of experience I would encounter.
I could live under the illusion that going out dressed would be great and without problems but the fact remains that it just would not be so. As mentioned by other replies to this thread I have rather too much to lose if I were to be outed in my own town, which is so inward looking and close minded as to defy description, that leaves the alternative of driving 60 to 70 miles to the nearest major connabation to spend a couple of hours of out and about freedom, which would still be laden with all the risks of been pilloried by the close minded members of society....I guess that we are just a few years behind our cousins over there in the U.S.A

Your location states South West, UK.

This is where I live also, I have been out publically with no problems.

For all those saying that they choose to stay in, there is no problem with that - the op was just wondering why that's all.
10-13-2010, 08:38 AM
Sandra

Why do some of you seem to be getting upset over the question asked? All that is being asked is why. No judgement has been made by the OP.
10-13-2010, 12:48 PM
Nigella

I see that a few of the respondees have got a bee in their bonnet with this thread. I certainly don't believe that I have been judgemental in either of my posts, indeed I respect each and everyone who makes a choice. That choice is based upon circumstances that are unique to the individual making the choice.

I was in the closet, as I assume were 99.9% of the membership, for my own personal reasons. Circumstances enabled me to come out of the closet and live as I do now. Due to this I will never presume to tell anyone that they should do this or that.

If you are happy with what you as an individual choose to do, good for you. The only adverse comment I would make is that you make the choice, so you must live with the consequences, as others have said, don't blame others because of what you choose to do!!
10-13-2010, 03:39 PM
Jane P

While there seems to be concern that a discussion like this can be polarizing , one can not deny that it is also thought provoking. It causes us all to search for answers within ourselves.

As we have seen there can be many reasons or excuses to do or not to do anything. Here is another one. There are a lot of things that can bring us down in this world , for some, the simple act of dressing can bring us a little escape from the big bad world outside. A brief vacation from everything real that is wrong in our lives . If we were to go out into the big bad world like this we run the risk of losing that safe haven as well.

In the words of Billy Joel ," It's just a fantasy , it's not the real thing. But sometimes a fantasy is all we need."

I admit I am a crossdresser and even if I never wear clothes that are classified as that of a woman again, wherever I go , whatever I do , I carry that with me.
10-13-2010, 03:58 PM
FroboMay

I dont go out dressed because I just dont feel a desire to. I have all the privacy in the world up in my bedroom, and most of my dressing is about a more inward experience. "What would it be like if I were a girl.." "How does it feel to be a female" Those questions that drive me to dress are all asked around a personal perspective, be a female when she's alone with herself, the intimacies of it... not a female out in public. I dress and admire myself, and what I would look and feel like if I were a girl, and sometimes that leads to other things, but I dont think that should be covered here :p. I also actually like my life as a male, I like being physically strong and hard-bodied, I like my role in sexual experiences, and I like the image of being strong and whatnot. Im just very curious about what it's like on the other side, having a soft body that bounces in places, being able to squeeze and caress, having all the sensuous and wonderful curves of the female form. There's a lot of pretending involved for me. I have a very deep desire to experience myself... myself as a female. I dont need to go out for any of that. I think that's the best way I can describe my feelings on it.. so that's why I dont go out while dressed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jonnie

While there seems to be concern that a discussion like this can be polarizing , one can not deny that it is also thought provoking. It causes us all to search for answers within ourselves.

As we have seen there can be many reasons or excuses to do or not to do anything. Here is another one. There are a lot of things that can bring us down in this world , for some, the simple act of dressing can bring us a little escape from the big bad world outside. A brief vacation from everything real that is wrong in our lives . If we were to go out into the big bad world like this we run the risk of losing that safe haven as well.

In the words of Billy Joel ," It's just a fantasy , it's not the real thing. But sometimes a fantasy is all we need."

I admit I am a crossdresser and even if I never wear clothes that are classified as that of a woman again, wherever I go , whatever I do , I carry that with me.

I really love Billy Joel, and I really love the thought that you put down here. Dressing could be just a short little vacation from the stresses or harshness of the world. It could be like being a kid playing pretend again, or as serious as having the releif of spending some time with what you feel is your "true" self. It doesnt have to be something so passionate or intense as to feel some obligation to reveal it to the world. There are some comforts in the private little things that you have all to yourself. And no matter if I never wear another piece of feminine clothing again, I'll forever be a crossdresser because it was a real part of my life, and you cant remove that part of yourself.. and neither can anyone else.
10-13-2010, 04:13 PM
RebeccaLynne

:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandra

Why do some of you seem to be getting upset over the question asked? All that is being asked is why. No judgement has been made by the OP.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nigella

We have two camps on this forum,

Those who wear skirts, dresses etc and leave their houses etc and let the world see them.

Those who wear skirts, dresses etc and stay in their houses etc and hides.

I've taken issue with the OP's presumption that there are two distinct and separate categories of CD'ing, and that just isn't so. We've a wide variety of expectations and expressions, and all are acceptable. As Red Green says, " We're all in this together".

And let's not fail to recall Rodney King's words of wisdom: "Can't we all just get along?".

Peace and harmony in all things important to us all.:)
10-13-2010, 04:16 PM
AndreaS

To each his own. I won't look down on anyone who makes a choice based on their personal needs. I enjoy going out in public myself, but I can certainly see where others would feel uncomfortable based on there own situations.
10-13-2010, 04:39 PM
Emma Leigh

Earlier in this thread someone refered to myself and others in the closet as a wuss, so in response I went to the doctors today wearing my bra and forms (under a extremely baggy sweater, I might add), does that count???
10-13-2010, 05:18 PM
msginaadoll

There are a lot of reasons not to go out in public. A big one is being seen by someone you know. Another one is that you will get laughed at or worse harrassed. I know there are others including you really dont feel the need to get out, etc. The first two are real concerns for many. Some people have a lot to lose if there found out. Others may stand ot more in public than some. In the end we are all different. Just my 2 cents.
10-13-2010, 08:09 PM
Lucy_Bella

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandra

Why do some of you seem to be getting upset over the question asked? All that is being asked is why. No judgement has been made by the OP.

Is not upset with the OP at all...She asked a very valid question and it was aimed to the direction of support for those in the closet not badgering them .. A few did badger and thats where the mis understanding is comeing from.. There can be two camps ,I understand that clearly. I also respect and admire those who choose to venture beyond the closet.

So why not allow those to stay , envoy the fact that there are some who go and leave it at that. If you are one of those who do get out ...Great I am happy for you but I am not a " Trail Blazing " admirer. . I too just as many others can go out but choose to remain in for various reasons that are NOT and Do NOT pertain to allowing others to do the foot work for us ... Why is that so hard to understand for some ( not everyone ) Peace and thanks again Nigella it started as a nice thread I understood where you where going with it..
10-13-2010, 10:20 PM
Christy_M

I agree that the OP was not offensive. Intolerance of others is always offensive. It is more hurtful here where I mistakenly assumed we are supposed to have more similarities than differences. It is very clear that people are people regardless of similarities and there will always be those who try to wield some form of supremacy over others regardless of how much they know or care to know about each other. Bee in the bonnet, I guess I am guilty as charged. Respect me if for no other reason, there isn't enough information not to. Once you can make an informed decision about me, I don't care if you respect me or not but I am on the same earth as you trying to figure out God's plan for me. Maybe some have already figured that out but the least one can do is support and offer guidance to others who haven't instead of making them feel inferior for not following the same path. To me that is self righteous BS that gets under my skin. IMO it gets under other people's skin, too.

I'm just sayin' is all.
10-13-2010, 10:58 PM
Danni Bear

Nigella,

I agree that that there are two camps on here. They are not mutally exclusive ones either. Many who go out and about do so far from home for many of the same reasons that others stay in the closet. There is nothing wrong in this, anyone who thinks so is so very wrong. I might not be the best example in this as I've been presenting female most of my life until transitioning. Although I do understand the need most feel about hiding their crossdressing from the world. That need is not there for some and needs approval,the same as those who have it need approval. We are all a part of a bigger thing than just ourselves. The need and desire to dress or present feminine is strong in all of us. How and where we do this is a personal choice that needs no explaining to anybody. How sad is it that we argue about trivial matters, there are so many better ways to use our time.

Danni
10-14-2010, 01:14 AM
Shelly67

Meh .
10-14-2010, 01:28 AM
pj

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewDresser

Losing even just one friend would make it not worth it to me.

I never understood that line of thinking. If you lost a friend over something that is part of you, were they really your friend? And more importantly, why would you want to be friends with someone who would reject you for what you are?
10-14-2010, 01:56 AM
Shelly67

I think as of now even with all best intentions , this thread will develope into a deeper realm . Just as there has been in the past so many troublesome stressed remarks and individuals on why they as crossdressers should kiss and tell , could it now develope with the same vigour into those who stride or hide ? crossdressers in part ALL hide a smattering of guilt .
Only time will tell .
10-14-2010, 02:12 AM
Jamie001

I couldn't have said it better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj

I never understood that line of thinking. If you lost a friend over something that is part of you, were they really your friend? And more importantly, why would you want to be friends with someone who would reject you for what you are?
10-14-2010, 08:37 AM
Jocelyn Quivers

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj

I never understood that line of thinking. If you lost a friend over something that is part of you, were they really your friend? And more importantly, why would you want to be friends with someone who would reject you for what you are?

I'll try and respectfully explain it, because I'm basically in the same situation. My male side is currently going through a phase wear he is losing most of his friends. This is due to things and actions that he has done. After awhile the isolation of losing contact with people who are very important to you starts to take a tole. Yes I am very blessed to have an understanding wife who in many ways is my best friend, but the male side of me is starting to miss losing a contact with the people and friends that he has made througout his life.

There are friends that I have known for my entire life and do not want to risk losing because of this side of me, because especially at this point in my life my male side needs what few friends he has not managed to allientate or lose contact with. My friends have been there for me during very rough turbulent times in my life. In many ways their friendship makes as much a part of who I am as "this" side of me. I have to be very realistic and realize that they might not accept their "boy" or "braugh" being a cross dresser.
10-14-2010, 10:16 AM
NewDresser

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj

I never understood that line of thinking. If you lost a friend over something that is part of you, were they really your friend? And more importantly, why would you want to be friends with someone who would reject you for what you are?

Nobody is perfect. Intolerance is definitely not a trait I look for when choosing friends but it is not their only trait, for the most part they are still good people. If I were to judge them based on that one flaw I wouldn't be that much different than them.
10-14-2010, 12:51 PM
t-girlxsophie

I go out dressed as much as i can,but i wont go out Locally In case i get spotted by family/friends so i can understand fully those that choose to stay at home,I really dont know how some cant appreciate that.the only problem I have is that it can turn into a military operation before Sophie finally gets out,but does it stop me HELL NO! Those that hate us arent exactly,pillars of society AFAIC and I wont let those kind of people stop me,I dont believe any right minded person would have a problem with The TG Community,that thought kinda spurs me on as well

:hugs:Sophie
10-14-2010, 01:58 PM
Michaela42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandra

Why do some of you seem to be getting upset over the question asked? All that is being asked is why. No judgement has been made by the OP.

Yes, my post was a bit snarky and I appologize. Let's just chalk it up to a bad day. That being said many people on the forum may not have the means (in whatever way) to go out. That dose not make their desires or wishes any less real because they can't.

And in all honesty to Nigella (and all of the posters on this topic) you have got me thinking about the subject again. Consider this your warning to head for shelter ;) but maybe, just maybe, it is time for Makaila to explore more of this world :)

/thanks all, I really did not mean to sound so b!tchy in my first post.
10-14-2010, 02:33 PM
Sandra

Quote:

Originally Posted by Makaila

Yes, my post was a bit snarky and I appologize. Let's just chalk it up to a bad day. That being said many people on the forum may not have the means (in whatever way) to go out. That dose not make their desires or wishes any less real because they can't.

I totally agree with you, everyone has their own desires/wishes and people should respect them.

QUOTE=Makaila;2291652]
Consider this your warning to head for shelter ;) but maybe, just maybe, it is time for Makaila to explore more of this world :)

[/QUOTE]

It's not really so bad, I hope if/when it happens you do enjoy it :)
10-14-2010, 03:04 PM
JohnH

Quote:

Originally Posted by pj

I never understood that line of thinking. If you lost a friend over something that is part of you, were they really your friend? And more importantly, why would you want to be friends with someone who would reject you for what you are?

I have had that kind of experience. I had to write that intolerant person off. That person rejected me simply because I was wearing an above-the-knee denim skirt with a man's shirt and man's pair of sandals. Now on the other hand, I have found that if a person tolerates the skirt I can wear a full-blown dress annd be accepted.

I do wear my feminine clothes publicly and make no attempt to pass as a women. So I see it as a violation of the really narrow conventions of dress conventions imposed upon men rather than a gender issue.

I have thought of wearing a black velvet dress (see the avatar) with black sheer pantyhose and heels to a formal occasion such as a symphony concert.
To make it appear a little less feminine I would have my fingernails painted dark gray and use dark red lipstick, while makeing the rest of the makeup subtle and continue to move and speak as a man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewDresser

Nobody is perfect. Intolerance is definitely not a trait I look for when choosing friends but it is not their only trait, for the most part they are still good people. If I were to judge them based on that one flaw I wouldn't be that much different than them.

The person who rejected me when I was wearing an above the knee denim skirt with otherwise male clothing (shirt and sandals) came out on the driveway when I dared walk on his driveway and yelled for the neighborhood to hear something llike "F**cking pervert - wearing a dress. If you ever show up on my driveway wearing a dress, I will beat your a$$". I don't need "friends" like that.

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