Ugh! While at my inlaws, my wife just stumbled across picks of me dolled up

I've purchased an epilator and it works great! Painful, yes...beautifully smooth legs, you betcha!

Recently, I've started a new job a little ways from where my wife is living so she can take care of relatives. I have all my stuff w/ me but she's not comfortable with me dressing without her around. She's concerned that someone will peek in to where I'm renting and see me dressed up. She's also thinking the worse...what happens if I'm dressed up and then some malady befalls me. It's been 3 weeks since I've expressed my feminine side and my GD is building up something awful! I'm beginning to get frustrated and angry!

Do not use a phone for pictures. Do not use a phone for pictures. Do not use a phone for pictures.

I use a NON-internet connected digital camera for ALL my pictures and videos. If you know me, you know that I have a LONG HISTORY as a crossdresser with voluminous pictures and videos.

BUT NONE ON MY PHONE!!!!

This is golden age for the intelligence and forensics industry because it is SO EASY to spy on people!!! Your phone is an enemy!!!!

I made a video, in character as Dana, to explain my point:
https://youtu.be/IvvBfRYT7Vc

I have the safest way to view myself. It's called a mirror. Images are stored in my brain.

Spoke by phone with my wife a little time ago...she's relented and has given me to go ahead to dress up without her in the house. She knows I'm starting to get upset and frustrated not expressing my inner Nikki. I feel like a warm breeze has swept over me and I can breathe. My cortisol levels are definitely going down. It's been over a month since I last transformed, expressing my femininity. I've probably forgotten my makeup routine, it's been so long. And my eyebrows are going to need so much work too...have to find a weedwacker or my pair of industrial strength tweezers! Off I go to get ready!

When I see my wife next weekend, after having been away for about a month, she's not going to be happy with me at all. I don't eat as well when we're not together, hence my weight has dropped from 165# to 158#. While she tolerates my dressing she really gets upset when I lose weight. She says I look anorexic...do I look emaciated to you in my recent pic?

https://www.reddit.com/r/crossdressi...se_slipped_on/

As I've mentioned in previous posts, she struggles to lose weight while it's easy for me. Couple of benefits that I'm enjoying...one, my measurements are now 39.5 in x 27.5 in (with corset and 31 without) x 39 in. Two, my size 14 dresses are hanging loosely...if I was to maintain this weight I'd have to drop a dress size to a 12 :o Nikki

No you are not underweight in your photos Nikki. Nothing to worry about. You can establish your healthy weight range from a BMI calculater and then just make sure you stay in the healthy bit. The calculator on our NHS website is a good one and works for Americans too!

Daisy, I'm happy to learn I don't look emaciated! I enjoy being thin but don't want to come across looking like I'm starving.

And I visited my wife after having been away on business for 3 weeks. Not surprisingly, she complained about my weight loss. But, fortunately, she hasn't asked me to gain any weight back as she's needled me to do before. She just needs a little soothing as she struggles to lose weight. And she had a little present for me...a couple packages of Neutrogena makeup remover towelettes :)

Glad things are coming together. On a side note my SO found out in a similar way some 20 years ago. We are still together and she still loves all of me.

I just saw my wife this weekend and she's repeatedly complaining about my weight loss. She doesn't mind my dressing. But, my weight loss, that's another story.

It could be your wife fears loosing you to your feminine self. I would think she natrualy wants to keep the husband she knows, however excepting you may think she is. Things have already come a long way. There are times when you just have to decide how much to two women in your life mean to you.

Jane...I think you could be right. I'll see my wife over thanksgiving break and I'm quite concerned. On the phone, she's been insistent that I gain back weight or she's not going to allow me to dress anymore. She wants me to weigh at least 170 pounds. I'm going to be very upset if I have to gain weight back. I'm so happy at 153 pounds and a 29.5 inch waist. The thought of again wearing size 14 dresses and having a 32 plus inch waist is disconcerting. I'm not sure what to do. Nikki p.s. And I just bought a size 10 dress and it fits beautifully and loosely. I want my slender body!

Your body, your control?? Is she at the correct weight? Sounds like blackmail, jealousy??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AllieSF

Your body, your control?? Is she at the correct weight? Sounds like blackmail, jealousy??

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Allie...it could be a combo of all the above. She's unhappy with her weight and despite years of effort she hasn't lost any pounds. It's likely due to her medical problems and approaching menopause. I know it's my body, but although she knew I had feminine spirit before we married she probably never thought I'd go as far as I have in dressing up. And yeah, she probably jealous too...all of this is so complicated. Where I go from here when I see her tomorrow I just don't know. :{ Nikki

She might not recognize you, but may wonder who the other woman is. I think that’s more trouble than seeing you dolled up!

Once upon a time I was six foot two, 170-175 pounds and wore a 38 Tall suit jacket; had a 32 inch waist; and assuming hips somewhere around 36 inches. I never had to measure my hips. I call it my military weight. I got zero grief from my future wife. I have pictures of myself almost in the buff at a beach in Chu Lai. I looked terrible. It looked as if the wind would knock me over. My old platoon leader told me recently that he could not figure out how I was able to carry 80-100 pounds in sweltering heat and humidity.

When you post pictures on this site are you padded top and bottom along with a corset. If your wife is seeing you totally in the buff, i.e., no chest and hip padding she may be seeing a total different image than we are seeing. BMI is NOT an indicator of good or bad overall health. Most of the medical personnel I see do not adhere to BMI calculations at all. Bone structure and body mass/muscle has a lot to do with it. In fact, our local military newspapers (Ranger and Air Lifter) have advertisement geared to military "overweight" by BMI standards to lose weight which is primarily muscle mass. There are a lot of stocky men and women with muscles but not enough height. One thing that totally gave me an emaciated look in my teen years (six foot two, 138 pounds) was a gaunt look in the face. My wife saw a picture of me when I was that height and weight. She thought I was deathly ill and wondered what illness I was recovering from.

Perhaps your wife is gauging your looks under different circumstances than we are seeing it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

Once upon a time I was six foot two, 170-175 pounds and wore a 38 Tall suit jacket; had a 32 inch waist; and assuming hips somewhere around 36 inches. I never had to measure my hips. I call it my military weight. I got zero grief from my future wife. I have pictures of myself almost in the buff at a beach in Chu Lai. I looked terrible. It looked as if the wind would knock me over. My old platoon leader told me recently that he could not figure out how I was able to carry 80-100 pounds in sweltering heat and humidity.

When you post pictures on this site are you padded top and bottom along with a corset. If your wife is seeing you totally in the buff, i.e., no chest and hip padding she may be seeing a total different image than we are seeing. BMI is NOT an indicator of good or bad overall health. Most of the medical personnel I see do not adhere to BMI calculations at all. Bone structure and body mass/muscle has a lot to do with it. In fact, our local military newspapers (Ranger and Air Lifter) have advertisement geared to military "overweight" by BMI standards to lose weight which is primarily muscle mass. There are a lot of stocky men and women with muscles but not enough height. One thing that totally gave me an emaciated look in my teen years (six foot two, 138 pounds) was a gaunt look in the face. My wife saw a picture of me when I was that height and weight. She thought I was deathly ill and wondered what illness I was recovering from.

Perhaps your wife is gauging your looks under different circumstances than we are seeing it.

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My wife hasn't seen pics of me en femme in almost two years. She says I look gaunt, in person, but I think I look good. In the current pic of me (in my blue maxi dress) I'm just wearing forms and no corset or hip padding. I like being thin...why can't she just leave me be?

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Do I look gaunt in this pic? I took it this past weekend. I know I'm not anorexic...I just like being thin and I'm willing to plateau at my present weight of 153 pounds. I'm wearing my new size 10 dress.

Stay at the weight you like. You do not look too thin. You look thin. If it has been a long time since you have been at this weight, you gain some of it back anyway. Just wait and see. I have lost weight and liked my look, only to slowly gain it back. ask her top let you enjoy a thin body when you can.

Hell-o Nikki,
I agree with Allie, you may look thin, but I wouldn’t say gaunt. As you know we are fairly similar in size
(and I will be raiding your closet one day!)
I’ve had sorta the same reaction from people that know me, but hadn’t seen me in quite some time.
I had shed somewhere in the neighborhood of 30lbs., and met these people after they had not seen me for a few months.
Several of them greeted me with concerned looks on their faces, and I did notice a few walk away with an OMG! look on their face as well. A few days later my SO happened to mention to me that several of them had asked her if I was ill.
Truth be told, I hadn’t felt so good, or been in a healthier condition for more than 30 years.

I think if you feel the same, you need to express this to your wife. Then give her some time to get used to the thinner you.

If that don’t work, and for the health of your marriage...order a pizza girlfriend! It’s OK to have a “cheat” day once in a while!
Much Love,
Kristyn
BTW, I’m envisioning you receiving multiple boxes of chocolates, and gift certificates to the “Never Ending Pasta Bar”
this Christmas???

Nikki, my wife complains a lot when my weight drops, I have always been slim at 5 11. The heaviest i have ever been is 170... i am currently 163, at times i go down to 155. My wife says my arms and shoulders are so thin i look whimpy (her word) and dreadful... i know there is an element of jealousy there too but i can see her point, i of course love my skinny arms and small shoulders but she wants her husband to look more masculine i guess.

Your picture doesn't really show us enough of your body to really see how thin you are.. perhaps if your wife wants you at 170 and you want 153, maybe a compromise of 160 could work?

Nikki, your wife is jealous, simple as that. There I said it. She's only human afterall. You may have the BMI of a model that she never has and probably never will and that manifests itself as jealousy. Have you ever heard a group of women talk about a 'friend' who has lost a lot of weight and looks gorgeous? Brutal it can be. The other day I was listening to some female friends and ended up saying "why don't you all go and bitch about her at the gym instead and then maybe eventually you'll have nothing to be so jealous of?". There was an abrupt stopping of the conversation followed by jaws dropping and glances being exchanged while thoughts were processed. Eventually the ice was broken when one said "ummmm, OK, fair enough, we deserved that" and then all was smiles and the chitchat started again. My wife does the same, she repeatedly tells me I 'look fine' and 'don't need to loose anymore weight'. I can assure you that if she was her ideal weight these things would not be said. Jealousy is the one human emotion I see the most and I don't like it.
Hey ho, no lunch for me :)

Nikki my comment doesn't apply to you but some of the other replies I have read in this thread. My ex knew for most of my marriage that I crossdressed but didn't realize for a long time the extent of my gender issues. It came out over time.

In retrospect I wish I had just come out with it all at once instead of the slow dipping the toe in the water. I remember the time she said to me "have you looked in the mirror? you look just like a girl"

That stuck in my head for years. I loved it actually. As our marriage worsened for other reasons she eventually weaponized it against me to hurt and embarrass me.

My advice to anyone that is crossdressing but hiding from their SO is to have a tough but honest talk with them. These feelings rarely go away permanently. Maybe they get put on the shelf for awhile but those same feelings eventually resurface.

Anything you need to hide in your life especially from your SO is a problem. Hiding it from the rest of the world is a different conversation - I did so for most of my life but from your SO? That is not going to end well.

Reply to #216. I don't know if you look gaunt because I have not compared your look 'before and after,' and without the wig. I assume your wife would have noticed the difference. It may be more than she can visually accept. Losing the amount of weight must have come from somewhere. An ounce here. An ounce there. I will say in my case I lost 15 pounds after gall bladder surgery. Before my body went back to its 195-200 pounds my face did look gaunt. I developed creases in the face. As a visual my brother has lost 25 pounds due to diet change due to medical issues. He thinks he looks better. I think his viewpoint is tainted because his mind tells him he looks better. But, he has that gaunt look. Bones are showing where there use to be a layer of fat under the skin. It shows in his face. He may be healthier to some extent, but, on the other hand his lack of stored fat to be used in an emergency medical condition is gone.

I think your eye is going to see what your mind wants to see. I came to that conclusion when I look at pictures of myself in total guy mode as compared to the image I see in a mirror. Of course, your wife is processing the before and after 'you' in the same manner.

As a man my preference has always been Marilyn Monroe over Twiggy.

Is there a particular reason this thread/post continues to re-appear that isn't in the same vein of the original?


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Happy Thanksgiving all!!! :-)

Sorry Danielle but (gotta hate it when the BUT word shows up) I find it a bit ironic that you would be posting here. Raising this thread from an impending doom as all the others. Some of us here are following along with this thread. Sure there may be lots of content, and it has somewhat changed from the OP line of questioning, but really not to far off track. It started with Nikki’s wife having issues with seeing Nikki all glammed up, now she has issues with Nikki’s appearance because of recent weight loss. In other words...Nikki’s wife has issues with Nikki. Now we could let this thread dye, and have Nikki start a new thread each time a question, or concern pops up, which would do the same thing as reviving this thread before the dirt gets tossed on its grave, or we could keep it open which makes it easier to see the previous posts and figure out how we got to where we’re at.
I say...if you see a thread you like swirriling the drain, go throw it a life jacket and post something to it.
Much Love,
Kristyn

My visit with my wife and her family over Thanksgiving generally went ok. Yes, my wife was giving me a hard time about my weight but things settled down once she saw that I was eating heartily and not picking at my food. So, not surprisingly I gained a couple pounds over the holidays. She asked me to gain weight to at least 170 pounds. I simply told I couldn't be happy with myself at that weight. Now that I'm back home I've quickly lost those gained pounds and I'm back to 153 pounds. This is a good weight for me but it does require a conscious effort to keep this weight. Must eat carefully and exercise (running) every other day. I know she's going to bring up my weight again and I'm trying to figure out what my next strategy will be. I'm in agreement with several of you who think she's jealous of my weight. How I navigate the discussion knowing this is going to be tricky. I just want to stay at my present weight and not have anyone more discussion about it with my wife. I'm ready to move to other discussions about my femininity with her.

I haven’t really been following this thread consistently. I’m only now realizing hat it’s in effect a journal of nikki’s emergence. The discussion of weight loss caught my attention because once upon a time I lost a log of weight, down trom 235 to 168 on a 6’3” frame. According to the insurance industry charts it was deemed a healthy weight, but not on my frame. Someone with a slight build, perhaps like Nikki, may be just fine in that range.

as for jealousy? Nah, I’d say your wife is struggling with the changes she associates with Nikki’s emergence. That’s understandable.

I do agree with kim that your wife is struggling with Nikki's emergence. I don't think she is envious of your weight loss. Her mental picture of you was developed over the course of your marriage. Your mental image of your self is different than her image of you. Maybe if she told you would look better as a woman with some extra pounds on you would actually look better. If I had to choose better Marilyn Monroe and Twiggie, I'd take Marilyn Monroe. Many women look a lot better with "some meat on their bones." I can only see the obsession of achieving the look you think you should have as having negative consequences in the future.

Speaking about emergence, I want to go out dressed up and try to blend in. I need to approach my wife and see if this is something that we can slowly plan together for the future.

Halloween just passed. That's usually the day when guys get a pass and go out en femme. Based on your postings you're wife does not seem to be on board with you wearing women's clothing. I suspect you will get a lot of push back on the idea. In a prior thread you said you're five foot eleven. Throw on a pair of heels and you're going to be very visible. That sort of kills the blending idea. Even GG's of five foot eleven stature with heels are going to draw attention. You used the word "together." Are you expecting her to accompany you or just help with your appearance. If she really will accompany you out of the house perhaps a trip to a convention would put her more at ease.

Great point Stephanie...if I get permission from my wife to go out, I'll definitely wear flats to help me blend in since I'm 5'11". Didn't have the nerve, or really a good opportunity, to ask her over the holidays for permission to go out sometime in the future. Although she's ok with me dressing she certainly isn't very supportive. I'm hoping that could change. I think it would be best to go together to a transgender conference like Keystone perhaps. I think it would be nice for her to connect with other spouses whose husband/wife dresses en femme.

On Samsung phones, there is a separate secured area that works like a second profile. Anything done in that section is invisible to the main profile and vice versa. Very handy. :)

Nikki you look great in that picture. As long as your exercise does not become obsessive and you eat a healthy mix of foods, then your weight does not really matter.

Yesterday, I saw my wife after having been away from her for a few weeks. Thankfully, she was happy to see that I gained a few pounds and she didn't give me any lip about looking emaciated. Also, she continued to be ok with my shaved/epilated legs, short arm hairs and tweezed/thinned eyebrows. All in all, I'm fairly content with where I'm at in negotiating with her my physical expression of my inner femininity.