A summary of Lola's Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Raquel June
I understand that. And I understand someone being shocked by catching their husband doing that. What I don't understand is equating it to cheating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Raquel June
OK, I'll be compassionate. You're all right. People who wear the wrong clothes outside of the house are all gross perverts and liars.
The OP: Lola didn't say anything about "cheating" in her OP. She just said she felt betrayed. I feel betrayed when someone lies to me in a substantial way even if there is no cheating involved.
Post #11: she didn't even mention cheating, she tried to make an analogy and she compared her feelings to how she would have reacted to a different type of lie (engaging in a money scheme) and even then she didn't chastise her husband. She said she was here to understand.
Post #38: she did mention cheating simply because at first she didn't recognize her husband while dressed and she thought the woman that she saw was a stranger that the husband was having an affair with ... until she realized it was her husband. She still did not chastise him but she instead spoke of her fears and her struggles as to how they might best navigate through this given the circumstances.
Post #78: she confirms that she felt betrayed because she felt lied to (not cheated on). She had no idea that her husband was a CDer and again, newbies like Lola have no clue about the difference between CD & TS, or whether or not all CDs are gay ... all the usual questions that wives ask when they first find out. Still, as confused as she was she still did not blame her husband and she repeated that she was here to understand.
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I'm not going to read all the other members' posts to see how many people called her husband a pervert. I don't think he is. But, the bulk of my posts in this thread was in defense of Lola, whom I perceived was chastised horribly because she dared to feel betrayed by her husband's lies. And lie he did. There are umpteen reasons why he lied, some of them valid, some of them not. But the fact remains that he purposely went behind her back big time (by not disclosing gender issues) and she felt betrayed by this, not because he was going out to drive around the block or whatever.
I think that Lola was sorely treated by the membership, especially since she is new and knows very little about this. SHE is the one who came here for help in understanding the CDing, not her husband. Had the members not rammed it down her throat that she had no right to her feelings, she might have stuck around and she might even have asked her husband to join the forum as well.
I should have moved her thread to the Loved Ones section. It might have made a difference. I left it here because I took it that she wanted to ask her questions to the CDers. :sad:
