New and confused GG

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!

See? Confused!!

And yes, I'm trying to get my ten posts!! :)

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Miss Muffet, :hugs:

I'm sorry I didn't see your post for a while... And I am really glad you have stuck this website out through some not-very-nice opinions. You certainly have every single right to be here, and I for one am rooting for you getting through your ten posts (you're halfway there!)

I have always thought of love as being kind of blind - that seeing the person inside is very different than the external. If being with your partner makes you feel less heterosexual I can understand it as a big blow to your personal identity - it is quite the change from something you have just assumed you knew about yourself, and a big part of your sense of self. But if you think of your partner as being the one person who you love and focus on, you don't have to question absolutely everything or even give yourself a big label if it doesn't feel like that reflects you.

The other thing is, just because your boyfriend sometimes wears a blonde wig doesn't mean that he is not masculine anymore! I have known about my boyfriend for two and a half years, and he is definitely still masculine... He is also feminine, but I have learned that the one has not taken away from the other! I have found out that -in my relationship, where we have no secrets with each other, and a full disclosure policy and work hard at talking about everything important to us - the good outweighs the negative with crossdressing. It does help that I attracted to the feminine in my partner, but there are other SOs who manage to do well with their relationships even when not attracted to that aspect.

It will take some time to get through the confusion, but it IS possible! :hugs:

Although I found out about this thread in regards to negative comments it received, I am so glad that i found it! The content from the positive feed back really helped calm down some of the things I had been overanalyzing about. I had noticed just like MissM that many of the Ladies here were on the far end of the spectrum of wanting to dress full time. I admit it made me a bit nervous. but hearing from this thread I found that I just happened to run across the threads that just happend to be lop sided on the farther end .

I'm so glad I took the time to read the thread completely and found that there are so many that are more on the same area my SO is in.

Thank you to all those who replied positively for you helped me relax a little more.

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

Hi everyone. No I haven't disappeared completely, but I did step away for a bit to process everything. I think I had information overload!

And yes, a couple of things were a little unsettling, mostly that this is progressive. However enough of you said this isnt the case for everyone. I did read yesterday's GG comment (anonymous as I felt a little like hiding) but didn't read too much into it as most of you were very kind and answered all of my questions. I think the comment about over thinking this hit home for me. I realized this is what I'm doing and my boyfriend is thinking about it less!!

Anyway, I'm very glad to hear from the other GG's here. Thanks for making me feel less alone! If I disappear again I'm probably just taking another breather. These ten posts are actually quite difficult to obtain when every word is so hard to write. I feel strange thinking about all this most days, so I'm trying not to! I do feel better when I'm not analyzing it all, and when I read of all the other men who are also just occasional crossdressers. I had no clue there was such a spectrum to this.

I will have a look at the Loved Ones section and maybe I can get my remaining posts there.

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Hello Miss Muffet,
I am also a gg that is in a relationship with a CD. I would like to welcome you here. I'm sorry that you received some majorly negative comments with one of your first posts. I have been really lucky...I have not received many negative comments. For the most part all of the comments I have gotten have been really supportive and wonderfully nice responses. The girls here have made me feel very welcome.

I hope tht those stinkers did not chase you away.:bigsmack:

My SO is also a part-time CD much in the way of your BF. I understand your confusion and distress. I also am very accepting of his/her CDing.


when i first started here I was very overwhelmed by all the things I have seen. but i had to remind myself that there are many people all along the specterum in CDland. It is easy to overthink things ...I too am very guilty of over-analyzing things it is in my nature. and it's OK. (for both of us)


I would definately, if you would like, to be your friend and shoulder to lean on. :hugs::Panda::rose2::bh:

Miss Muffet I don't know if this has been said yet. Listen to your CDing spouse! Your spouse can tell you better than anybody else where she is headed with all of this.

We are all over the map as far as being TG is concerned. Only your spouse can give you the answers you seek. You'll find great advice in dealing with this from the GG's who have a CD spouse, so get your ten posts.:)

Glad you are still here Miss M.

Count me as another that is glad you are still here Ms M. This would be just another CD site if it were not for all the loving GG's we have here. I learn as much as the GG's do by reading posts by our more beautiful GG members.

the girl asked a question, she should have received civil answers, not abuse. Good manners cost nothing.

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Originally Posted by flo

the girl asked a question, she should have received civil answers, not abuse. Good manners cost nothing.

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Absolutely right Flo x

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Originally Posted by MissMuffet

Thank you all so much for responding! I'm blown away actually. I imagined maybe one or two comments telling me to go away, I'm ignorant, so this was a great surprise.

Anyway, can't say I'm still not confused. Lol. I haven't drunk or cried this much in a long while. I feel a little sad about the whole thing. My boyfriend is the first decent man I've met in a long while and I finally thought I'd met HIM! You know, the one. And he is perfect for me. I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty, successful, masculine (or so I thought!) and he actually listens to me!

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Masculine, or so I thought!
Why does this change your mind about that? Does he suddenly not do the Masculine things he used to do? Does he work on the car in a cocktail dress? Mow the lawn in high heels? Is he more attentive to you than before?

He actually listens to me!
Well, from personal experience and years of self-examination I would say that's because he has an inert feminine component that is expressed more than you find in the other men you've known. I had a gf tell me once that she thought I was the most gentle and considerate MAN she had ever known. I attribute that to being accepting of my feminine side. I've found that I don't need to be Macho to be masculine. I enjoy expressing my feminine side when I dress, but it doesn't change anything else.

None of this means that he will want to live full time as a woman. We are all individuals with individual needs. Being able to express ALL of ourselves is very strong in us but that doesn't mean it changes us.

you have come to a good site, I would say as a GG though, it can be very informative here to learn of all the different levels of TG/crossdressers. It can also be very confusing and unsettling to read some of the posts. I would take a long hard look at the relationship, this condition is different for sure and brings with it many issues that can change over time, levels can escalate, the sexual component is unsettling (to me anyway, thinking that a man turns himself on, when he sees himself dressed like a woman). I would suggest to acquire as much info on the topic as poss, communicate with this man, and make a decision if this lifestyle is what you really want. You are lucky to have been informed early in the relationship, not all GG's have been given that honestly/consideration, that in itself speaks volumes about your friend. :)

Cindyo, You bring up as aspect of crossdressing I have never seen addressed in any forum thread. You are right! A man can be turned on when he sees himself dressed. So I of course think that a GG might feel cheated if the man is turned on to the point of masturbation and then the GG feels she is not enough. Very good point. But at the same time, can a GG get just as turned on when she reads any of the spicy romance novels that many read? I think it only becomes a problem when the dressing takes the place of being intimate with his SO.
I guess that can and does happen. I wonder how much of a problem that is.

Brandy i think a better comparison would be, a woman turning herself on sexually if she dresses up and pretends to be a male. That would be quite an abnormal, perhaps concerning situation, and most husbands, boyfriends would never tolerate it. Should a man or woman become turned on when reading/watching spicey romance - very normal, almost expected IMO. I do think solo sex is concerning to a partner, the question is - why. Unless of coarse the partner is unwilling/able to join in, and i have not added on the crossdressing thing, whole new bunch of "why's" then enter into a persons thoughts. This is very strange for a SO, GG to come to terms with. I guess my point is, really soul search and figure out is you are truly wanting to take this path with this person in lfe. It apparently NEVER goes away and there can be one heck of a pile of baggage with it.

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Originally Posted by CINDYO

...the sexual component is unsettling (to me anyway, thinking that a man turns himself on, when he sees himself dressed like a woman...

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This is a characteristic of dressing that I believe tends to diminish with experience. The first few times I experimented with items of women's clothing or makeup it was sexually arousing, but after I began to accept this part of myself and started dressing more completely the sexual component went away completely. Male arousal is the last thing I want to deal with when dressed.

Hi to all and this is my first post.

For a "GG" I feel it has to do with the feeling of being threatened by the "other woman." For those of us that have lived two lives we see both sides of the fence so to speak. I think it has to do with acceptance and realizing it does not change the love or the "feelings" toward the one you're with but binds the feelings deeper and stronger. For a man to be accepted by his wife for wanting to enjoy his feminene side would be the ultimate gift of love.

Happyjackie

Ms M, Just joined the post.... UK time! Sorry if you have had some bad experiences here... overall we are a good bunch of well meaning folk... if slightly deranged in the gender stakes... :)

For the record, I am married, have three great girls who are now grown up and one of them has a beautiful daughter. All three have University degrees and I am a very proud Dad and Grandad!

Oh yeah, and I crossdress... Have been doing it for 40 plus years...

I am also a senior academic and a rock guitar player... I know you joined a good site - most of the people here are great... feel free to PM me for any advice I can give. It must be a real shock to find out. I know it was for my wife.

Kaz