Have you been with a guy?

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

unless...they are lesbian??? Why would you clothing make you change your sexual desires? These types of threads confuse me and honestly I think half of the people who desire this are all fantasy. I also don't understand why people think being a woman is always a passive sexual activity.

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Your point about fantasy - yes, I agree with that.

As for your question "why would your clothing make you change your sexual desires", the answer simply has to be that it doesn't. I do however think that for some sexual desires can influence their choice in clothing. To use a (admittedly stereotypical) example, butch lesbians. They incorporate a look that reflects their sexuality. Their look not influencing their sexuality.

In regards to cd's who wonder or fantasize about having sex with a man, for many this seems to be more about a desire to affirm their female persona rather than a desire to actually have sex with a man. It's a self-reflective fantasy all said and done.

As for your comment about not understanding why people think being a woman is always a passive sexual activity, well, in terms of conventional sex, that is exactly what it is for women. Biology dictates that. This passive/active dichotomy however lends itself to homosexual relations. A giver or a taker. Top or bottom. These are merely preferences, and despite the connotations aligned to the words passive and active, it is not meant to imply weak or strong. Or be detrimental to one over the other in any way.

Of course, you are correct in that people, regardless of their gender (or rather biological sex), can adopt either role. For women (whether they are with men or woman), should they take on a more active (as opposed to passive) role, it means that they are taking on a more masculine (as opposed to feminine) role in the engagement. By the very definition of what the words masculine and feminine mean.

after years and years of fantasizing and trying to delude myself that i was straight, i finally went with a guy. and it was as natural as breathing. i finally figured out in my forties that was want i wanted all along. now i've lost count of the guys i been with. which probably means i'm a sl*t but i'm too old to care and just making up for lost time.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

1) straight men do not want to be with cross dressers closing the deal with a straight man will not happen.

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i been with loads of guys who claim they are 'straight'. never had any complaints yet.

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Originally Posted by julia marie

Throughout the thread there seems to be a difference in how people define "being with". Another question, where are all these guys who are looking to have sex with a guy dressed as a girl. .

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they're on fabswingers. and they're queuing up to meet me.

I have strong fantasies of being with a man while dressed en femme. Nothing romantic or anything of the sort. Would love to be just be 'taken.'

Have been with a couple of men (before my 'dressing'). No guilt, but just not satisfied with the situation.

I travel quite a bit and would love to explore these fantasies...but so afraid of the potential for being caught.

Cindy

I think it is wonderful to see that so many of you pretty ladies have had sex with men. I started out CDing with my wife and gradually progressed to experimenting with men. I found it wonderful to be dressed, and made love to. They used to tell me if one or the other was wearing "panties" it wasn't gay.

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Originally Posted by Alaina Ann

They used to tell me if one or the other was wearing "panties" it wasn't gay.

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In actuality, that makes as much sense as the Latino thing about being a top. It's funny the lengths that we will go through in order to shield ourselves from reality.

DeeAnn

Funny, I did a similar thread and it got me some flack. I was told by one replier that if I wanted to talk about that kind of thing to go to another forum.
Anyway, for me I have always liked women. I even prefer working with them. In my man days that seemed natural but now I find I still prefer them. Makes me a straight crossdresser I suppose.
I know, apart from the usual curiosity, I don't ever have any desire for a male sexual relationship but am quite happy to have a friendship with anyone, as I really do on here

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

This is another repeat topic and the responses are again confusing.

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I submit that the responses are inconsistent, which is not necessarily the same as confusing (though some respondents may very well be 'confused' in the sense that they haven't quite figured out their own feelings yet). Not everybody here has the same orientation, gender expression, or reasons for dressing, so to expect unanimity of responses is unrealistic. Everyone has their own motivations and feelings.

after reading the question and all of the responses I have decided that I really do want to be with a man and am gong to try it.......I feel that as a woman I need to do this...I believe that I truly do want a man and to be his woman....I have set it up for the Saturday after thanksgiving.....I admit that I am excited about it.....if you would like to know how it goes and all of the intimate details drop me a line and I will share all of the intimate details with you in a private communication....it truly was wonderful to read all of the open and honest opinions.....
mn

Yes, I have been with a few out on dates. There was no sexual activity at all.it was a great feelingof course. They were CD admirers. At first just coffee,then onto banquets,Christmas parties and so on. It proves one thing you can still have agreat time with nice gentleman not looking for something extra.

No interest in dating men, only women that will accept and treat me as the nice girl that I am inside.

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1. Has anyone done it before?

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Yes. I came out as gay several years ago now. Before coming out I predominantly dated women. After coming out, I slept with several men and ended up being married (civil partnership) for several years. That marriage ended and since then I've had one boyfriend, although we have just broken up.

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2. Did you feel guilty later about it?

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No. It was right for me.

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3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

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Addicted would be the wrong word. I only want to be with men, after finally accepting my sexuality several years back. I've only dated men since then.

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4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?

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Do you mean fulltime dressing or fulltime as in only ever dating guys. If the former, then no. If the latter, then yes.

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5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

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In answer to the first part of this question, yes it was. It was right for me. In answer to the second part of this question, the best word to describe how it made me feel was complete. Not complete in a cross-dressing sense, but complete in that I was finally being true to myself.

Just for the record, my cross-dressing isn't the reason why I am attracted to men. I am attracted to men because I am gay. My cross-dressing is simply a facet of who I am. It doesn't define me. Being gay doesn't define me. The two are separate. I don't go with men because I seek validation in my dressing. I'm not attracted to men, or active with men, in order to fulfill some self-centered desire to be regarded as a woman, or to affirm my feminine side. With my ex-husband, my cross-dressing was very much an accepted part of our relationship, but our relationship wasn't defined by my cross-dressing. With my (now) ex-boyfriend, my cross-dressing rarely played a part. Both relationships didn't end because of my dressing, the part that my dressing played in both relationships varied greatly, but with every single relationship I have had, be it with men or (in the past) women, my cross-dressing was always disclosed but was never a primary factor in the relationship happening, or developing, or for that matter, ending.

I write that because from your OP, leona, I get the feeling that you do want your dressing to define any potential relationship or encounter that you may end up having with a guy. I get the feeling that you are seeking validation for your own femininity, and being with a guy would achieve that for you. It seems that you want to be with a guy to fulfill your own innate desire to be regarded as a woman, to take an extra step in trying to tap into your own need to be seen as such in this regard. I will say right now, that if this is indeed the case, then you will find it hard to have a relationship with a man that is as honest and genuine as any relationship you have had with a woman. It seems that you would want a man only sexually, not emotionally, and the same would probably be the case with your male partner. If that ends up working for you, then good for you. For me however, what I seek is a relationship with ANOTHER man, which is every bit as nuanced as straight relationships are regarded to be. What I want is a partner, in every sense. Not a play-thing that taps into a desire to try an encapsulate what I, a man, regards being a woman to be.

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Originally Posted by missynicole

after reading the question and all of the responses I have decided that I really do want to be with a man and am gong to try it.......I feel that as a woman I need to do this...I believe that I truly do want a man and to be his woman....I have set it up for the Saturday after thanksgiving.....I admit that I am excited about it.....if you would like to know how it goes and all of the intimate details drop me a line and I will share all of the intimate details with you in a private communication....it truly was wonderful to read all of the open and honest opinions.....
mn

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Best of luck, honey. I hope you have a great time. When you have an itch you have to scratch it :battingeyelashes:

Jaquueline hon, there is women who mate with other woman. I read somewhere that 84% of women have played with another woman and it paper also said they felt that the other 16% lied .

Don't know if that's true, so many of that kind of figures a not .

I have always said I am 99% straight.

Never tried it an never will. It just not my taste. Women drive me crazy in that way and men don't.

Now who knows, that does not mean I will not see a man that does interest me in that way.

I dress for me and no one else and I may feel good doing it but I know I am not a woman and don't feel like a woman when dressed.
Maybe that is why I don't then become atracted to men in fem mode.

Hug to you all

Anton jon

Not with a guy. But I think about cuddling with another sissy cd, a lot of the time. Mostly when I am dressed for some reason.

I have been with a few men. A couple of them have been a wonderful experience. I have learned over the years that has a Crossdresser I really can't ask enough questions before the date. I have a set of protocols that I always follow when dealing with men from dating sites and Craigslist.

1. If they can't send a well thought out reply with above 6th grade punctuation then the guy is probably not worth my time.
2. After asking a few questions I ask for face photos and ask them what they might want to do on our date, one wrong answer and he's out. And if he won't send a face pic I won't date him, I have been burned this way before.
3. If they pass all of that I ask them to call me. You can tell a lot about a man by a simple phone conversation. If he won't call me I won't date him. And if I don't feel good about the way the conversation is going I tell him maybe another time or that I am simply not interested.

You can't be too careful with dating men who admire a respectable crossdresser. I think it's wonderful that there are so many men interested in dating me. But I am super picky and I have met with men who I wish I had said no to. In fact, I kicked one guy out of my home for being rude. But on the other hand, I have had some very nice moments with a couple of guys who I love to see as often as I can.

I would still rather date another crossdresser though. It is just very difficult to find a quality CD in my area.

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Originally Posted by Laurenlovecd

I have a set of protocols that I always follow when dealing with men from dating sites and Craigslist.

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Oh yes, the beauty of craigslist hookups. They say baseball is the only sport where a 30% success rate is good: I wish I could have that "batting average" in CL. :D

I had a boyfriend for 30 years. So the answer is yes. Is it better than straight sex? Definitely more interesting with lots more variety and a wider use of erogenous areas. I am a bottom so it's always better for me with someone dominant.

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Originally Posted by Sky

Oh yes, the beauty of craigslist hookups. They say baseball is the only sport where a 30% success rate is good: I wish I could have that "batting average" in CL. :D

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Yes, and note that it is Craig's List and NOT Craig's Grade A List...

DeeAnn

1. Has anyone done it before?

I really want to. I fooled around with another CD before a little bit, but we didn't really do very much. I really think from what turns me on. I'm more of a bottom sexually, but that said I don't find much attraction to men... other than the one part.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it?

Not the fooling around I did. I actually wish I would have been less inhibited and gone further.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

No, but I think I would enjoy it a lot and may get there if he treats me right.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?

I don't know if that would be the factor for me. I think I feel more feminine when dressed and would be more in my element with guys when dressed, but it's not completely a sexual thing for me. I dress because I want to and I'd dress more if life allowed it, not because I was getting some.

Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

I think it would be, but time will tell.

I haven't and although I have a wife I am secretly attracted to men and have all my life. I think I sort of new this when I was a teenager I all my crushes were on male pop stars and actors. When I begun crossdressing in my mothers skirt and tights I had the most almighty crush on Donny Osmond. When I was in girl mode I would look at his pictures on magazines, drool over him and like every girl of my age wished he was my boyfriend. I have never had a relationship with a man but when I am dressed as Nannette I am always dreaming and imagining what it would be like to be with a guy but only as a real woman which is never going to happen. My thoughts are often of a really gorgeous guy who used to work in the office I used to work in. I haven't seen him for over a decade but have real feelings for him. I imagine that I am walking down the aisle with him in a beautiful white wedding dress and white stockings or tights underneath. He is a big golf fan and I imagine going with him to golf club dinners in a cute black dress and black tights. I am dressed up in my girly office outfit whilst typing this and getting quite hot under the collar thinking of him. He is not a conventially handsome guy but he is very sporty and macho and all the girls loved him. Most of the guys that attract me are handsome guys in their early 20's and thirties. A couple of months ago I ordered a pizza in the middle of a dressing session. I put my male clothes on underneath my tights and the hottest young guy I have seen in a while delivered my pizza. I didn't know where to look.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

No you are not. You are in denial. Being dressed does not make homosexual sex "straight." There's no need for pretense.

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That's not always the case. Bicuriousity does not mean you are definitely homosexual and/or in denial of such. To suggest they're all in denial will only create more confusion with bicurious people. Otherwise we could just as easily say that like straight guys, bicurious gay guys are just as much in denial of being straight.

I have been bicurious for about 20 years at least, until just a couple of weeks ago. Do I regret it?

Well, yes and no.

No because it is something I have at last got out of my system thus I'm now much more calmer about it than I have been for years, now realising that I'm ultimately straight. And yes because I now feel I violated myself because of my true straight hetero orientation. As although the first guy I went with we didn't do as much, the second guy I went with I didn't enjoy it like I thought I would and it really done nothing for me, I didn't find it arousing like I do with a woman. In fact it hurt and couldn't wait until it was all over. I immediately ran a hot bath afterwards because I felt kinda dirty and violated afterwards. Now I realise why many women do the same although I realise this one was my own fault. The odour lingered for a while. I now feel a sense of guilt and shame over it, but at least I fully understand why I did it, and that all the fantasies will now go away, and it's been a hard learned lesson. Plus I could never envisage having a loving relationship with a guy, I only ever dream of that with a woman.

So at the very most, when I was resolving my bicuriousity, I became heteroflexible, not bisexual. The difference being is that bisexuality means you can fall in love with both genders, but heteroflexible means you can only fall in love with the opposite gender whilst only lusting after your own, making that more of a choice, unlike bisexuality which isn't a choice. Heteroflexible can be either permanent or temporary, for me it's extremely temporary. So although I have now been with a couple of guys which I kind of regret (yet has resolved my inner conflicts), I now realise that I'm ultimately straight.

I'm also unsure how long I'll continue crossdressing for. I actually do enjoy this more as it's been relatively harmless escapism for me, but I now realise this femme roleplaying and my bicuriousity has all been compensation for the shortage of female intimacy in my life, personally for me. But I would give up all my femme clothes in an instant if the right woman came along, and it became a choice of either her or this.

Even if I'm a CDer, I'm certainly not a sub.

No, I've never been with a guy, however I wouldn't entirely cross guys off my list. I just don't have a desire to actively seek them out.

I got my first taste of male attention as a CDer not long ago... It made me both envy and sympathize with women at the same time. ;p

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Originally Posted by NANNETTE

I haven't and although I have a wife I am secretly attracted to men and have all my life. I think I sort of new this when I was a teenager I all my crushes were on male pop stars and actors. When I begun crossdressing in my mothers skirt and tights I had the most almighty crush on Donny Osmond. When I was in girl mode I would look at his pictures on magazines, drool over him and like every girl of my age wished he was my boyfriend. I have never had a relationship with a man but when I am dressed as Nannette I am always dreaming and imagining what it would be like to be with a guy but only as a real woman which is never going to happen. My thoughts are often of a really gorgeous guy who used to work in the office I used to work in. I haven't seen him for over a decade but have real feelings for him. I imagine that I am walking down the aisle with him in a beautiful white wedding dress and white stockings or tights underneath. He is a big golf fan and I imagine going with him to golf club dinners in a cute black dress and black tights. I am dressed up in my girly office outfit whilst typing this and getting quite hot under the collar thinking of him. He is not a conventially handsome guy but he is very sporty and macho and all the girls loved him. Most of the guys that attract me are handsome guys in their early 20's and thirties. A couple of months ago I ordered a pizza in the middle of a dressing session. I put my male clothes on underneath my tights and the hottest young guy I have seen in a while delivered my pizza. I didn't know where to look.

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So how does your wife feel about this?

Your post is the epitomy of fantasy. You know this.

This really annoys me about the cd community. That being being with a man is clearly a fantasy that is apparent in a a fair number of cd's, and yet if a cd comes out to his (sorry her) girlfriend/wife, then they hate it when the next (inevitable) question that they face is "are you gay?".

"No, no, I'm not gay dear wife/girlfriend".

How many here have, upon coming out to their female partner, and being faced with such a question, genuinely answered that question by saying, "well, I'm not gay, but I have fantasised about being with a man just so that I myself can feel closer to what it feels like being a woman".

How many? This is specifically asked of all those in this thread who have thought about it, but never, or ever have any intention on acting upon such a fantasy.

Judging from a lot of you who have responded to this thread - the ones who seek a man's attraction if only to validate their ideal status as being regarded as a woman, well, let's just say this, it's about time that you were actually honest to your partners. And it's about time that you realised why your partners, upon you coming out to them as a crossdresser, would respond with asking if you are gay.

For many, it seems that there actually is a link between dressing and sexuality.

Jenni, actually yes I told my SO that I'm BI and like men. But she knows I love women and like men. She has asked me about it in various ways. I told her that trust in an open relationship is the most important thing.

I have been bi about a year or so before Donna came into my life. Know one has seen me as Donna. But the last few years I dream of a male making love to
me and slowly undressing me. He takes his time with each layer of clothes. He would have to know and be ok with me as a CD first. Trust and acceptances is
Very important to me.