Need Advice I Am The Wife That Found Out And Trying To Understand.

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Originally Posted by BRINA

Sedona,

I appreciate your reply but you need to know that i do not want to control his dressing..I could care less if you do it or anyone else on this site does. One of my best friends thru my 20's was gay and he was an ex- boyfriend as well and i accepted it and even hung out with him and his new bo. But he never never was femme and secondly and most importantly I was not married to him. It is only fair that everyone on this forum not only accept and understand why you guys do it but everyone understands that when you get married that you can not and I mean can not hold this from your wives. It is not fair. Your right if you assume that the chances are that if you told them before you got married that they would not marry you. So what you guys go ahead and marry us and know that now it is legally binding and alot of you say that we stay out of love. Truth is alot of us stay becaus of kids, because what are we going to tell our friends? There is family involved, finances, and it is not as if we were beaten but if you guys only understood the emotional aspect of it on the wives. A relationship is based on many things including sexual attractiveness. And you steal that from us but now we are legally bound and yes we have grown to love you guys..You have become our partners and our suppossed futures and all along you lied to us because you are not who you portrayed to be. Especially in a case where you are watching videos(normal porn) and ejaculating to it..That really killed me. We watched that together and how do you think I feel now. Was he thinking about me when we were done or himself as a girl..Do you understand the emotional stress..Emotional stress that I did not deserve I do everrything, make great money, take care of the kids, hava all the friends, keep life exciting and you are going to do this to me. I had other options at the time and even now. Do you understand how hard that can be what if I had gone with one of them??Just trying to find my sanity again...

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Well , I have read your theads and what others have written. So here goes.
First of all, this all about you isn't it. You found out something about your husband that he kept from you. While I admit that would appear to to wrong.
What did you do. You told your friends. Some CD's here have been in combat and have actually killed people. Most of them would tell you it's easier to admit your a killer than a CD. Oh it's all right that women have earned the right to work at jobs like coalmining that are ugly and require down
right dirty but for a man to feel the need to be pretty. Oh no! What about
the fact that you don't like to wear dresses. Has he accepted that? Probably! Does that annoy him? Maybe! If you want your marriage to last
then you have got to change and along with him, compromise. Just for what
you have done so far, he may actually be the one who leaves you. Better
be careful for while he may like to be pretty, he is still a man. If he's no
longer good for you, then maybe you would prefer someone who gets drunk and
comes home and beats the crap out of you. Be careful what you wish for!
Don't get me wrong; like everyone else here, I really would like to see you work this out but sometimes writing nice things does'nt help.
God bless, I know it's a struggle but keep this in mind, If he couldn't face you about
his crossdressing, what makes you think he will ever be able to face your friends?
You really have an uphil battle because if he is so emotional as you say, he may be
thinking the necessity to quit his job and move far away. Then what have you done
for you children?

Well, looks like I've come to this thread real late.

Brina, I wonder why you married him in the first place? Were you in love or were you just looking for a father for you daughter?

If you were in love, how did that happen? I doubt he portrayed himself to me the type of guy you idolize (macho, controlling, domineering, etc.).

If it wasn't love, and if its for your daughter to have a father, then your reasons for marrying were a lie. You lied to him by indicating that you loved him. You now have trust issue with him because he hid his CDing, is he supposed to trust you now?

Without trust, most relationships (if you want to call it that) are doomed to failure.

Did any of the previous posts mention the book "My Husband Betty"? It was written by Helen Boyd, a tomboy in her own right. Maybe you'll find it interesting, and hopefully helpful, from a tomboy/wife point of view.

But I ask again, do you love your husband? If not, then don't waist time reading the book.

Brina...

I have avoided commenting much on your post because it is such a painful subject for me. I understand what you are feeling. My wife has issues with transgenderism too. She vascillates between acceptance and toleration and then, total despair.

I am deeply sorry that I mislead her for so many years but you have to realize that even we, sometimes don't realize what is going on with our gender differences. It is only within the last few years with the internet that we are starting to understand that we are transgender and not merely perverts. I know I was in denial for over 50 years simply because I didn't know why I wanted to wear women's clothing occasionally and present myself as female. When I got married, I assumed I would change as a matter of natural course. When I didn't (or couldn't), I had to deal with living in shame and deceit. This caused enough stress, both personal and in our relationship, to cause health problems and strain in how we relate to each other.

Since telling of my femme side, things are not perfect for either one of us but they are much better than they were before. I, now, don't have to try to be so macho all the time and can feel a little more free to empathize with my wife. She gets to have a husband who loves and cares for her, a best friend who wants to do everything with her, a helper with the housework, and a pretty good girlfriend. Sure we both have times of emotional stress, but we are learning to deal with it.

You will eventually have to make a decision, plain and simple. You can either stay with your husband and love him, support him to the best of your ability, and make the best of a situation you hadn't expected or you can toss it all in the trash can and start over. Actually, your husband has that same decision to make. I'm betting that he loves you and wants you enough to want to stay with you. How about you? Would you be willing to love him and want him enough to stay with him? In the end, it is a decision for the two of you to make.

With this being said, I hope you both will search your hearts and do what you both can live with.

God Bless you!
Shari

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Originally Posted by BRINA

:brokenheart: It has been 24 hours since I posted my situation on this site, and I have to be honest never expected what I saw 5 pages of other peoples opinion, advice and comments some nasty some nice. But that is one of the advantages of living in this century- opinions from many who do not know you personally thus allowing for openness and non-favortism to either party and lastly if it was not for this mode of communication, who knows where many would be? In the closet? Ok just a joke. Maybe not a good one but after reading all this I wanted to put some humor into this because it is obviously a VERY HOT TOPIC. So why? Maybe it was read so many times because so many of you have been there and are there and you wonder so what if I tell it. If you get anything from this DAMNIT TELL HER BEFORE YOU GET SERIOUS.Want to know why. First, you can not get back the trust. What? You guys want me to trust your opinions, you want to trust your own gut instincts as to why you choose this life style, you want to trust that the medical field is right and you were born like this. Well then realize trust is what is the most critical aspect of a marriage/relationship and even sex. Before you decide to sleep with her tell her if you think it is going to go anywhere. You all taught me alot. Um some I wish I did not know and some was fun to read. Hey, thanks to all of you and if you are wondering if we are going to work it out? Keep posting your input keep giving us your guidance and tell us when yo tell your spouses or partners and how they are dealing with it all the help helps. Will check in later.

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Your Quote:


Need Advice I Am The Wife That Found Out And Trying To Understand.

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Oh where do i begin? A couple of months ago i found out my husband of only a few months was a cross dresser by finding a ton of clothes in his trunk. I was mortified. How could this be? You have a son. I have a daughter and i do not want this type of relationship. Don't get me wrong these were my thoughts at that moment. I am not insulting anyone. But we have the ideal life, 2 kids a cat a dog great jobs a beautiful home and now this?? Of course at that moment i said "it is over you know that right?" his response was i expected that. He has been married 2 times before and they found out and left him. Low and behold he had told me that they left for other reasons. Anyway i decided to stick it out because of the children i mean i would jump in front of a truck for them so why not sacrifice myself for their happiness. So i asked him to get rid of the clothes and think of the kids. Well i thought he did i saw them in the trash and then last week i was supposed to go away for a meeting and i had a sick feeling that he was up to something so decided to swing by the house to see and you betcha the clothes were laying on the bed.


You asked Him to purge His clothing and be someone He is not!



Your Quote:

Ok guys/gals what is this i need to understand. I feel so lost so confused. I do not find the female race attractive at all, thus my dilemma with this situation. I love the male race the masculinity and the security they present. With my husband i never have felt this feeling, if i broke up with him he would cry. I dont cry with him or any other man. he is emotional. Me i could care less when it comes to relationships. Dont cry just move on whats the big deal? I almost didnt marry him because he was so emotional and sensitive and i need a man that is stronger than me and truth be told i am pretty strong, so strong that i too have been questioned of my sexuality by outsiders, but i love love men..anyway this is not about me but about my kids.

No this is about You being truthful to Him. Your worse than He ever thought of being. You’re the one using Him up for your Kids sake. You have loads of issues also. You said it, not me. My question to you is this? Are you Gay, are you a Lesbian? No disrespect intended or implied. But I’d love to talk to you face to face. Your just the kind of Woman that I’d have like tons of Questions for.
Oh, and why would you marry a Guy for your Kids sake then bitch about Him to other people? Your using Him big time. He seems kind, considerate, caring, loyal etc. So what if He did not purge. Those things are his. Not yours. Does He ask you to throw away your things He does not like? HUH?

Your Quote:

. I do not like the dressing and many of you have said that your wives have found out. How do we cope? Is it that he wants to be with a man? I did find out that he took a toy and used it but said he did not like it. He said he is not attracted to men. But then why would you dress like that? I do not understand and need you guys/gals to help me. Please....sorry this is so long..and all i can say is thank you to all those who respond..

A toy is just that “ an adult toy”. Growing up if our parents talk to us we find out about them and how Men and women play with them. We all have things we try during our lives. It don’t mean he’s Gay. It just means He’s as normal as anyone else. Sorry to say this, But you are not very diverse in your Sexual thinking. Very many couples use Toys. Not Just Women.

Again No disrespect intended or implied.

Well, I read the comments since my last post. And Tamara I know very little about chat groups and threads but I have figured out that you rule this site. So in regards to locking up the thread that choice is yours but a little note. I have had some of the men ask me on private emails to let them have it. Basically pretend I was their wife and how she may re-act when they tell her. So in regards to locking up the thread do as you please but there are many people who have read this and I am not the only one learning from this and gaining guidance. And to tell you the truth I am more amazed at the GG's responses than I am the CD's. The anger to my reaction is amazing from the GG'. And the fact that I told one of my friends is amazing. Do any of you have a best friend? If you do not I am sorry and if you do I am more sorry that you can not trust them enough to tell them. And with my other friends I thru it out as a what if, like if I was watching Oprah and this was the topic of the day to see their response. I damn well did not tell them that it was my husband I was talking about. And I did tell my parents and to be honest with all the CD'rs they think that it is no big deal and my dad actually joked who knows maybe it feels good? So be as it may. You all(especially the GG's) need to know that there are many people out there that do not react with ok baby we will work this out, or i will support you, or here are my skirts try them on. Some of us react a little less accepting when first told and someof us accept it and yes some of us will not and yes we will run away and let the world know. So be prepared is all you can do. And to be honest I keep hearing a comparison to the fact that be a CD'r is not acceptable as it is to be gay or a woman working in a coal mine. A little 411 for everyone. The reason all those things ar accepted is because the word got out. How did the word get out? Over time people told people they were gay, weman told other people they wanted to vote and the process of those things happening were not pretty. There were peoples feelings hurt, peoples deepest secrets revealed, riots and craziness and now 2006 some peace and acceptance from society. So I am just saying you want it to be accepted ( except for those that find the thrill or satisfaction in the secret part of the closet cd'r) Be glad that there are those pissed those telling others because you never know there may be some day that this too becomes just another part of society.

Now about the last 24 hours. So you all know my husband has been out of town and I have been busy with the kids and work. That is reality. Yes this is an issue and yes I have been checking this out, but life does not evolve around me resolving this in 24 hrs and posting all day long. But so you all know. YES I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT THINGS DIFFERENTLY AS A RESULT OF THIS THREAD. I laid in bed last night and even considered going out and getting him some clothes since he threw most of them away for me. I even considered making love to him like that. I was saying to myself I could put on a blind fold and then I would not have to change my image of what I claim as one of the most handsome men in the world (he really would not make an attractive woman and beside he has facial hair which is a whole nother issue, for he puts on a mask to obtain the female look since I asked him to grow the facial goatee, which looks hot on him,So say I give in to any of the above if someone wants to post how I could help him look more femme with the facial hair with out wearing the mask(YUK) then please post because this thought has run thru my head as well) So be it you want to know what the last 24 hrs has hold. I have talked to him several times not about this but I have said that I appreciate him more than I ever have and YES I AM STARTING TO REALIZE THAT I AM DAMN LUCKY TO HAVE HIM BECAUSE OF YOU ALL. So when yo ask me to keep interjecting now you know you are laying the ground work for what is to come when he gets back in a couple of days. This may include passionate sex with a handsome man, a love making process with a wonderful person in girls clothes, or a house that is empty for I have tkaen the furniture and kids and moved on. I can not tell you until he does get back and for now I am still just reading what you guys have to say and feeling out my future.
Oh and Tamara a site is a site and in my opinion I think I would be pretty happy that so many people were logging on may it get nasty or not and remember just as he(my hubby) held is word about his dressing, silence does not always mean your ignoring what people say sometimes you have sit back and listen as I am to you guys. So give us all a chance please.......
Have a good day all....

I am 55 years old and have seen many things in my life. Women using males for everything you can think of. I have one big piece of advice! Grow up a little and treat that man to a Divorce so He can find someone that truly loves Him.

Or figure out your life with Him! And treat Him as an equal!

Again No disrespect implied or intended.

Haley's correct again! Wow! A woman on here telling She can't keep secrets. Wow mark that one in the book. One for Haley!

Remember my other postings about The My Husband Betty Book page 59 I believe. Where it talks about How Women can't keep secrets? HUH?

Wow, young Lady thanks for re enforcing that on here.

Should we tell before marriage or not? Well can they keep quiet about our CDing? HUH?

I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my wedded (husband/wife); to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, or the Lord comes for His own, and hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

Are you breaking these wedding Vows? HUH?

Being a user of your spouse is breaking your vows.

The more I think on this the more I think of my First Wife using me for 12 years. Working 3 jobs and buying Her and the kids every thing they want. Them going to Florida to Disney world and me not going because I was working for Money for them to do as they wished. To give them everything I could. Then Having Her leave me for a Lesbian.

Are you like that a User? You have said you are staying for the Kids sake. Not your own. That tells me you love the Kids. But If your that way with your Husband. What will you do in the future in other relationships? Not just Marriage. I mean Friends etc....

Friendship is a big part of life. With our Spouse, children , Parents, Co- workers etc. A big part of that is keeping the secrets of others. Caring of How others feel etc. Please be as truthful to your Husband as He has been to you.

Giving Him Sex is not the answer. Telling Him about How you need a strong Man and showing Him your postings from Here would be being Honest with Him.

Copy off your Thred here in complete and let Him read this. Every reply etc.
That is Where you need to start being honest with Him.

The question has always been Telling your Wife. Here it should be Telling Your Husband!

Brina, I have not posted on your thread, I didn’t think that I could add anything. But I will try now.

But I do agree with some of what you say, OK you are angry and said some things that others here might get upset over, but I see this as anger over the situation your husband put you in.


I can only put this in a way that would relate to me if I was in your situation.


I am similar to you, I like guys to look like guys. If I had a boyfriend who one day wanted to wear women’s clothes. I don’t think that I could accept this. I know it sounds mean of me to say this, but I will have felt a betrayal from him, something that he should have told me up front so I could have made a decision whether we should continue seeing each other.. Just because I like to dress as a woman doesn’t mean that I have to like or accept my boyfriend to dress as a woman. So, you are not alone in thinking this way, I also wouldn’t like my man to dress as a woman. The same when you say that you are “Tom Boyish” Just because you are this way doesn’t mean you have to accept him dressing as a woman. You were open with who you were, he was not.

You’ve got to figure out is the love between you strong enough to continue a relationship. To stay together for the kids doesn’t sound like a good idea. One thing you might of heard in this forum is that he most likely will never end dressing as a woman. It is up to you how to deal with this, it all depends how you feel deep down in your heart.

Whatever decision you make won’t be the wrong one, because you will know what your heart says. So, follow your heart, you can’t go wrong following your heart

I just read Haley's reply and a little 411 start your own thread Haley for you have twisted things to your world and not mine. Sorry your wife took you for a ride, but hey your mistake for picking such a loser that she did not have her own career and if you did not read the beginning I make more money than him and we together blow 6 figures away, he alone not even close so you got played and that is your fault. And as you sit there and say tell him that you said you need a man that is more Macho print this thread. Do I sound like someone that does not speak her mind. Claws out told him thank you very much..I am a bitch which as a girl well I can be..thank you.AndI feel like saying something I damn well do. So I have no need to print this thread for more than this has been said to him and as I have accepted someof his comments he too mine for they are just words and if you have not grown up enough(50 you are right ) to realize some people say things just because they are so pissed they can not help themselves then hey your wife left you for what reason. I am sorry but I have had enough with the BS about Do you love him or not. This is not a novel or a little story for all you to read it is life damnit and love does not always fix it all or everyone freaking person on here would be with the first person they were supposedly in love with. SO you grow up. This thread is about understanding why the heck someone is dressing in girls clothes, why the tall tale that the magazines for wigs were for your ex wife, why the heck should I accpet this and every other woman whose husbands decide to drag them into this life style without fair warning should deal with it and if we choose too then how did you deal with it. So for all our sakes can this not be a cat fight or an discussion about the vows of marriage but the truth this scares the shit out of some of us that are not hiding something in a closet.

Go for it sweets (re:trying out the sex with him)
take a walk on the wild side,
shellybean

Keep coming back Brina, that's my opinion. I for one am glad you are here. :happy:

My next Comment for you is HMMM?Oh and yes marriages fall apart for many reasons. Seems that you need to figure this out!

Yeah, and you do need some real Help on many issues!
Have you tried a support group? Like TriEss?


Oh yeah you need to come back. Let us know How you do on this. We the interested need to know.

Come on girls! There's a lot of pain evident here, please calm down and take a breath. You have both been hurt in different ways by a partner, and we all make wrong assumptions just because text is such an impersonal medium.

Come on now Let's have a :gh: ... let it go

Brina

Perhaps you missed it in my post ~ but I again would advocate that you and the DH just put this all up on the shelve for a spell. You need time (as your obviously are doing) to think about this.

I do believe that this has rocked your world, and has shaken your core beliefs, and your reality.

As is so often advocated here to CD coming out to their wives-GF, take baby steps.

Is this an issue in your marriage? Un-questionably, it is! Is a deal breaker? You and only you and your DH can decided wheather its a ill-reconliable difference.

And, I hear you when you say ~ "haven't you ever said something out of anger?" Even with you, my post may not have altogether have been warrnted. But, at the time it was the way that I infered what you were saying ~ which is not necesarly what you were implying ~ such is the trouble with communication between human beings.

Crossdressing non-withstanding, we as men when we enter into a relationship with a "traditional" woman ~ is obligated to perform and play out certain roles as a husband, father, and as a partner of intimacy, (after all you're a woman, and you too have your fantasies ~ and if being with a cross dresser ~ you would have been with one already ~ no?)

The main thing is that its out there on the table, the good, the bad, and the ugly. That youre DH is a crossdresser, and you're not happy about it ~ really isn't the issue any longer ~ the issue now is what are you and he going to do about it? It may not be pretty and it may not be fun ~ but ultimately it is the two of you that are going to have to make some decsions, choices about what to do about this.

And, he's only fooling himself ~ if he thinks he can forever more permantely purge ~ and if he has found the answer to that question ~ the solution to that problem (of purging over and over) then please by all means post it here ~ because the collective experieces, knowledge and wisdom of all present really would like to know.

IMHO, you've brought a much needed perspective to the board. One that is much more akin to what is day to day reality. Again, one of my deifinations of reality is the sum difference between the way it is and the way its suppose to be.

I for one have already voiced that I believe the thread should remain open ~ because we need to see the underside of the beast. Again, it my not always be pretty, and it may not always be fun ~ but I feel that it is necessary.

Tamara is not the dominatrix of the board that I infer you implying that she is ~ albiet she does have one of the magic wands. But, she's pretty level headed ~ and she does have her hands full as admistrator riding herd over the board ~ sometimes much akined to attempting to herd cats.

Seems you get quite pissy over reading things that people tell you from their Hearts and are just trying to Help you. I did read your post back to me. I have to tell you this. If I had met you in person and you had been this way with me face to face. I'd a turned and walked away never the more to speak to you.

As Tamara has said People on here are interested or they would not be posting to you. So, that said. I don't know you nor you me. But I am the type that cares about people. Even ones that slam me over the net. Hmm?
Yeah I have maybe to much heart for my own good.

But being that you have Children , I guess you really need to figure this out as soon as possible. No it's not about Sex only, marriage. That said another good book for you would be by Doctor Laura " The Care And Feeding" or " The 10 Worst Things Women Do". Oh yeah My Wife has read these.

You Might try fixing things in your own back yard before you try to fix your Husbands.

Whats the old saying " about the pot calling the kettle black"?


Just an observation, No disrespect intended or implied. Am Not cat fighting over this issue or Thred.!

(Name), I will be a strong spiritual leader for us in our life, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows, until death do we part. I give you all that I have, myself, and my love. All these things I pledge to thee in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ. With this ring, I seal my vow of love to you, and pray I may fulfill God's place in our home, in the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.


There are all kinds of Wedding Vows! What did yours read?

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Originally Posted by BRINA

I just read Haley's reply and a little 411 start your own thread Haley for you have twisted things to your world and not mine. Sorry your wife took you for a ride, but hey your mistake for picking such a loser that she did not have her own career and if you did not read the beginning I make more money than him and we together blow 6 figures away, he alone not even close so you got played and that is your fault. And as you sit there and say tell him that you said you need a man that is more Macho print this thread. Do I sound like someone that does not speak her mind. Claws out told him thank you very much..I am a bitch which as a girl well I can be..thank you.AndI feel like saying something I damn well do. So I have no need to print this thread for more than this has been said to him and as I have accepted someof his comments he too mine for they are just words and if you have not grown up enough(50 you are right ) to realize some people say things just because they are so pissed they can not help themselves then hey your wife left you for what reason. I am sorry but I have had enough with the BS about Do you love him or not. This is not a novel or a little story for all you to read it is life damnit and love does not always fix it all or everyone freaking person on here would be with the first person they were supposedly in love with. SO you grow up. This thread is about understanding why the heck someone is dressing in girls clothes, why the tall tale that the magazines for wigs were for your ex wife, why the heck should I accpet this and every other woman whose husbands decide to drag them into this life style without fair warning should deal with it and if we choose too then how did you deal with it. So for all our sakes can this not be a cat fight or an discussion about the vows of marriage but the truth this scares the shit out of some of us that are not hiding something in a closet.

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This is a good sounding board for one and all ~ to get it all out. Brina, IMHO, brings to the board the perspective, attitudes and opinions that I personally would expect to find in your average, vanilla, traditional woman. I think we need that here.

And, in going back over the thread, I believe that she's come a long way from her initial discovery ~ and saying to her DH, "You know its over, don't you!" To at least NOW considering and weighing her options. That's a pretty good distance to have traveled in 48 hours, is it not? From where she was initially to where she is now. At least, she no longer considering throwing out the baby with the bathwater?

And to be honest, and to give credit where credit is due ~ I have learned and grown from this thread ~ as I think we all have.

As far as the ex's leaving ~ they leave for one reason and one reason only ~ we quit making them feel good about themselves when they're with us ~ and so they either went and found someone else that made them feel good about themselves when they're with them ~ OR they're had to get out and go find that person because you ~ we weren't getting the job done! Just that plain ~ and just that simple.

Brina, You make more money than your husband, If I was you I'd dump the bum and get on with life.

If you are asking "Why do men crossdress"? Then you will find many different answers to this question. The main thing is to find out why your husband crossdresses and how far does he want to go with it.

There are some CDs that are content to stay home, there are some that want to go out and about, there are some that take hormones but still want to be men as well and then there are some that do go the route of changing into a woman, (There might be other types of cds out there). You have to find out from your husband how far he wants to go with his CDing and you have to decide if you can handle what wants, then it's up to you if you stay or leave him. The reason that I dress is because I want to be a woman.

The big problem was that he through this at you late in your relationship and I always said that this is wrong. I think guys should always be up front with their spouses and not hurt them later on in life. So, I agree with you that he was wrong in not telling you, now it's up to the both of you to find a solution. But again as to the why men crossdress, you will get many different answers to this question, maybe even one of the answers is what you are looking for,

Good luck to you Brina, I hope you find what you are looking for here at the forum.

She said, She did not like Men that Cry!

Hey everyone crys. Also What did you do to make Him Cry? You know Crying is letting loose of emotions you can't hold in anymore. It's a way the mind relieves presure. If you can't take that, I don't know what to tell ya. You may not like seeing people Cry. Actually none of us do. It means that things have gone to far for some reason or another. Like When My Father died last year. Sure I cried. For Days I cried on and off. Thats normal. It don't mean that you should divorce someone just because they cried over something.

Yes I said a post ago " Grow Up". Was it a good choice of words maybe not. But It seems you don't understand some of what you should about people in general. So Hence I said Grow up. If that did affend I'm sorry. But truth is truth, it might hurt and make you mad to hear from us on here. But You asked the questions and asked for help.

People Vent, You know you do.

I would have a hay day with you Haley, a glass of wine and some damn good arguing over beliefs. You still do not get it. Do I have issues that need to be resolved? Not like yours. My issues are acceptable in public, my issues did not involve me throwing someone else in the closet and my issues did not come out after we were married.. HELLO.. the name of this thred..I found out not I am one..Do you get it there are hundreds of people reading this a bulk of them are wives ready to dump the husbands becuase it is so off the wall. Do you get it you grow up seeing it on tv, or in drag clubs, and it is a joke then your slammed in the face with it. Try it, you know you have resentment because your wife rode yo like a pony and you havent accepted it, because if you did you would not accuse me of being her. Get it here everyone. There are alot and I mean alot of women that are not accepting of this. Most women do not fanasize about a sexy chic in bed with them we lust a well endowed man. A protector. and now well now we are the same lets see humm..You like our shoes but yet you really aren't wearing them because we are the ones that have to deal with the emotions this brought on.You are still men and my husband told me that women have 18 emotion centers men 2. So point being if you want to help some of the marriages out there then tell us more, we need to know..Quit with the vows for the second time. that has nothing to do with this.....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amelie

Brina,
The big problem was that he through this at you late in your relationship and I always said that this is wrong. I think guys should always be up front with their spouses and not hurt them later on in life. So, I agree with you that he was wrong in not telling you, now it's up to the both of you to find a solution. But again as to the why men crossdress, you will get many different answers to this question, maybe even one of the answers is what you are looking for,

Good luck to you Brina, I hope you find what you are looking for here at the forum.

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Ok, My take on this is why did you not tell him before marriage you wanted a Man that never does cry and is more Mocho than you are? Seems to me your actions were a deal breaker also. Oh, and the idea of staying with him over the kids. There is a good one to. Not a good idea.

I tend to think that many women use a Guys CDing, as just a way to dump them. I believe there are usually other issues that are behind the deal. Like maybe He's not mocho enough HUH? Or that He crys? HUH? What else. Tell us! Whats the real Issue here? It's just us girls here!

No disrespect intended or implied.
:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BRINA

So say I give in to any of the above if someone wants to post how I could help him look more femme with the facial hair with out wearing the mask(YUK) ....

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Those masks are so sad IMHO...One solution...buy the best moustache/beard you can from a theatrical supplier with gum adhesive, he can be The Laughing Cavalier at your command.
You might also consider a nice wig that really suits "her".

BTW what chance of her registering here?

I wish you all the luck...and joy life's too short!!!

Hugs Ellainexx

Well i am glad that you are being more open minded about crossdressing. Also take your time to understand him better and ask questions how far he wants to go with it. I do agree with others that you have issues within yourself that you need to be resolved. Like for example that you said you dont like man that cry. I think you have some serious baggage either in your upbringing or maybe from previous relationship. Even thou u came on as aggressive and rude i wish you and your husband the best of luck in your journey. I do hope that you can accept him for who he is and love him no matter what. cheers

Just a note here -- if you are not the creator of this thread, then I ask you to please limit your posts and take any additional arguements or opinions to private messaging (or just hit the "edit" button and add to your previous post). A little consideration and self-discipline would be much appreciated.

Dear Brina

I never saw in the short time that I have been in the forum such a display of attacks from one side to the other. I really thought this was a place where people would try to make tolarance, aunderstanding and real caring their modeof communication. I guess I was wrong.

The reason that I am writting to you is because somehow, beneath the surface, you do want to understand, otherwise, you would had desappear from the site many hours ago. Am I wrong? It it so simple to desappear in the Internet, Is it wonderful?

So, I am going to try my best to give you some support, if that is what you are really looking for. Yes, Brina, you have all the right in the world to be mad as hell and in total despair. I tell you something, Do you know how many times I have felt mad about my self and lost becuase my CD? I can not blame you for feeling that way. However, I do believe that the issue that is more important to you is being lost in all these " I Tell you this because you told me that". I really don't care who initiated this whole futil process,but precious and productive time is being lost in non sense.

So, What do you want from us? Do you want to backlash on us because you are in pain and we have become your scape goats? If that is the case, well I hope you feel better now, but please, please, do not use this site to get even with the world. Yes, life is tough ,you tell me. But, you said that you are a thogh woman. Well, sweetie, soldiers are not tested in the barracks but in the battle field, and this one, my dear , is a thogh siutation.


Secondly, ask yourself about what do you really expected from the relationship. I think this is a more important question. Do I really love this guy to be with him after all this commotion? Brina, there is no law in the Universe who obligates you to stay with him. You are in your right not to accept his crossdressing and to feel angry and betrayed with his mistrust; however, you might choose to try to understand who he really is and embrace him as a whole person. Againg, that only depends if you really want to give a chance to the relationship to see how it works. It seems to me that that is what you relly want.

Thirdly, lots of things came through your mind. From making love passionately to him to help him be pretty and to make love to him while he is dress in women's clothing. I believe it would be better for you to talk to him and get more information before you ever decided to move on into that step. Making love is a great thing but, it can be also a momentary pain killer. My recomendation in this case, do not rush into things. Discuss this issue thoroughly with him, become educated about the issue and talk to a professional if necessary. Brina, one more thing, I understand your frustation, but I don't think that talking to your friends about the issue might be a good idea at this time.

Finally, the GAY issue. Brina, even though, I have never being with men and I do not have a "real" desire to do so. Even though, I have read DSM IV- R (that is the guideline for therapist to classify all metal illnesses) and I am described in that "BiG BooK" as "male hetereosexual tranvestic fetishist" (which means get arouse by women's clothes but he is not an homosexual, only like women), I have sometimes question my own sexual orientation. This is so difficult to understand for me, because I only feel "really attracted", in reality to women and I don't think I would ever be with a man. However, this forum has shown me that there are lots of men like me who do dress in femme mode, but that would not ever sleep with a man.I identified so much with my genetic gender (male) that I might not like a woman or man to see me in "femme", I really don't know if I would like it. Most likely ,I would be ashamed of myself if that would ever happen.

You see, if you really want to know, if that is your case ask, tell him to be completely honest and ask him to tell you all about it. And if it the forum, the information about CD and the talk with your husband not seem to satisfy your level of understanding, please go talk to a professional, an expert in TG, a real therapist.


Well, I do not know what else to add to this post. But, I really do want to help you cope with this. Before, I go, Brina, I do want to say one more thing. If you want to continue writting to the forum, do it with a sense of understanding rather than witn a sense of anger. Do not enter into the forum with resentment, it is not worth it. I do believe you have more important things in your life than to enter into a futil discussion. Get the best from this opportunity.


Sincerely,


Sophie:GE:

And I Quote from BRINA

"And the fact that I told one of my friends is amazing. Do any of you have a best friend? If you do not I am sorry and if you do I am more sorry that you can not trust them enough to tell them."... a little clue for ya...

IT IS NOT YOUR SECRET TO TELL ANYONE

Oh yeah and you just came back on yelling and screaming about all kinds of stuff.......just remember you came on here attacking a lot of people and comments and lifestyles, so forgive us if you got some of it right back at you.

BTW, to go from beyond not acceptring to considering buying him clothes in UNDER 24 hours....doubt it sweetie.....

GG's are reacting this way because you condemned just about everone on here in your first few posts......let me say VERY FEW of us were accepting right from the beginning so don't imply that (which you did in your post)...it has taken lots of time, education on the subject, and TONS of communication!!!!

All I can say to you is good luck and COMMUNICATE with each other, SOON! Don't sweep it under the rug !!!!!!

Elaine thank you for responding to that.Something reinforcing me dealing with this.Truth is I do not want him to shave it andI think he does like it. (Just another question to ask him when he gets back) So what to do umm.Any other ideas? Because it would be to much after all this for me to get used tohim now dressed in girls clothes and facial hair gone..There has to be some other way to deal with it. Idea I just bought a really pretty satin Sarong pant set with a crop top. How about a genie type mask. But how would we kiss?? Boy this sucks!!!