Printable View
By "masculine men" if you mean "ultra macho" this is a stereotype. Most guys are, well, just guys. They don't dress as girls but this does not make them any more masculine than a CDer who is presenting in guy mode.Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
That said, I love my SO for all of who my SO is, no matter how my SO presents. I am ultra accepting and supportive but this does not mean that I have a general preference for CDers or Gender Non-Conforming people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
As SilentPartner wrote, the wigs, make up, femininity etc are definitely not what I like about my H. I find it curious that anyone would think a GG would prefer this stuff. I assume some do but I haven't met one yet, lol. And I'd be annoyed if my H was only confident when dressed - that would also be curious in my mind, like a split personality or something. Thankfully my H is confident no matter what he's wearing.
But ultimately it's the man underneath that I notice and the less of the other stuff the better :)
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
I have one female friend and she likes the idea of dressing me up. It's always fun to be with her. Her interest to dressup men like women created curiosity in me and hence I asked the question.
:)
Rebecca
Have you tried asking her what she likes about your fun times?
Personally I think there is quite a difference in the mindset of a woman who is a 'friend' of a CD'er and a woman who is married or in a romantic relationship with a CD'er.Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
I know this from my own experience as my sister's OH is also a CD'er -
I've been first a friend and then a girlfriend to my CD and to be honest for me its not much different, im happy either way whether he is dressed up or not, ive always been accepting of him and that didn't change when we started a relationship, it's about who he is not what he wears :)
I am pleased for you Bethy, but you knew your CD as a friend first, so you were already fully aware when you became romantically involved. Can you imagine being married to someone for 20 - 30 years thinking one thing, only to then be told about being a CD ? it isnt quite the same thing - many of us may still have gone into the relationship regardless but IMO it is always better to have all the info up front so you can make an informed decision
yeah I do get where you are coming from because this is the second time dating him and it was only after we first broke up that he told me about it so to know that he was CDing without me knowing through the first relationship was a bit strange to get used to so I do get your side of things and it can be a shock but I guess it is very different to being married for a few years before finding out
SilentPartner, your sister is with a CD, too?? How does that happen?!
Just makes me realize this is far more common than realized. Either that or your family has some sort of genetic allure that attracts them, lol
Wow. Anyway, back to the thread, I think it's hard to say if you'd be fine if you knew early on as I did but my H down played his activities SO MUCH, it was shocking when I knew the truth. I think we all deserve to know a person properly before committing our lives and I still feel robbed with it all. I love my H, but it sure wasn't my choice to live with someone who CD and I know if I'd known the truth back then that it would have been a deal breaker.
Well, she finds some sort of thrill and satisfaction to feminize men.Quote:
Originally Posted by JessM.
lol- yes I do wonder sometimes - my other sister found her first husband in bed with another man - when she was heavily pregnant! It is beginning to look like a family thing!!!Quote:
SilentPartner, your sister is with a CD, too?? How does that happen?!
Just makes me realize this is far more common than realized. Either that or your family has some sort of genetic allure that attracts them, lol
I can honestly say that if I had known right from the start the full extent to which this would impact on my life and the pressure it puts on me personally, and the marriage, I would have walked away. I would like to be an all forgiving, all tollerating person but I'm not, and nothing is going to change that - any more than you could ask a CD to stop dressing.
SilentPartner just curious but what is it about CDing that you are against? I would love to hear your side of it just to understand other peoples views of it :)
Bethy I'm not against CD'ing itself - I dont have a problem with that. It's the secrecy and the hiding stuff, the secret purchases, having to be careful about who comes to the door etc. etc. There is so much sneaking around and when things get rough, not being able to confide in others. It sometimes feels like the OH is having an affair with another woman, only the other woman is himself. Buying clothes for this 'other woman', make-up etc. You are no longer the most important woman in his life.
I absolutely hate lies and being lied to - I dont like secrecy as I am a pretty open person and not to be able to talk to family and friends about any of it is not my way.
I really cannot think of one plus to it all - for me at any rate.
Ahh yeah I do get what you mean because when me and my OH were only friends I had a boyfriend that I couldn't tell and he saw one message from my now OH and he thought I was cheating on him with my then CD friend and it was a bit awkward trying to explain to him that no im not cheating its just that he was a CD'er and the message was completely innocent, so I do get how you feel, maybe you could try and talk to your OH and explain that you would feel better if you could talk about it to your friends and family? Just try and give him that bit of confidence to be more open about it? I know how hard it can be with the secretive side to it so the best you can do is support him and hope that he becomes more comfortable with it, enough to start telling well trusted friends, im lucky really because my OH has told all my friends and family about it so we are more open with it, its just annoying that CD'ers think they have to hide it because of what society is and isn't accepting of
Confidence!! Confidence is always attractive!!Quote:
Originally Posted by chatbuddy1987
As for me, I also like the feminine; I find crossdressing attractive, as long as the person is OK with having a male body. It's true, a lot of women go for masculine. Just remember that everyone is different, so don't assume that all women will prefer a very masculine man. Even when I am attracted to men who don't crossdress, I prefer them to be of slight build and graceful. Rugged masculinity generally turns me off, and I don't think I'm the only woman on Earth who feels that way.
Cynthia, I don't like rugged either, lord no. They often have their own issues going on, lol.
I guess masculinity to me is a quiet confidence, a comfort in knowing who you are, a tendency to lead and yes, open the bloody door for a girl every now and again, lol. I guess I prefer the James Bond type of masculine. I'm young yet old enough to be old fashioned!
So i guess CD is a turn off for me not because of what it is, but how it appears. I can't help feeling the person who needs to do this isn't comfortable in their skin, if that makes sense? This isn't very attractive to me personally. I love confidence ALL the time - not just when someone dresses up as someone else.
Of course, what I think is masculine is totally subjective. Someone else might think of enormous arms and full beard! It doesn't matter if you're happy :)
I agree, everyone has their cachet. When you think back on all the kids you went to high school with, likely most are in a relationship now and they all managed to find appropriate mates for themselves. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia GG
... and not every male was super macho, and not every female was a beauty queen. :)
I have not reached to the point in my life when I can confidently someone who I am. I am not super-macho, and when dressed - i can become less aggressive, and I do feel like being an asexual person. May be its true when they say that one has to first accept himself/herself, and only then he/she will be accepted by others. :brolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia GG
i'm not sure if i'm posting this in the right area, but it just occurred to me that it might be a really weird experience for a gg to come onto this forum and see all these avatars of men dressed as women... i mean to me its really cool and seeing others willing to share a personal pic of themselves makes me feel more comfortable being here and contributing, but i'm wondering if the ggs on the site find it creepy or weird or who knows what... anyway i am just curious and would be interested to hear some responses...
I found it a bit unsettling in the beginning even though seeing my SO was perfectly normal to me. Go figure.
I find the avatars interesting, and they do help me start feeling like I know people a little better.
For me it is nice to put a face to the poster.
Some avatars are a little unsettling. Even as the wife of a CD I still do a double take when I see a grown man in wig and frilly skirt or whatever. My first thought when I first saw this was 'he is surely nuts.' Hence the reason I try not to view my H this way. My brain can't compute what I'm seeing.
I know more now though, and realize that most here are smart, kind people who just want acceptance for who they are, warts and all. I get that. We're all weird in some way and anyone who disagrees is the weirdest of the lot :)
Doesn't and never did bother me :)
I don't find the avatars weird in fact I like seeing the different looks people go for, I guess im so used to my OH dressing that seeing other people doesn't phase me, to me its interesting to see all the different styles :)
Depends on the avitar.
This forum is very well administered [ Thank You ! ] but a very few have gotten through for a short time in very inappropiate 1/2 dress [ long time ago ]
There are some very nice avitars, and if someone is bothered , they could go elsewhere.
Please Bethy , what is an OH ?
Presh
OH Think its" other half"
hey Presh, yeah Ellanore is right its Other Half :) basically the same as SO (Significant Other) x
I wear heels for dressier outfits and ankle boots with slim jeans. I wear sneakers when I go to the gym, work boots when I mow the lawn, and rubber clogs when it's raining outside. I wear sandals in the summer: flat with shorts or casual skirts and heeled with dresses.
My heels range from 3-4" to flat. I tend to wear the flat shoes/ankle boots/sandals during the day time.
I do not own any platform shoes. They would bring my height up to 6'2.
I wear heels for dressy events and depending on what I am wearing most days flats or ankle boots. Have knee high boots for the club:D Sandals in the summer.
I wear heels/boots for the way they look mainly, they can be comfortable for short distance walking but if im walking too long they make my feet hurt but hey at least they look good! :P plus for me wearing heels/boots make me feel more confident and I do walk more confidently when im wearing them and I love wearing my ankle boots with my skinny jeans :) x
Am interested in the opinions of the GG's. Recently, I saw a statement of "my breasts are growing, I'm a real woman now!" and "I can't wait to go full time and be a real woman!" I've seen other posts along similar lines. (I'm not pointing fingers as I've probably said similar things myself)
GG's - does it bother you that some men equate being a real woman with body parts, hormones or lifestyle? Or do you laugh it off and think to yourself "they just don't get it".
No it doesn't bother me I just laugh it off as they really don't get and IMHO most of it is fantasy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Renee
It does not bother me.....I just roll my eyes :brolleyes: and think they just do not get it.Quote:
GG's - does it bother you that some men equate being a real woman with body parts,
Whatevers ever:heehee:
Yup.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Renee
I do think they just don't get it. It's the man in them speaking, I'm afraid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Renee
I found a pic of a piece-meal woman a while back. It's how I feel when I read some of the posts in here ... a bunch of disjointed body parts:
Attachment 213126
No more than it does when Movies, Magazines and Newpapers do it. They are following the mold that society has already establish. It is kinda hard to get mad at them for that. I do like that my CD BF does try to listen when I explain that there is more to it than that and give him examples. He will never completely get it, but at least he tries for me.
sometimes this kind of thinking does bother me a little. just like a man we are greater than the sum of our body parts, just looking like a woman doesn't really mean you can understand the things that we go though everyday. once in the shoe store my SO made a passing reference similar to, "if i were a woman, i'd wear heels everyday!!" well, i just laughed, of course he didn't mean any harm but it made me feel like maybe I was less than his expectations because I absolutely don't wear heels everyday. And I'm sure if he did wear heels everyday he wouldn't really like them either. They hurt your feet and sometimes you have to hustle to the store before they close and carry lots of things around and heels aren't practical for those times. I wear heels often when we go out but during the week i don't.
We also had a discussion about what feeling feminine means to one another. I was very intrigued by his response, mine was that I feel most feminine when I am maybe getting dressed to go out, out of the shower, or when we lay together and he holds me and I feel safe and loved and wanted by him, sort of protected. He on the other hand had a much different feeling, his was more "treat me like a woman means to be almost overpowered or dominated or to be handled in a certain way" or something to that effect (he doesn't treat me that way so i didn't see the connection there). Anyway. my general impression is that many crossdressers have this view and it makes many of the gg's laugh because we know what it is like -- and it's pretty far off base at times.
Hi,
I guess this question has been asked before, but my search has not revealed the desired results. So to the GG's, here is my question. Is there anything about yourSO's CDing that you regard as positive? What I mean by this is, does he have traits that you normally do not find in other men? Is he more caring and considerate, more supportive or understanding, or do you accept him as he is because you love him? Would you rather like to have the same person without the CDing or is there some positives?
Thanks in advance for the replies.
Hanlie
I like that he's interested in talking about the role gender plays in our society. And I like that he's a caring & generous person. But I knew him as a great guy for twenty years before I knew about the cross-dressing, and I don't see the wonderful traits as growing out of his cross-dressing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanlie
Now that he wants to cross-dress more (and more openly), he has become more self-absorbed & obsessive, and less considerate of others' feelings. So the changes are all on the negative side, from my perspective.
He's always been caring, understanding, affectionate, etc. I dont think CDing has anything at all to do with his wonderful character and personality.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanlie
I think the she in him is a bit more self-centered than the he. When he's a he, I feel like we spend time together as a unit. When he's a she, I feel like she exists independant from me. And while my presence is appreciated, she would be just as well without me. I wouldn't say she's selfish... just more focused on herself and less in tune to my feelings.
The only good thing I can think of is that I know I can dig into his makeup stash if mine runs out :/
Yes, my SO is caring, considerate, sensitive and understanding. But, I do not see these as qualities that belong strictly to CDing men. Other men in my life that love me or with whom I feel a deep friendship (my father, my brother, close male friends) are also just as caring, considerate, sensitive and understanding toward me and their other loved ones.
I accept my SO's gender fluidity because it is a part of him and I love him/her. I cannot imagine my SO being any other way. :)
I think the traits that make me love him and her are what I would look for in a mate and nothing to do with cding really,
But with your questionI thinks we have alot of fun sharing all this together and can make for a very intimate relationship.Quote:
. Is there anything about yourSO's CDing that you regard as positive
Sometimes it bothers me; they are missing out on the fun times of pms, and menopause. Most of the time I don't care.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Renee
I think there are men who are kind, considerate, and caring who do not cross dress. I am sure there are men who cross dress who are unkind and inconsiderate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanlie
I knew about my guys cross dressing before I met him, and it is one of a long list of features. I think he is the way he is (kind, considerate, caring) for other reasons.
To me, the benefits of being in a relationship with a cross dresser include mutual enjoyment of clothes shopping, indulging in beauty rituals together, and raiding "her" closet for a few key pieces that fit me.
My SO is unlike any other man I have ever met. He is very loving, understanding, sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful...he's truly a beautiful soul. I love all those things about him -- a lot of things about our personality are similar. I don't however think that he is this way because he is a crossdresser. I think that it is all relative and he is the way he is because that is who he is and crossdressing is just a facet. I think everything about a person is based on two things, genetics and life experiences. Nature AND nuture. so i think that to say he is this was because of his crossdressing is false. I think that everyone has things about their personalities that make them unique, I accept him for who he is -- flaws and all (and i don't include crossdressing as a flaw). I don't think he'd be the same person without his crossdressing so I wouldn't want him not to be. I do agree with some of the other girls in that inherently i feel there is a selfishness associated with crossdressing to an extent. But I feel that my SO is very good about when I tell him my feelings and keeping things in balance.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanlie
I enjoy reading this thread from time to time. My question to all the beautiful GG’s here is this:
Why do you think female to male cross dressing isn’t as common as male to female cross dressing? I know that there is a Transmen section in this forum but post and thread counts there is just a small percentage of male to female cross dressers section.
Thanks in advance for all the replies.
Hi Sarah
speaking totally off the top of my head because I cannot get inside the head of another female but I think it could be a number of reasons -
my first theory -most women dont tend to think of clothes as changing their persona - I dont feel any less female or feminine in a pair of old jeans & T-shirt than I do in a frilly dress.
my second theory - women are far more free to wear whatever clothing they like - personally I dont own more than one dress and no skirts at all - they are just not practical for my lifestyle - nothing to do with trying to be a guy or look like a guy, trousers and jeans are just way more comfy for me -however unless I was to put on underpants and cut my hair real short and wear a stick on moustache, I am never going to be mistaken for a guy
third theory - how do we know there are less women to men crossdressers ? just because there arent many on this particular forum, doesnt necessarily mean there are fewer of them, my personal view is that 100% straight women dont tend to feel the need to talk about clothes the same way that male to female cross dressers do so maybe that is the same with female to male crossdressers - maybe the are just comfortable with what they do and dont feel the need the 'share' their experiences and fantasies in the same way
just my take in it - but what do I know - I am 100% female and dont wish to change that
FtMs in general tend to NOT crossdress, even though they may go through a period of experimentation when they first discover who they are internally. It is also not sexual for FtMs and they aren't enamored with male clothes in the same way that MtFs are enamored with female clothes. I don't think that FtMs go through "blue fogs" like the reverse for MtFs. And so FtMs tend to just present in a way that reflects who they are, all the time. In other words, most are closer to being TS (transmen) where the clothing really isn't a big deal. If there is any hiding from parents and such, it tends to happen rather early in their lives after which they do eventually resolve this, and are free to be who they are all the time.
If you look at the numbers on this site, you'll see that the vast majority of posts and threads here are made by the crossdressers. The TS section is much smaller, as is the FtM section.
I dare say that many transmen are also entrenched in the lesbian community (at least the ones that I know personally), and so they already have a measure of support.
My thoughts on this.....it is not about clothing for them it is about being the male they have always felt inside. And here in our local trans-family group there are many transmen in our group.
They seem to figure this all out early .... there is no back and forth they tend to live their life as a male.
Hanlee thats a pretty impossible question to answer really, the OH is who he is, and has always had the CD element so how could I possibly know if he would still have exactly the same characteristics if he wasnt a CD'er?
I think the other GG's have answered as well as is possible - some men are kind and considerate and some are selfish and mean - and some of those in both categories are CD'ers - personally I dont think the CD'ing side of a guy necessarily has anything to do with their other qualities or lack of
Great question. It doesn't bother me from a gender bias perspective but it does from a practical aspect because it sounds like the girls don't know what they are getting themselves into. The girls I know who are transitioning haven't used this expression around me. I've mainly heard girls say they are going full-time at such and such a date. For anyone who is considering going full-time especially those who have never presented as a woman publicly, I caution them about discrimination they will experience as women and violence against women. I let them know that yes being a woman is a lot of fun but it's a lot of work and risk too.
I love being partnered with my CD. I love the sexual expressiveness and role play, the willingness to explore new ideas, and the incredible level of acceptance we have for each other. Much of this can be attributed to his CD lifestyle. For example, he has received much judgment in other relationships about dressing, which has led him to believe that much of love is being accepting of each other. The gender role reversal also can lead to fun bedroom play that would not be likely with a non-CD.