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To the GG's who approve, support or even enable their CDing spouses: What do you think might be your characteristics that you all have in common?
My ex-wife was a don't ask, don't tell person. She was not supportive but let me dress in her presence on occasion. She had many good qualities like being a nice and kind person, but I guess I am looking for characteristics deeper than that. I am looking for characteristics that might point me towards a wonderful GG that I hope to meet one day.
I'm not a spouse but I am responding to Susan's question. Based in what I've read and my own experience, I believe that supportive, accepting GGs have a few qualities or personality features in common, either at the onset or after time:
An open mind in general
A healthy ego/sense of self confidence
Common sense; a guy dressing as a girl is not a sign of the Apocolypse
A desire for their CDing SO to live life authentically and be happy/at peace/his best self
I think having an open mind and accepting that not everyone lives the same way is the best indicator.
I would guess most of us are open-minded about other issues: we have friends who are gay and we think they should have the same rights as everyone else. Maybe some experience with other cultures, to understand that the way we were raised is not the only way to live.
Agree
Being open Minded
I'd always thought of myself as an open-minded person. I had no patience with anyone who put down anyone because of their race, religion,gender or sexuality.I was at odds with my father even at a young age over ( what I saw as his views on everything being either black or white) he could not see beyond his own set of values.
Being open minded opened me to find a great love.:love:
I'll chime in here with being open minded and I'll add: at a personal level and not just with ideals. ... Be aware that some people are liberal when it comes to arm's length experiences ... they accept and embrace all races, religions, and gender/sexual diversity, until it's in their own back yards. In other words, there is no guarantee that an open-minded person will willingly enter a relationship with someone who engages in cross-gender expression, or be happy when their son or daughter marries outside their ehthnicity, etc.
Hi Everyone.
I have a questions for GG's please.
If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?
No one would ever say that to me as I am in a relationship with someone who loves me for me and vise versa.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
So pretending someone might say that to me......still would never happen as I would not be anything but myself and we make sure we keep on the same page.
Since I wasn't socialized to be a man, and don't look like one, I don't think I would be able to act like one very convincingly. But if I woke up in a man's body through some Freaky Friday situation, I think I would try to muddle through as best I could. I would tell my husband what happened and we would work together to find some way of dealing with the situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
I wouldn't know how to Not act like a woman. I tried to walk as a man once and the result was laughable.
I might be able to pull it off for a while, but I would be MISERABLE. Self-expression is important to me, and my "self" is feminine. That's why I support freedom of gender expression. If there is a part of you (or all of you) that wants to act or dress as a woman, I think you should be able to.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
(as to the "how long" part of your question: after a few months, I think it would adversely affect my psychological health.)
I can't say how long I would last but I sure would be miserable. I could dress like a man for a while, I'd probably really enjoy it and get into all sorts of styles. But I couldn't stop acting like a woman. I'm a very role orientated woman, and I know that sounds bad, especially up in here, but I'm being me. It was just the way I was raised I guess. But bottom line is I'd go a bit crazy :p My SO would go crazy if he couldn't CD, I get it and he's very patient with me when I primp too!
I'm female first off...I cannot change that. But I can be gender fluid, at times, so maybe a week? Though I cannot do somethings without assistence that a genetic male can do.....maybe a day?Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
I dont act like a woman, I am a woman so I would have to make a concerted effort to try and act like something else as everything I do in my life is done as a woman. As for dressing like a woman, I dont - I wear gender neutral clothing - jeans, T-shirts, flat shoes etc. I wear comfy clothes not glamorous clothes.
I think I'd muddle through the not dressing part indefinitely as it's just clothes and not really an issue for me personally. But the acting part? I don't act - I just AM a woman. I wouldn't have the faintest clue what that means really, but I know even less about being a man so I guess I'd last three seconds and would give up and go back to being me. I'm apparently very feminine by nature, according to others, though I still don't really get that. I'm just me, and that's a woman by birth. Anything else would be an act.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
I don't understand your question. I am a women so I would be one no matter what I wear. I don't know how to "act" like one because I am one. Next question.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
Considering that I've always fit in better with guys than girls, I'd probably manage well enough.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah21
Hi ladies, a question; lipstick on the win glass, long hair getting in our eyes, pantyhose tearing, and heels making the feet uncomfortable. I don't put put up with it often for obvious reasons, but how are you ladies able to deal with the downsides of the lady life so often?
For the lipstick on wine glasses, I switched to lip stains. If you get one that's a long-last lipstick and not something that actually stains your lips, all you need to get it off is a lip scrub (which you can make with olive oil and sugar). Apply it, let it sit for a bit so the oil can break up the lipstick, rub your lips together to scrub then lick or wipe it off. I can't really wear heels at the moment and I wear stockings instead of pantyhose, so I can't say much about those. Hair in your eyes is just something I've dealt with for so long I don't even notice, but it helps I have fine hair. In summary, either find an easier alternative/fix or just grin and bear it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittany CD
This to me isn't a downside, it is just a reality. As Ria Lynn says, find an alternative or live with it. The big thing I used to struggle with is panty hose. The shelf life on a pair of pantyhose is never as long as I want it to be, but I hate wearing skirts/dresses without panty hose, so I live with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittany CD
If you're going to wear lipstick, then it will come off on glasses. If you don't like to see lipstick on your glass then don't wear any ... or don't drink. :p
I have long hair and it doesn't get in my eyes.
I don't wear uncomfortable heels. My shoes fit properly.
Pantyhose runs? They happen, just like shoes get scuffed. Or makeup gets used up. Or batteries get worn down. Facts of life.
yep. pretty much what Reine said - nobody is forcing you to wear high heels, pantyhose or lipstick - I like comfort and to that end I dress accordingly.
A question for the genetic women - is a drinking straw an excellent solution to the rather crucial problem of "lipstick on the glass", or is it unladylike somehow?
I've always considered it a great solution, not only does it save you from putting lipstick on your glass you also don't have to reapply as much. The only time I consider it unladylike is if you're slurping loudly. Just keep in mind that unless it's a dark straw you'll still leave visible lipstick on that too.
Sorry if I phrased the question incorrectly, I agree "acting" and "dressing" were a poor choice of words.Quote:
Originally Posted by kittypw GG
I should have asked if you were told that you couldn't be a woman.
Actually what I was meaning to ask had nothing to do with fictionmania or a fantasy land.
I'm questioning myself, confused and trying to come to terms with accepting who I am.
All my life I have been afraid to be myself and tried to conform to society's expectations.
I guess I should have posted in a different section but I posted here because I was curious how gg's would feel if they couldn't be their true selves.
I hope I haven't caused offense to anyone or if I have asked a silly question in the wrong section.
Thanks, Sarah. I'll focus on your question since it seems to be in earnest.
IF I was told tomorrow that I could no longer wear a dress, wear makeup, if I had to sport a man's haircut and find clothes in men's stores that fit, honestly I think I'd survive. The rest of me wouldn't change ... I'd still have my loved ones, my friends, I'd still enjoy the same interests, I'd still have my job, enjoy the same movies, books, etc. I get enjoyment out of my life from the people in it and the activities that I choose to engage in. And not by how I present.
Heck, most of the time I'm in blue jeans and I don't wear makeup anyway. I do have long hair now, but for most of my life it was quite short out of choice. I found it much easier to deal with short hair when my kids were little. And my finger nails? I consider it a pain to grow them and paint them. lol. Short and clean is the way I like them.
Hopefully I'd still be able to be attractive enough to a potential male mate though. I'm hetero and would not be at all happy if only women were attracted to me. :p But, I don't think this would be a problem.
Hi Paula,
I am a GG and a SO of a CD. I always drink out of a straw! And I am very girlie and ladylike! There are several reasons I drink from a straw; 1. It keeps your teeth whiter if you are a cola and/or tea drinker, 2. Since I am usually drinking water using a straw helps me to drink more than by just sipping. The more water I have the better my skin looks. I do have one exception to using straws, and that is any beverage with alcohol. It is most definitely not ladylike to drain the bottom of a cocktail with a straw. I will add the my SO finds lipstick on the rim of a glass very hot; so from time to time I will grab his glass and give him a nice puckered lipstick stain on his glass and hand it back to him. He loves that! Just my 2 cents.
Hi,Sarah.
This is a difficult question to answer. I've never felt like one of those "ribbons and bows" girls. I've had boyfriends who expected that I should love all that stuff, but I don't. The fact is, I have sought out relationships in my life with people who are quite diverse, so that self expression is accepted. At some point, you have to do the same, but recognize that we all have to make compromises in our current society for purposes of safety, or employment,etc. I can't even wear my nose ring at work. I know that's not the same thing, but you get the idea. Having a few understanding people in your life makes a huge difference. People who really Will love you no matter what. Ultimately, it's about you,though. I've found most people to be far more tolerant than you might think.
Much love to you
Actually I am with Reine on this one and it sort of merges with Kitty really . We would still be ourselves. I exersize ( no matter what I can NEVER EVER spell that word right, even if i copy and paste out of the dictionary) racing horses for a living . Every day, 30+ years .I am in mens wranglers and Ariat workboots with leather fingerless gloves,body armor, helmet and goggles. Yeah you can see my hair is long and blonde, but so are alot of guys , everywhere , so what . mine has to be braided and put up . Fingernails get glued on when I am going somewhere that it matters , which is rare otherwise very short so they don't get ripped off. I am as girly girl as you can get yet I dress and have to be as tough as the boys every day and NO makeup its part of the job. So in a way I am half way there already and I don't feel like killing myself because I have to look like that instead of a secretary on Mad Men. When I am actually ON the horse from a distance you cannot tell WHAT I am . I dress like a gypsy when not off the track . NOT like I am going to a funeral or wedding or a cheap motel. I am me, I like horses boys and music - and boys that play music ;)
Hi ladies,
Before I ask my question I want to preface this with my situation. My wife is fully supportive of my dressing and has always maintained that I am still the same guy she married just dressed differently. Now I only spend about 25% of my time "en femme" and the remainder "en boy". We decided early on that when it comes to intimacy "all boy" with that I have no issues. Now the concern.
When I first started dressing around my wife it was with trepidation as I was not sure how her opinion of me would differ (EEK . . . my husband is wearing a dress and girl undies :eek:). We take one hour each week and discuss all things CD and she will request either boy me or girl me depending on the question. Intimacy has become a bit of an issue now. Nothing serious but not as frequent as it used to be. We discussed this and I asked her if my dressing was creating an issue with intimacy (i.e., she no longer sees the same guy even when I am "en boy"). She emphatically denied this was an issue and the problem lay with her physically as she is beginning menopause. So, I did not think anything of it and let it go.
However, the intimacy thing is still an issue and while she has on several occasions said it is not me or the dressing but the menopause, I can't help but wonder. I don't want to keep beating a dead horse with her and keep asking is there a problem when there is not. My question to you, is am I being a bit paranoid. Don't get me wrong we still have relations and when we do they are great and loving.
Not confused, just looking for a GG perspective on this.
Hugs
Isha
When I hit the menopause everything seemed to stop now it's when the feeling hits well I'll not go into detail lol,so I would say that your wife is telling you the truth and that it isn't you...and if you are still having relations then that should tell you something about her and that it's not you. Make sure that she knows you are there for her and I don't mean for the sexual side for everything, as going through the menopause can make some women feel really crap.
Hi Sandra,
Thanks very much for your response. Yeah she is going through a rough patch right now emotionally and I try to ensure she knows I am there for her. But it is a bit of a balancing act as sometimes she wants me to be super supportive other times she prefers to be a bit standoffish.
Hugs
Isha
Yep can see all of that in me I guess you could say it's a bit like having two sides, I can go for months and feel great then all of a sudden all hell lets loose, I get nervy, everything is blown out of proportion and emotional and when Nigella comes near I can be a bit abrupt. Just keep what your doing and take the lead from her, if she's giving of signals that she doesn't want and supportive or cuddles etc then don't push it. Menopause is hard not only for the women but her SO as well as they go through it with them.
I'm with Sandra. You and your wife communicate well, so please believe her. Menopause can lead to changes in sexual functioning.
One possibility, however, is that your wife is subconsciously reacting to changes in the CDing but doesn't know it yet. If so, eventually I'm sure this will come to light and when it does, she will tell you .. there is nothing to gain by not discussing this. But until then, there is nothing to do but to keep the lines of communication open.
Note that by "changes", I mean possibly your wife's perceptions of shifts in your priorities and not the CDing itself, if you've had a period of rapid growth.
I have gone through menopause and have never had a hot flash either. My moods don't swing and my sex drive has actually increased because my estrogen level has dropped and my testosterone is at the high end of normal. It could be the cross dressing subconsciously affecting her feelings towards you? You did say she no longer sees you the same way. For me it was my marriage that killed my interest in men. I went through the dating scene and met a couple of guys who want to date me but they are boring and don't make me laugh. I just can't make an intimate connection with someone like that and I certainly don't need another man like my ex. You know your wife better than anyone so unless she has given you reason to mistrust her then believe her. I think it's sweet that you are concerned about it. Maybe you should try to make her laugh, take her on a few dates just man and women no cross dressing talk and see what develops. Actions speak louder than words. be an observer.
Hi Reine,
Thanks much. My wife approached me yesterday as she has been having a hard time at work so we spent a better part of last night talking through her work related issues. My CDing did come up in the conversation but only in that she wanted to assure me she has no issues with it and still sees me as her guy. In her words she just needs to work through what is happening right now both physically and with work. When it comes to menopause I let her know I am here for her if she needs me and if she is distant I will respect that. WRT work, we spent a lot of time talking about ways to deal with some of the stressors and she seems a bit happier now.
Hugs
Isha
ok long story short,
had reveal with MRS. in january, DADT result, shes at ease with comments ect. since but not directly with us, things are back to nomal,
today at breakfast i was busting chops, she calls me a nag and says i should have been the one wearing the skirt, door open "yes" or "no",
of course she is busting back.
i respected the i dont want to know nuttin i dont want to see nuttin agreement. so i made no comment,
should i still approach it this way or was that a foot in the door, dont want a back step,
any thoughts....
Isha, I think since you both seem like you can talk about anything to each other:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thum bsup: She would tell you if it was anything else.
mikell, I would see if she brings anything else up....to talk about and not just a teazing manner.She might be sorting things out a bit in her mind and just by teazing you was trying to say...hey I love you.
If she says something else....then straight out ask her.
Ladies, I have an ear piercing question. Now, setting aside your husbands or boyfriends, if you saw a 40 to 50 year old guy with both ears pierced, what is your first impression?
Mid life crisis?
Hipster doofus?
Cool as hell?
Something else?
Thanks
Chances are that if I saw a guy of any age with pierced ears I probably wouldn't think much of it at all. What would influence the impression I get more than a guy having his ears pierced is the jewelry he chose to wear in them. It's basically the same way I look at women with ear piercings; I don't really think "oh she has pierced ears" so much as I think "those are pretty earrings".
If I don't know him, then I don't know how long he has had them pierced. So I wouldn't jump to "mid life crisis." I might think either "cool" or "trying too hard to be cool," depending on everything else about his presentation.
If I do know him, and he just got them pierced, and he's my age, then, yes, "mid life crisis" would cross my mind. But now I'm used to everyone I know having mid life crises, so it wouldn't seem shameful or embarrassing. More like: "oh, hey, join the club!"
I probably wouldn't even notice but if I did, I wouldn't think anything.
Jennifer, it would depend on how well he'd pull it off. Some guys can rock pierced ears, while on others they look goofy. If he pulled it off I'd think, "How cool!" (but then I've always thought rocker guys were sexy :)). If he didn't pull it off I'd get the impression it was a mid-life crisis thing.
Mikell, sorry but I don't quite understand your wife's reaction at breakfast. I don't know what motivated her to say that you should be the one to wear a skirt. Was she being honest or sarcastic? I agree with Di, ask her what she meant.
When I see a middle aged guy with just pierced ears and short guy hair I think cool. When I see a middle aged guy with long hair and pierced ears I think A. Immature B. cross dresser or both. My eyes would pan to the hands to check out nail length.
hi Reine,
was teasing the MRS. about the choice of breakfast she prepared,
of course she teased me back,
since my reveal i question some of the comments as things have returned to more normal,
so i guess the question is- is this a Freudian slip, or her feeling totally comfortable,
and would i be wrong to give the honest reply given the DADT status, dont want to muck up the water....
Mikell, we don't know your wife. You should ask her what she meant.
This is a question I have resulting from Donnagirl's thread
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ause-or-Effect
I know there are genetic ladies out there who think crossdressing leads to transsexualism including hormones, SRS, BA, and FFS. The empirical evidence says otherwise, but the fears must be dealt with in a sensitive manner.
Would it make any difference if your husband/BF did some formal gender testing administered by a qualified and licensed individual specialising in this sort of thing resulting in the verdict, "Has some feminine tendencies and thought patterns but not sufficient to qualify for the process of transition?"
I think most GGs go through worrying about all this when they first find out after things calm down and things do not escalate alarmingly and there us openness , talking, understanding between the couple.Quote:
Originally Posted by giuseppina
If the hubby says they do not know- well that still is NOT the end of the world.
You still might have the odd GG that gets an idea in stuck their head and no matter what the hubby says So I think formal gender testing would not help in this case as they would poo poo any results anyways. There just are black and white people people in this world....unbending and their way or the highway.
Most the GGs I know do not dwell on this ( after the first trying to understand)
but it is more about love and the quality of the relationship
and Cding really becomes a none issue.
Giuseppina, good gender therapists don't decide for the transperson whether he or she "qualifies" for transition. They simply evaluate the person to make sure there are no co-morbidity issues and they also screen for any underlying mental disorders that might make a non-TS believe that he is TS.
At any rate, it is my experience that time helps more than anything else. A SO is more likely to think her husband is on his way to transition as long as he keeps raising the bar and/or hide things. If things are all above board (no lying and no surprises), and stable for some years, then I think that most GGs will relax and believe that it is not going any farther.
Hi ladies
I agree with the idea that a guy should let his girlfriend know he is a crossdresser, but what I want to know if why being aware of this is very important and why many women would be freaked out or turned off my her man dressing in women's clothing. Keep in mind I'm a guy who dresses up for fun