Printable View
I hear what you are saying eluuzion. But to me, that very line of thinking is how most people in the "normal" world think. Which makes it more difficult for whoever is hetero to tell anyone, because most people will just assume you are at least bi if not all the way gay. And if u accuse a straight man of being gay when he's not, back up cause it may get ugly!
it is very tough to decide with ones terms if they are straight or bi or gay, i myself am bi.. love women but also have been with men when dressed.. im not afraid to admit i have been sexual with men before..
I really, truly have no interest in "being with" a man. In fact, one of the main reasons I dress, I'm sure, is to associate myself with women as much as possible and to reject much of what I see as negative and destructive about being male in this society. Why would I want to associate physically with a member of the same group I am trying so visibly to escape from? I always try to seek out female co-workers, doctors, beauty professionals and SAs for all the services I need, and most of my closest friends and role models over the years have always been women.
This is not to say that I don't enjoy relationships with some very fine male friends, and I have had the privilege of having some great male teachers, mentors and (some, but not all) family members over the years. But this has never been because of their "masculine" qualities; quite the contrary, it is the gentle, nurturing side of these men that have appealed to me (and very few of them have been sports fans or members of stereotypically "macho" professions). But none of them has appealed to me in any way as a potential sex partner. My physical attraction is solely toward women.
This may be a classic definition of AGP or "male lesbianism;" I don't really know why it is the way I feel, and I'm kind of turned off by trying to label it, anyway. But in any case, I try to live a female-centered existence in every sense and see this just as an extension of my commitment and comfort level among women. I wouldn't, of course, think the less of anyone else for making different choices or associations in their own lives, but this is what works for me.
- Diane
Yes!
I tell little fibs and Macys only give 10% of the sale price and not the list price.
By the way?
How long is a piece of string?
Cindyo:
You are asking the question regarding sexual orientation of CDers. That is a separate issue from Gender Identity, which is what crossdressing typically involves.
There are several studies on crossdressing that confirm that the vast majority are heterosexual. If you do a google search on the terms "crossdressing studies heterosexual" you can find some excellent articles on the topic. There have been several studies conducted regarding the sexual orientation of crossdressers. The consensus of these studies can be found in some books described at this page:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...p/t-33529.html
According the person posting the names of books that summarize crossdressing studies, these books explain that "the various studies have found crossdressers are usually hetrosexual-ish. In other words, the number of gay and bisexual crossdressers appear to be pretty similar to the population at large."
If your SO is claiming to be heterosexual, then it is very likely that he truly is. Whether he is faithful and monogamous, the author says, is another issue entirely.
There is another site that goes into some detail with analysis of the gender-identity vs. sexual orientation distinction. These two concepts are separate and need to be identified separately. Here is an excerpt from the site:
http://toselfbetrue.com/transgender/index.html
"Crossdressing refers to cross-gender expression, often the expression of a gender identity. People generally experience their gender identity and their sexual orientation as two different things. Gender identity means one’s sense of oneself as male, female, or some type of transgender. Sexual orientation refers to one’s erotic attraction to men, women, both, or neither. Logically, any variant of gender identity could be paired with any variant of sexual orientation. We can think of a person’s “gender identity and sexuality” constellation as having five components:
1. Genetic sex (chromosomal sex)
2. Primary gender identity
3. Secondary gender identity
4. Primary preference in romantic/sexual partners
5. Secondary preference in romantic/sexual partners
"The primary-secondary distinction for gender identity and sexuality stems from the fact that people may be bi-gender, having both masculine and feminine components to their personalities; and they may be bisexual, having erotic attractions to both men and women. People who are bi-gender or bisexual practically always have a stronger identity or preference and a weaker one.
"The most commonly encountered heterosexual men are ♂♂♂♀♀; the most commonly encountered heterosexual women are ♀♀♀♂♂; most lesbians are ♀♀♀♀♀; and most gay men are ♂♂♂♂♂. According to the best research data available, most part-time male crossdressers are ♂♂♀♀♀. Whether or not that research stands the test of time, the essential point for this discussion is that typical crossdressers and typical gay men are not one and the same. They have different constellations of personality traits."
So in conclusion, Cindyo, it is not hard to believe that your SO is truly heterosexual even though he may have a preference for crossdressing and displaying feminine gender traits. The scientific studies that have explored these issues have found that Gender Identity is distinct from Sexual Orientation. From the available literature you can find that it is a widely accepted finding in the medical community that the vast majority of crossdressers are primarily heterosexual and not homosexual in their sexual orientation.
I would say I am 100% hetro, no interest in a men in any way. Just love women and do like to dress as one every now and then.
When I first replied I missed the motive for this thread. When a CDer comes out the first two questions are :"are you gay? "or "do you want a sex change? ". Man I hate those two questions now!
If he says he's straight, most likely he is.
Dana, I agree with your statement that sexual orientation among the crossdressing community is the same mix of hetero and homosexuality as in the general populace. I also think that Jamie Anne's symbols (who you quote above), that graphically illustrate the difference between CDs and gay men, are clever.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana7
But, I disagree with her 5 point model. I think she overly complicates gender identity and sexual attraction, seemingly to account for her own internal sense of gender partitioning. I wonder if she is among the many CDs who feel hetero when in guy mode but attracted to men while dressed, and so she constructs a paradigm to explain this rather than simply say she is bi, or acknowledge it is not a real attraction to men that she experiences but rather a wish to amplify her feminine sexuality. Jamie Anne also does not take into account an important part of the gender definition, which is a person's comfort with socially constructed gender roles and expression.
Jamie Anne separates both gender identity and sexual attraction into primary and secondary levels. She is the only person I've seen do this. Cisgenders do not have secondary gender identity* or sexual attraction. They are either male or female and they either are hetero, gay, or bi. Likewise, transgenders (CDs or TSs) are either hetero, gay, or bi.
*When cismales and cisfemales say they exhibit some opposite gender traits (which is perhaps what Jamie Anne attempts to explain with the primary & secondary gender identities), such as a male who likes to cook and do housework and a female who enjoys soldering and funiture building, I believe it is because they have not caught up with the notion that personal preferences for work or other activities are not gendered. These people are still adhering to the old-fashioned, 1950s model that maintained strict labor division among men and women.
It seems to me that the odds that your SO is "100% straight" are about the same as if he is a mechanic, a professional ballplayer, a lawyer, if he likes hamburgers, if he enjoys running, if he watches TV, etc, etc...
My meaning, of course, is that by immediately associating CD'ing with sexual orientation, we fall into the usual boxes that "normal people" like to put us into. Although dressing up may be a sexually charged experience for many of us, I would tend to think that that charge simply accentuates our underlying sexual orientation, rather than defining it.
There's no way for anyone here to give you any more than a cursory idea about your husband's sexuality. It seems like the majority of CD'ers find themselves towards the straight end of the continuum, if that's any consolation. Hopefully your hubby resides there, too. But like any population in society, the possibility of him being less than 100% vadge-oriented exists. Don't let that worry you That possibility would exist whether he likes to wear petticoats, or not! Take any sufficiently-large sample of the population, and you will find people from straight to gay to in between. No worries!
It sounds like you are hurt about having been lied to. I can empathize, and I'm sure it feels like a whole bucket of worms might be opened up by this. But I think one important thing for you to understand is why he's been lying. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending lying to one's SO in any way! But you have to understand probably how scared he was by the prospect of you finding out. CD life is SUCH a taboo!! I don't think I'm wrong when I say that you could expect more empathy & understanding from people by stating that you're gay, than if you came out and stated that you are a CD. There's just no societal understanding of our lifestyles. So you can imagine that he didn't tell you because he was truly, deeply afraid of losing everything - including the woman he loves. So give your SO a mulligan card, and try to go forward from this day being accepting and understanding. That's the greatest gift you can give him
And don't worry so much about his sexuality. Unless he keeps whispering "Oh, Bradley!" while you're making love - then you might have a reason. But if so, don't blame it on the the dressing! (;
Hope some/all of my rambling is helpful!
Have never had sex with aman,am married,have been to a gay pub/bar and even went to a steambath(did nothing watched a bit)The only time I think about sex with a man is when i get dressed up(even partially dressed)At those times I feel i could be a real woman.Quite messy I would say.So I have been 1oo%hetero but potentially could wander