Whether one "should" feel guilty is a personal matter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cara Allen
Should a transgender, in a long term monogamous relationship, feel guilty to know what it's like, and act on it?
If a transgendered person considers themselves monogamous and chose to be in a monogamous relationship with someone of the gender they are not attracted to it would surely cause some angst.
If they wish to be with a person of a gender different than presented by person they are currently in a long term monogamous relationship, they have several options.
1) Suppress these urges and remain monogamous.
2) Talk to their partner about their feelings and urges and IF the partner assents, transform the relationship into a polyamorous relationship. If so, one should be prepared for allowing one's partner similar privileges to act on their urges what ever they may be.
A GREAT and healthy example is the following:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ellie
I've not been with a guy just yet but I am looking forward to a fun little encounter. My GF and I are really more interested in playing with another CD/TV rather then a masculine guy but we'll see how things go.:winking:
3) Allow their partner to continue to believe that they are in a mutually monogamous relationship while in a surreptitious manner, arranging assignations with a party or parties that are in fact not the person that is agreed to be one's monogamous partner. Many people like to use what is often thought of as a judgmental label for this behavior. The label that is often used is "cheating"
Now, your question basically pertains to option three. I realize you didn't ask about the label, so lets leave that aside. As far as whether you should feel guilty, that depends on the definition of should. If you mean is there something pathologically wrong with a person exercising option three and not feeling the unsettling feeling that we know as guilt, then yes. In order to do so and not feel guilt, one either has a special natural ability not to feel guilt. This is becoming more common. Some of these gifted persons are"labeled" as having psychopathy of some sort. More commonly these feelings of guilt can be assuaged by any number of constructions and rationalizations.
Some suggestions that seem effective for some are: (in no particular order) "My wife (husband/SO/dog/cousin) doesn't really understand me", "I am a very sexual being and don't to burden the other person with such rigorous duty", "I am enlightened enough to realize that all feelings of guilt are just societies way of controlling my spirit which yearns to soar free", "This has more to do with personal fulfillment of a side of us that has been suppressed and subjugated, than with adultery", "When I dress, (or on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or when it is overcast, or when the moon is in full phase) I FEEL like a different person/gender/animal and therefore I didn't actually do anything wrong. There are many other possibilities, feel free to substitute your own. Extra points for creativity.
I guess I missed the point somewhere
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Melanie R
This thread should not be on this forum. This type of discussion scares the hell out of wives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Melanie R
Melanie
Would it be better that they not know??
This forum is called Crossdressers.com. It is setup so that people that crossdress, or those involved with them, can express their desires, their needs, their opinions, or otherwise just talk about issues. Is it not?
GGs and SOs should absolutely be included in these discussions. I love the fact that many of the GGs and SOs here are supportive of their CD SOs. Even the ones that are not have a place to learn things they did not know, and perhaps can find acceptance. If they can't, that is certainly understandable. I know for a cold, hard, fact, that if my wife wanted to dress only as a man, and wanted to seek relationships outside the marriage, that I would not stand for it.
But...
With all that said, burying your head in the sand does not erase the issues that surround Transgenderism. To exclude those that have these desires is not going to present a proper representation of what the TG community is really all about.
Does this mean that all TGs are homosexual or bisexual??? NO!
However, I think that the SO of a CD should understand that there are those out there that have these feelings! Imagine if you will an SO that just found out that her SO is a CD. She will have a million questions, and one of them should be ... 'are you interested in sexual relations with men?'.
By simply avoiding the subject, you are not addressing the needs of the relationship.
In many cases, the CD has no desire to be with men. In some cases that is not true...and the SO has every right to know that, so that they can make the most informed decision possible.
Many things in this world frighten us. Many things are "scary", but we have to deal with them. I personally believe (and GGs/SOs, please correct me if I am wrong here) that sexuality, as in sexual preference, is a huge underlying reason why a GG/SO may be hurt, afraid, or otherwise unaccepting of CD behavior.
Now before anyone gets worked up here...let me say this...and it is important.
WHEN A CD COMES OUT TO A GG/SO, THE GG/SO HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW EVERYTHING IF SHE OR HE WANTS TO!
Now I know this makes me a hypocrite in the regard that I have not come out to my wife as of yet. However, have no interest in perusing anything outside of our marriage. I will tell her, in my own time, when I feel that she is ready to handle it. I have been letting her know slowly in my own way, and already I have seen a change in her level of acceptance.
This issue is not something that needs to be swept under the rug. For many, it is the cornerstone of why they feel the urge to crossdress (again, not all). For this forum to censor such sentiment would not only be a disservice to the CDs that post here, but it would also be a disservice for the GGs/SOs that come here to try and gain an understanding of what motivates CDs to do what they do.
I am prepared for the flaming...let her rip!
Morgan
Don't let anyone change you...that is for YOU
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cindy N
I am pretty new at CDing. I don't know where it will lead, but for now I still like women. But some of the members look like they could certainly change my mind.
Don't let anyone change you...that is for YOU!
You need to make up your own mind about things...we are only here to support you and help you.
Remember one thing...as it has been posted before...cheating is wrong!!
I am one of the strongest advocates of gay/bi rights here...but I do not abide cheating...and neither should anyone else.
I don't know your situation, but I would take your time and figure out exactly what it is that you want...just don't do it at the expense of a wonderful woman's sweet heart...they really, really, do deserve better than that!!
Morgan
this question has as many answers/opinions ....
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SatinDoll00
[COLOR=black]
Would it be better that they not know??
This forum is called Crossdressers.com. It is setup so that people that crossdress, or those involved with them, can express their desires, their needs, their opinions, or otherwise just talk about issues. Is it not?
GGs and SOs should absolutely be included in these discussions. I love the fact that many of the GGs and SOs here are supportive of their CD SOs. Even the ones that are not have a place to learn things they did not know, and perhaps can find acceptance. If they can't, that is certainly understandable. I know for a cold, hard, fact, that if my wife wanted to dress only as a man, and wanted to seek relationships outside the marriage, that I would not stand for it.
But...
With all that said, burying your head in the sand does not erase the issues that surround Transgenderism. To exclude those that have these desires is not going to present a proper representation of what the TG community is really all about.
Does this mean that all TGs are homosexual or bisexual??? NO!
However, I think that the SO of a CD should understand that there are those out there that have these feelings! Imagine if you will an SO that just found out that her SO is a CD. She will have a million questions, and one of them should be ... 'are you interested in sexual relations with men?'.
By simply avoiding the subject, you are not addressing the needs of the relationship.
In many cases, the CD has no desire to be with men. In some cases that is not true...and the SO has every right to know that, so that they can make the most informed decision possible.
Many things in this world frighten us. Many things are "scary", but we have to deal with them. I personally believe (and GGs/SOs, please correct me if I am wrong here) that sexuality, as in sexual preference, is a huge underlying reason why a GG/SO may be hurt, afraid, or otherwise unaccepting of CD behavior.
Now before anyone gets worked up here...let me say this...and it is important.
WHEN A CD COMES OUT TO A GG/SO, THE GG/SO HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW EVERYTHING IF SHE OR HE WANTS TO!
Now I know this makes me a hypocrite in the regard that I have not come out to my wife as of yet. However, have no interest in perusing anything outside of our marriage. I will tell her, in my own time, when I feel that she is ready to handle it. I have been letting her know slowly in my own way, and already I have seen a change in her level of acceptance.
This issue is not something that needs to be swept under the rug. For many, it is the cornerstone of why they feel the urge to crossdress (again, not all). For this forum to censor such sentiment would not only be a disservice to the CDs that post here, but it would also be a disservice for the GGs/SOs that come here to try and gain an understanding of what motivates CDs to do what they do.
I am prepared for the flaming...let her rip!
Morgan
No flaming here although I did have to go back and pick up parts of your post to quote here. You make valid points the main one of which is that exclussion of certain discussions does no one any service. The question came up and deserves honest response, including the one you are responding to.
If you are in a relationship, you have no real business stepping out of it. However, if you have a modified relationship that allows for others to be part of it, or you are single, the question is still valid and should be looked at by yourself, at least, if by no one else.
I stepped out once because my second wife yelled at me to "get soemone who wants you." She clearly had lost that interest in me. The cost was excessive imo. I took a good friendship and tried to take it somewhere else. I was incredibly male-type stupid and I lost a dear friend. Before anyone asks, that was another young woman - not a male. I mention it to point out the validity of my earlier statement about being in an existing relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cindy N
I am pretty new at CDing. I don't know where it will lead, but for now I still like women. But some of the members look like they could certainly change my mind.
More than a few of those I have met in person would make me re-consider that also except that since they are in relationships, I would not even think of inserting myself between them and their partners. That would be wrong and I really do NOT want to be "the other woman" in anyones life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
geri
girls,
let's think this one out. really................
i think that the only time we would want to be with a guy is when we have had srs and are totally transformed. otherwise, wouldn't we be gay or lesbian?
i am in the process of transformation and when i am finished, i will have and want delightful sex with a man. because that is what women do............ please their partners.
as a man, i rarely got satisfied because my SO was not into sex. i am starving for affection and plan on satisfying my man and he will satisfy his woman. ( me ).
i think this whole experience is terrific and i can't wait until i'm finished.
any replys are welcomed.
geri danielle
You go girl and more power to you!!!
I used to think I was bad somehow ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SatinDoll00
You know, I really don't know!!
I think I am. But it changes everyday.
Recently, my inclination has been toward complete male...but I cannot shake the feeling that I was born the way I was for a reason.
Your question raises so many issues for me.
1- Is there life after death?
Many believe so. Many Christians believe in Heaven and Hell. Many Hindus believe in reincarnation. Are they one? For me, heaven would be being re-born as a female, or at least a male without duality. Sometimes I wonder if I was female in a former life and that I cannot let go of it. Other times I think I am simply crazy!!! Who knows...not me.
2- Would I become female...damn the consequences??
No. I couldn't now...but there was a time that I would have. Many times in my life, I have found myself wanting exactly that. I am married now, and I cannot even imagine what my wife would think if I told her I want to be a woman. How do you deal with that?? More importantly...why should she have too? It is not possible...it is only my imagination...so why put her through it? Perhaps I can one day tell her that I like to dress as a female...but not now.
3- Am I a Transexual?
I have always thought that someone that was actually Transexual was someone that not only felt they were born in the wrong body (TG), but did something about it (hormones at least, possibly SRS).
I know this...
I am me...and me is two people...my male self and Morgan. I live every day in a constant struggle over who gets control. Most days it is me, unfortunately, because I feel she has more worth than I do. But I cannot deny that I like my life as a whole. What does this make me??? A freak? Certainly. A liar...almost certainly. Insane...perhaps. Dual personality? Maybe. I have no idea. I just wake up when the clock goes off. If it is a work day, I put on a suit, a male suit...and I go. If it isn't, and my wife is not home, I put on a dress and makeup. What more is there to say?? There is little I can do about any of it. I am torn down the middle. I am Morgan, I am my male self...I am both.
But I am okay with it.
And it is all I can do right now.
Morgan <----and her male self.
I know well where you are coming from although I do not struggle with who is in control. I am me - Rosaliy. He, the one on whom Rosaliy was built, is as essential to ME as Rosaliy is and yet, Rosaliy is really who I am. I have learned that I am neither bad, perverted or alone. There are many sisters out there who are a lot like me, and who are way different from me.
2: SRS would be the wrong choice for me as I KNOW it would upset the balance of THIS WHOLE person.
1: I believe in life after death. The jury is still out on reincarnation.
3: I am not but I do believe that someone who really is internally at variance with their outward gender appearance IS just that and needs to do something to reduce or remove the tension that trying to be one thing as perceived, causes them, while preventing their being WHO THEY ARE.
