A What if ..... CDing son

As my wife and I were driving along today, we were discussing situations could present themselves to a crossdressing father that has a CDing son. We both agree that it is best not to make a big deal of his crossdressing. I acknowledged that it would be difficult for me as a crossdresser to not want to encourage him by buying him things, but I knew that it had to be that way.

So, we then we turned to what would I say if my CDing son, with me knowing that he is a CDer and him knowing that I'm one, came to me in say Wal*Mart with some item of girls clothes and asked if he could have it. How should I respond:

a) Agree to buy the item for him.

b) Say it was okay for him to buy it for himself.

I came to the conclusion that saying that it was okay for him to buy it for himself was the best answer. But I wondered if my answer would be different depending on teh item. For example, he would buy his own bras and panties, I'd never buy that for him, but if it was a skirt, I wonder if I would buy it for him.

Its all hypothetical, but I wonder how any of you would react to this

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

if my son asked, i would bye what ever he wanted (with in reason) but the question is would he ask , if he asked he had to think about it (i hope) for some time and as a cd i would try and show him tolerance,(let him tryit ) i may not out my self to him , tell im shure this if not him just experimentin, (did i just say that) lol i would not try and influance him just give him the fredom to experiment openly

I would give him the choice. Tell him I could buy it for him now but I may not be around the next time something catches his eye. Maybe he'll ask me for 'moral' support as he purchases the item himself.

Agreed, make it child's choice. The shear fact that he has support from parents is stellar.

So does this lead to CD as being genetic and passable from father to son.

Oh honey, him and I would have a father and son outing at the stores that he would never forget.

I would be very supportive.

-Tracy

I would only support him to the point where we bought things I could borrow. :D

I like the suggestion that he could buy what he wanted for himself and I would add to that he had to have enough to wear in boy mode first. Until the whole thing is worked out we would have to keep it in the proper priority. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to buy things for him when I saw something that would be nice.

It would also be very important to link the purchases to some discussion about the nature and risks associated with our shared interest. Unconditional love doesn't necessarily mean unconditional support.

Phew!

This one required quite a bit of thought. I have two sons - 17 and 14. I don't believe they know that dear old dad has cuter, trendier clothes (and, sadly, looks better in them) than mom. I love my life, and I love what I am able to do through crossdressing. I honestly don't feel that what I do is wrong. However, would I spare him the anguish, the confusion and the soul-searching that I have gone through to get to this point of acceptance? Yes. I would certainly counsel him that if he can avoid it, he certainly should. Of course, he is my son. If it was as central to his being as it is to mine, I would do what any parent would - love him and help him however I could. Of course, his mother would probably kill me repeatedly, once she got wind of it. :)

Kathi

I would have no problem in buying it for him , but depending on what it was i may suggest that he should be a little careful on where he wears it .

At what age would it be appropriate to buy your son his first training bra?

This is a great subject, I do not have any children so for me it is all academic but I can see there would be some awkward conversations.

I would encourage him, but caution him about being...well reserved. Make 100% sure this is not the same phase as alot of people who grow up not to be CD's go through, or sexual frustration of early -adolescense.

Let's face it, school is a cruel world. I would not STOP him, but I would encourage him to procede safely until he was positive(and old enough the raging torrent of hormones started to abet just a bit) he wanted to be that way in WHATEVER capacity he wanted to be that way.

I would have to give him the advise of going slow but if he needed support with choices and when, what, and where to dress would be paramount. Just as with any other topic one would want to protect and advise.

Keli

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Originally Posted by Kathi Lake

Phew!

This one required quite a bit of thought. I have two sons - 17 and 14. I don't believe they know that dear old dad has cuter, trendier clothes (and, sadly, looks better in them) than mom. I love my life, and I love what I am able to do through crossdressing. I honestly don't feel that what I do is wrong. However, would I spare him the anguish, the confusion and the soul-searching that I have gone through to get to this point of acceptance? Yes. I would certainly counsel him that if he can avoid it, he certainly should. Of course, he is my son. If it was as central to his being as it is to mine, I would do what any parent would - love him and help him however I could. Of course, his mother would probably kill me repeatedly, once she got wind of it. :)

Kathi

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Thank you Kathi for thinking this through for me ;) ...your response is a lot like what I'd say to my pre-teen son who incidentally has said and done a thing or two to give his mother and I a moment of pause. At the end of the day I think these very few little demonstrations have been nothing more than what many other young boys go through rather than strong indicators of gender dysphoria.

He doesn't know about the other side of me but if we found out he was leaning tg (whether being a CD'er or having TS leanings), I would offer advice as needed but I'd hope my wife could have the strength to hop on board and be supportive as well (and I believe she would). Thinking back to my youth, it'd have killed me to talk to either of my parents about this whole thing, not to mention getting caught in the act, but if it came down to it, I'd have been so much more comfortable talking to my mom about it.

This is a good topic, but even hypothetically it would really need some clarification. The biggest question I would have is the age of the boy. You say you would both be aware of the others cd'ing, but is this a 7 or 8 year old that is saying I'm a girl. A thirteen year old with raging hormones that wants some lace panties, or maybe 17-19 year old that wants a skirt and top. There are just so many variables here, but i would try to be supportive in any case.

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Originally Posted by Lora Olivia

This is a good topic, but even hypothetically it would really need some clarification. The biggest question I would have is the age of the boy. You say you would both be aware of the others cd'ing, but is this a 7 or 8 year old that is saying I'm a girl. A thirteen year old with raging hormones that wants some lace panties, or maybe 17-19 year old that wants a skirt and top. There are just so many variables here, but i would try to be supportive in any case.

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Good points which reminds me of something I left out...those fascinating cases where the parents have mercifully shut off the "T" before adolescence to avoid the ravages of hormonal changes before a "decision" is made as to how the child is going to live his or her life.

I believe my youngest has tried crossdressing. I know all three of my kids know that I am acrossdresser. My wife and I have our own walk-in closets. Mine is about half full of full slips and chemises hanging on hangers, plus I have some drawers with my camis and half slips. My dresser? 4 out of six drawers are panties. Kids go through their parents closets and drawers when they are not home. They ALL do it. Don't be fooled. But he is the only one left living here and I threw some stuff in the garbage can and there was a bag in there I did not recognize. I opened it up and there was alot of female clothes and lingerie in there. I guess he purged. All I said to him was if he ever needed to talk to me, he could. Anything at all. I would not judge him. He did not need to be embarassed to talk. He said ok and that was the end of it. Later that day the bag was gone. I guess he knew I found it and took it someplace else to dump it. I would just let them know that it is a rough road being a cd. It took me many years to realize and come to terms with the fact that I am actually transgendered. I would support him in his decision, but any purchases would have to be made by him.

Hypothetically, if you had a CD'ing son and he came to you and said that they were having a sale a Victoria's Secret on panties and he wanted to get some. Should you buy them for him? What if he came to you and said the were having a sale on Jockey shorts at Sears? What then? Your response should be the same, IMO. I think you would want your son to be open and honest with you. It is just a part of who he is. Of course the larger question is should you encourage or discourage his CD'ing or let it take it's own course. As a CD'er yourself, you have the unique opportunity to teach him. And you should talk to him about it. Just like the traditional "birds and the bees" talk. Except slightly different. If he is a CD'er, he is going to do it anyway, you should share your experiences and help him avoid many of the potential pitfalls that are out there. At my age, one of the greatest regrets that I have is that I didn't/couldn't do more when I was young.

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Originally Posted by Chiana

Hypothetically, if you had a CD'ing son and he came to you and said that they were having a sale a Victoria's Secret on panties and he wanted to get some. Should you buy them for him? What if he came to you and said the were having a sale on Jockey shorts at Sears? What then? Your response should be the same,

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OK what if you have a CDing Daughter? Do the rules change?

First off -- I want to thank everyone for a great and well thought out series of answers. I wanted this to be more than just the stereotypical CDing son thread. I was looking to get beneath that and say -- okay, its here. he's one of us, now what -- and present a specific situation. YOu have all come through in a great way

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Originally Posted by Chiana

At my age, one of the greatest regrets that I have is that I didn't/couldn't do more when I was young.

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:sigh: *sigh* :sigh: I wish that had had someone in my family that I could have gone to back in those days of high school. It was a very lonely, bt at the same time, period in my life. My only regret is that I had not stood up to the bullies (my mum!), and done more!

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Originally Posted by Leslie Mary S

OK what if you have a CDing Daughter? Do the rules change?

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Ah ha! -- to that point -- I will post another separate thread, seeing as I don't want it to get lost in this thread!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

As the father of a CDing son, I do have a bit of knowledge about this subject. My son learned at an early age his dad was not like other dads, his (meaning me) wanted to be female. My son had to endure his parents divorce and he was taken by me to see a physiologist several times to help him. The question he asked during one of the sessions we both attended was...Will I be like my dad and want to become a girl?

Skip by a few years and I could tell my closet and drawers had been gone through several times. I gently asked him why he went through my things and he said he was curious, fair enough. I did tell him that I was always open to anything he wanted to share with me. A short time later he did share that he did like to cross dress. We had a very good talk and I offered to do what I could to make his life easier...he hadn't come out to his mom. I also gave him a one shot deal that he could go through Jenni's things and take what he wanted.....didn't know he had such good taste...lost a few nice outfits that day.

You cannot push at any stage if you know about your sons dressing, just be open. loving and supportive

If I had a cd son, I'd probably learn as much as I could about him first - allow him to tell me what he's comfortable with, etc.

Depending on what he'd be comfortable with, I'd be very encouraging of his cding. I think in many ways, I'd try to give him the childhood I never got to have. I was made to feel very bad about who I am (when I got busted at age 12). I'd make sure my son grew up loving himself... something I had no concept of in my own childhood.

I can't say I'd be buying him things left and right - I'm not one who would want to spoil a child. But I'd want to help him explore his feminine side and make sure he understood to never feel bad about who he is.

Not sure if I'm answering the question posed... was it a shopping question?

I'd probably help him build up his female wardrobe if that is what he wanted to do (which I imagine he would). Again, it might be me trying to make up for my own crappy childhood by making sure his is very rich in all that I was denied.

Really not sure how I would assist in buying clothes, but I hope to be very supportive if I had a son who was a crossdresser

Why treat him any differently than a daughter?

If my son was a CD yes I would be very supportive in any way he wants me to.

I would support my son as a crossdresser, but given that he's now out of school, would probably have him buy his own clothes, fem or otherwise.

I think this is ENTIRELY a personal question, and that nobody can give the "right" answer.

For me, if my son and I have a good and open relationship (I'll try my hardest to make sure it's that way), I'll do my best to make sure he's happy. If he wishes to crossdress, then I'm not only OK with it, I'll assist where possible. Loaning clothes was out of the question for me - a post that was discussed some time ago here, but buying him his own, I'm OK with that.

Obviously, I wouldn't outright say "Hey, this is cute, you should get it," well, unless he asked me for some opinions in a store, but I mean, if he brought something to me, and it was reasonably priced and not trashy, I'd be happy to buy it for him.

Well, ok, there is one exception: intimates of any kind. Not panties and a bra, mind you, that's ok, but I mean anything falling under the category of lingerie. I'd let him buy it if he was old enough to know what it was, but I wouldn't buy that for him. Somehow this presents itself as a line not to be crossed.