It's important to remember u represent an entire community when u go out.

Just wondered what everyone thinks about that statement? Someone posted it in another thread.

I have been going out dressed a lot recently and have my opinion. But, I think I'll see what others have to say first!:D

I agree Sherry.

I tend to agree with it. I always try to be on my best behavior when I am out. I may or may not be recognized as TG, but if I am I want to be a polite, classy TG.

In any community, it's important to think of the whole community. The choices that an individual makes can and will affect us all.

Be yourself when you go out, make your decisions and live with the consequences. The world is too big to worry about one person's actions and how they may or may not affect everyone else. I say that because soon we will hear from the dress your age, dress appropriately, don't dress like a slob, which for many people is comfort dressing, and then who gets to set those artificial and unenforceable rules that everyone should live by. We have people who already dress and present themselves as they wish who are not even transgendered, and I never hear from anyone that they are setting a bad example for women, men, Catholics, northerners or southerners. It really is no big deal. Each of us have to live our own lives, own it and deal with the obstacles that we encounter without looking to blame someone else why we are not accepted nor tolerated. All for what it is worth, which for many here may be nothing.

I hate to say it but it is true, and not just in this community. I have learned that in my career for sure, over and over, and it applies in many other areas. For example, look at the opinions people have of people from West Virginia (my home), or Alabama, or California. People in or from those states do things and others look at is a representation of everyone from that state. It is absolutely not a fair statement but it is true.

Danni

I do feel that I have to consider how I present myself. I know I won't pass - at best hope to either blend in somewhat, and when the inevitable happens, I hope that people will see me as someone who presents self assured and comfortable with being who I am.

Much as I want to agree with Sherry it just isn't realistic. While many just want to pass at least from a distance, a few strive to and do pass up close, I have seen posts on this Forum of those who go out wearing a beard and a dress, don't wear a wig and have short unstyled hair or no makeup or "any gender" clothes and so on. Others pass at a distance but everyone knows of their true gender --- are accepted in their town and are confident, comfortable and contented --- and we all say "You have a perfect right to present in any manner you choose". Does
that kind of diversity further our cause? Does it help an unitiated unlooker understand what is a crossdresser? I don't know of one answer that would satisfy everyone in this wide spectrum --- wish there were.
Julie

In my neck of the woods, most GG's and GM's don't 'pass' for their own gender. I feel like I have to go find a pair of SpongeBob square pants yellow pajamas, clogs, and a red non-matching sweatshirt and mess up my hair to blend in. That's actually an outfit I saw today at the market. It was a mom with four rather well dressed school kids.

I won't even get to the weight issue because I believe that no matter what your size or shape, there are still stylish clothing choices that anyone can make to look good. I swear I should call the fashion police, but then this town would be truly vacant.

I saw, no matter what gender you want to present as, try your best. If you want your outfit to say "hay look at me", then have at it. But don't complain with people stop, stare, and take videos of you to post. Me, I prefer to blend in both genders. I dress well for office work and dress well to go shopping. Even if I'm working on the lawn and have to make a trip to the store for a part, I'll change out of the sweats for something more presentable....

Just my thoughts.....

Renne.....

Julie ,
You are so right with what you said...What is representing anyways? Everyone say's we do not have labels but then threads like this come up .. Shall we all be clean shaven when we go out? Should we all dress a certain style ? It's not possible and for us to have no labels the expectations are set pretty high to fit under one umbrella..If I was the type who loved going "out" I wouldn't care to follow any unwritten rules on how I should go out..Rather just be myself ..No phun to the O.P. or anyone who doesn't agree with me ..

When those boys were giving me grief the other weekend, I really wanted to take the fight to them, then I thought about YouTube and my sisters on this forum, so being a lady I returned to my seat after a polite chat to them.

One reason I dress to fit in when I go out is so the general public can learn to accept us without people feeling threatened. It may not be 7 inch stillettoes and miniskirts, but it still rocks!

I think as a whole we are on our best behavior when out and about. Speaking for myself, I always try my best to make a good impression on people. I have been on several group outings with other CD and trans girls and in many cases we have acted more ladylike than some GGs

I think I was the one who said that, Sherry... :)

You have to remember, most people have formed their opinions of crossdressers from sources like the Jerry Springer show. (Amy shudders) Most of them have never seen a real live CD en femme "in the wild." The impression you leave them with may influence their impression of all CDs. It's not "fair," but that's how it is.

So I do my best to dress attractively but not provocatively, and comport myself in a ladylike manner at all times. Of course, I may get read anyway, given that there aren't many GGs out there in my size. But if so, at least I'm leaving them with a good impression. And, later on, if that person is in a conversation with someone else and the subject of crossdressers comes up, which would you rather hear him or her say?

"I saw one of them the other day. Dude was a total FREAK! He was dressed like a 2-dollar hooker. NO WAY would I want one of THEM near MY kids!"

Or:

"I saw one of them the other day. She actually looked really good, and seemed like a nice enough person. I don't see what the big deal is. She's not hurting anybody."

Of course, this may not always work, and even my relatively-classy appearance might still inspire a knee-jerk "CD! Yuck!" response. But, you know the old saying: "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." So make it count. :)

- Amy

I do think that I do represent our community when I go out.
Whether I pass or not is not a concern to me. But I do try to look my best and I do get complemented on my appearance. Classy, not trashy or flashy.

I believe that the statement is B.S..
Should I as a person who treats crossdressing as recreation really be expected to be representing someone with GID and vice versa?

To the average Joe and Jane there is no difference between recreational CDers and people with GID. All groups should promote a positive image simply for our own mutual self-interest.

"We must hang together, ladies...else, we shall most assuredly hang separately"
- Benjamin Franklin, um with edits by PaulaQ

I find that true and false at the same time.

True we are representing a whole community and we want to be presentable and not stick out.

My false comes in because of the perception of us in the eyes of the public. Not that cders are bad people but at times we just want to blend in as a female and not a cder. Lets just say not enough people accept us and we dont want to be associated with crossdressing we just want to be ourselves.

I hope that made some kind of sense.

Tough to answer Sherry and a very complex statement. Are we talking about (1) our presentation e.g. fitting into the CDers 'rule book' of age appropriate dressing; (2) the friendly disposition that we portray and the friendships we build by being different and personable; or (3) educating those with whom we interact about CDers?

My going out dressed is purely personal and I enjoy the friendly interaction in the community. Where I (often) receive great service I provide written feedback to the owner/manager. Builds relationships and rapport. Far more important and meaningful to the entire community than blending in the 'right' clothes.

I represent me but the CD community hopefully benefits.

Princess Chantal often dresses more traditionally female than I do. He dresses as costume, including historical costume. I dress for identity.

My wife complains sometimes that I dress "too PTA-ish" (PTA is Parent Teachers Association). Especially if I am wearing "Business Professional", such as a suit/skirt or suit/dress. And I keep saying to myself, "And that's supposed to be a problem??" There are casual "going to Home Depot and Costco" kind of clothes, there are business professional clothes, there are fancy dress clothes. The fancy dress clothes put me in mind of "a guy who is trying to look like a woman". Overdone for the situation. I guess somewhere I have some "nothing special" dresses and skirts, but some days you just want to be better put together than a $15 polyester print dress. Why not business professional? Why not look sometimes like you are not "imitating" being female, and look like you are a professional? At least for those of us more on the trans side, those of us who live dressed, rather than dressing "on special occasions" or "when we think we can get away with it" or "taking a day of femme time".

Anyhow. When I go out dressed, I now seldom think about "representing" the community: I think about representing myself. Some people who have never seen me around before might possibly see me as an example of "cross-dressers" and potentially their opinions might be altered for the worse if I am sloppy that day. But by now that seems to be a small portion of the people around. Some of the people have seen me before, some have not, but people on the whole seem to sort of mentally file me under "exception to the rules". Harmless. Not invoking of the class of cross-dressers. Doing what is natural for me. "Nothing there to see, move along."

Graciousness was part of my upbringing. I always attempt to present grace and caring whether dressed or not. Dressing as a slightly naughty librarian and a classy old broad shouldn't put too many folks off!

I am reminded of seeing someone crossdressed when shopping at a Sears store once. She was dressed like an down and out transvestite hooker (not passing at all) wobbling in 4" heals with spandex pants that were so thin you could see the outline of her hip and butt pads. But the worst part was the cruel comments of the shoppers that witnessed her. No they didn't say it to her but talked among themselves. They asked the SA to kick her out because she was an affront to their sensibilities and thought she was obscene. No one had anything good to say about her. The SA said he was powerless to do anything because [he] was breaking any rules or being unlawful. I don't think she knew what she really looked like to others and she probably thought she looked hot. By the reactions of the "srtaight" people she wasn't a good ambassador for the cause. There could be 100 great representatives of crossdressing for those people to see and all they will remember is her. The good ones don't even have to pass just not offend.

The one who said that isn't wrong and I believe it to be true for basically any subset of people you can imagine (e.g. people with certain interests, people from certain areas of the world, people with a certain colour of skin, etc.). Your behaviour (or in this context apparently more relevant, your wardrobe) may change or affirm other people's ideas or prejudices of the subset you recognisably belong to. There's no denying that the whole 'T* community' (many think we're all the same anyway) has something of an image problem. People think we're somewhat odd at best (probably justified) and totally disgusting and offensive at worst. The question remains however how effective a single member or even quite a few members of that group can be when it comes to changing and especially improving these ideas.

FALSE.

Are any 2 CDers [no matter what label {if any} they CHOOSE to use] exactly alike?

Or have the same "goals" in their dressing?

There is no right or wrong way to CD.