Ashamed

I was wondering if it is normal for me to feel ashamed and guilty about my desire to dress and look and act like a female? I have admitted to myself that I am a transvestite. I love to dress in female clothing and wear make-up and pretend I'm female. I'm not going to lie, there is a sexual aspect as well but I love the way female clothing feels and looks. I love to imagine myself as a woman and fantasize about looking like a girl and being a girl. I just feel guilty about it. Especially after "the act". I'm just struggling with this. I have hidden it for years and I feel alone.

Join the CLUB, I've been doing this for 50 years, Purging, self loathing, in the closet, and loving it!

There is nothing wrong with dressing in womens clothes or feeling the desire to be a female.
Why does it make you feel guilty?
You aren't hurting anyone and not breaking a law.
You have these feelings and a lot of us have the same feelings so you are not alone.
Let me guess is it because others might think you are gay because you like it?
CDing doesn't mean you will become gay or eventually want to change sexes it just means you like dressing up nothing more.

I do occasionally, see 'does my neighbor have a point'. Fortunately I only feel that way very rarely but it does have an impact.

I am confused as to what I am considered to be with these desires. Am I a transvestite or just a crossdressers. I'm confused about the difference.....if there even is one. And no I don't feel like people will think I'm gay. I do have a desire sometimes to be with another tranny (Is that an offensive word?) but I like girls. It is I just feel self conscious about it. Even when I'm alone. I don't know, it's hard to explain I guess.

You are you there is no need to stick a label on you.
The transgender spectrum is huge and with a million spaces in between.
Some people just have to have a label or find where they fit in broad gender line.
People obsess over trying to find an answer as to why they do what they do. Just enjoy what you do if it makes you happy.

Shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment all the way up to self loathing. Overcoming these feelings is soooo difficult and you are definitely not alone.

When I was in high school these feelings absolutely controlled my life. Back then dressing up had a distinctly sexual aspect for me as well, though it doesn't anymore. Cross dressing has only recently re-entered my life (and it did in a huge way after being pushed down deep for 16 years) but I was surprised to find that the element of shame and guilt is no longer present, or at least not in the same debilitating quantities they were before. I think it's because I sought education immediately upon it resurfacing.

Again you are not alone. Shame is virtually assured for many of us, due to the fact that society and our upbringing almost universally told us that this is a shameful act. It takes a lot to overcome a lifetime of that sort of pressure.

I believe we can do it though. Be the person you need to be =)

Dani

We have all felt the same way as you do at one point. What helped me was research and asking myself lots of questions. My suggestion to you is reflect on where you started with crossdressing. where you currently are and where do you see yourself in one year, two years or whenever. Once you accept yourself, life becomes much easier. I came out to an old girlfriend many years ago. She was accepting and helped me alot. My wife is accepting also. We have spent many a night talking about my girl side. I am a crossdresser! There is nothing wrong with it or me. I accept me for who i am. I know that you can also! You are not alone in this!

I think for many people it's normal to feel ashamed, but you just have to give yourself permission to be who you are. Don't get down on yourself about the fact that you enjoy crossdressing. A lot probably depends on your cultural influences like what part of the country you live in. I am from the S.F. Bay Area which is very tolerant, I never thought to be ashamed of my predisposition (but to be fair I have only expanded beyond makeup in the last year or so). A lot of it comes with age too, when you are younger you may be less sure of yourself. At ~50 I say, life is too short to not wear panties to bed if I want to. This is not to minimize the issues that this may cause in relationships, I don't have a good answer for that.

Yes, quite normal to feel that way.
We now live in a new age where people are allowed to enjoy sex, what you are doing is very normal so don't be to hard on yourself.

What Rachel said, Sam. Nearly every dresser has been turned on by some aspect of their dressing. For most here, that decreases over time. On the other hand, there quite a number of us so called "fetish dressers" here. After 20 years, I still get turned by my appearance in the mirror and pics. Which helps explain why I try to present as a 20/30's female instead of the 70+ y/o man I am!:heehee:

There r also quite a number of members here who insist they r straight. Because they have no interest in men. But, they DO in women and other dressers!

Guilt comes with the territory. But, u r not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal or immoral. Keep telling yourself that and eventually you'll give yourself a break. As I finally am with mine.:thumbsup:

Sam,
Welcome to a very exclusive group. Fear and guilt are on the main course, yet, somehow in time they generally become less main course and more interesting side dishes that may or may not be tasted as you grow into yourself. Everyone is different. And we are all the same.

The good news... you are perfectly normal.
The bad news..... you are perfectly normal.

It is an adventure, a journey, and you can expect both amazing highs and incredible, nearly debilitating lows. Probably. Or not. Everyone is different. And we are all the same.

Be you. Be open. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to others. That is often the hardest part of the journey. Bon Voyage. May the winds take you to interesting places..

Lauren

You're definitely not alone Samantha; it's just part of us, or at least for some.
:)

My thoughts must be on a different wave lenght because although i love all things femine, the clothes, the look, the feel of the cloth and especially the wearing of the clothes i do not act femine or try and be femine or ladylike i just love wearing womens clothes so i do not feel guilty and most certainly do not feel the need to purge?

But and a big but i never could pass as femine or female so maybe thats why i never try, who knows?

Julie

I've been dressing for a lot of years and been through all of the shame and guilt and whatever. Thrown away dozens of outfits. I'm totally at peace with it now and just want to enjoy and embrace it... except I'm married and my wife doesn't know yet so another challenge. Life's just full of interesting choices.. live without regret.

Pretty normal, I was given the advice by a therapist to remain dressed after "the act" and as she said, the guilt subsides............

Yes, it's normal to feel this way until you truly accept the fact that you are wired this way. I too was in the same boat until I fully accepted who I am and who I really want to be. YES, I WANT TO BE A GIRL ALSO!!!!! I love dressing as a girl(woman), I fantasize about this all the time and picture myself living the rest of my life as a woman. I have been dressing for over 50 yrs and have been to therapists and all have said the same thing------this "dysfunction" that I have is seen in many males and there is no reason as to why this happens. there are many, many theories as to why but "NO CURE". And if even there was a "cure" I wouldn't take the "cure", I LIKE BECOMING THE WOMAN WHO LIVES INSIDE OF ME!!!!!!

Mollyanne

In my opinion, it's a matter of perspective. All the guilt and self loathing comes from a perceived personality that you think is acceptable. Do you ever watch men and notice how much fun they're NOT having? I just can't imagine not having my second half that loves being dressed up pretty, with the feel of nice breasts and the posture shift of walking in heels. How about just realizing that you do it because you like it instead of piling on all the negativity. Trust me, you'll be happier and live longer and healthier.

It is normal to feel shame and guilty!! You must ask yourself why you feel shame and guilt! Then you must forgive yourself and realize crossdressing is alright and quite normal!! Transvestite is more or less the old term and crossdresser is the new term. There is an infinite line of variations from the crossdresser that wears his flowery dress with his full beard smoking his cigar watching football or ballet on tv in his living room to the nicely dressed lady at tea time at her club to everything in between and beyond!!!! We are as diverse as many ways as there are people who crossdress!! Yes and there even sexy senior citizens out there!! So just be you!! You are not doing any thing illegal!! Enjoy and know you are not alone!!!! Hugs Lana Mae

Life is too short - don't squander it by feeling guilty about something that makes you happy.

I felt guilty and ashamed for over 3 decades before I had tragic life experiences that made me realize that this is all I got, and if I am happier, then everyone around me will be too.

On the label part, don't worry, just explore and embrace your happiness and maybe you'll discover an appropriate label, but if not, don't sweat it. After all, do you really need a label to explain you to you?

Absolutely, I feel this way from time to time. Mainly do to thinking about the impact that my dressing may have to people around me. I know who I am and what I enjoy but it has taken me time to get used too it myself. I don't feel shame as often as I used to but it definitely hasn't gone away.

As in the opening of A Tale of Two Cities, "They were the best of times and the worst of times". We are "wired" a little differently with an obsession that will flow and ebb forever. I believe the sooner one accepts this as a permanent part of ones life, the "worst of times" will become fewer and fewer. Been there...done that. My accepting, helpful wife has had a very positive influence on my acceptance. I've positively resolved these issues. Now, it's only the "best of times". I envy those who are in a tolerant community. We are not, consequently we have to be very careful, which we are. I/we do go out, but very carefully....very frustrating. However, Where's there's a will, there's a way. I'm sure there are others in our community like me, but the hypocrisy is very evident.

Guilt is feeling lousy about what we do. Shame is more about what we are. I have had a ton of religious guilt and shame, and societal too. It has not completely gone away, but i accept now, that this is something, a compulsion that will not totally go away, but there are times, like the present, when i just am not up to getting dressed up, as too much conflicting stuff is going on in my life. i had to unfriend a man on FB this morning, who told me i am in no way a converted Christian, and was extremely critical of me. Unfriended him. There will always be critics and enemies. Hopefully a few friends. But i have trouble being close to anyone anymore.

It is normal to feel ashamed and guilty about our crossdressing because we all (most of us) want to be considered "normal" and it's not normal for a man to dress up as a woman.

That said, most of us get over the shame and guilt if we are not hiding our dressing from a wife or other loved ones.

As for felling alone, don't let your hobby keep you from normal relationships with women and friends. Staying home to crossdress instead of going out with friends or family would indicate a problem.

I would agree with most others... it's normal that we feel shame. It's the product of society's (and sometimes ourselves) misunderstanding of who and what we are.

Once you are able to accept that your transvestism is a part of you and it's nothing to be ashamed of... then you'll be able to enjoy this part of you guilt and shame free.