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Hi girls,
I'd just like to ask why people come out as crossdressers at older ages like 40's and 50's. Was it really so hard to come out in your 20's or younger and why? I'm 24 and I havn't had that much of a problem being a crossdresser and coming out.
I assume it's because people care a lot more what their peers think when they are younger. I'm in my 20's and have only really been comfortable with it for a few years. I think also that the internet helps a great deal, and people in their 40s and 50s wouldn't have had access to the same community support and information that we enjoy now.
B I N G O !!!!!!!!!
The world has changed in the last 30 years....we have gone from being the Lone Ranger to 1 in 100 men. Many of us would love to have our youth back again. And many of us have so much to lose being over 25 and established that it takes us a long time to get so miserable that we are willing to give it all up to be who we are.
Emily Ann
Yup and Yup! Two very wise women...hit it right on the nail!
Most of us in our 40's and 50's have by now long-established families (children, grandchildren) and working relationships. No matter how strong the impulse of crossdressing is, you have to consider how it will affect your immediate and potential extended families. It can be an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT thing to do.
Plus in my case, I had a young family to raise and care for. Had to be the 'man" whether I wanted to be or not. Now that my children have grown and flown, I can be myself. Ericka
if u go back to when they were 20.... there wasn't such a thing as the WWW or internet!Quote:
Originally Posted by Mz_Jenny
now-a-days its alot easier to find support and info on crossdressing and transgenderism...
Times have greatly changed over the years. I'm 53, and back when I was young and wondering why I felt like a was a girl, we didn't have anywhere to look for help, information, or support, we were on our own. Now we have the internet and the world at our fingertips, back then we were alone. I didn't know I was TS, or anything about it, until I read a Life magazine article on it in 1968. You couldn't exactly go to the library, or anywhere for that matter, and find information on the subject, because there wasn't any.
So what did we do? We hid in fear and shame, and built up walls to protect us from the world. Funny thing about walls, they're real easy to put up, but a bitch to tear down and clear away. We got comfortable behind them because we felt safe and protected, it became a way of life. All I can say is that old habits die hard.
People have a much different outlook on things that are different to them now. I live full time as a woman now without any problems at all, but I do remember the days when I was chased by gangs because I had long hair. Can you imagine the reactions and what would have happened if I tried living as a woman then? Gays were called fags then, and they were routinely beaten and killed, now they have their own hit TV shows and are celebrities. Things are just so different now, and for the better.
Even with all of that, the reason I finally came out had nothing to do with today's liberalism and open-mindedness, I just couldn't live a lie anymore, I had to try living as myself. The pressure had become to great, and I decided to take a chance and come out to be the real me. I still expected to be hated and ostricized, and lose family, friends, everything. I was willing to accept that, I expected the worse and hoped for the best. I knew things were different and such, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I decided that I didn't care what people think about me, I was going to go for it, because I felt if not now, then never.
Thankfully, things have been just great for me. I've found that those who loved me before still do, those who didn't still don't, and I don't care about them. Even with today's new attitudes and such, people don't understand it, but that's okay because I never did either. Most folks I come in contact with go out of their way to be kind to me because that's how I am to everyone. I'm just glad that you younger ones don't have to go through what we did. I know it's still a difficult road to be on, but it's a lot smoother now than when we were your age.
Karen
I dont' know but that seems to be the way. I know when I was in my 20's and single and looking to date a crossdresser it was like looking for a needle in a haystack! I literally can count on my two hands the cd's who I knew were 'okay' with this and willing to meet or date someone into this. Most were so freaked out that even the 'idea' of an acepting girlfriend scared the bejeezus out of them!
My husband actually wrapped his head around all this when he was like age 30/31 and started making an effort to be comfortable and secure with himself.
I have had several younger gg friends express an interest in dating a cd {like my husband..cool/cute/sexually-gender secure} and for the life of me I coudl not find an available cd in their age range!
But regardless it is great that you personally are in a good headspace. Good for you!!!!!!! :thumbsup:
Times have changed but then again sometimes I wonder have they really changed for the better.
I'm reading the autobiography of Christine Jorgensen right now. When she got off that plane back in America in the 50s she got an awful lot of positive vibes.
She got some negativity too but according to her, the postivie far outweighed it. And this was the 1950s folks. And even though she was TS and not CD, she still was TG.
She became a national celeb. Got all sorts of awards and offers. People and society on the whole was far more intriqued by her than they were hateful. Out of the tens of thousands of letters she received, only approximately 40 were hate-filled. She had no idea the story would break like it did but handled it with confidence ,grace and dignity. She knew that God/Universe had designed her as It saw fit, and walked proudly in that knowledge.
I've seen various other aritcles in maistream press as early as 1952, glorifiying gender-bending pageants and balls that I KNOW I'd never see today in those same mags concerning the same subject matter.
What the hell happened? Even in the 70s, Donahue, Sally were doing intelligent shows about it, not this Springer trash.
Again I say, what the hell happened?! If there was gonna be any kind of revolution, sadly I think it should have happened then, by today we would be reaping its rewards.
So IMHO, we have and continue to go backwards as a society. Its sad. I think the revolution should have occured during that brief window in time when Jorgensen was getting all of the press, she opened up a door and TGs missed an important moment to walk thru it.
But I was not there and can only report what I have read. Any older TGs care to give an opine?
im in my 20s and came out last year so not everyone is over 40+, and i think you will find most of the FTMs if not all were under 40 when they came out
Things were different when I was young. About the only CD's (?) you saw was Milton Berle (and was he?) on TV. Of course, Christine was a curosity and occasionally you read about drag queens, but they were, for the most part, gay. And if you weren't, it confused you even more.
Plus, if you grew up in a really small town, it made it worse. There was no internet, no gender radio, no documentaries on network television (of course, there were few cable stations at that time, too.).
Each of us thought we were the only ones. There were exceptions who went out dressed, but most of us never heard about them until the INTERNET and search engines.
Plus there were other reasons which have been mentioned in other posts here.
So, please, don't think that we were wimps or something like that because the times were different.
Christine Jorgensen became a celeb because the press made her one, perhaps that's why she enjoyed some level of protection. Like I said, I remember the days of being jumped for having long hair, hell, I once got jumped for wearing bell bottoms because they were considered femmish.
As far as TV goes, it was just as trashy then as it is today, the only difference being the censors are all out to lunch now. I remember Donahue's shows on the subject, they were quite condenscending. I do remember seeing Merv Griffin do a show on it, he handled it with class and dignity.
As far as a revolution goes, perhaps we had a quiet one. All I know is that I go everywhere as a woman now, and yes I do get read, yet I've never had any problems. I've even ended up in places I wouldn't go as a guy and made it out in one piece. The key for me is to treat everyone with politeness, courtesy, and respect, and I always get the same in return.
Karen
Gurly has it right. We all have to consider our place in our social and family network. Real harm can be done. Plus, it is just a whole lot more fun to selfishly keep our little mistresses to ourselves.
all great answers, and i wish i had a £1 for every time my wife said " i wish you had told me about your CD'ing when we first met". Now we've been trying to catch up with 15+ years of wondering how Sharon would have gone through life, but it has been fun:D Sharon.
I remember once when I was 16 we went to a rodeo. Four of the cowboys caught me coming back from getting something from the snack bar. They tied me up and cut my hair off with a pocket knife. Now my hair was just shoulder length. So can you image trying to buy a dress back then or makeup. I'm 54 now, and I understand what Gypsy is saying.
Note on the hair just 2 years ago I had over 18" cut off. When I was wearing it 95% of the time I got complaints on how it looked. So I know there been a big change in that area at least.
and what's wrong with being over 40? lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Mz_Jenny
Well i just turned 36 and back in the old days when we didn't have seat belts in cars or playstations. We also didn't have this thing called the internet to get support from others like you young whipper snappers do now.
Now where's my cane i have to hobble up to the store to get some Ben-Gay. It's 10 miles up hill both ways don't you know?
Hey!! Watch who your calling miserable Lady!! Hehehe. And I may be over 40 but Karren's not!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Ann Brown
Love Karren
What happened was counter-revolution. The right wing nutbags rode in with Ronnie Reagan and are dying hard. But it's a matter of two steps forward, one step back. Things are going the right way, but the Loonie Right has the money to be heard and the glibness to be believed so we've been sliding popular-culture wise. Have hope! Here we are, after all, communicating with each other instantaneously around the world, no longer the isolated individuals of the past.Quote:
Originally Posted by kwebb
So why are we over 40? Like others have said, we built our walls and sham lives to hide behind because it seemed the only way to survive. How long can you really hide from yourself? Two, three, maybe even four decades for we really fearful types. But you're always in there, and you know it. For me it took a personal disaster of the first magnitude to make the walls irreparable. Here I am, 50 year old guy on the outside but the much younger Teresa through and through.
hi girl my name is phylisanne and i am one of those old girls who have just come out within the last few years .the answer to your question is that lucky for you ,you are living in the age of computers ans an open society.in my 20s which were the 60s we didnt have this great crossdressers .com to talk to all the girls around the world and find out that there are others like me out there .when i found out about cdi in new york and went to a first meeting i never would have been able to be going out and finally expressing my desires to dress and feel like a woman ,back then if you put on a dress you would probably have been shot or something less terrible.for you today you could for instance if you lived in new york city come to our cd group become a member and come ,dress and have a great time with all the girls in our group.and probably as you are still a kid go out dressed with us to all the great things we do in new york city.well enjoy yourself and have a ball..love phylisanne:love:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mz_Jenny
With the posts by the other girls, the internet has opened doors for many of us.
Although some people may not agree with me, I think the "gay movement" had a lot to do with some of the changes that have taken place.
A brief quote from wikipedia:
"Prior to 1965, the police would sometimes record the identities of all those present at the raids, which on some occasions was published in newspapers. At the time, the police used any number of reasons they could think of to justify an arrest on indecency charges including: kissing, holding hands, wearing clothing traditionally of the opposite gender, or even being in the bar during the raid."
You may want to check out the info at the below link.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots
Hugs,
Brianna
or "in" the scheme ..the history of female mimicry or drag queens , has been around a long long time , Flip Wilson as Geraldene or "Uncle Miltie" and many great British "Dames" may have softened the image of a man in a dress, but the humor was generally at some gender's expense and not very complimentary.. and issues of a man actualy desiring to dress that way was and still seems catagorized as a sort of sexual perversion so far, by too many (misinformed) people . Some might see Ru Paul and form opinions, while a film like Trans America could open more eyes to some truths ...
I'm not sure..but in my life as a "crossdresser" , I know the internet and this site, have helped me find more peace ...with "who I am " denying perhaps all the times of feeling alone and alienated ..during most of my ( "TV" ? ) life.
...and I'm beyond my youth now .. but greatfull in many ways ! :thumbsup: xx"K"
Be in our high heels now and then think back to 25 years, ago. You should get the picture. And I'm 45 now.
20 or 30 years ago you were a freak with a fetish, things are bit different now.