How do you know when your a transsexual instead of just a crossdresser? Any and all advice is welcome. Thanks in advance, April.
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How do you know when your a transsexual instead of just a crossdresser? Any and all advice is welcome. Thanks in advance, April.
It's just something I always knew, I always felt that I was really a girl and that there was something wrong. How do you feel about yourself? There's a big difference between really feeling that you're a woman and feeling "girlie" when you're dressed or thinking about dressing, I think that many get the two confused.
Karen Starlene :star:
The clothes arent wha make me feel girly, Ive just feel more like a woman than a man. The girly undies bras and skirts help me feel more femme, but I feel that way most of the time
If you truly feel deep down inside that you are a woman, then you're a transsexual. I think it's a good thing to find someone to talk to about it, though it can take some time to find someone you feel comfortable with and who knows something about it. In the meantime, this is a good place for information and support, and to ask any questions you might have. We also have the private Safe Haven section for TS'ers only, if you do feel you're transsexual then submit a request to join. Just go into your Control Panel, click Group Memberships on the left,and submit your request.
Karen Starlene :star:
Karen is right. Talking to someone else, specifically a therapist, can help you to sort out your identity. Someone suffering from gender dysphoria struggles with much more than just the clothing issue. It literally begins to consume much of their thoughts where they just are not able to function well at work, home, and can really wreak havoc on your daily life. Good luck.
Lori Davis
And please don't say"...just a crossdresser"....:sad:
We try real hard not to succomb to the idea of a hierarchy here.
Our interests are not all on some kind of a 2 dimensional spectrum of disphoria.
Each of us different, with different issues and motivations...
It's not a contest or competition, either.:eek:
Sorry, hun but you hurt me a little with that phrase...:)
:hugs:
Like GypsyKaren, I just knew. Back when I was born, there were no labels. I knew I was born a male, but that's about all. I didn't have to try and figure out things. I had a great upbringing and was never forced to be anyone other than who I was. Of coarse, things have changed over the years and when ever someone is different, there's a label for it. As for knowing if you are a crossdresser and transsexual, that would depend on how you feel inside and for how long have you felt that way. You see, I feel female when I wake up in the morning and female when I go to bed at night. And I wouldn't change a thing.
Lanore
<<If you truly feel deep down inside that you are a woman, then you're a transsexual.>>
I feel this way. I think that I probably am, but don't feel a huge desire to transition. Even though I would like to and see it as the best case.
Wow.
That is the question of my life!
I have always felt that I was a girl even as a 2-3 year old.
When I discovered Crossdressing, I was able to push all of my feelings into that and it worked for a lot of years till about my mid 30's until all of a sudden looking like a girl just was not enough.
After 15 years of therapy, I know I am TG and have resolved to live the best way I can.
Just a crossdresser here, or maybe just a guy in a dress! I have no desire to become a woman!
It's hard to explain how I know - I just know.
I'm not one of those who grew up knowing I was a boy from toddlerhood, but I did spend most of my life with this sense of "wrongness". I was never happy with the way I looked, ever. I was never happy with who I was. Something wasn't right.
For me, it was a sort of eureka moment. Once I knew, all the puzzle pieces fit into place. The further I travel on this road, the better I feel. That's one way that I know - it feels right.
Yup, no matter how hard I try, acting like a man, and doing man stuff, just feels so wrong. And I feel stupid doing it, and I think other guys can tell something is off. Of course, when I embrace the feminine, it feels so natural.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cai
I guess for me the difference was that I didn't want to dress like a man, I wanted to be a man. And the more I thought about it, I already was one. Now all that's left is to make my body match my soul.
Hmm.... sounds familiar.......Quote:
Originally Posted by amandachick
From early on my instincts and feelings were identifiable with those of a girl/woman. I liked playing house and playing with dolls. I always looked forward to the time i myself could be a 'mother'. I was, as a child, what you would call 'pretty'. Many comments to that effect were sent my way. It wasn't until I was about 8 that I ever wanted to try on girls clothes. To me the clothes were just the icing on the cake. To hide my femininity I tried various male pursuits. Was never happy doing that. I could always relate better to girls or women. I guess for a short profile of me 'thats how I know'.
There's no litmus test. Opinions differ. The idea transsexuals "just know" or "have always known" suggests it is a bright line. For some TS it is so. They always knew and it burns so fiercly in them that by their late teens they are living in their non natal gender role despite all the wrath an intolerant world can assault them with. You hear their stories and it seems a CD is nothing like a TS.
But many professionals in the field of treating gender troubled people report this line is in fact very blurry, and in many m-t-f's at least, the idea of wanting to live as other than their natal birth gets stronger with time, and can become all consuming later in life.
You can read such accounts at Anne Vitale's web site, or Carl Bushong's site. Parapharasing Carl's writings, he posits that all CDers are TS's, it's just degrees of their self acceptance of their mental identity vs denial of their identity. Society sends a message early on that it will not accept you acting in a role other than your natal birth gender and most TS children develop natal gender personalities to get by. He claims you can be happy by realizing this, and then what you do about it is up to you. Perhaps he is right, perhaps not. (this is probably the same thing ZenFrost said but in 3x the words)
So, back to your question, how do you know? You ask yourself and listen for the honest reply.
hugs,
'lissa
Right now I'm really frightened. I don't want to be transsexual! It's just too damn hard.
I started on a 2 mg dose of estrogen about 6 months ago, didn't feel any different and was planning to ask my Dr to increase the dose. Then I had a skiing accident and tore my ACL. I got scared and stopped taking the estrogen.
It was nice to let worry over my knee push my gender questioning feelings aside for a while. I thought, "maybe these feelings that I want to be a woman weren't so profound after all." But now, with my knee surgery over and rehab proceeding very well, they are back and stronger than ever.
I seem to be thinking about it every minute of every day. I don't want to try to pass as a woman and have never really tried. I want to BE a woman, soft and feminine. I don't even care if everyone else continues to think I'm male as long as my body starts to match the way I want/need to be...
The problem is I'm so terrified of the cost. I have a wife whom I love dearly that can't handle the thought of me crossdressing even less transitioning and a young son who is the whole world to me. I know if I follow this path that they'll still be in my life but it won't be the same. At the very least my wife's feelings of betrayal and fear would cause untold problems with my relationship with my son. I'd have to leave my home and leave him with her and her grief and I can't bear to do that to either of them.
Which is worse, trying to continue to fit in as a man and not let these thoughts control my life or losing the people that mean more to me than life itself? A real man would put his family first and hide his pain but trying to describe myself as a "real man" has always made me feel like I'm lying and guaranteed to get caught. I looked to this quote from melissaK for guidance:
The problem, of course, is that I've been lying to everyone for so long that I wouldn't recognize an honest reply even if I was able to give one. I have lots of great feel-good answers that I give to everyone from my therapist to myself and I don't know if any of them is true.Quote:
Originally Posted by melissaK
What I do know is that I've felt uncomfortable in general, hated looking at my face in a mirror and wished over and over to be female from the onset of puberty but can't really say I know I am female. I just know something is wrong and these feelings keep growing and growing...
Fortunately the rest of my life is wonderful so I have lots of quality distractions but I sure wish all this information and community and support had been available 30 years ago when my Mom caught me dressed up in her bra and panties.
For now I'm going to keep concentrating on anything else (gee thats working well as I sit here at work wearing a panties and a bra writing this instead of working) and try not to embarrass and horrify everyone who cares about me.
Peace
This thread is talking to exactly where i am right now..
i'm 45...i'm divorced (because of cd'ing)...2 girls, 11 and 14
i've always thought of myself as a crossdressing guy...i've really enjoyed my dressing and i'll be upfront and say i also fantasized quite often about it..its got its ups and downs as we all know, but i was ok with it
here's the thing..in all of my "fantasies", i have always "been" a woman..i used to lay in bed and close my eyes and will myself into a girl.(that didnt work!!)...i used to think when i grow up, i'll just move out and live as a girl...it was never really body centric but more just about "being"..if that makes any sense. i started to think of facial surgery and hormones and passing..and more and more i was thinking that "I" wanted a life...what does "I" mean??? where did that thought come from ???
"I" means michele...i'm real!! all along this thought of being a girl someday, which i repressed both through dressing up and enjoying myself and by living a hugely macho life, was only getting stronger and now its a 16 ton weight falling on me
anyway.over last 2 years, it has hit me like a tidal wave,
a circular loop of thinking that is only getting louder...i have read vitale's work, and i see a therapist so i am in good hands
but i wanted to say its real...it's me...and frankly, right now..
it sucks
I guess for me it wasn't so much a snap switch of judgment, as more of a natural evolution :3 I grew up in an emo cuddle puddle, so I never was very masculine. I usually crossdressed, but not with the intent of looking like a woman; just that of fitting in with my peers. Fishnets, tight tops, multiple ear-rings and of course eyeliner and nail polish are all part of the emo-boy arsenal~
As for how I knew that I was transgendered, I guess it just came down to who I was able to relate with better; and it turned out to be my girlfriends more than the other emo boys. Gradually I shifted from being "the faggy emo boy in eyeliner and fishnets" to "Alys, the hot emo girl" :3
Hey Amanda, that is so true.
I hate being with "the guys" when they're bashing the wives, or women in general, I've always hated rough-and-tumble, contact sports, actually most sports, chugging beers down the pub, etc.
I've come to realise that actually my physical body is the lie; not my feminine feelings and attitude.
The clothing makes me feel 'right'; as does everything else I do to my physical appearance. I don't dress for the excitement or thrill; I dress because I feel nice when properly dressed.
As a man I simply can't look at myself in the mirror; I never have, it's always felt wrong, that the person looking back it me isn't me.
Hugs,
Nikki
If I knew what I knew now, I might attempt transition. The cost is too high with family, etc. Maybe when my kids are grown. For now though, there's always Prozac!
Avoid the Prozac!
I've been on anti-depressants for over 10 years and I'm desperate to get off them. (I'm currently in therapy with that goal in mind).
ADs simply compress you emotions; you no longer feel sad and depressed, that's true, but neither do you feel happy, ecstatic, elated, joyous, good to be alive. They are an acceptable coping strategy to keep you from suicide but are not a long term solution. I'm only now beginning to realise that most of my current state-of-mind and depression is caused by the enormous guilt I have by not telling my fantastic SO. She is completely in the dark.
I'm not sure what your situation is like but I would strongly encourage finding a good therapist (mine's GG with an awesome attitude) and to talk about your issues. I spent 10 years convinced that I just needed a pill to feel better; oh how wrong I was.
I outed myself to my therapist last Friday and I simply can't wait for tonight's session.
Hugs,
Nikki
When you start thinking like a female. When you converse with females and agree with their views. When you show caring for problems that females may have. Showing interest in the finer things of life that ladies enjoy. Disliking pugalistic sports. Finding wars disgusting.
I personally hate TV shows with women getting raped or killed. Why don't they have big brawny males getting smashed to a pulp. At my age now, I wouldn't have SRS, but still think like a female and find it more relaxing than thinking like a male.
How do you know?
(I've erased and typed this at least ten times)
I don't know how I know. I just am.
Some things that are so elemental to our being aren't knowable in the rational sense. It is a feeling. I believe feelings are deep down fundamenal truths for humans; the language of the soul.
Do you know why you like a certain color?
Do you know why your favorite music makes you cry?
How do you know what love is?
Ever have the sensation of waking up before your alarm clock goes off, not knowing why?
Its just a feeling, isn't it. A feeling.
So...I don't know. I just am.
Like so many others, I've just known my whole life.
That is EXACTLY how I feel. Even as young as my kindergarten years I had always known that I was different from the other other kids. I hated and still hate any and all sports and I can't stand macho "man's man" kind of guys. One of the things I hate most in this world is men who mistreat/abuse women in any way; physically, mentally or emotionally.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki K
When I was in grade school I was always the one getting picked on by the guys because I didn't participate in gym class and I stuck up for the girls when the guys were being mean to them.
I can't stand to look in the mirror and see a guy looking back at me either. Quite honestly it makes me cry sometimes, because like you said, the person staring back is not me. Mydia is me. That is who I am inside, and who I always have been and always will be.
When I have my "dress-up time", I actually feel somewhat content with myself. Even though I still know in the back of my mind that physically I am not a "real" girl, it makes me really happy to be able to look in the mirror and see Mydia staring back at me. Those are the only real times when I can truly say that I am comfortable with myself. Even though it must end sometime, at least for that time being I can say that I was happy. I especially love taking pictures each and every time, because it immortalizes those moments forever.
More than anything I love dress-up time with my girlfriend. It's so much fun, how we can joke around and dress each other up in the cutest things, and then take couple pictures together. This is my favorite kind of time to spend with her, not just because it's fun, not just because of the memories we create... but because then not only does she love me, but I can say that I love myself too. :3