Therapist? What would you tell a Therapist?

I have two reasons for cross dressing;
1) As a stress reducer; I think I want to be one of the ladies because the female relations are more light hearted and focused on less series matters of life. I think I got this impression growing up. Father and older brother took off going hunting or fishing. I stayed home with grandma and ma watching them do each others hair.

2) I find crossdressing be very arousing at times. Maybe the taboo, maybe the submissive side to explore. I love women, and like a dominating woman...or one that will play the role, like my wife does. But also, the two combine.....it is the intimacy in addition to the sec and companionship. Someone that accepts me for who I am , really. Can't tell you how that validates you as a human.

I told my wife before we got married, and was very happy that she had no problem, in fact likes to play.

Hope you can all share your feelings and see that you are your own best therapist if you can be honest with yourself.

Tina

I don't know that women have "less serious" conversations, necessarily. Not out of PC, mind you, I often scream out about "women drivers" and the like, so I claim no innocence in this matter, but just that guys tend to view what women have to say as less important. But I know many women that will discuss politics as readily as any man, it's just that they aren't often enough engaged in it.

As to the matter of sexuality and the associated feelings, well, I would suggest that this is usually just a "first stage." Certainly not for everyone, but you may just want to open up that it is more. I don't pretend to know if you are already aware of that, or how you view it, but that's just a word of advice from personal and shared experience.

Look, your reasons are your reasons. You just need to make sure that they check out with your internals and you need nothing better. Do what you like and have fun.

Being female focuses on less serious matters in life? Guess again. Being a female is no less serious than being a male. It's only our perception that makes it seem that way. Carrying, giving birth to and nurturing members of the human race is a very serious matter indeed. Men and women were designed to complement one another with a common goal in view but due to various societal upbringings we don't always appreciate that fact.:)

I will NEVER see a therapist - if you are a crossdresser, then from reading this FORUM, you should know that you can NEVER give it up and that IT will be with you for the rest of your life.

I think that you can get more honest answers from the girls who participate on this FORUM.

JoAnne Wheeler

I would suggest searching the entire forum using the word 'therapist'. There have been several threads here, including one I myself (I'm pretty sure) started. I've found going to a therapist very helpful so far, and she herself is about 20+/- years post-op.

Everyone's perspectives will differ, if it helps you, then great. If it does not, then don't continue. From my own perspective, as I'm stepping out of the closet more and more, it's nice to have someone who's been there-done that to have perspective. Don't get me wrong, the forum here is outstanding as well, bar none.

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Originally Posted by JoAnne Wheeler

I will NEVER see a therapist - if you are a crossdresser, then from reading this FORUM, you should know that you can NEVER give it up and that IT will be with you for the rest of your life.

I think that you can get more honest answers from the girls who participate on this FORUM.

JoAnne Wheeler

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Not to steal threads here, but what is up with the seriously militant women on this forum? JoAnne, you are adamantly against anyone seeing a counselor convinced that they are all quacks. Well, I hate to be very forward with you on this, but that's simply not true. In fact, many of them are very good, professional, and more often LISTEN than give you their opinions.

I'm sorry if you had a bad experience with one, or even multiples, but if the counselor had a preconceived opinion about you, or not the one you wanted, then you need to consider seeing someone else. Of course, a point worth making here: "If one person calls you a Hutt, ignore them. If a second person calls you a Hutt, begin to wonder. If a third person calls you a Hutt, buy a drool bucket and stock in spice."

What I'm saying is that if someone is being judgmental or subjective, seek another opinion. But if you keep getting the same answer from all of them, then maybe you're just hearing something that you're more in denial about than anything else.

But please, STOP trying to scare everyone away from a counselor. NONE of us here are trained therapists with licenses that allow us to practice therapy of any sort. (At least nobody's come forward as such) Either way, a confrontational attitude like that really does not help anyone. We should be preparing people to accept their condition and offering them tips on how to proceed.

I certainly hope that counselors out there are first and foremost never offering opinions to any person that they work with. We are not in the business of opinions. We are in the business of listening and reflecting back to the person that we sit with ideas and thoughts based on their own reality. However, knowing and understanding humanity the way I do on a personal level, I am sure that there are counselors out there that are not helpful with many issues. You can usually tell this from the beginning and if so then tell them they need to refer you to a colleague that is sensitive to this area of counseling. Counselors that are not familiar or that do not work in the area of CDing and TV issues might not be as helpful overall but if sensitive and caring about their work they can either help or refer you to someone that can. As counselors we do bring our human selves into the picture. We have a world view like all the rest, but as professionals we must strive to not allow that to interfer in working with our clients. If our world views do interfer our oath is to do no harm or Nonmaleficence, this is a part of our licensure oath that we must take and follow like in the medical community.

Talking to a counselor can be an enriching and wonderful experience. I recently talked to my counselor for over 3 years about my dressing. This was at the request of my wife. She suggested that I talk with her because of my wanting to go out dressed. My wife was concerned about my work and that was a boundary that she placed on my dressing. The truth is because of the sensitivity of my practice, getting outed would be a big problem for me, and could lead to loosing my work. So I agreed with both her and my counselor that said certainly not in this area and then very cautiously at all. It was hard for me to open the door because we share the same profession but work with different populations. She said well I never thought that you were a CD, but I am not surprised because you have always identifed your feminine side in here with me. In the end she was very happy that I shared with her and very supportive of my dressing.

After giving that log winded background I also wanted to address some of your reasons for dressing. I also share them. It does help to relax me and makes a very hectic and sometimes difficult life more easy to deal with. Dressing for me is is such a relaxing experience and it allows a more softer side of me to come out more freely than while dressed in male clothes doing male things. To me my dressing is a great stress reducer and the opportunities that I get to fully dress and do my makeup makes me feel so much happier and relaxed. I don't identify with the arousal peice now as much as I once did. My dressing just seems to compliment and to match what I already feel inside.

Don't be worried about seeing a counselor about dressing if you have needs and concerns regarding your dressing do so. It can help in many ways. Just make sure that the person you are with understands and can be helpful.

I think there is possibly a misconception in some people's minds that going to a therapist regarding CDing is done with the aim by both parties of "getting cured of it".
First off, if you find yourself in the office of a therapist who says he wants to cure you of CDing, run away, don't look back.
If CDing is troubling you in any way, be it guilt feelings, or relationship problems, etc., then finding a sympathetic therapist or counselor to talk out these issues with can be a great help and source of comfort.
What a good counselor will do is help you to fit CDing into your life, not get rid of it.

I've been seeing a therapist for a few months but I've never wanted to be cured of crossdressing. I realized a long time ago that this is just who I am.
as for why I enjoy crossdressing. simple because I like to look like a woman.

I´m seeing a therapist and neither she nor I want to cure me. The help of a counselor has been very important to help me to tell my wife and to accept, and enjoy, my crossdresing.

What to tell the therapist? It´s easy. Tell him o her the facts: I crosdress. They know what to do after that.

But why do you need reasons to CD? Isn't simply being transgendered reason enough? :) An artist makes art, a doctor heals, a carpenter builds, and a transperson crossdresses!
:hugs:

There r some TERRIBLE doctors out there! :eek:

That being said, would u perform your own brain surgery? :brolleyes:

Anyone that thinks they can counsel themselves PROPERLY, has a numbskull as a client!:devil:

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Originally Posted by JoAnne Wheeler

I will NEVER see a therapist - if you are a crossdresser, then from reading this FORUM, you should know that you can NEVER give it up and that IT will be with you for the rest of your life.

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Surely you would go to a therapist to get help with living with yourself - not for them to make you give a part of yourself up? :strugglin


What an odd post. :idontknow:

JoAnne, have you ever been to a therapist or counsellor?

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Originally Posted by Nicki B

Surely you would go to a therapist to get help with living with yourself - not for them to make you give a part of yourself up? :strugglin


What an odd post. :idontknow:

JoAnne, have you ever been to a therapist or counsellor?

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Nicki, if it isn't apparent, JoAnne seems to speak from a position of self-appointed authority and deep seated personal fears. And probably a persecution complex, too.

:eek:

"Oh yes, she did just go there."

I went to a therapist, she was a "licensed clinical social worker" but I just needed a letter for my HRT I was doing at the time.

One time I had to take my then 3 year old son, cause I didn't have a babysitter. So anyways this "B" of a therapist asked my son, for no reason, in a happy voice "what makes you cry?" Our son just said when he gets spanked for doing something bad. We were not there for counseling for HIM, he just was there cause I had to watch him.

So anyways soon after that I wrapped up the session and never went back.
I hate counselers/therapists/whatever they are called this week.

EDIT - I like ReineD and Joanne's posts. ReineD said the truth. Carpenters don't go to specialists to find out what makes them want to build. Doctors don't go to find out why healing is their forté..
And so what if there was some grand answer as to "Why"? It isn't going to stop anything.

Joanne is correct in that we know more about this than some therapist. IF the therapist is TG then they could probably offer some excellent advise but a non-TG one? They could not truely understand.
Besides, unless you have a ton of money to pay them or good insurance, isn't it a bit silly to go to some "professional" when there are forums like this?

However, you DO need a therapist letter if you want to go on HRT. For CD'ing though, I have never been asked for a letter from a therapist when buying my femme garb.

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Originally Posted by MlleErin

I hate counselers/therapists/whatever they are called this week.

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So it's totally fair then for people to hate us because they saw Rocky Horror? "Seen one, seen 'em all," right? You had a shitty experience, sure, but that's not fair to make a blanket statement because you had one quack.

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Originally Posted by kathrynjanos

So it's totally fair then for people to hate us because they saw Rocky Horror? "Seen one, seen 'em all," right? You had a shitty experience, sure, but that's not fair to make a blanket statement because you had one quack.

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Maybe you had some good therapists. TG folks know more about this life than a therapist though. All a therapist can really do is give a letter for HRT. A doctor will need that. This is for the TS folks though and a person has to decide how they want to live their life, a therapist cannot make this decision for someone.

OH and to be fair - I tend to not be real fond of doctors in general, regardless of their specialty.

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Originally Posted by MlleErin

Maybe you had some good therapists. TG folks know more about this life than a therapist though. All a therapist can really do is give a letter for HRT. A doctor will need that. This is for the TS folks though and a person has to decide how they want to live their life, a therapist cannot make this decision for someone.

OH and to be fair - I tend to not be real fond of doctors in general, regardless of their specialty.

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No, but they can help you to understand what you're going through if you need some guidance. Usually, they are able to help you understand the things that are going through your mind. In your case, as you stated, you already knew what you wanted and where you wanted to go, which is fine. Nobody faults you for that. The person in this case was little more than the troll standing guard between you and your letter, which is also OK. But that doesn't actually make them a troll, or all of the people like her.

And this is the crux of the matter, by the way: Why is it that all the people who have a fear of doctors for whatever reason seem to want to spread this fear to others? Honestly, if you don't like doctors, then just keep your related opinions to yourself! You shouldn't go around trying to make everyone else scared too!

My gf is scared to death of dentists, but she HAD to see one because her teeth were badly misaligned and she hadn't seen one even for a checkup since childhood. I asked her if she she'd let her kids not go to the dentist if they didn't want to. She said yes. At that point, I insisted that if the relationship was to go any further, she needed to overcome that and move on. Once something like that affects someone else, then it needs to be dealt with.

After speaking to her counselor (also crazy, but good at her job), I finally took her to my dentist because the guy looks like Santa Claus, and he's very patient, nice, and funny. He's not even a specialist for people afraid of dentists! I sat in with her for her first checkup, and after that, she felt comfortable enough with him to go through one or two surgeries and currently is using braces.

I should just point out that I am not saying you're not within your rights to leave or have a poor opinion of your particular 'social worker' after what happened. Just try to separate her from other doctors.

The reason I joined the forum today was the result of a long chat last night with my wife.she doesn't know I have joined but she asked me to explain what I think about when i "dress up".
I'm into wearing shiny gymnastics leotards and my wife has even bought some for me.It feels so good when I'm in a tight leotard but although I could describe my feelings to her I couldn't even say why I found it such a buzz.
After we spoke last night I did consider seeing a therapist but I could sit in front of someone and tell them about my crossdressing. So talking to you guys is my attempt to get all this into some sort of perspective.

[SIZE=4]Well, the first thing I would tell a therapist is...[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]"I used to be schizophrenic, but WE'RE ok now !"[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by jthegymnast

The reason I joined the forum today was the result of a long chat last night with my wife.she doesn't know I have joined but she asked me to explain what I think about when i "dress up".
I'm into wearing shiny gymnastics leotards and my wife has even bought some for me.It feels so good when I'm in a tight leotard but although I could describe my feelings to her I couldn't even say why I found it such a buzz.
After we spoke last night I did consider seeing a therapist but I could sit in front of someone and tell them about my crossdressing. So talking to you guys is my attempt to get all this into some sort of perspective.

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hah, cute tie into your screenname, creative. If you don't fully understand or know how to communicate it, just say so. Just try to answer her questions. If you get a thrill from it, great. If not, try to describe what you do get out of it. Many girls here do it for stress relief, some do it for an escape. Say what's on your mind.

My therapist was helpful in getting me to review myself to see just how i felt about the crossdressing issues. Coming to this site and seeing girls like Karren and Kimberly being out and about made me more secure.
Talking to the therapist helped me think about what was important and helped me to understand more about myself as a transgendered person. It also has me exploring how the feminine side of me will impact those around me.
Am I reaching perfection yet.. uh.. well no.. but its a start down the road.

Hi

My opinion is that therapy is for people that want to help themselves.
My experience has been that you tell them what you are having problems with in your life and they give you the tools and guidance to help you to find ways to help yourself.
I have a great relationship with my therapist , I went to a few before I found one I was comfortable with , I went because of relationship problems and after a period of time told her about my cross dressing , she has been very supportive and has given me the courage to explore my feelings about it.
I would strongly recommend therapy for anyone who wants or needs help with any of life's challenges.
The most important thing is you want to help yourself !
Tomara

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Originally Posted by JoAnne Wheeler

I will NEVER see a therapist - if you are a crossdresser, then from reading this FORUM, you should know that you can NEVER give it up and that IT will be with you for the rest of your life.

I think that you can get more honest answers from the girls who participate on this FORUM.

JoAnne Wheeler

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Ditto to that. After all what do therapists know unless they have actually gone through the same experience as yourself.

I think therapy is for those who are bothered by their cross dressing or have to have someone explain why it is or isn't a good idea to express yourself in this way.. I think if I were ever in some sort of relationship that the woman said she wants me to see a head shrinker that she would have to pay for it and that I would still dress up.. I'm alright with my cross dressing since I've been doing it all my life.. and I don't see any harm in doing it. this site is a lot like a therapy of sorts.. you can read about others who dress up.. that go to therapists and their adventures in dressing..

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Originally Posted by MlleErin

IF the therapist is TG then they could probably offer some excellent advise but a non-TG one? They could not truely understand.

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By that logic, you wouldn't let a specialist treat you for cancer, unless they'd had it themselves? :strugglin

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Originally Posted by MlleErin

All a therapist can really do is give a letter for HRT. A doctor will need that.

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Surely that's the last thing you need one for - what you might need is help to sort out your feelings, to understand why you think as you do, in order to find your own answers.. That's what therapists are trained for?

They're supposed to be professionals and to have been trained (you checked licences, didn't you?) - whereas on here we are neither, generally?

j
Save your money on therapists and spend it on leotards!
You like the look and feel of gymnastic leotards on you. As my gf's often said, 'It's just clothes." Enjoy and wear often as you can.

Kerrie Sifton was correct! A good therapist functions much like a mirror. If you are honest with them, you will get a better view of yourself. But, if the therapist has his or her own distortions, or you are holding back, the reflected image will be off.

I'm sure many of you have years of experience putting on your own make up. How many do it without a mirror? How many go out without one last glance in a mirror to check your outfit? Are you that sure of yourself that you can't benifit from an objective second opinion?

For crying out loud; even Tigar Woods has a golf coach!



Oh!, BTW. There are several of us on this forum who are licensed therapists.

I had my first individual therapy session yesterday. Towards the end I made a point of indicating that I was potentially transgender (androgynous). Why? Because I need to explore what my all major stressors are and how to deal with them. My wife is moody and ambivalent about my cross-dressing... those sour faces hurt. Then too I am going to need help in detangling how much of Tess is really me, and how much is a personality construct, a form of escapism from the parts of my life that I wish were different.