Blackmail

I decided after 15 years of marriage that I should 'come out' to my wife. I was afraid she would discover all the clothing I had hidden in the attic and I wanted to continue attending cder social events. It was becoming to difficult to do so w/o her knowledge. Well, initially I thought it would all work out in the end. She said she would try to incorporate my cding into our marriage. After the initial shock wore off it was replaced with some anger and much disappointment. It's been three months and it isn't getting better, only worse. Now she has me transferring ownership of two of our properties into her name and I'm to sign a notarized letter that if the marriage should end, these two properties are not to be considered marital property and are to remain her's only. If I do not do so, she will expose me to my family (it's our second marriage) and my clients. Unfortunately, she got her hands on a cd with pictures (very incriminating) which was taken following a transformation) and she has all my clothes. To make things worse, before I could erase e-mails, she got to my computer and printed all of them.. She now has these in a safe deposit box and I am certain she will use all this if I fail in any way to comply with her wishes. I did mislead her and I do feel I betrayed her. I'm going to comply because I'm going to try to stay away from cross dressing for as long as I can. Hopefully, I'll be successful. She does not know I post on this forum so hopefully I can continue. I love her and prior to me telling her about my cross dressing, we had what we both considered a wonderful marriage. She truly was/is my best friend and I know she is only being this vindictive because she had no clue and feels betrayed. She says she would not have married me if I had been truthful with her in the beginning. I never gave her a choice because I wanted her so badly.

She says she'll stay with me because her kids love me and we have five (soon to be six) grandkids (all from her children). It's true that they are very close to me and respect me. It would kill me to lose their love and respect.

She is now the one who wears the sexy underwear and I find it is helping me to not feel the need to 'dress' because my sexual needs are being met and then some). In the past (before I told her) she did not wear the sexy underwear to bed. I know she is trying to accept me but I hear her crying herself to sleep and know she is having a hard time with this. However, she does want to stay married and said that if I feel the absolute need, I can wear some of my underwear to bed (and only in our home). She said absolutely no more out of the house.

The reason she wants the property in her name is as added incentive to 'live by the new rules". What do you all think of all of this?

wow... She's got you for sure.... The golden rule... She who has the gold makes the rules!!

3 months is like no time at all.... I'm at discovery + 4 years and we have worked through the trust thingy pretty well... I'm still no closer to crossdressing at home but I'm not being blackmailed.... My wife has had a hard time too.... and I wouldn't blame her if she left me because she did not sign up for this....

you are right it it blackmail of the highest order. The question now comes up is if you like being blackmailed. Sounds like you do. You do not have a marriage here you have a hostage situation. You think she is trying to understand this? No she has you right where she wants you. If all you wanted was someone in sexy panties you went about it all wrong. First thing you do is call a lawyer. Since what you were doing is not illegal, she has no cause to threaten you and force you to give up your property. Get the property back in both names then dump her like a sack of hot rocks. If she loved you this would not have been an issue. Even the most closeted CD here has never been held hostage by a non approving wife.

Smart move would be to get the papers you signed annulled because of coercion and then call your family and tell them what you do. Bottom line grow a pair. :Angry3:

I think if you agree to this now, you're going to be screwed for life. Do NOT sign over anything, this is blackmail, she is your wife, she is supposed to love you, not screw you for what she can get. Yes she feels betrayed, yes she is hurt, she was lied to for so long, but that does NOT mean she can resort to blackmailing you.

Where will this end? If you sign this over now, what next? Blackmailers don't stop blackmailing, they take and take and take, until there is nothing left. Is that what you want? A life of being blackmailed?

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Originally Posted by Thalia

The reason she wants the property in her name is as added incentive to 'live by the new rules". What do you all think of all of this?

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You're definitely between a rock and a hard place. I would not want to be where you are, but then again, if someone ever pushed me like that, I'd push back so hard, they'd regret ever knowing me. I guess what I'm trying to say is my cding is NOT something to ever use against me. Talk about a sensitive button to push...

Threaten to expose me and... ok, enough of that. Yeah - it angers me. I understand the fear of being exposed, but I have a REAL problem with someone trying to control my life. And I'm exactly the kind of person who would not hesitate to cut off my nose to spite my face. Not when it comes to control issues. No one controls me - not like that.

No one will ever own me. No one will ever control my life. They can kill me, beat me to a pulp, laugh and make fun of me, but NO ONE can ever own me.

So what do I think of this? I think you'd better reveal that you have a backbone and do what must be done. You let anyone push you around like this and you're done. You'll loose all that you have, most importantly your own self respect.

Getting outed is not an easy thing to face, but to me, it would be preferable to being bullied in to BS like this.

Did I mention if someone pushes me I push back with a vengeance?

I'm sorry. I HATE bullies. Wonder if that shows...

Push back, Thalia. Push back or become her b*tch. If you don't push back, then I believe you truly will loose everything.

I'm sorry for the passionate response. Whether or not you like how I put it, I think you know I'm speaking the truth. Since there's no easy way out of this, why not fight your way out with some self-respect intact?

I hope that in time things will settle down hun & that you can reach a workable compromise, Love and blackmail do not go together, but in the meantime do not sign anything ...... Blackmail is blackmail and giving ito it is not good.

Honestly... With friends like her, you don't need enemys. Blackmail, extorsion.
Doesn't sound too much like "she's trying to accept you" to me. More like she's getting ready to take a powder with the whatever she can take with her. I'd talk to a lawyer.... I am sorry, but this whole thing is just WRONG.

I think you should consult a lawyer ASAP

Being Blackmailed is no way to live

Her actions are close to criminal. I do not think they would make the grade for actual blackmail charges though. Still I would see a good lawyer, tomorrow !

She is pushing pretty hard and you believe that she will back off when you do the requested changes. BUT black mailer's have a bad habit of coming back for more later, again and again. If I were you I would consider fighting back. One of the most effective ways of fighting blackmail is to defuse the "threat". You could go as far as "outing" yourself to some of these people. It might be surprising who doesn't react badly. As well, the property, I would not consider for a minute signing that document!! Even though it seems like she has the upper hand, many people do not react well when someone comes around with this sort of 'exposure'. Your friends and customers may not want to hear a word of it. Remind her that if she does "blow the cover", then there will likely be a very unpleasant DOM process - and believe me, the only ones who "win" those are the lawyers. Get to a marriage therapist if she will agree to it.

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Originally Posted by Shelly Preston

Being Blackmailed is no way to live

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Yes........ that is unless your forced to wear womens clothing as part of the blackmail!! :D

Bite the bullet I say and let her expose you if she dares ...My wife tried that on me one time without pictures tho , I told her to go ahead.. Come to find out she didn't have the courage and was very concerned how the children would take it. She could never really hold it over my head unless I pushed it but after years of the threats , I called her on it..

What a nice gal, NOT!!!! Look stand up for your self, she's probably told people any ways, and pack your stuff and get out and tell her you'll see here in court.

She is trying to get you to sign over as much as you will to her. You are vulnerable right now, your'e not out to your parents, friends or clients and you are afraid to have your secret be known to these people. She knows that, so she is blackmailing you to get you to sign over this property into her name, with the stipulation that it not be considered marital property. ( Marital property is a term in Divorce proceedings, take this clue.) Don't sign anything over, you will lose more than you realize. If you sign the property over, she will leave and take it all and will still probably out you, in spite.

Blackmail and coercion is not part of a loving relationship. No matter what you had before this situation, it has changed for the worse. You can try and talk with your wife, but don't sign stuff away and be ready to out yourself to your parents and friends, do it before she does it for you. You can control the fall-out somewhat on how you out yourself to family & friends. You can't control what she would say..

I hope for the best for you. Good luck. :battingeyelashes:

Thalia said - "She does not know I post on this forum"

Don't count on it. Any idea how many trails to this site exist inside your PC and elsewhere? And it wouldn't take much to put two and two together. Hmm, "husband=crossdresser, where might he go?" Let's face it, "www.crossdressers.com" is hardly rocket science, now is it? Your only defence in that case is anonymity i.e. will she recognise "Thalia"? Certainly ask yourself "would she recognise what I've been saying in this thread as pertaining to your (plural) situation?"

Blackmail is a crime and she's using it to criminal advantage. Seek legal advice. As Lorileah said, this is a hostage situation, not a marriage. Don't sign anything, seek legal advice.

An ex-girlfriend (who knew my situation) once tried to threaten me with exposure and yes, she had photos just like your wife has photos of you. She threatened to expose me to all my friends. Know what I did? I did it for her; emailed them all and told them the situation and the facts and even showed them the photos. When someone has a weapon to blackmail you with, deny them their weapon and then look them right in the eye. Never allow someone to control the way you live like that! Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

I don't understand your wife at all. How can she be so cold hearted as to blackmail you for ownership of YOUR properties while at the same time tell you she loves you, change the way she dresses for you, and cry herself to sleep? If someone blackmailed me, it would seriously dampen my feelings for them.

Or, were the properties hers before you married? If so, then it is fair that you should sign. If not, then do see an attorney. But even if these are her properties, the blackmail is unforgivable. She might have consulted a lawyer to find out how to protect non-marital property. Is she in the habit of using coercion to get what she wants?

Whatever happens now, it would be difficult for me to trust her in the future. I would question her motives. But, I'm sure she has trust issues as well over not being told about the CDing until now.

My heart goes out to you both, and I hope you find a way to resolve this.
:hugs:

What happens when you put the property in her name and she tells your family anyway? Get out now while you still can, with something left of your own. Just my $.02.

Renyta

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Originally Posted by Thalia

Now she has me transferring ownership of two of our properties into her name and I'm to sign a notarized letter that if the marriage should end, these two properties are not to be considered marital property and are to remain her's only. If I do not do so, she will expose me to my family (it's our second marriage) and my clients.

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For *()#*$()@# sake no. Don't even THINK about signing anything over to her or anything else like that. Do not buckle to this blackmail.

If she's capable of this (and she is) it's fairly likely she's literally screwing you so she can screw you more thoroughly. Don't think with your heart or any lower attachments to your body.

Call a lawyer. Now. NOW.

If she's your best friend, what best friend would you have that blackmails you?

You're in love with someone that's sticking a knife in you multiple times.

Call a lawyer. NOW NOW NOW. And whatever you do do NOT sign anything into her name!!!!!!!!!!

ReineD said - "I don't understand your wife at all. How can she be so cold hearted as to blackmail you for ownership of YOUR properties while at the same time tell you she loves you, change the way she dresses for you, and cry herself to sleep?"

Reine, she's setting up her defence and her legitimate grounds to file for divorce. "Please your honour, I did everything I could to make this marriage work even after I discovered my husband's crossdressing. I wore nice things for him and made love to him and I made lots of effort but eventually I realised it was unbearable and asking me to accept his crossdressing was unreasonable in my belief and so I have to ask for a divorce. Incidentally he's already signed these properties as mine, thank you very much"

Lets look at this for what it is ,you have done nothing illegal, she on the other hand has stolen your pic, your shared propriety, your computer files, and is now in the process of blackmail, so who is in the wrong here, I think a lawyer is the next step, and be prepared to come out, as bad as it sounds now, a month or two it will be over, your life will be back and you won't have to live in fear

Jennifer Easton said - "she on the other hand has stolen your pic, your shared propriety, your computer files"

Stolen the pics? Depends how she got them.

Stolen the shared property? Nope, Thalia was going to sign them over of her own free will.

Stolen computer files? You're on tricky ground there, depends on whether they share a computer, whether she cracked passwords to gain access to emails and forth. But as many couple know each other's passwords, it's unlikely she "stole" access to these computer files.

So if she did tell whoever about your femme side, well, you could tell your clients that your wife is lieing and with the family, if they really love you they are not going to care what you do in your personal time.

But if she does tell, THEN what will she have to try to scare you with?

Do NOT sign anything!!!

Anybody who would blackmail you and try to extort your property is completely untrustworthy.

Great if you can stick to your deal not to CD anymore, but if you fail, do NOT give her all your property!!!

If she blackmails you, so be it.

Frankly, I'd just as soon tell everyone myself to get it out of the way, because it's only a matter of time, in my opinion.

I'd also contact the DA to see if what she is doing is illegal.

If you want to stay married to her, that's between you and her, but don't let her hurt you any more than you can control.

--Diane

I would sign it but have added that if she starts the divorce the agreement s null and void. Also have added if she outs you it is null and void.

Sounds like the Stockholm Syndrome to me.
Kerry

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Originally Posted by Thalia

Now she has me transferring ownership of two of our properties into her name and I'm to sign a notarized letter that if the marriage should end, these two properties are not to be considered marital property and are to remain her's only. If I do not do so, she will expose me to my family (it's our second marriage) and my clients.

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Oh hell no! Don't do this. Sounds to me that she's already made up her mind to leave and take everything.

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Unfortunately, she got her hands on a cd with pictures (very incriminating) which was taken following a transformation) and she has all my clothes. To make things worse, before I could erase e-mails, she got to my computer and printed all of them.. She now has these in a safe deposit box and I am certain she will use all this if I fail in any way to comply with her wishes. I did mislead her and I do feel I betrayed her. I'm going to comply because I'm going to try to stay away from cross dressing for as long as I can.

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Ummm, again, she's getting all her ducks in a row to leave you. She just wants to make sure it all goes her way when she does. That's why she's protecting her 'evidence'.

Sure she could be just lashing out in the worst possible way to make you stop CDing, but geez, I don't think so. I know you feel badly for not telling her sooner...or even telling at all now, but open your eyes.

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She says she would not have married me if I had been truthful with her in the beginning.

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Big flashing red warning sign.

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She says she'll stay with me because her kids love me and we have five (soon to be six) grandkids (all from her children).

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I believe she's just telling you what she thinks will keep you from suspecting her true intentions.

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She is now the one who wears the sexy underwear and I find it is helping me to not feel the need to 'dress' because my sexual needs are being met and then some).

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Yeah, but for how long do you think this is going to keep up? I say until you get served. Sorry, but that's how I'm seeing this all go down.

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I know she is trying to accept me but I hear her crying herself to sleep and know she is having a hard time with this.

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Blackmailing you is not acceptance - it's controlling.

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The reason she wants the property in her name is as added incentive to 'live by the new rules". What do you all think of all of this?

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Yep, controlling. I say go to a lawyer ASAP and get advice on how to handle this AND don't sign any papers!

I have to agree with Lori, get the lawyer and don't worry about the family. They find out what she is trying to do they may side with you.

Sorry to hear this, Keli

Thalia,

You can see what everyone thinks in the posts above and I agree with them. Your wife is setting you up for a divorce after you sign everything over to her. Get a lawyer, get whatever papers you have signed so far annulled, cancelled, etc. The attorney will know how to do that. Be very honest with the attorney, he will be your only true frined during this ordeal, until others can come to grips with who you are. Prepare to be outed and prepare for a tough economic fight with your ex. If she loved you, she would not even consider any of the actions she wants you to take. She has her family, kids and grandkids and she plans to make your after divorce life very difficult with whatever personal friends and family that you have. She wants to punish you. She will watch every move you make. It can only get worse if you follow her requirements. This scenario has "SET UP" written all over it. Get help fast and good luck.

DON"T SIGN ANYTHING!!! Take a deep breath and get some help. Emotionally, you are in no position to be making decisions of this magnitude without counsel. In addition to legal counsel, I recommend that you seek relation counseling (with or without her). Yes, you messed u by hiding something important from her for all those years. You tried in good faith to correct the situation. She, on the other hand, is taking deliberate and purposeful steps to HURT YOU. No one in a loving relationship would intentionally do that to their partner. Please let us know how things progress.

This is not how a loving couple behaves. 15 years in and this is what you get? For what? For crossdressing? Gimme a break. Even if she were to back off and apologize, how could you ever get over the fact that she took things this far? And how was she able to wrest the title to your joint properties without your written consent?

I say to hell with her, and this marriage is obviously over. Draw your battle lines. Here we go.

Don't sign anything!

Get a(good) lawyer!

Get out!

Realize she may have been planning this for a while and may have help.

Plan for the worst....it's comming!

Goodluck and god bless!:)

Good luck, but I'm not buying it. I'm not sure that I could remain in love let alone in the same house with someone who, in your words, is blackmailing me. If I were you, I'd call her bluff. it is a win win. I cannot imagine having so little self respect as to tolerate this kind of treatment. Think about it.

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Originally Posted by Thalia

Unfortunately, she got her hands on a cd with pictures (very incriminating) which was taken following a transformation) and she has all my clothes. To make things worse, before I could erase e-mails, she got to my computer and printed all of them.. She now has these in a safe deposit box and I am certain she will use all this if I fail in any way to comply with her wishes.

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Well then .. obviously your wife has no right to out you in public and it is your right to protect yourself as best you can. You could explain your pictures as being in costume for a masquerade party even if they are suggestive, unless you are not the only one in them? As to the emails, unless they would lead your wife (or a Judge) to believe you were committing adultery, what harm can they do? I agree with a previous poster's idea of preemptively showing one or two of the less compromising pictures to your friends before she does and also explain why you are doing this. As to your clients, why should they care how you conduct your personal life?

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However, she does want to stay married and said that if I feel the absolute need, I can wear some of my underwear to bed (and only in our home). She said absolutely no more out of the house.

The reason she wants the property in her name is as added incentive to 'live by the new rules". What do you all think of all of this?

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You've heard the line, "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned". Is there more to this than simply wearing women's clothing? If not, then your wife cannot cause real harm in Court or with your acquaintances. CDing is not viewed the same way now as it was 20 years ago.

But, if she has evidence that you've been unfaithful, although I do not condone her attempt to blackmail, I do understand the strength of her emotions.

After consulting with an attorney, you might consider marital counseling?

I think the new rules suck Thalia. But that's where it's at now hun.:hugs:
Angie

I know a guy named Guido.....big and hairy......works in the plumbing business, most does lead pipe work.

Her behavior is way out of line. Not that I am advocating hiring Guido, but certainly stand your ground.......remember if she makes it so you cannot earn a living she will suffer too. She has put herself in a Mexican standoff. I bet she can afford to shoot first.

Too much to say, let me go directly to the points:

1. Betrayal. Wearing women's clothing is not betrayal. She may not like it, but crossdress is not forbidden by marriage oath. Crossdressing is definitely not a crime.

2. Privacy. Everyone deserve to have some privacy. Not telling her every single bit of your thought is all natural. Think how many men think about having sex with the sexy actress (fill names here), but few of them tells their wives about that.

So you should get over your guilt first. From there:

3. Fear. People don't do business with you because you wear a tie or suit. People do business for your products or services. Think about it in another way, those CEOs or mayors who are women or gays does not make them any bit less of a successful leader. So fear not.

So get out, you are in a jail YOU set for yourself. The walls of the jail is your own guilt and fear.

Once you are out of the jail of yourself, you for sure know what to do with that threat, being a successful person as you are.

If she were to go ahead and out you, there is probably little that would happen to you. Most of us prefer not to be out but little has happened to most who have been outed. It could be embarrassing, it could be humiliating, it would not be the happiest time in your life but you will survive.
I can see your wife's viewpoint too. She has been married to a person for fifteen before she learns her beloved man loves prancing around in women's clothing, she has a right to be upset.
Hopefully you will be able to resolve your problems without legal action, you may want to give serious consideration to marriage counseling.

I had to think about this one for awhile. You are definitely in a bad spot.

So here is my advice, notice that I don't play fair. :D
1) Find out the laws in your state about tape recording conversations and phone calls. Then get her on tape saying that she intends to tell your clients and family if you don't sign over the 2 properties to her.
2) After you get her on tape, then verify that the tape contains enough information to prosecute. Asking for the 2 properties in exchange for her silence is extortion.
3) Then you need to have a heart to heart and get things under control. No more blackmail. Lots of Talking. Even if you don't take my advice on #1 & #2, you should have a long talk with her and tell her no on the properties.
4) Once you begin paying someone who is blackmailing you, you need to understand that you have never paid enough. The price will continue to go up since they found a way to control you. Is the next price that you sign over all of the assets into her name? Or maybe that you quit crossdressing completely and if she catches you then its a divorce.

What are you going to do when she decides to leave and she leaves you without a pot to pee in? You need to be equal with her. Therefore, you need to find a better way to deal with everything.

Lastly, you have to stand up to her and say if wants to tell everybody then go ahead. She will have to understand that any harm done to you and your clients will result in less money for her.

I own my own company and your post struck a nerve. I would never let my wife get a way with this. I wouldn't cheat her, but she isn't going to cheat me either.

What she's doing "is criminal". And she'll out you after you sign it all over. Call the cops.

Others have said it already, but I'll add one more voice to the chorus: under no circumstances put your joint property in her name.

Worst case is she shows the pictures around and reveals you as a CD, simultaneously revealing herself as vindictive and untrustworthy. The best advice I can give you is to start getting comfortable with the idea of being out. You'll find it's better than being blackmailed.

Best of luck

Kath

I just showed this to my wife. She said your wife will out you anyway.

I think you should, and quickly, get a lawyer. Ok, so you kept your secret from her but did come out to her in good faith. Ok, you love her, and all the kids. You can still love her and all the kids after she blackmails you. And what's to stop her from releasing all the information on you anyway after she decides she wants out? Do you really think she will relinquish all that info. to you in good faith? Forget it!!! She'll keep a copy of it for as long as she lives, just in case.
The idea of councelling would be great if she would participate, but if she is ready to get out, councelling won't do any good.
I'm afraid you are caught between a rock and a hard place; you love her and she wants out, not a good scenario. You can replace all the clothes, etc. so don't worry about all that. Concentrate on keeping a clear head, and how best to do damage control.
Oh btw, SIGN NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

What this woman is clearly demonstrating is Greed, control and a total lack of character. It's the latter I'd be most worried about.

First, is seems quite apparent that she is setting the stage for divorce, and wants all the $$$ and complete control.

But with that lack of character, what's to prevent her from outing you to everyone after she gets the divorce and all the assets? You're getting set up to get shafted from both ends. I think you need to fight back, and fight hard. No matter what happens, you're going to have to swallow a little pride. If you stand up to her, you will gain some of that self respect back. If you wimp out, you will lose both self respect and $$$.

The question is, when its all over, do you want to be depressed and destitute, or proud and comfortable?

Lorileah: No, I don't like being held hostage; however, I have too much to lose if my cross dressing became public knowledge. I am a white collar professional with a very large practice. Being revealed as a cross dresser would have a definite impact on my practice. It would also have an impact on the relationships I have with so many of my friends with whom I share tickets to baseball, football, hockey and basketball. I don't think any one of these guys would want to attend a game with a guy in a dress. I don't want to lose these friendships. And, probably most importantly, I have two sons who are now grown. They have no idea I'm a cross dresser and I'm sure if they did at the very least, they would be uncomfortable around me; in fact, one of them would probably write me off. I'm very close to my step children - love them dearly - and adore the grandkids. What my wife wants is a husband who does not cross dress. If I don't, she will not upset the applecart. If I do cross dress, and particularly take it out of the house again, then I don't doubt she will reveal my secret. She probably will e mail the pictures to my clients and friends and share the picture and e mails with my sons. In my heart I don't think she will do this....I think it's just leverage to get me to not cross dress again. She will be set financially whether I'm revealed or not. I know I should have told her before I married her.

Oh this kind just burns me up so bad. I am getting pissed just reading what your wife is doing. At times like these I am so happy I have testosterone pumping through my veins. Thalia I understand you love your wife and want to do whatever you can to keep her with you, but JESUS don't sell your soul and everything you have worked so hard to build in your life just to appease her in this manner.

Plane and simple "Blackmail" is NOT Love. She is just using your insecurity and not wanting to be found out as leverage to get what she can from you and I am sad to say, but I feel once she has gotten you to sign off on all this she will drop you all together. Then you will be without her AND with nothing to fall back on.

Also if you are feeling too timid go get some beer watch some wrestling! Go get some Hard music and blare that $hit. Do what you have to do to feel empowered in this situation, but find away to get that courage!

Pure and simple this is all Bull$hit! Crossdressing is not worth losing everything you have worked for and if she truly loves you she should know this and not try to hold it over your head. Stickup for yourself and do the RIGHT thing.

Whew! It's COLD in here!

the opinion so far is that she will leave you after you sign over your property to her and she will also out you to family, friends and clients. But ultimately it is you who will decide what you do.

Just because you are ashamed of your crossdressing you might find that your business clients and family may not dump you, as you so easily assume. People are more accepting than you think..it is our own fear that we put on others that prevent us from being out. :battingeyelashes:

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Originally Posted by Thalia

Lorileah: No, I don't like being held hostage; however, I have too much to lose if my cross dressing became public knowledge. I am a white collar professional with a very large practice. Being revealed as a cross dresser would have a definite impact on my practice.

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Are you sure? If you have a large practice, I presume it's because you're damn good at your job. Would your clients rather work with the best guy in town who happens to be a CD off the clock, or would they settle for the 2nd best firm in town? If you're talented you can afford to be regarded as eccentric.

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It would also have an impact on the relationships I have with so many of my friends with whom I share tickets to baseball, football, hockey and basketball. I don't think any one of these guys would want to attend a game with a guy in a dress. I don't want to lose these friendships.

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Facetious response: you don't *have* to wear a dress to the games, you know. Serious response: a friend who would stop hanging with you just because you CD is not a friend. You may lose some "friends," but you know what, you'll probably find a few whose strength and kindness you underestimated.

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And, probably most importantly, I have two sons who are now grown. They have no idea I'm a cross dresser and I'm sure if they did at the very least, they would be uncomfortable around me; in fact, one of them would probably write me off.

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This is a more serious problem, and probably the one you should focus on. If your wife spills the beans, your relationship with your children may change, but in the long run, the change may not be for the worse.

Speaking for myself, I'd have more sympathy for a crossdressing father than for a mother who resorted to blackmail. If you raised your sons with a sense of integrity, they will likely see it the same way.

Quote:

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I know I should have told her before I married her.

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Probably, but that's water under the bridge now.

Uk law may be very different from US law.... BUT one thing is universal.... DUMP HER TODAY!!

If she is of the mind-set that can do this to you then she is not worth wasting you time on!!

Jen

I think she's showing you right where she's coming from,she'll put up with the thoughts of your cding until totally fed up with it,then she's out the door with everything material she needs.When you sign she will probably be gone,that is unless she's not concocting another elaborate scheme to squeeze more out of you.

Your best bet is to seek out legal counsel. Blackmail is a crime and she obviously plans to take you to the cleaners. She probabaly will expose you anyway to your family and clients. You might try getting her on tape with her demands as proof. Then you can tell her she will be doing some time in jail.