Flirting with DISASTER! a warning to all

Some time back I had been quite active here. Engaged in wonderful dialogue also engaged in participating in religious discussions. Then I started receiving emails from admirers. At first I just dismissed them and went on my merry way. I continued to receive many more overtures from male admirers. Let me preface by saying that I am happily married and would never have thought about flirting with a man on the internet.

Well guess what? I found myself flirting on the internet with many men. I also admit that I enjoyed the attention, very much. I could deny it and say that I didn't but I did. I continued flirting and accepting all the sweet nothings, which is what they are, and then one day I had to come to grips with what I was doing, I will spare you the details, but suffice to say that I was wrong. I have a wonderful and supporting wife and I was totally stupid.

I am human and the only motivation for me to write this is in case this warning can help even just one "heterosexual married CD" avoid harms way. It literally is flirting with DISASTER. You may even say that I was just weak, and that it cannot happen to you but just in case, keep an open mind. I have absolutely nothing to gain by writing this.

Thanks for sharing that bit of advice, Rita.

I've gotten hit on by guys on the net as well - some cd's and some not. It was weird at first, but after a few times, I realized it was just a compliment and began to take it as such.

I never actually flirted with anyone though. Sometimes I didn't respond, and sometimes I responded with something short, friendly and that clearly reminded them that who and what I am, AND that I'm very happily married. I love compliments, but I really don't care for that kind of attention (as in someone testing the water with me looking for romance). That's not what I'm about.

Aside from the fact that I think it's wrong (at least for me) I would not intentionally flirt with anyone because it could put me in danger. You never know who you're really dealing with on the other side of the computer screen. You're not truly invisible on the internet. Never forget that.

Rita -- It is a very wise warning that you have posted. Yes, some of us don't even allow that door to be opened. But many of us think that just peeking in one time won't hurt. Unfortunately, too many can not shut the door after it is opened.
We are all human and any bit of compliment or flattery goes straight to the head (and sometimes to the heart). We crave the attention and it is all too easy to fall prey to it.
Sounds like you have shut the door.
BTW, hope you will visit with us some more again.

Thanks for the warning Rita. A word to the wise. We all crave attention & even validation. Unless you're totally honest with yourself, it's easy to get lost in the fog.

Hi Rita-

Thank you so much for posting your thoughts on this. I couldn't agree more. Like you I am very fortunate in having an understanding and supportive wife, I couldn't ask for more in that regard. As far as admirers, I've been hit on a few times, though for the life of me I don't know why, there are lots and lots of better looking tgirls out there. And I must admit, there have been a few times I have been so tempted to take things just a little bit further, I mean, what girl doesn't like some flattery and attention?

Fortunately for me, I'm kind of a scaredy cat when it comes to things like that and I also have come to realize that nearly everything in my life that has ended in disaster was preceded by a choice I made. Sure, sometimes sh*t happens, as the saying goes, but usually when I step in it I have already seen it coming, or at least in hindsight should have, and just went on ahead and kept walking anyway. So, at least so far, I have managed not to yield to temptation. However, to any admirers who might read this, try chocolates.<G>

Hugs...Joni Marie

A lot of people can get lost in the gender fluidity... Seems you found your way home and that's heart-warming :)

Lisa x

Rita, thanks for posting that. I am fairly new to these forums, and while I already have got a few compliments, it hasn't amounted to anything flirtatious. I am a happliy married man myself (to an unaccepting wife) and 100% straight, so I won't be flirting with any men... YUCK!!! I joined these forums to meet others who share the same interests, and just to simply talk about the lifestyle. I give you a lot of credit for sharing your experience and how it could've spelled disaster.

I hear you Rita. This is one reason I became Ericka who was a two-fisted tomboy and left no doubt in anyone's mind where they stood with her. Victoria, who I was previously, was a prude and a push over and easily influenced. I was really freely being myself once Ericka came along. There was no doubt in any admirer's mind whether he'd crossed the "line" or not.:)

I always found your posts to be particularly thoughtful. You are courageous and generous to be so open about yourself. Thank you.

Rita, thankyou for your honest post, indeed you had nothing to gain & a whole lot to lose by posting that, but you have certainly earned my respect for your honesty and willingness to warn others :hugs:

Thanks for sharing.I think many of see a little of ourselfs in your post.

Lovely Rita,
It is not easy to write a post like yours. That was something we all (that means me) need to be reminded of. Some of the saddest words I ever heard are, "Well, that could never happer to me."
I hope things are working out at home, and that you are saving up for something BIG for wife's next birthday.
Thank you so much.
Marie-Claire

Great post. It is amazing how many seemingly "harmless" things can lead us down wrong paths and straight into deep pits in life. I think this is especially true with things related to crossdressing. I think if we are not careful, we CDers can walk a very fine line, especially those of us that are married. We often hear of married CDers having to live by boundaries or limits set by our wives. I also think it is important for us to look at ourselves, our relationships, and what truly matters most to us, and set boundaries for ourselves that we will never cross. On the surface some of these boundaries may involve seemingly "harmless" things, but if crossed, the results could be the destruction and loss of our families, personal embarrassment, and the loss of trust and respect from our families and others. Just something to think about.

I personally see nothing wrong with innocent fun flirting on line. It can be fun!

What we all have to remember that as girls we are dealing with guys! You know the species who have their brains located in their penises!

I always make sure to say I am happily married and I do not meet anyone. Period! But that never stops them. I also mention that I just like to chat and they just assume you mean cyber.

Keeping the above in mind, every so often I get into a good or possibly great conversation and it makes for a good time without cheating on anyone.

I can understand that single (and others) girls may want to meet someone and begin a relationship, but keep in mind that for most men online, they may be adults on the outside but they will always be horny teens on the inside and all they want is a quickie that is just for them.

When I want to comment on something Mary or Martha has written on the forum, I often have to stop and think about whether I am referring to a CD or a GG.

No-one has tried to hit on me here. I put it down to my forum name being what it is ...

And being a boring old fart who has dabbled in internet dating. It was fun, until I realised that each and every one of us had baggage, which we could not get rid of, and which intruded on the process. Each of us did our best to hide this baggage, until we finally realised that the consequences were too terrible and backed off.

I put it to you, Rita, that much the same happened to you.

Rita...don't be afraid of being human. We're not saints! As long as no one got hurt, no harm done.

Hope everythings ok with your lovely wife, Rita? Miss seeing your upbeat posts here too!!

Very welcome, and honest thoughts. For the marrieds, even more true! For some of us singles, attention from admirers, is hard to resist! Though, I have ads even on Craigslist, and alternative sites, gotten many responses, and offers, i have yet, to meet up, though I came very close to it, half a dozen times. It gets scary, then. I would hope there are a few gentlemen, yet, out there, that are not just looking for quick sex, but, probably a minority. Like one said, a lot of us, like the validation, and flattery, but our need can get us in trouble, if we are not careful.

RITA-
Thanks for the reality check. Many of us crossdressers have a tendancy to flirt with disaster in one way or another especially on the internet.

The things we do may seem perfectly harmless to us but can be devastating to our spouses if they should find out the hard way

Sometimes it's fun to have a little bit of harmless fun and be a bit flirty but a few people I have spoken to have taken it way too far, and as soon as that happens I remove myself from the situation, some people just don't know when to stop.

I have encountered some really nice people in chat rooms, but for every nice person there are several trying to sleep with you lol

Jolan Tru,

This topic hasn't enlighted me much. I already knew a fusion of my crossdressing and Internet activities can lead to potential disaster. Caution is always good, but I won't let it to ruin my wonderful trip.

By the way, I spotted only one admirer on this site so far...

Even though I'm hit on in clubs and restaurants, I always wear a ring that looks like a wedding ring. Thank you for the complement, but I'm spoken for. :D

I don't even want to go down that path...

-Tracy

Hello Rita and welcome back!

I also thank you. I haven't flirted yet, but the temptation was there once. Now it won't happen.

WB, Rita.. :wave:

It's hard to put a limit to ourselves but we must. Does it worth to put at risk an entire marriage for some little pleasure?
Karen said that we must be aware 'cause we all know where men have their brains but we shall not forget that even though we are cds, we are still men; sometimes we could act thinking with the same head, and that's why we must be carefull.
I'm afraid of other but we all sohould be more afraid about ourselves.

Rita,
Thank you for the reality check. It's every easy to step over the line without thinking about it. Hind sight is better than for sight, or something close to that. What may seem unharmful to one, is a giant pitfall others.
Thank You again.

Hugs,
Alice

Hi Rita,

I agree with you. I think it is important to keep this site in perspective and don't get carried away. I'm happily married and intend to stay this way. At the same time, I am so happy that I have found such a wonderful place to express myself and chat with like-minded people. Boundaries are important and everyone should have their own and live by them. Thanks for sharing.

Well said, Rita! Thanks for your courage and honesty in posting!!

I get hit on by guys daily online as well as in public, at work, or at college parties. The hormones I've taken for years prevent me from appearing too masculine, which means I'm always feminine. While I do still somewhat enjoy the attention, I would like to say that I have never nor would ever flirt with a guy. I'm reserved strictly for the pleasure of hot bisexual biological females of the world only.

Charlie

I used to flirt a little; then one night I realized that it was too easy to be swept away by the fantasy and possibly hurt someone else or myself or both. So I quit. We have to remember that flirting, because it is ambiguous, can send all kinds of signals, sometimes dangerous or ultimately hurtful ones.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arianna Daniels

I hear you Rita. This is one reason I became Ericka who was a two-fisted tomboy and left no doubt in anyone's mind where they stood with her. Victoria, who I was previously, was a prude and a push over and easily influenced. I was really freely being myself once Ericka came along. There was no doubt in any admirer's mind whether he'd crossed the "line" or not.:)

---

I am totally confused. Are you Erika, Victoria or Arianna?

Very nice post Rita, a great reminder for all of us in committed relationships.

As mentioned above, I have a woman's wedding ring that I wear as well. Not that I frequent places where I'd be likely to be hit on but just in case, people tend to notice the ring.

Despite a ring though, many people out there are so indiscriminate when it comes to their wedding vows. It amazes me to even think about how often I hear of people cheating. The thought repulses me. I love my wife. Dealing with my tg issues is hard enough for her, I'd never fathom bringing an affair into the mix.

Hi Rita---nice to see you on CD.com again---and you are right about flirting on the internet---unless you really want to hook up with somebody it's best not to do it---otherwise the temptation may lead you to do something which you wouldn't otherwise do and which you may regret later---

Rita, I join those who appreciate your courage in posting this. The little compliments we may receive online can possibly lead us in a direction we wouldn't otherwise go....especially if we are easily led, which I can be. Thank you.

Welcome back to the forum Rita !

too many times! So, encouraging a guy along, for whatever reason, would BOTHER me!:sad:

Worse yet, I know quite a few get off having, "Internet sex". Which does nothing for me! Except I'd feel "dirty" doing that!:doh:

But, HEY! That's just me. If anyone out there enjoys that, COOL! At least it's SAFE SEX!:heehee:

Nice to see u again, Rita!

Hiya Rita!
Thanx for the post,... great seeing you here again... welcome back


:)
jenn

While it's each to their own.......it's not so disasterous Rita, scary at first, I admit but quite the joy once you've opened up.

I do flirt a little on line but if the guy gets out of line I just say hey bud you crossed the line with me goodbye.
Some are very nice most are twits.

This is so true! It get worst as you go out to the same places I had that happen to me at the store I shop at and the guy always waited on me and on his last week working he was saying the right thins and the girl in me fell for it and the things that get in your mind! I am in a very loving relationship with my wife as well and 100% hetro. I am thinking now when I dress I must be 100% Hetro girl I do if I have to when dress reference a "Husband" as a safeguard:)

I wear an engagement ring and wedding band enfemme just in case I need a husband excuse.