Marriage is not a cure.
How long after you move in with a GG, before you're up the wall~ crasy wanting ~ desiring to get girly?
Printable View
Marriage is not a cure.
How long after you move in with a GG, before you're up the wall~ crasy wanting ~ desiring to get girly?
Simple answer is get born cis-gendered.
Marriage is not a cure for anything. How many times have I heard marriage being used as a cure-all for various types of behaviour (some of them a lot more anti-social than CDing).
If you want to stop see a shrink. or get hypno-theraphy or something. Please don't try marriage as it only mucks up another persons life. But then you might hit the jackpot and find someone who realises us CDers are great people to be married to.
yeah sorry, I don't think it's possible. If you crossdress, then you are a crossdresser...it's just how it is. There's no cure.
Not very long, the desire to feel the soft lacy frabric caressing your bady, the tightness of your bra on your chest, the free feeling of a good skirt or dress swishing back and forth as you walk, those type of things. Once your hooked your hooked.
Why do we talk about cures as if there's anything wrong?
There is no cure.
Everyone who has tried to stop eventually goes back to it. I tried to suppress my TS feelings and didn't dress for about six years, partly due to lack of opportunity, but I couldn't stop thinking about it every day. Eventually the urge just got too great and I bought a few things to dress up in. Last year I decided that I had to live as me and started my transition in January, after speaking to my GP.
You can stop dressing up in womans clothes. You can stop putting on make up etc etc.
But the one thing you always will be is a Crossdresser.
Xx Vicky xX
If you CDing and are planning on getting married then tell her beforehand.My Wife kinda had an inkling before (I'd dressed up a few times for a sort of kissogram job I did part time) and after a couple of years it all came out into the open though it was a kind of slow process, over a few weeks, a few glasses of wine I tried on a few items of her clothing ,shoes tights etc, and then finally I appeared fully clothed(without make-up or wig, but with false boobs)She asked me if i was a crosdresser, I took a gulp of wine and said yes.Luckily she said "well we'd better get you a wig and get your makeup sorted then".
I consider myself fortunate though and realise the anxiety and worry of telling your loved one that you like to crossdress.Good luck to anyone out there who's faced with that decision.My advice, just take it slow and don't expect too much too quickly.
frenchie Gina
Oh by the way Paula jane, I loved the Hancock quote Frenchie
Vicky is right.....from experience I can tell you that's what I did and it failed miserably...over time I felt more and more that my crossdressing (i always dressed fully head to toe, I started going out to straight places, I wasnt fitting it with other crossdressers, and I was getting more and more anxious and depressed about being stuck as a guy) was more about me needing to live as Michele....
So my marraige is over, I am broke paying alimony and my kids are upset and scared to death despite trying to be supportive..
I hate to be so blunt, but that's the way it is....it's always your choice, but my experience is very similar to most crossdressers and ts folk and unless you have a wonderful understanding forgiving fiance...you are playing with fire..
Stop treating crossdressing as someting bad or wrong it's who we are .. you have no choice just be yourself.
And you better tell her soon.. lets face it she has a right to know
Lets face facts.
In society today, (at least in the USA), M2F crossdressing is not accepted by and large.
Much more accepted to just be gay.
So, is there a 'cure' for this personality 'disorder'? no idea.
Before anyone jumps on me, yes, it is a disorder by modern standards.
I have this 'disorder', so I'm not being a hypocrite.
If I could have my wish, I would magically turn into a young, pretty, girl, and live my life as a woman.
As a CD'er, I'm too big and masculine to achieve the pretty personae that many of you accomplish.
So, if there was a 'cure', I would take it, as my current state leaves me in a depressed state.
Just my :2c:
I have a brother who's left-handed. Back in the 50's this was seen as some sort of affliction since pretty much everything is set up to work the opposite. So they tried to "cure" him. Tried to make him do everything right-handed. How do you think that turned out? I bet you can guess. In a very real sense, we are left-handed people in a right-handed world.
Hugs...Joni Mari
One has nothing to do with the other. Why are they always clumped together? It's silly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Drakba
I've been married twice. The first one did not end due to crossdressing. She simply found another man's bed. But it took me almost no time at all in either marriage to find the inside of her closet. Now, that was many years ago, and I've since learned to leave her stuff alone, and grow my own wardrobe. I'm much happier with it, and I feel better leaving her stuff where it belongs.
But I know of no way to stop crossdressing. Not that I've ever really tried....I like it way to much to want to stop. After 37 years of it, I have a suspicion that it's not going to stop on its own. I don't even know how to not be a crossdresser. So here it is: your statement makes the assumption that you crossdress due to a lack or deficiency somewhere in your life, and that it's a void that being married does not fill. That's because one has nothing to do with the other. You dress because you like wearing feminine attire, not because of some lack of female companionship. So you're right about one thing: marriage is not a means to stop crossdressing.
Hmm... I resemble that remark!Quote:
Originally Posted by Joni Marie Cruz
I've gone for several years without crossdressing, when in a stable relationship. But it doesn't last; stress brings on the desire to crossdress, and of course, unfortunately it's during those times when I have the least support from my partner, which I need desperately to help me overcome the desire to crossdress. So the crossdressing takes over, and the relationship ends. Sadly.
Quote:
Much more accepted to just be gay.
No they aren't 'related', but we are both outside the mainstream of society which is why we can compare our lives and how the rest of the world treats us. 'In general', we present more confusion to the outside world, because they see a feminine person, which makes them automatically assume that we are trying to attract men. Our appearance is not congruent with our desires. And, I think the same thing as far as acceptance goes, in some ways. It's 'easier' to be gay, because there's a large community of potential SO's there, and there are plenty (at least in larger cities) of places you can go to meet them. Go to any male gay club and it's filled with gay men. Go to any female gay club and it's filled with gay women. So if you're gay, you can be assured that at least you have a chance with someone. Not so with crossdressers. There are no crossdresser-straight girl clubs, anywhere on the planet as far as I know. Yes, if we go to the gay clubs, there is a very, very slim chance that we will meet a woman who MIGHT be interested in us, but it is by no means a certainty.Quote:
by TGMarla: One has nothing to do with the other. Why are they always clumped together? It's silly.
marrage can't cure CDing. I kept a small wardrobe when married to my first wife. she didn't know. Before I got married the second time I purged everything. I been married 5 years and she has no clue I like to dress. I have had the urge to dress lately and have nothing to wear and no where to hide anything. and before anyone asks her clothing will not fit me.
Unfortunately, there is no cure. When you are a crossdresser it’s there for life, you will have to live with it. :)
If you can stop just stop. If you can't stop, do you really think you can hide it from her for the rest of your life? It's better to tell her sooner. The longer you wait the more she'll resent you. Kinda silly to go through life miserable, isn't it?
Are you saying all crossdressers are transgendered? Might wanna check out the GM forum and see how much some of the crossdressers around here like their male-ness.Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaJaneThomas
If I understand this correctly, you're a crossdresser that has moved in with a gg (your wife) and now you feel like you can't cd or it is wrong to cd, or you just don't want to be a cd anymore?Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana
Of course marriage is not a cure. I actually believed that myself many years ago. But it didn't go away. I completely did NOT understand this aspect of my life when I got married. Thanks to our wonderfully unforgiving society and the whole social taboo, I was afraid to even research it out of fear of being found out... or having to admit to myself who I actually was. I enjoy this aspect of my life very much now though. I have found much happiness in accepting and exploring it. :)
You can always stop cding if you want to. The desire will be there, but just don't do it... Sure, it will be pretty miserable. Trying to live one's life as a lie would cause misery in anyone.
I kept my cding a secret from my wife for many years. Perhaps you might consider doing the same. It's pretty stressful - trying not to get caught, but you can find your relaxation in cding when your wife is out of the house.
The only way to stop being a cd in terms of mindset, is chemically or genetically altering that part of the brain. The same goes for if you would rather be left handed than right, or would rather enjoy spelunking over playing football. Since specifically targeted chemical and genetic cerebral alterations of this kind are not yet possible (and certainly not yet safe), you're going to be a cd for the rest of your life. Try making peace with that and take it from there... or try to live your life as a lie. You won't be the first to go that route. It just seems like a very unhappy existence to do that though.
For what it's worth, I wouldn't give up this part of my life if I could. The terrible "condition" I believed I suffered from all my life turned out to be a beautiful gift that brings much joy into my life and marriage now. :)
Good luck, Dana.
What Gabrielle said. You can give it up and hide it and suppress it and stuff it and pretend you don't want to. Just like you could decide to be celibate for the rest of your life, or pretend to be blind and wear bandages over your eyes. No, I don't really think that genetic predisposition (cuz that's what it is, sister, we are pretty much hardwired this way) determines your behavior, you can fake it all you want, and be the machoest tgirl in the world, so have lots of us, I did for years and years. If you're really strong, and brave, and like frustration as a huge part of your life, then you can. Good luck with it, though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabrielle Hermosa
Jeeze, hon, that sounded bitchy, didn't it? I don't mean it that way, none of us do. But, girlfriend, did you just suddenly decide to be TG? Did you wake up one morning and go, "I think I'll dress up like a girl for a change and see if I can make my life more complicated than it already is. It'd be fun to see if it f**ks up my relationship. Oh yeah!" Did you? It's how we are, there's no just making the feeling go away. Good luck. BTW, you are among friends here, believe me, missy, we all understand.
And, girl, tell her. Tell her now. If not tonight, then next weekend, but soon. Don't drag it out and make her feel like you hid something so essential about yourself. No, it's not like you're Hannibal Lector and want to eat someone's liver with a nice bottle of Chianti and some fava beans. But she does deserve to know sooner rather than later. I do wish you the best, dear, and your wife as well. Good luck, sweetie.
Hugs...Joni Mari
There is no cure!!
[SIZE="4"]Giving up is not an option!!!![/SIZE]
Unless you want to spend the rest of your life being miserable!!
I think we're born with it, it's been with most, if not all of us since before we were born and as such i don't honestly believe it to be something cureable.
It's not a disease, it's not a virus, it's not an illness of any kind, and as such there is nothing to be cured.
Just my :2c:
I am not a doctor, but I am a sane, rational and reasonable man. There is no cure for the urge to cross dress. it is as integral to me as breathing in and out. I have purged over the years but that is not the way and I've always regretted it. Don't think of it as something that must be cured, get some perspective, you're not confessing to mass murder, you just like doing something that harms no-one. No-one.
i'm a crossdresser for life,thank god for that.can you imagine being a boring man every single day yuk :)
Wow, girl, you could have fooled me.Quote:
Originally Posted by iwearstockings
Hugs...Joni Mari
:yt: :iagree:Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
Beautifully put Debs, esp the bit about being miserable.
Thank you :)
i used to think 'why me'. 'If only...'. Yes, have purged a few times many years ago. Now, i really am comfortable with myself and actually think the opposite. That we are blessed to be able to experience to some degrees a little of both worlds depending on your view. To experience or think what it might feel like to be treated like a gg, to feel the soft pretty femme clothes that make us a feel pretty, to shave and just take care of our physical self (pamper if you will), is in itself a unique feeling. It is not just about the clothes.
For those who enjoy more than just dressing, some of us feel a mental shift also. This too is unreal and special. While i do not speak for everyone or would i ever, i have to admit, i now feel blessed to have this feeling and it makes me a better person for it....at least for me. :battingeyelashes:
I think we have all struggled at one point or another in our lives and had to come to grips with a decision. This is what makes us who we are...if decisions and acceptance was easy, it would not be so much a part of us.
Wish YOU ALL the best in your soul searching.
~stef
Eric Lensherr: They wish to cure us. But I say to you, we are the cure!Quote:
Originally Posted by blaire
Giving up IS AN OPTION!! But you have to really want to do it! In your mind!! That is the place that stops almost everybody! Their own mind! The will power to quit has to be there, and it has to be strong. That is why some smokers are able to quit and others can't!Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
Years ago, when my late wife was still alive, I quit dressing entirely. I just decided it was not the right thing to do when we had children who did not know their father was a CD. I had never dressed in front of them, but I knew and my dear wife knew that it would only be a matter of time before I was caught. The first few weeks were hard, but after a while the urge to dress disappeared entirely. Dressing for me was never really sexual, or a desire to become a woman. I just liked the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothes. Maybe that was why it was not hard to quit! That, and the fact that I have always been a hard headed, detirmined person. The funny thing was that my wife, who had known and been supportive from the day we married, was the one who missed Stephanie the most! After 5 years of not dressing, she begged me to start again! I did, and before she passed away she thanked me for being Stephanie again!
I have a very dear lady friend now, who also knows I CD. I have told her that if she wants me to stop, I will do so! My friends and family are far more important to me then putting of feminine clothing!! Sorry this so long, but I feel very strongly about the fact that ANYONE CAN STOP IF THEY REALLY WANT TO!!
I think a much more fitting endeavor would be to pursue a cure for Trans-phobia.
Marriage is not a cure for anything but sanity and disposable income. :D
But I do have a cure for cross-dressing. It is available for 6 easy payments of $24.99, shipped UPS. PM me for details and payment options. :)
How do you not be a crossdresser? .... err, well ... I'm sorry to have to tell you that if you already are one, then it is highly unlikely that you'll ever stop being one ... no matter what you do.
I have never heard of anyone ever who was able to successfully stop permanently. Temporarily yes, purging yes, but completely be free from those dressing urges ... no, none, and no one ... never!
How long after you move in with a GG, before you're up the wall~ crazy wanting ~ desiring to get girly? .... well that all depends on the individual and your own particular circumstances but I bet it's less than 6 months.
Hi Ladies,
You know I may be over simplifying things but half the problem with whether others will accept you or not it down to yourselves. Psychologically if you dont accept yourself and you think what you do is something to be ashamed of then unknowingly you give off negative vibes. Now dont get me wrong I am not saying that everyone will accept you for who you are, but a good deal many more would do if you were up beat and proud of who you are.
Its called positive assertiveness.
I listen to you all and a good few of you view what you do in a negative light. If we are ever going to change societies views and opinions of what you do, then the change has got to happen within the CD community first off. We should be celebrating the fact that your quite unique and showing the world that you have the balls to stand up and be counted. For some this would be very difficult because its in their very nature to be shy and reserved, but hey there are enough of you out there who are not who could show off a little, have a laugh about what you do, show the world that your not phased by it and that its fun to dress up as a woman. Stop taking yourselves too seriously and start having fun with it, and more importantly dont fall at the first hurdle cause someone laughts at you or disapproves. Good grief I have had a few knock backs in my life about various things and it just makes me even more determined to rise above it and keep going. A defeatist attitude never won anyone anything least of all respect.
I also think that some GGs struggle with their partners dressing because there is no sense of balance. I do think its unfair to expect your wife of however many years to suddenly accept something that she has just discovered, and to accept it full time. I think I'd struggle a tad if my partner turned round and told me he wanted to do it 24/7 because the very thing I was first attracted to was the way he looked in male mode. That said he also told me very early on in our relationship so that I did have time and choice to bail out if I wanted to.
I reckon because he met me where I was and not where he expected me to be has helped immensley and kind of made me feel a tad in control. Now I know that some of you wont like that word control, but hey if it gets you to where you want to be surely its best to go at the right pace. A bit of emotional intelligence doesn't go amiss.
Sorry for rambling but the message is try and be more positive about what you do and dont view it as some kind of disability cause if you do, so too will others. View yourselves more as leaders and pioneers rather than the downtrodden masses who just follow blindly without challenging anything. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who was ashamed of what he did and was very negative because to be honest that would have a very negative knock on affect for me too and I like to be around upbeat people. If you smile the world will smile with you and if your too shy to do it out there in the big world start off by doing it amongst your own where you know you will be accepted.
Take care
Bev