does this bother anyone else

well whenever im on myspace i always get friend requests from guys who have pictures of them in just their wife's panties/lingerie and tell me they are just like me so we should be friends. im sorry but that just really bothers me, i mean its one thing to crossdress and just not show your face cause i understand the fear of someone else finding out but when you have basically what comes down to a panty/lingerie fetish and call yourself a crossdresser that just seems like giving a bad name to those of us who do it because we feel thats truely who we are. ok now that im done with my little rant am i the only one who feels this way?

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I agree. I have seen those pictures, and wish I hadn't.

I've actually had people tell me they were crossdressers, when I'd ask how long they have been dressing they told me they never actually dressed, they like the idea of it though. I find that odd.

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Originally Posted by Angelofsomekind

I agree. I have seen those pictures, and wish I hadn't.

I've actually had people tell me they were crossdressers, when I'd ask how long they have been dressing they told me they never actually dressed, they like the idea of it though. I find that odd.

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yeah that does seem odd

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[QUOTE=chrissy_crossdresser;1850975]yeah that does seem odd

Odd seems to not quite capture that......i mean now we're really talking weird.....and coming from a CD that's saying a lot! lol

No you are not alone in your feelings. They seem to be trying to improve their image my saying they are a cd.

Yes that does kind of creep me out I feel the same.

This sort of thing make me uncomfortable as well.
My SO and I were discussing this yesterday and I did express the idea that this to some people is what they feel is their identity.
This forum is all about tolerance and support however strange or odd others may seem to us.
Live and let live.
There but for the Grace of God go I.
Philipa Jane

My wife used to use a yahoo group for S/O's of CD's, apparently a lot of them had pictures like that posted on those groups, the wives knew about it and didn't seem to mind. She doesn't use that group anymore becuase she said all the wives were very negative about it.

I'll add that to all the other reasons that I don't use Myspace or Facebook, or any others. This forum is just fine with me. Feels like home.

Well, we must keep in mind that there are different types of cross dressers, people who dress to varying degrees for all sorts of reasons. When I see people like that, who are basically just guys in panties and what have you, I just think that they are in the infancy of their female development, and and that their female selves have the same sense of identity as an infant. Now there are exceptions to this rule, but I generally think that they usually progress into a more fleshed out feminine side later, if they allow themselves.

Sure, I have no interest in seeing it anymore than you do, but I try to remind myself that they probably have very little outlet as far as who they can tell.

I have to agree with Violet. I mean, I used to be fetishy with my CDing (still kinda am). Now that I've come out to my GF, and am more accepting to my CDing. Granted I also don't want to see another guy's junk poking out of his lingerie, but I do remind myself that they are more than likely not quite accepting to their other half, just their own pleasures.

Granted, many are bi or bi-curious... and I'm not. That's usually another reason...

If I could add to it. I really despise the "guys" that wear undergarments with their willies sticking out. I dont think that is crossdressing as so much of a fetish and them hiding under the shroud of crossdressing. I really hate to recieve and/or see that crap from sites unlike this one that dont bother to monitor for that.

Thanks for this thread, this has been something that has bothered me for a long time. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I do think they have a fetish for doing that, which is fine, that doesn't bother me. I just wish they would keep it to themselves.

They have to be getting some kind of positive reinforcement from others though otherwise it probably would be less common.

Taking this thread a step further, I am amused by those people CD or otherwise, who send me friend requests, people that I have never talked to and who are thousands of miles away. What are these people looking for? I thought a friend was someone who I had some level of relationship with?

Am I getting this wrong?

I have mixed feelings. Those folks tend to make me a bit uncomfortable as well, but we can't very well sit here and feel that we are better than they are. Like it or not, they ARE cross dressers by definition and are part of our little world. If WE despise and shun them, then we can't very well turn around and ask the world to accept us. "He who lives in glass houses" and all that.
On Myspace, yahoo360, and facebook, my rule for accepting "friends" is simple - I will not accept you if your page shows you or anyone else in your undergarments or less. Thats a rule I apply to all and so no one can accuse me of being elitist. lol

About two or three years ago there was a link to a "chat room" from here. I used it for awhile but, it seemed that at least once a week some "troll" would hit on me or somebody else there. Got rather tired of it and haven't been back for the longest time. Just sorta "faded away" from there.

Don't use "facebook" "twitter" "myspace" or any other social networking site. Just too many crazies out there.

It's not that I feel superior to others, fact is I'm not much of an outgoing person when it comes to CDing. I still want it private and personal, although I have found myself getting out more lately.

Yeah I find it uncomfortable to get a "I.M." or some quickie note from a person saying they are an "admirer" or something like that and want to be friends.

Perhaps we can know each other, and have some nice conversations on line, BUT ... the true meaning of the word "FRIEND" has been so watered down, as to have almost no meaning anymore.

It doesn't bother me... If they have a great personality then I'll happily chat to them. :)

Yes. I get friend requests from people like that all the time. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and add them, but don't actually talk to them. If they say anything really nasty, then I'll delete them. So far, I haven't had any problems with any of them other than a photo comment such as "U R Cute" or something like that, which doesn't bother me too much.

While some might be strictly fetish types, other might be closeted people who need help. Many legitimate closeted CD have reached out to me in the past asking for help or advice and I would feel bad about rejecting someone who reached out to me.

When I dress my undies are covered I dress as a GG would if she were going to the market or anywhere out and about. I just don't go out. If someone is going to be like me they better be dressed for the dressing not to look like they want to get shaged.:hugs:
Angie

Like you, I have little in common with these types. I dress to emulate women, not in mockery of them. I do not have a bra and panty fetish, and I don't wish to correspond with men like you are describing.

I also get "friend" requests from people who seem to have no crossdressing or transgender issues at all, and it makes me wonder just what their angle is. For what reasons do people like this want to have me in their "friends" lists? If they think I'm pretty, well....thanks. If they want sex, it just ain't gonna happen. If they want to show me to their friends and ridicule me, then they're pathetic. If they're open minded, and truly just want to be friends, then they should say so.

It makes me uncomfortable too, in fact on my CDing myspace page in my "About me" section I have a little list of rules about who I'll add or not and one of them is if all you do is put lingerie on and shove your butt or crotch into the camera, I'm not going to add you. I usually don't add people who have no face pics either, but I do say that if they email me and introduce themselves and tell me why they don't (sometimes there's a legit reason, like not being out at work and such) then I'll add them.

I try to say to each their own, I mean there's a part of me that does enjoy the more sensual, sexual aspects of crossdressing, I mean I've been with girls while I've worn some lingerie and really liked it, so I try not to judge, but I just feel like there's a lot of repression and self denial happening there.

The group that tends to bother me more though are the "sissy" fetishists who also try to act like we're the same. Again, feel free to engage in whatever fetish you want, there's many that are a lot more harmful than forced feminization and sissification, however these ones really bother me because they seem to me like the ugly version of crossdressing. Rather than dress due to the admiration and respect of women, "Sissies" seem to hate women. Their vision of what being a woman is so inherently misogynistic and crude that it makes my stomach boil.

I used to add just about everyone who requested me on myspace because I had this naive vision of all of us being united under one big transgendered umbrella, but I recently went through a deleted a lot of people on my friend's list. It's just not the same to me. to me it's the crossdressing equivalent of the outwardly homophobic men who sneak off to use glory holes or random men's rooms while their wife is at home unaware. They don't help the cause at all and they give us all a bad name.

I remember the old days of user-created Yahoo chatrooms, we'd be sitting in some CD room chatting about foundation or whatever, and in would come someone all excited:

"Hey everybody, I just went outside dressed!"

"Congratulations" we'd all say, or something along those lines.

"Yeah, it was awesome! Hey, if you'd like to see how I am dressed, click my webcam button."

And since we're usually sitting there with our cams on chatting, we'd fall for it, in the spirit of acceptance. Then we'd immediately be met with a live feed of a closeup of this person's genitalia, framed by some old torn up women's underwear, and what' he was doing to himself.

This sort of thing would happen quite a lot, to the point where it got very uncomfortable to be anywhere near those rooms. Even chatting with people you knew got weird, because you never could be sure this person talking innocently about wigs was "typing with one hand" or not.

But then again, if a CD happened into the wrong room on the other extreme, it would be just as uncomfortable. You'd find yourself in a chatroom not just with normal TS people, but some creepy folk who would always be twice as loud as anyone else. These conversations would go like this:

ME: "Hi, how are you?"

STRANGER: "Oh, welcome home, darling, I am just wonderful! I have finally learned not to deny my true self, and be the woman I was born to be! SO glad you've joined us and will soon stop denying your true self as well! So, honey, just how far along the road to full transition are you. hmm?"

ME: "Ummm... I consider myself a crossdresser."

STRANGER: "It's so liberating to realize that you were born to transition fully. I have never been so happy. Once you realize that all crossdressers are just TS ladies in denial of their true selves, you will be as happy as I am!"

ME: "OK... see you later."


This is why I love the internet, yet hate it. It gives you extremes, and makes you realize you're walking a fine line between them.

I completely agree with you.

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Originally Posted by TxKimberly

I have mixed feelings. Those folks tend to make me a bit uncomfortable as well, but we can't very well sit here and feel that we are better than they are. Like it or not, they ARE cross dressers by definition and are part of our little world. If WE despise and shun them, then we can't very well turn around and ask the world to accept us. "He who lives in glass houses" and all that.
On Myspace, yahoo360, and facebook, my rule for accepting "friends" is simple - I will not accept you if your page shows you or anyone else in your undergarments or less. Thats a rule I apply to all and so no one can accuse me of being elitist. lol

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Well said Kimberly. There is far too much hypocricy here. We should all bear in mind that many people here may have started out quite modestly wearing their SO's panties.

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Originally Posted by Chriss_Crossdresser

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in just their wife's panties/lingerie and tell me they are just like me...................but when you have basically what comes down to a panty/lingerie fetish and call yourself a crossdresser that just seems like giving a bad name to those of us who do it because we feel thats truely who we are.........

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Chris, don't you think you are perhaps being a little to un-accepting here in the way you put this. How do you think someone on these forums that is relatively new (young in their experiences) to their femme side going to feel? Don't you think perhaps they may feel dejected and possibly ashamed?

Why not talk to these people first and establish a report with them. They may be quite anxious to talk to some one. I remember, once a long long time ago that I tried to contact some one and I was dismissed out of hand for the same rational. I felt hurt and dejected.

Just my thoughts to ponder

Hugs

Kay

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Originally Posted by kay_jessica

Well said Kimberly. There is far too much hypocricy here. We should all bear in mind that many people here may have started out quite modestly wearing their SO's panties.




Chris, don't you think you are perhaps being a little to un-accepting here in the way you put this. How do you think someone on these forums that is relatively new (young in their experiences) to their femme side going to feel? Don't you think perhaps they may feel dejected and possibly ashamed?

Why not talk to these people first and establish a report with them. They may be quite anxious to talk to some one. I remember, once a long long time ago that I tried to contact some one and I was dismissed out of hand for the same rational. I felt hurt and dejected.

Just my thoughts to ponder

Hugs

Kay

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i understand what you are talking about but these people are different. first off if myspace is your only outlet why would they post their junk in panties which are OBVIOUSLY too small that doesnt sound very appropriate at all dont you think? second off if that is the only way they can connect why send me messages saying "your so hot i want to **** you" or "ive been a naughty girl spank me" im not going to waste my time trying to figure these men out.

everyone is allowed their fetishes but when these men call them one of us it makes me sick and brings a bad name to the rest of us. but thats just how i feel.

i dont feel im being unaccepting because i have added a lot of newbies and helped them discover themselves because when i started i didnt have anyone. but these men that i am disgusted by make a mockery of crossdressers and women alike

no they are not like us at all, and have seen those pic and don't like them,

I would hardly call those types of people crossdressers..more like panty obsessed panty fetishists.
I don't begrudge them for you they are.. whatever floats your boat
The only problem I have with them is that people see their sites and pictures and assume all crossdressers and TG people are like them:sad:

I recently made a page at a new site I heard about. I wont link it but the name is facebook 4 tgirls.

The reason I bring it up is that I got two comments on my page now and the person they are from fits this category. I added the person, being new to the site, as a friend. I know nothing about them really but thier pic basically shows a guy in guy mode sporting female undergarments. Nothing particularly explicit, but in my opinion in poor taste.

The comments this person made struck me as being odd. Especially since I do not know them. I was thinking of deleting them both but have not done so yet. I suppose that since I do not understand the meaning behind the messages or the person, I am afraid of deleting because I do not want to be mean or appear unfriendly. At the same time however, I feel somewhat uneasy about them being there. Especially so because I do not identify with them and therefore, do not really want people to associate who I am with the image they portray.

just my two cents...

Hugs,
Kiera

Keira, it's YOUR page, and YOU control what YOU want on it. If you come off as unfriendly to someone you don't even know, and know nothing about, what have you lost? The advantage, however, is that you've taken a step to secure your identity, and your endeavors to associate with people who are more like you, and with whom you choose to associate.

Delete the guy.

Yes I agree.delete him.don't feel bad about hurting his feelings.do you think he actually cares about your feelings? He doesn't..he's after one thing

Like some of the other girls have said, I think wearing lingerie is a fetish for some guys. I have a myspace account and get friend requests like that occasionally. I just ignore them. If that's their thing, that's fine. I just don't want to be part of it.

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Originally Posted by chrissy_crossdresser

i understand what you are talking about but these people are different. first off if myspace is your only outlet why would they post their junk in panties which are OBVIOUSLY too small that doesnt sound very appropriate at all dont you think? second off if that is the only way they can connect why send me messages saying "your so hot i want to **** you" or "ive been a naughty girl spank me" im not going to waste my time trying to figure these men out.

everyone is allowed their fetishes but when these men call them one of us it makes me sick and brings a bad name to the rest of us. but thats just how i feel.

i dont feel im being unaccepting because i have added a lot of newbies and helped them discover themselves because when i started i didnt have anyone. but these men that i am disgusted by make a mockery of crossdressers and women alike

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ya on myspace facebook have not joined yet im just starting to find myself in girl mode cding and maybe a tgirl soon.......pantydudes finding themselves 2 i cant really diss anyone.......i'm a fresh start cd jenny afterall

jenny XOXO

I find it bothersome....it actually pisses me off to an extent...Some of it just disgusts me. That's why I have an issue sometime with Steph's myspace account.

You see that is what I like about this forum, we are all sharing a similar love of cross dressing and I wouldn't go sharing this love of dressing on just any old forum or myspace or whatever, it took me a long time to get this far with my feelings because it is so much more that just wearing my wife's lingerie.

Actually my wife's lingerie doesn't suit my tastes anyway.

My take on the picture thing is, I understand that we all go through a growth phase when we come out the closet where we are determining who we are. I was (and technically still am ) in that phase. At no point during that phase or now, has it ever crossed my mind to send pictures of me in male mode or femme mode wearing lingerie to other members with certain body parts exposed. It‘s just not my “cup of tea” .

As for friend request, I have sent them without any additional PM’s or visitor messages. I’ve always viewed friend request as another on line way of saying “what’s up” I figure if I did not get any additional messages with them either the sender has read something I posted and agreed, or liked my pictures and maybe could not find away to put this in words (something that happens to me a lot). Yes there are friends on this forum that I talk to on a regular basis more than others. Just because I do not PM or message all of them on a regular basis or at all does not mean I don’t consider them friends. Just my view on friend request.

A real world take on this is my cell phone contact list. It has close to a hundred contacts or friends on it. Obviously I don’t keep in touch with most of them on a regular basis maybe only once a year if that. I still consider them friends though. :2c:

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Originally Posted by Violetgray

Well, we must keep in mind that there are different types of cross dressers, people who dress to varying degrees for all sorts of reasons. When I see people like that, who are basically just guys in panties and what have you, I just think that they are in the infancy of their female development, and and that their female selves have the same sense of identity as an infant. Now there are exceptions to this rule, but I generally think that they usually progress into a more fleshed out feminine side later, if they allow themselves.

Sure, I have no interest in seeing it anymore than you do, but I try to remind myself that they probably have very little outlet as far as who they can tell.

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Yes, Violet, I agree with your assessment.
I well remember the days when brief times wearing undies snagged from my wife's things was all the outlet I had, or knew. I thought what I was experiencing was a panty/lingerie fetish.
It was many years before the whole seed of an idea germinated for me and I realize what it really was that I was feeling.
I will say, in my days at that stage, I wouldn't have been sharing pics, but that was a completely different time for technology and access.
The individuals you're meeting may well be like I was then, doing what they do for reasons they don't completely understand and not realizing how it all falls short of a much larger experience.

That's how I started out crossdressing...wearing just panties. It progressed to bras and lingerie, then to one or two pieces of clothing "borrowed" from my wifes closet. And now I have my own wardrobe of womens clothes. I have not yet progressed to wigs (although, I am highly considering buying one before the end of this year) or make-up (my wife has put make-up on me once but I wouldn't know the first thing about what I need and how to apply it).

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that, what I considered my panty fetish, turned out to be the infancy of, my still progressing, CDing. I am a member of a panty forum and although, I find quite a few of the members a bit "weird" for my likes, I do believe wearing panties is a form of crossdressing. However, those that wear panties purely for sexual pleasure, I would also consider that a fetish too.

It is too bad that most of todays society's only exposure to panty-wearing-men are from stories on the news about some guy breaking into a girls house to steal or wear her belongings. It's too bad that those panty-men seem to think that everyone else on the forum like to see them exposing themselves in panties...

I too have seen such things and it shuts me down pretty quickly. I believe their thing is more related to exhibitionism as opposed to CDing. Fetish for these items is probably in the mix too, but the motivation seems more like guys that run around in raincoats and expose themselves.

Besides, I like girls, don't want to see a bunch of guys in their wives undies -- like, who cares?

I've had two "friends" requests on MySpace that are notable to this discussion.

The first was some guy who fits this description perfectly. He was an obvious male wearing a bra and panties. His "mood" caption (like a Twitter thing) always had a reference to being horny, or some such intelligent remark. I quickly deleted him from my "friends" list, and blocked his account. I simply want nothing to do with anything like that.

The other was Carl, an otherwise normal guy who just wanted to make contact. But I questioned his reasons for doing so, and emailed him, asking his motivations. I said, "You do realize that I'm a male emulating a female, right?" I mentioned that I was not after sex or any other human contact like that, was happily married, and not interested in men. His presence on my "friends" list quickly disappeared. And that's fine.

But they both constitute examples of persons that I do not wish to associate with via the internet. And yes, they creep me out a little.

Its not just on the Internet. I've learn't from experience that one of the main ways admirers try to hook onto t-girls like us is to pretend that they have always dreamed of crossdressing. Of course they haven't so beware when out there. If you ask them for their femme name you can root them out. They haven't thought about it of course.

I've noticed two interesting things in this thread, which I've also seen in a few previous threads...

1) Despite the fact that this forum is all about a lifestyle that is all too often subject to withering judgements from outsiders, there seem to be plently of people here who have no trouble making strong judgements about other types they don't understand.

2) I sometimes see an underlying assumption by many crossdressers that most other crossdressers are similar to them in outlook, motivation, or any number of other attributes.

I say none of this to single out anyone or make judgements of my own, we all have a path to walk in life and not everyone's will be the same as mine, not even in such a tightly scoped community as this. And there are also a great many people here who are fully able to see things from remote perspectives and refrain from judging things simply because they find it distasteful.

But I do find it all an interesting comment on human nature.

i think over the years i have come to accept that we all have to be more tolerant of the many different interests, lifestyles, etc. The internet has certainly opened my eyes to the endless variations of gender, sexuality, interests, etc...Some beyond my own wild imagination!!

While we may not find others to each of our own tastes, there are many who as we all know do not find our own world very accepting. What do we ask over and over...if they only tried to understand. So while I also fall in the same camp of "i prefer not, thank you but no thank you", we should not be overly critical and judging. It is what we wish of others..true??

in a forever searching journey of finding ourselves

Some of the groups I belong to, I wish I just got pantie pictures. Unfortunately in the lifestyle I am in and some of the people it attracts I get pictures of no undies pictures. *shakes head*

Respectfully
Lady Joan