Crossdressers & Bi-women

As a young single crossdresser right now, I am ruminating on ways to find what I am looking for in my SO of the future: of course somebody I have incredible chemistry with, but also somebody who can accept Mira as a part of me, and, ideally, who wants to explore it with me.

One of the ways I am searching for that person is via internet dating, and specifically perusing the ads for 20-something bi-women. I'm not advertising that I am a CD on the site, just a more-or-less awesome dude. It makes sense to me that bi-sexual women would not only be more accepting of crossdressers, but may actually enjoy it. Of course, while that seems to make logical sense, issues of sexuality and especially women's sexuality aren't necessarily logical.

Anybody have any experience or ideas in this realm?

I don't think you should specifically search for bi women because then it's almost like you're looking for an ideal rather than a person. Also, to be honest, many of the bi women I've known have actually wanted their men to be more masculine because if they want to date someone feminine they go for girls. Of course, there's as many different ways to be bisexual as there are bisexual people.

At a halloween party that I attended while crossdressed, I ran into a woman I already knew but she had not known that I crossdressed. She said she had encouraged previous boyfriends to crossdress, without success.

She was bi and living with a lesbian girlfriend. It was fun at first. But her girlfriend became jealous. Then I became jealous of the girlfriend.

IF you're going to be involved with a bisexual, there's a good chance you'll be sharing her affections.

I wouldn't aim for a particular type of women, but rather pursue dating with an open mind. Otherwise the women who is right for you may walk on past and you'll never know.

Acceptance doesn't really link to sexuality as far as I'm aware, but rather on opened mindedness, you'll find that women from all walks of life will accept, and in the same vein may not accept. It really comes down to the particular person.

Heterosexual women can accept CDers as much as a Bi women in my opinion. If my memory serves me correctly I think you'll find the majority of GGs here are heterosexual and many are happy to indulge in cross-dressing with their partners. :)

I'm not attracted to women and I consider myself heterosexual yet here I am with a cross-dressing partner. I absolutely adore him and he me, we have amazing chemistry and I can't imagine a life without him.

Be totally honest, then flirt. Have fun :)

Just tell them your gender situtation, after all a Queen is a Queen!

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Originally Posted by JiveTurkeyOnRye

I don't think you should specifically search for bi women because then it's almost like you're looking for an ideal rather than a person. Also, to be honest, many of the bi women I've known have actually wanted their men to be more masculine because if they want to date someone feminine they go for girls. Of course, there's as many different ways to be bisexual as there are bisexual people.

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Too rite, JT! My ex suddenly cooled off in the bedroom, and to me, period! After about 10 years together. She began going out with, "the girls", quite often. Leaving the kids with me. Which I enjoyed.

Turned out it wasn't " the girls" she was out with. But, just ONE GIRL!:eek:

Marriage ended soon after!:doh:

Mira, maybe u should just DATE bi-s. From personal experience, that may NOT be the best place to look for an SO!:sad:

My wife is open-minded and very accepting. She also considers herself Bi and loves to have "play time" with Michelle.
So I'd say a Bi woman may be more likely to enjoy intimate time with you dressed. But if she is not open-minded she probably will not be interested in you as a CD.

I think your pushing to many buttons. Try dating someone from a nearby town and then come out to them. It will be safer and honest

IMHO. Lose the bi-sexual thing, it's too limiting. Also you should be up front and honest from the start that you are a crossdresser.
Good Luck, Cara

Had both but much prefer the latter (none-Bi) Find someone normal and nice then come out.

Jen

Specifically limiting yourself to bi-women might not necessarily be a good thing but I totally understand your mind-set on this.

My wife is hetro but she likes my femme side and wants to explore it with me. She hates manly men and wants a feminine partner but knows she's not a lesbian or bi because she already tried that (twice) and it wasn't for her.

My point is, I think I have the perfect partner who regards my feminine side as an attractive aspect of me and is very supportive and encouraging .... yet in my case, I would not have found her on the bi section of a dating website. :2c:

When it comes to "affairs of the heart" I believe if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Trust in your luck and hope for the best :)

It just so happens the my wife and I are both bi. It's great, we go out and play with others, never bringing anyone home, but never getting upset over some great flirting and petting. I have always let her know I would not be upset if she wanted another girlfriend, and have told her I want to have an occasional boyfriend. Safe all the way, she is Ok with it.

I completely understand where you're coming from, but I think this pigeonholes people too much. I understand the complications involved in dating when you have such a "secret" that you know you'll have to share, and even want the SO to enjoy rather than merely tolerate, which is a very exciting prospect.
Hanging around here you'll see a great variety of SO's that accept their partners for a great variety of reasons, and tolerate it or even love the CDing for many different reasons. So to limit your search to Bi's, while it does seem sensible on the surface, is perhaps limiting. So I think continue your search where you may, but don't limit it to that. It's often said that the right person comes where and when we least expect it, so keep an open mind.

The two women who admitted they were bi to me that I've been involved with actually liked butch women, so dresssed as a woman I was not attractive to them. Not to say all bi women would have that reaction, just my experience...

I have always dated str8 guys.. gay guys aren't attracted to me, and I am not attracted to girls, so my options are limited. Be up front and honest, and most importantly.. be yourself. If everything is out in the open it's easier for the relationship to flourish. You mat have to wade through a lot of people before you find one that is accepting and what you are looking for in an SO, but in the end,it'll make for a happier exsitence.

My SO told me right up front that she was open minded, believed that our brains are our (by far) largest sexual organs, and at our first meeting, she noticed the waitresses cute butt well before I did.

Her open mind, and her intensity, are the reasons why we had lunch to begin with.

I say look for an open mind, and for someone who will challenge you intellectually every day. As long as you are both willing to win some of the time, you'll probably be OK, and just let things evolve.

One of my best bosses, who was fron Ireland, while I was in a period of deep streess, told me:

"You can't stop the tide from coming in".

I've been trying to do that for way too long...

I hope this helps!

Meghan

Oh my, there's a lot of stereotyping of bisexuals going on here.

It seems to me there are some bisexual people who feel they need BOTH a male and a female partner. Even though you may look like a woman at times, you still have male plumbing and some male traits. You may or may not be enough for that type of person. Unless you really like the idea of sharing, be careful around them.

There is also a type of bisexual who could appreciate EITHER a man or woman, or someone such as yourself who represents "the best of both worlds," and they want to be monogamous.

Because everyone is different, there are probably all sorts of other types too, and there are good and bad people in every group.

All bisexuals aren't necessarily cheaters, and all straight women aren't necessarily closed-minded.

I suggest you try this, as several other people have said:
Advertise that you are a crossdresser looking for a woman. Leave out the part where she should be bisexual. Then you will be targeting what (I think) you really want from the start. Don't worry, those dating sites are usually anonymous so it probably won't hurt, and might help, if you "come out."

Good luck.

Most of the girls I've dated have admitted to being bisexual, and in my circles people tend to know about my female side before they know almost anything else about me. So, I always took it as a given that the CD/BI matchup was the most workable one, as these were the girls who drifted towards me.
(This is how I date. I wait for people to drift and I snag them in my net) :)

I'm not saying relationships can't work with straight girls. Obviously we have plenty of examples that they really can, but I do think things are more "likely" to work if your partner is Bi. It's more likely that they'll be encouraging, rather than tolerating, and you can more easily see that they're getting something from your CDing as well as you.

:hugs: to all the straight SOs here. My "likely"s and "easily"s may offend.

Thanks for the responses... gives me a better idea of the fallacies in my thinking.

One day I'll come up with a scheme that will give me everything I want in life for minimal effort :straightface:

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Originally Posted by Ms Mira

One day I'll come up with a scheme that will give me everything I want in life for minimal effort :straightface:

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If you could patent that, you'll be a rich girl!

There are many TG-atracted women out there, just many won't be public about it.

Think about it. Boy George was quite the pin-up in the 80's. Marilyn Manson. Davey Havok. Jeffrey Starr. There are lots of gender-ambiguious and outright over the line people with substantial female followings.

I know several GGs in my own region that are very much TG-attracted, one is in a relationship with a BI guy who only CDs a couple times a year if that and never publicly. Another is in a realtionship with a Cis guy but has been with CDs in the past. Another had a CD relationship in the past but is now in a long-term cyber BDSM relationship with a Cis guy overseas.

And of course I'm dating a GG FtM CD with strong Male and Female sides who is quite happy with me being a CD. :D (Hi honey, *waves*)

Trouble is the majority of these people would never overtly mention their attractions. Most are in the closet about liking TGs.

So there is substantial competition over those women who are willing to be open about their TG attraction who have their pic of TGs available.
When more of the TG-attracted GGs realise they can have their pick of the TGs compared to either GGs or GMs and when more are willing to face and to defy their fears of stigma, when more TG-attracted women are willing to come out of the closet then things will be easier for everyone.

But to do that social attitudes about TGs as an acceptable public partner will need to start changing. and as usual the strong, the unconventional, the bohemians and the Goths and the weird who are willing to ignore peer pressure to conform will be leading the way and changing society for the better.

You don't need to find a bi girl. You need to be bloody honest and up front about who you are. My girlfriend knew about me from the start.

Internet makes it even easier. Mention your CDing straight forwardly. Find who's interested from there.

Or you could just continue to hit your head against the wall looking for a bisexual. Bisexuals are much like golfballs in the rough; they're hard to find and they're rarely the one you're looking for.

Just food for thought.

(Sorry for the double post - minor accident)

Even before I figured out I was a CDer, and even before I figured out a name for my sexual orientation, I figured out I was TG attracted. Coming to terms with that, and going with that is the best feeling in the world.
Knowing you have a greatly increased chance of getting any TG person you have your eyes and heart set on is just awesome and does wonders for your confidence. The chances are increased due to the lack of out TG attracted people.

I still don't know my sexual orientation, but I do know it's the closest thing to bisexual. Before I was with Batty (Lol - cutie! xD +waves back+) I was dating, and even engaged to, a transsexual woman.

As a side note, since I am an out TG attracted person, I like to take on my responsibility to tell people who ask if I am gay or bi or what, that I prefer trans-folk. I then answer the corresponding onslaught of questions as honestly as I can, and educate people about transpeople. It's an awesome feeling when people nod in understanding, and tell you they haven't got a problem with crossdressers. (Sometimes they sugar coat it as not to offend you, because you've just told them you love TG people - but the underlying willingness to accept is there)

<3

EDIT: Some evidence to suggest that honesty is the best policy is the fact that, you don't really know who you're talking to. It could be a future boss, long lost family member or more likely a fellow transperson. I say this because, at my old job when I was so out about being TG attracted I realised later I was talking to a fellow CDer when she came out to me, and so far has only had the courage to come out to only me as she knew I was already accepting. This would've been last year, and still today I help her come to terms with the struggle she goes through and she's made phenomenal progress.

Honesty is always best! It's truly rewarding to know how helpful you are and can be, from simply BEING YOU and also admitting who you are. ^_^

hun if you had placed an ad starting you were/are looking for a BI female I would/would have walked on by .............. I consider myself a hetro female, and have never been interested in being in a relationship with another female at all ever. I am not only accepting but actively encouraging .. Debs may transition to some degree or fully in the future, either way does not matter, you see it is the person I love, not the gender or the sexual orientation :)

Acceptance comes from all sorts of people in all walks of life, I don't think Bi peeps are any more or less accepting as any other group :straightface:

Way to go Sheila. I think that's a very kind and true message to spread, that it's the person we love and not the clothing or gender! ^_^

I have to agree that you can't really expect bisexual people to be more accepting of something than people of other sexual orientations, because they're just people too with their own ideals and objections to things.

Ms Mira,

This is just a suggestion, but why not let the other person get to know YOU as a person before you mention your crossdressing. I mean, there is a whole lot more to you than just that, right? ;-) Well, show her that. But yes, I'd agree with others and do bring it up early on, absolutely! But perhaps wait a few dates and let her know that there is more to you than just your cd side.

Oh and you'll find people into BDSM or other kinky activities tend to be pretty open-minded as well.

Queen of Hearts

Bi women are just as likely (or unlikely) to be attracted to C/Ders. All women no matter their sexual orientation are different. I know my G/F is bi and she does not approve of my C/Ding. She has said that if she wanted to be with a woman, she would be. She preffers me to be a manly man. Bottom line: it all depends on the individual.

The bisexual women that I've met so far have all been attracted to feminine women and masculine men. While I'm sure there are a few out there that don't fit that stereotype, it seems they are just as rare as straight women who are sexually attracted to crossdressers. Very, very few indeed.

Just be honest about what you are when you contact them. Otherwise you'll most likely be wasting your, and their time.

That's been my experience so far, anyway.

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Originally Posted by Engendered

Most of the girls I've dated have admitted to being bisexual, and in my circles people tend to know about my female side before they know almost anything else about me. So, I always took it as a given that the CD/BI matchup was the most workable one, as these were the girls who drifted towards me.
(This is how I date. I wait for people to drift and I snag them in my net) :)

I'm not saying relationships can't work with straight girls. Obviously we have plenty of examples that they really can, but I do think things are more "likely" to work if your partner is Bi. It's more likely that they'll be encouraging, rather than tolerating, and you can more easily see that they're getting something from your CDing as well as you.

:hugs: to all the straight SOs here. My "likely"s and "easily"s may offend.

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I will have to agree with Engendered on this, in fact i always make it a point to discuss the past sexual history of my girlfriends and they always confess to having a mild attraction for one or two of their female friends.

I always ask them why they like me their replies are always centered on how sensitive, considerate i am towards them and almost all of them tell me they never like manly-men they prefer guys that are "smooth" or pretty or a bit femme.

Most of them tend to like alot of my femme attributes.

Yes you stand a better chance with bi-women.

Don't buy this crud about not telling a GG you are a CD till a few dates into the process. Be up front and honest from the get go! You can find a GG they are out there for sure. I have a good number of Tgirl friends here in Atlanta and they have GFs or wives. GGs into us are a very small minority...but hey we are rare too!

From what I observe the ones that really do well are the GG/Tgirl partners that met and knew from the get go what da score was!

Look around on the net and don't give up on the clubbing scene. Thats where I met the GG I dated for a while. She saw me from the get go out at the clubs enfemme. By the way for what it is worth she was straight. Really not into GGs but she luved Tgirls. So don't get too hung up on the bi issue.

One more thing, its going to be long odds meeting a GG at the gay clubs where Tgirls normally go, but not impossible. Try also alternative scenes, goth clubs, bondage parties and hey even things like Dragon Con. You are in a big cool town you should come up with someone special.

Good luck.