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Well the inevitable has finally come. I like many go through it I guess. In a way I feel like its my opportunity to be me again. I will miss her but I have been dieing inside too. I can say she left me I was honest with her,I was good to her and never once cheated on her. So I guess the journey begins. Thanks you for listening and being there when I need you guys.
Lauren
awww, Lauren, I'm sooo sorry to hear this. I wish I had some sage advice or something to lift your spirits. All I got is "times heals all wounds"
Hang in there kiddo
So sorry dear, but sometimes it is for the best, losing my first wife was the best thing that ever happened to me. My second wife is very understanding and excepts me for who I am, and that saved me from a very destructive life of drinking away the pain and frustration that I was heading into.
It's sounds like you have the right attitude so I think you will do fine!
Tina
Lauren,
I'm so sorry to hear about the end of your marriage, it's never easy. I don't know that I can offer anything more than these words of support. Good luck and try to find any positives you can to hold onto while you work through the rough times.
Mine left about 13 years ago, with nothing to do with my dressing (as she never found out). Right now, I'm in flowered capri slacks with a back zipper and a cute white girly top. There's lipstick on my coffee mug. .......and all the rest! You'll be able to do this any time you desire. Kick back, and start enjoying your life. Mine's never been better! Good Luck...
If you have done everything you could do, been honest with her the entire way, not cheated, etc., then there really isn't anything else you could do. The decision is all on her. You let the chips fall where the would fall, this was her decision.
Hiding, cheating, lying would not have improved your situation one bit....
My heart goes out to you, but realize that another door will open as this one closes.
Sorry to hear this and it is hard to make marriages work these days. I wish you the best.
Teri huggs
I so totally understand your feeling of relief. I ended a 13 year relationship several years ago and never felt better.You dont see so many things when you are that close to the situation , but afterward so many things said by so many friends makes sudden sense.
It sounds like you realized you had to be you, and that didnt necessarily mesh well with her.
Hugs, be strong, know that it will all work out in the end.Oh...and close the joint chequing account.
Amanda
Sorry to read this. Sorry things didn't end as well as you would have liked. Here's to a bright future.
Lauren -- Sorry to hear about your break-up. I read some of your old posts and I can not say that I am surprised. I assume you are still taking hormones and wonder if you have any other plans.
Take care.
The loss of a deep commited relationship takes time to recover like a death.
I went through a divorce, pneumonia, and a badly broken/reconstructed arm in 6 months.
You have a lot of really good sensitive people here to talk to.
Karen
Lauren
I am so sorry to hear this.
I have a pretty good idea what you must be feeling. My wife left me on Nov.19, 05. but I am happy to say she came back after a lot of phone conversation (actually with my sister-in-law). She still doesn't want to see Bobi but she knows almost everything about her. she knows I dress here at work every day. she knows that everyone here at work knows and has met Bobi and she has seen me with bra and boobs and high heels on but with male jeans or shorts and polo shirt on. all she has ever said is "you said you wouldn't wear that stuff in front of me" to which I would reply, "you need to make more noise when you come out of the bedroom so I'll know you are up and have a chance to remove it before you see it. that is about as far as it goes. Any way don't give up hope yet, there is still a chance for her to come around..... GOOD LUCK DEAR
and knw that it is not the end of the world......
I am so sorry. Is it the CDing or does she say? Would she consider coming to this site to the FAB section and at least give it enough chance to learn? Did the two of you try counseling? Yes, you need to be you, but you CAN be you inside of a marriage...yes it takes effort on both parts and no you can't control whether she's willing or not, but it sure seems a shame to throw away a marriage without it being given every chance.
and you are excited aren't you? now you have to be you. Carol
Even though many of us have gone through this....it doesn't make it any easier when it's happening to you. Best wishes to you as you go through this transition.
Lauren,
I am so sorry that it did not work out, however, I can also relate to the sense of relief that one has when a situation finally reaches a state of closure. For me it took a decade to reach a decision that should have been reached long before that. It is unfortunate that there are just some spouses who can never reconcile themselves with this side of who we are. It does not make them or us bad people, just people with different views and truths that we each feel equally valid. In the end each and every one of us must be true to who we really are and live life accordingly.
Perhaps it is time to start a sub group for those who wish to focus their discussions on how we deal with the end of a relationship and move forward to build a new life and new relationships. It is not easy but it is very liberating to not have to pretend to be someone or something that you are not.
I wish you the best on your journey and will lend an ear if you need one.
Melissa
Sorry to hear about it Lauren but I guess in many cases it's the only way a spouse can deal with our desire. As you said though, now you can be yourself and not have to worry about hiding. I had to hide my dressing too but after my wife passed away I was able to dress openly. The irony is that even though I can dress and be myself, I still miss her daily.
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife leaving. I worry so much about what will happen with my wife once I tell her.
Lauren,
I am sorry to hear about your wife. I hope you both find the peace we are all looking for.
[SIZE="3"]All I can say is, I am so sorry. I hope only the best for you.[/SIZE]
Lauren, like the others I am sorry this has happened. Only those CD's who have experienced what you have gone thru can truly understand. I lost my dear wife 4 years ago, but to cancer. She had been totally supportive for 40+ years we were married.
Put this behind you as an experience, and move forward. I know that sounds hard to do, but you can do it!! There is a big ocean out there with a lot of fish in it!! Catch one!!
I'd been married 25 years when I was told: "Oh, by the way, I went down yesterday and filed for divorce. I want you out of here no later than Friday." I had 4 kids with whom I had a close relationship (still do after 30 years single). I was as nearly totally destroyed as possible and still be breathing.
It took years to heal, but now I realize she did me the best favor she could possibly have given me because she SET ME FREE... As I said, it took years for the devastation to heal.
The week after the "announcement" I was standing in my office and seemed to have a waking dream.. I saw two piles of parts of my being.... and knew I had the chance of sorting thru all the things of myself, choosing the parts of me to keep and the parts to discard. I discarded a lot and have never looked back.
The pain you feel now will go away eventually. You will have learned much. Learn what you can, choose of your former self what is worth keeping, begin anew constructing a YOU as a SELF you find suits YOU the best. Figure out who, how, and what you really are deep inside and build on that. Granny
Lauren I'm so sorry. This is my greatest fear once I tell my wife, too. The up side is that this place seems to be overflowing with love and support, judging by the wonderful replies you've been getting!
-AE
I am sorry to hear this. Time heals and, like Joel Osteen says, you have brighter days ahead. Good luck.
Ouch...
A few months ago, my wife and I came within a fraction of an inch of her leaving. CD'ing was only one part of the reason (but the worse the arguments got, the more my gender identity became the line beyond which I refused to retreat.) We are currently in detente, living day by day, getting closer in some ways, but probably further apart in others.
When it looked like it was certain that we would separate, I unquestionably had a mix of feelings. I didn't want to be "rid of her", I wanted things to be different -- but still with her if possible. As an example: I was getting really frustrated at how often she interrupted me, often after only one or two clauses of something I was trying to say. Made me feel like she didn't think I had anything to say that was worth listening to. It was a form of put-down, and it occurred a lot. I could have broken up over that alone -- but I didn't want to leave her, I wanted to leave the implicit disrespect. Which, I am pleased to say, has considerably reduced since the day we realized how bad things had gotten, and decided to try to work things out.
I just went through all of that stuff the last few months...since May I guess....got pretty intense....but in the end she left and so did I. She left the marriage and I left for Florida....
My feeling was this is who I am and this is what I am and htis is where I need to go....we grew apart and our love and committment wasn't as strong as we both thought it was....
I arrived in Florida and 8 days later I was leaving....she discovered that she really did love me.....so she I and our marriage deserved a second chance....
Bottom line....if she goes and stays gone then the relationship wasn't waht it should be...if she comes back at some time in the future then you'll have a better idea just how strong it really is.....
Either way life goes on and best of luck ot you and to her as well....
Steph
I just put my wife on a plane to Florida two weeks ago. I think we are both happier for the move.
I'm sorry to hear that your wife is leaving you. I have been through it and can feel your pain. We must pick up the pieces and move on:love:
Get a good lawyer and change the locks on the doors the minute she leaves. You are allowed to do this. Also keep notes as to the exact time and date that she left. This is important for property settlement.
For the one who said that her wife ordered her out by Friday--don't do it. If she wants to separate, tell her to leave. For property, possession of the house means a lot.
Good luck. It will not be easy or fun.
Jodi
I feel for you LAUREN, I pray you will come out of this stronger and happier
It is always darkest before the dawn.
Sorry to hear that Lauren. I know what it's like to have a marriage dissolve away. Good luck on your new start..you know we're here for you. :)
sorry to hear that things are not working out, but I hope that there is going to be a silver lining in this dark cloud..you will be able to enjoy and be who you are without the pressure stifiling your inner persona....best of luck!
I want to thank all of you for your kind words and thought as I go through what looks to be a horrible experience. I am in a fog not sure what is real or what I feel to be true. I am so mixed up on the inside. I know it will be better on the other side of this tragedy but I am scared to death.
Lauren
Their is life after divorce. Expect the worst, but hope for the best. Yes, your emotions are running wild at the moment, but a clear head right now is better for you. I too am going/gone through the same thing and their is just one thing you need to worry about now....that is yourself and what is best for you. protect your material things, but do not worry about finding another woman. As a wise person said one time...." women are like buses..if you miss one their will be another one along soon" That is blunt, but if you think about it, lots of truth can be found their. If I can help, feel free to PM me anytime.
I am very sorry to hear your news and wish that you and your wife find all the happiness that you are looking for.
I just turned 39, and had a few relationships with women hoping that it would "straighten" me out. But I'm glad that I never had kids. Not because I don't love kids, but because in the back of my mind, I wouldn't have liked putting them in the crossfire.
Now I'm single and loving my freedom. I'm considering living as a woman 24/7 when the time is right. And I won't have anyone to object or put conditions on my lifestyle.
Everything will work out for you hun. Just know that you have lots of support here from sisters that have been through it all.
Love,
Monica.
PS, I'm going to send you a friend request on myspace soon if that's ok.
Its only after a storm that the rainbow appears
hello lauren
im so sorry to hear about your your marriage . I went threw the same thing 3 times . and its hard but keep your head up make plains for the future to do things that you can do now good luck I wish you all the best
brenda lynn
[SIZE="3"]Sorry to hear the news Lauren, but as others have said, this just means better things are likely to come. These things happen for a reason. When my first wife left me, I was devastated, it came completely out of the blue. HOWEVER, if I'd never married her, I would've never met my current wife, who's been absolutely marvelous and we're going on fifteen years of marraige now.
I know it's scary, been there. Not much is going to help how you feel in the short term, except the knowledge that there are a lot of us out here who have gone through the same thing. We're still here, and as for me, I'm a lot better off today than I was back when. It wasn't pleasant, but a lot of good came out of what seemed like a disaster at the time. I pray your situation works out as well and have faith that it will!
Take care and God bless! [/SIZE]:)
Be strong, Lauren. What you are going through is not fun but you will survive. You have a lot of friends here who wish you the best.
I think it's just a matter of time before I find myself in the same situation. She doesn't seem to want to address the issue - other than just getting angry, distant and resentful. I can't say I blame her, but I also need to be me. Something's gotta give.
That's why I find this site so wonderful. I know we will all get through it with the great support that we get from our sisters. My thoughts are with you. Please let us know how you are doing.
Love
Donna
I want to start by saying that being trans gender is not a choice. I am pondering life as my wife told me she was leaving. I ran the gauntlet of emotions since then. I am torn into two sides, one side of me is broken and sad the other side is a little happy to be free. If I could have changed my mind somehow and stop being trans tomorrow I WOULD. That being said I reflect on the negatives of being trans. Lieing ....we hide everything about everything til I guess it's too late. Are we to blame, is society to blame for making us hide who we are? What choice did I have when caught as a child many times by my parents and told how horrible it is. How it was morally unacceptable. I think of my kids and wonder how I have affected their lives in a bad way. Hell I lie to myself sometimes....
We speak of wanting our plight in life to be accepted but do we accept our selves. Are we showing the world a individual they would want to know and be around. I want us all to think, as we are out there in the world to break the cycle and let's be proud of who we are and what we do. Whether it be a blessing or a curse it's not going anywhere. It's just getting stronger.
I am not trying to bring anyone down ...My hope is that, with knowledge is power, the power to change.
with all my being,
Lauren :brolleyes:
Lauren,
I am proud of you, your last statement says so many of the right things. Be proud of who you are, accept yourself. Do not worry about what others think. Those who really matter will continue to love you for who you really are. Those who stop loving never really did and you can let them go. It is not easy to do, but it is uplifting and freeing.
Melissa
Lauren,
Your last statement is very good, remember to keep that in mind! Be strong & you can come through this!
:hugs: Kristina
We're here for you! I'll keep you in my prayers, girl!Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren1973
best of luck to you in your new life. having been thru a nasty messy divorce I agree with whoever said she wants out let her leave. i dont know the laws in Alabama but the worst thing she can do is make the house be sold.my ex left and 4 days later I handed the keys over to the bank when i found out she didnt make the mortgage for 5 months.
there is life after divorce enjoy it. :love:
My wife left me to go live with her son and his family in Florida on October 12. . .going on my third week now. We had issues way beyond the crossdressing as is the case most often than not. I am at peace, my soul is filled with serenity, and it's like I feel ten years younger (at least).
[SIZE="3"]Though I've never experienced what you do, I know people who have. Disappointment, anger, regret, remorse all rolled ito one. I sense no bitterness in your post and that's good. I wish the best for both of you. Will be praying you, too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren1973
Gennee[/SIZE]
With most break ups, there are mixed emotions...it is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. It is grieving over the loss of life as you knew it, and anticipation of the life you are going to embark on. Embrace the new life, learn from the old life, and remember it's natural to feel ups and downs. I'm glad you're feeling younger, perhaps that confirms it was a good move for you. It takes maturity to realize what isn't working and do something about it.