Shame after CDing...any input would be great

I have been Cding since childhood...long before I had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

for me theres no shame in dressing its not doing it when i have the desire too, that messes me up. Sometimes i can't make up my mind what i want to do.
I know when i first started dressing i felt the way you did.
i enjoy dressing up i just have little time to do it or i fight the urge to dress.

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Originally Posted by crusadergirl

for me theres no shame in dressing its not doing it when i have the desire too, that messes me up. Sometimes i can't make up my mind what i want to do.
I know when i first started dressing i felt the way you did.
i enjoy dressing up i just have little time to do it or i fight the urge to dress.

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I understand where you're coming from there. It seems with long hours at work and maintaining a semblance of a social life I don't have time for myself at all and when I do all I want to do is rest.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I promise you!

My biggest problem is trying to get thin enough. Every time I start a diet I end up moving heavy items regularly and start building up muscles that won't fit into womens sleeves. Still not guilt on dressing.

I used to hate it when I was younger but no matter how much I worked out I've never been able to get "big" arms. Now that I'm more focused on staying toned it comes in handy. I can keep the skinny arms and still stay in shape. Now to just figure out how to work my tattoo's more into my enfemme look. I think women with tasteful tattoo's are hot.

I used to have similar feelings, but then I realized that there are plenty of people out there to judge and ridicule me. There is no need to do it to ourselves. Be happy with who you are. Embrace it. Enjoy it. I view crossdressing as a gift, not a curse. Most men are too afraid to do what we do. You don't feel guilty for breathing, do you? Crossdressing is as just as much a part of us. I hope you find peace with it, and yourself.

I don't feel shame just hate myself when I lied to hide it.

dont hate it or feel bad afterward....theres been many a times i got undressed "after" i was done, but at the same time its just plain fun and comfortable to be dressed before, after, during, or even when your not in "the" mood". have fun with it. just put on a skirt and tights on, not fully dressed and watch some tv, or just screw around the house. I find it great to be in guy mode w/ tights and skirt while im doing my everyday things.....trust me......just enjoy whatever it is you enjoy without feeling guilty ....is it really that big of a deal? didnt think so....so go all out or a little out , but just do what ever the hell you want.....its all about you!

Ash I use to feel the same way, then suddenly I looked at myself in a mirror, deep into myself, while I was dressed up in
Fem, and as I looked at myself I felt an Angelic feeling come over me, suddenly I smiled st myself and "Guilt and Shame" left and I no longer have those demons around.

After crossdressing, when I'm washing my face and changing back into guy clothes, sometimes I think, "ah, what a shame."

It.s no big deal you just ran out of Testosterone just drive
down to your local jizz station for a quick fill up.
.
.................................................. ..................thanks..........ORCHID

Like many others it seems, I used to feel exactly like you. That was a handy way to finish up dressing when I only had limited time (normally when I knew my parents were due home). When I lived on my own and had longer, I still felt the same way for a while then gradually the urge to get right out of girl's clothes faded.

Find yourself something relaxing to do when you're about to finish - a movie you really want to watch for example. Sit down and relax for a few minutes, grab a glass of wine, watch a movie or do whatever and gradually you might feel comfy about still being all dressed up. Resist the urge to panic and get undressed. As I got older and more experienced, I gradually felt more and more natural to the extent that getting back into male mode is now a serious disappointment and a feeling I hate.

Certainly don't feel shame. I know I used to until I wised up. Whatever you want to wear is your business.

It used to be that way with me too, I'd get all aroused, lose control and then hate myself! You know what it reminded me of? Making it with a girl you didn't really have any feelings for, how you try to get dressed and get out as soon as you can...anyway those days are over, and so is the shame from crossdressing, now it's a sublime feeling that I never want to end. I guess getting older isn't all bad :)

You Wrote "I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

I believe this is an experience we all share at one time or another, we relate the dressing with a sexual desire to be with the perfect partner, which is at the time is the image we are projecting.

I can really relate to your ongoing struggles. Went thru a lot of the same when I was younger. The guilt came from my upbringing, hammered home by the particular church I attended for too long. For me, wearing girl clothes helped get rid of the arousal issue, which I feel is coming from an image one has of the perfect woman that accepts all of who I am. I do not get aroused by the clothes any longer, or very rarely. Instead I feel energized. I am careful about the cut and color as well, because that can have an effect on the energy I feel I need to convey that day.

Press forward thru it, and you'll come out the other side a better person. :)

Hugs,
Ann

No shame...not any more. I have come to realize that this is who I am and society will not make me feel guilty. :)

I agree with much of what has been said here. The shame goes away with gradual acceptance. It takes time and much looking within.

Over time, I have found that dressing becomes more a matter of being than doing...a way to express and experience what is inside, a feminine energy.

Kate

I agree with Miranda,we need to step back and make sure were not feeling guilt over what society's impression of cding is,that is where my initial guilt stemmed from.I needed to recognize this as a unique part of my life that is free to experiment and feel the way I want.Try to come to the realization that you have a right to experience what you choose.

Yes, I'm familiar with the feelings you describe.
Crossdressing involves such tremendous and
phenomenal joy but it's not without its many
challenges and struggles. You are not alone.

Try dressing for a few hours, going out perhaps, and then changing back to guy mode without your orgasm at the end and see if the guilt goes away. Perhaps the guilt is associated more with the act at the end rather than dressing.

I was in the same perdicament as you I always thought afterwards is something wrong with me? But honestly the answer is no. Nothing is wrong with any of us here we all just have a very special gift from God that he only chose a very select number of us to hold this special gift and we are all part of it and a very unique, beautiful,fun to be around, honest,loving ect.. ect... people in our own special way. This is just the path of life that God has chosen for us to follow.
Take care and good luck in whatever you may do in life.
~Kimmy-Love20~:hugs:

Kristen,
I like what you say the end act instead of that actual dressing. But one can lead to the other I thinkit is a growing process and guilt goes away as we get older and accept ourselves. I would liketo think I have gotten over my guilt but it is still there no matter what.
Dressing is fun But what productive thing could I be doing instead of shopping, clubbing or just hanging out likea guy in a dress. ?????????

I think the guilt is very common among us but it does fade away the more you dress and become comfortable with it. Try to stay dressed longer and your mind and body will be more used to it and it will feel right and nothing different.

I agree with Alicia.

Except for a rare few, EVERY CD GIRL , ( that's thousands here, maybe millions world wide!), at one time or another, has experienced what you described!:eek:

I'm over 60, and STILL finish all my dressing sessions that way!:o And many others here do, too!:)

After 2 years here, I've received so many messages about how CDing is a part of us. That it is a harmless activity that hurts no one! And that the WORST thing we can do, is DENY what we r!

I must say the messages r working on me! I still have some guilt. But, it's NOT NEARLY as bad as what I suffered 2 years ago! :doh:

Just be yourself, Ash. And CD when u feel like it! Maybe one day you'll dress GUILT FREE! That's my hope for ALL OF US!:devil:

[SIZE="3"]You are feeling ashamed because you have taboos programmed into you that are causing you to feel so. I had that same problem for years; giving into that impulse then feeling ashamed afterward and peeling. The key to overcoming this problem is to (1) make yourself erotically insensitive to xdressing, and (2) get rid of that ridiculous taboo. The way I fixed it was to simply stay dressed while going about my normal household routines, thus keeping my mind off of the stimulation from wearing the clothes. The more you do this, the less the clothes will stimulate you. Now you will falter and give in a lot at first - if you do, clean yourself up and force yourself to stay dressed (this will take some willpower). The more you do it, the stronger you will become....[/SIZE]

Hmmm...i tought it was just because I was raised Catholic. BIG DOSE of guilt over everything.

I blame genetics. I was born without the gene that makes me want to get drunk, puke over the side of the boat and drive a motorcycle real fast over a cliff. I do have the gene to dress up and look pretty. Isn't DNA wonderful?

ASH,
Those feelings of "Guilt" are normal. I'm sure that most of us that have been cding have felt the same way from time to time. I'm not going to tell you that the feelings will go away. That would not be truthful. They will only become less intense over time, as they probably already have for you. Any time a person feels the need to hide a part of themselves from the rest of the world there is always going to be a certain sense of "Guilt". It is a shame that we have to feel that way but it goes with the territory.

That's just they way it is. Unfortunately.
We learn to live or give in to it. Just another one of the many choices that we make.



Be Safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

If you think about it, most guilt/shame (in this context, at least) results from doing something you don't want other people to know about. Obviously, crossdressing is one of those things (for most of us), but so is self-gratification. Put together, they make a potent mix...

I still keep this part of my life private (except to DearSweetWife and the 8 million or so people in NewYorkCity), but the fact that she knows and generally accepts me as I am has pretty much removed any sense of guilt/shame. Perhaps the biggest part to getting over this is finding somebody to share it with.

JJ's (guy-me)

I'm sure everyone here can relate to how you feel about that shame, as has been said many times here. It's the #1 thing by far that kept me from seriously trying out CDing for almost 30 years, and I wish I had known that turn-on feeling often fades away over time as you become more used to girl mode! Oh sure, overall I'm, as the Buzzcocks say, an "Orgasm Addict", but thankfully not really when I'm dressed anymore. I think in my case it has more to do with having very, very little romance in my life and fantasizing over wanting it than anything. That and it's just one of those lame and nasty habits you tell yourself to stop doing but just never get around to it! :devil:

I had the same thing years and years ago and I finally decided I felt bad after dressing because I didn't want to get caught by certain family members and so the heebie jeebies turned into pangs of guilt and regret. I've learned over the years not to feel that way even though I do have a couple of people in my life that I have to be careful not to let them find out I dress. Otherwise not everyone would agree with me but dressing probably runs in families and it's somehow in the brain and hormones(I think so at least). So really,you can't quit anymore than you could get a head transplant and of all the things you could've been born with I can't think of anything more exciting and fun!

I found that as I got older, and dressed more often, and for longer periods of time, that the feelings of shame gradually receded. Maybe because I realized it was part of me and wasn't going to go away, and I just accepted it, and embraced it.

I'll add my experience to confirm that we all felt that way, I can see that some still feel like that today.

Unfortunately, when you're young (worse if you're a teenager), it's hard to separate dressing and getting aroused. The inevitable conclusion is masturbation.
Both things are taboos in society, they are today, imagine how it was 30 years ago when I started. And I was used to CDing from my childhood when I wasn't even able to get an erection.

It fades away eventually. But (IMHO) it has to do with your development as a person. Shame has no meaning for an isolated human. It's a feeling of non compliance with society standards. As you develop your own personality, you can grow self confident and be able to separate right from wrong or grow dependent on society and keep struggling between non compliance and your own desires. :2c:

When my sexual urges subsided and I started to dress regularly without getting aroused (at least not all the time), I was still feeling guilty about masturbation. And even when I got over that too, the first time I went to a chat room to talk to others CDers I was very very unwilling to mention masturbation. And everyone else was talking about it. But I still felt that it was kind of inappropriate.
The point is it takes time. We are wired from childhood to comply with society. You have to learn how to take control of your life in society. It doesn't mean to go against it. It means that your life is one thing and only a part of it includes interaction with others. You have to take a stand and defend your boundaries.

This is a basic principle of freedom. You have to be in control of your life to be free. We renounce some of our freedoms in order to function in a society and benefit from it. But the part of your life that's outside the reach of society interaction (vulgarly known as private life) has no limits. It can't be regulated by law (there are attempts to regulate it but that's another story). The only regulation comes from our indoctrination. That's the barrier you have to break.

It was the same for me from teenage years on. I felt shame and guilt for a period afterwards. I never purged as I didn't have my own clothes but I used to leave all borrowed items back,only to retrieve all a day later. In my thirties, twenty years ago, I made a decision that I wasn't going to stop and I don't regret it since. In my early years, when chances to dress were rare, I used to wear lingerie under my own clothes to just to get more time to dress. As I became able to dress more fully and more often I discovered that the urge to underdress waned. Also as I got older, and my sex drive decreased, I could fully dress for a month of nights without ending with a bang. I think age has a lot to do with loosing the guilt. I find as I get older that I care less about what other people think and more about what I want.

As always the girls here are great. Yes, you just need time and an acceptance of who you really are. I no longer feel guilt or shame but did so for many, many years. Take your time and don't worry. Good luck.

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Originally Posted by ashgagal

I have been Cding since childhood...long before I had a name for it. Like so many, it started with mom's panties, those soft beautiful secrets...and have continued to grow and expand to full dressing in my adulthood.

One thing hasn't changed though. The unbelievable desire to dress, the thrills and highs, followed by a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm). I get this feeling of, "you are a sick person. What is wrong with you. Why can't you be a man??" etc.

Anyone ever concur this?

I have the goal of sleeping en femme but invariably I touch myself and then peel everything off and feel sick and frightened. I want so badly to embrace this and feel good about it.

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Want to know how I feel about my crossdressing? I keep it a secret, but I am proud of it. When I am dressed I look pretty good (sometimes). I used to feel guilty. But not any more.
Hey lets face it. Women do not have the same wardrobe restraints as we do. They can wear alot of clothing. Some womens styles mimic mens trends. Do you think they feel guilty? I think not. So I dont either.

Lately I have been thinking that these feeling come from a extra dose of estrogen while in utero. While I am a male, my brain has been preprogrammed to lean towards the femanine side. There is nothing I can do about that. There is no cure. And I dont want one.

Life is short. You enjoy womens clothing? Go for it. I beleive there are some men who wrestle with these feelings but never adress them. They go to their graves not knowing how happy they could of felt.

Todays society has too much of a binary definition of male and female. I think the truch of the matter is that the diffrence between the sexes overlaps, or is blurred if you will.

We live in a stressful and hardcore world. You need some type of outlet. My advice is to embrace and enjoy it. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

You're making this complicated.

To un-complicate things, "do what you gotta do", and masturbate first.

You're feeling, after sex, the normal let-down nearly everyone feels:

"Well, heck. How long before I can do that again?"

Do what you gotta do first and see if you give a flip about crossdressing for a while. I doubt you'll be feeling much guilt about much of anything at that point. Sleepy, yes. Guilty? No so much...

Sex - and masturbation counts as sex - and crossdressing are two different pleasures in life.

You can combine the two, but you risk over-doing one at the expense of the other.

And, it's hell on the laundry...

Face it, the X and Y's got mixed-up somehow and you need/want/like to identify with girls so much that you get to dress as one and enjoy doing so. Tha's it. That's my life, and others, and yours. No guilt, it's just the way the cookie crumbles. Different strokes for different folks. Me, I really feel GOOD when I'm dressed and when I'm not I think about what I'll wear next, or what I need to buy. Do I need stockings? Maybe a new belt? No guilt. Life is too short and I'm having too much fun. Accept the fact that you need/want/like to dress and have a damn good time. Remember, you can never be too thin or too rich. Have fun, your going to dress anyway so might as well have a good time.

I like your perfect partner analogy that is a good explanation what I have a problem with is the feeling sick and frightened. So you touched yourself was it fun and no offense or harm to anyone else OK then it is OK

I like the gift analogy I kind of think of CDing like that too. but that didn't come with ease and I still feel guilt some times for no good reason.

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Originally Posted by ashgagal

a terrible feeling of guilt and shame over dressing (usually immediately after orgasm

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Remember that an orgasm affects your hormonal chemistry and your hierarchy of needs.

After an orgasm the last thing a man whats is sex - you've already fulfilled that need and get no pleasure from continuing with it any further.
Maybe it sounds gross, but I've caused myself to orgasm just for the sake of fulfilling the simple biological need. This way I can focus on other things and be less distracted with the need for sex.
I've even done this before a date with a girl - on a first date she doesn't want me trying to get into her pants.

Maybe I can't help you otherwise, but I can tell you the psychological and physical reactions that occur.

There have been a lot of good posts here. It's great to hear about so many girls out there who have come to accept this side of them and enjoy it so much.

I've been dressing in secret since grade 8, only recently have I started to get a little more comfortable about it. I've told a few real girls about it and they've been pretty accepting. My ex-girlfriend completely supported and encouraged it, she was the first person I had ever told. Took a big chance with her but it worked out in ways I never thought possible. She certainly helped me feel a little more comfortable. But despite this I still felt embarrassed. Plus, not having the right body was (is) discouraging as clothes don't look / fit "right" on me. While dressing has made me quite happy in the past, it has also upset me knowing that it is a fantasy and not real.

We'll see where life leads to though...

this post is like the old line, "man is the only animal that feels ashamed after sex,and the only one that needs to."

fight the urge to purge. what you're experiencing is natural, but it's probably more due to a sudden decrease in endorphins than anything else. i agree with the poster who said, after ejaculation don't immediately undress and run around feeling guilty. have a nice glass of cabernet, watch some television, and relax. also, try getting dressed without having it be a sexual experience.

I tend to look at people as "humans" rather than "girl" and "boy". With that said just remember you are a "human" and the clothing you are wearing is just clothing. Your mind is giving you shame because over the years people have told you: "boys wear boy clothing, girls wear girl clothing," funny thing is its just fabric cut in a differnt way. So what makes it wrong? Nothing that's what!

I suppose the focus of my little blurb is, you are a human so you can wear human clothing. Inside you know what you are, as an intelligent creature you get to define that, you get to see the world around you as you chose. So with that said make your world yours. Well anyways I hope I didn't get to "out-there" with you but thats my advice, define yourself.

:2c:

I am a GG, so I can't say that I have experience what you are going though; however, I think what you are going through is normal. Society pressures people to think and act a certain way and always be with what is considered "the norm." Just remember that there is absolutely Nothing wrong with you. There's nothing to be ashamed of and you are not a sick person. If this is something that you enjoy and it is part of who you are, then why deny yourself of it? Life is too short to be ridden with guilt and worried about the judgements of others. Be yourself and love yourself and the rest will fall into place. I'm a firm believer in that philosophy.

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Originally Posted by Kristen Marie

Try dressing for a few hours, going out perhaps, and then changing back to guy mode without your orgasm at the end and see if the guilt goes away. Perhaps the guilt is associated more with the act at the end rather than dressing.

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Hi Ash?.
I totally agree with Kirsten's reply above. I wouldn't mind betting that you feel the same if you 'do the deed' without dressing at all that you still feel the same afterwards. If you do then this is no more than guilt brought about by a lifelong teaching that we should not pleasure ourselves in this way.
Sam.

.

I lot of wobderfull posts here. I agree a lot with what Jennifer Giovannetta stated. Give it time your guilt will go and life is short, go for it.

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Originally Posted by windycissy

It used to be that way with me too, I'd get all aroused, lose control and then hate myself! You know what it reminded me of? Making it with a girl you didn't really have any feelings for, how you try to get dressed and get out as soon as you can...anyway those days are over, and so is the shame from crossdressing, now it's a sublime feeling that I never want to end. I guess getting older isn't all bad :)

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I totally agree with Windy Cissy. I've gone through this too, maybe many of us have. I read Lacey Leigh's wonderful book The Successful Crossdresser. She makes the point that the guilt and same many of us feel is unnecessary -- we should be proud of being guys who can wear women's clothes. When you get that "Look 'em in the eye" confidence, the shame goes away. Enjoy dressing for its own sake ... and the sexual aspect will lessen ('tho I'm not sure it totally goes away.... :battingeyelashes:)